bash.org archive

<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us
as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it
will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears
to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.

<Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE
<Donut[AFK]> INSULT
<Eurakarte> RETORT
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT
<Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
<Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
<Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
<Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
<Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN
OPPOSING SIDES
<Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
<Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS

t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY  HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I  DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right

<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds
to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in
my apartment it is.

<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances :D-<
* nmp3bot dances :D|-<
* nmp3bot dances :D/-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after
i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face
over the internet

<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?

<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.

<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to
celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the
sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to
my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've
chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was
staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.
<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking
right now
<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be
worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried,
you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going
to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) ([email protected])
<PeteRepeat> fucking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last
night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be
an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought
he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that
im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to
think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise
when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was

<Khassaki> HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> try pressing the the Caps Lock key
<Khassaki> O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> fuck me

DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means
that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs
around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always
starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in
that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going
to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great
resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for,
but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your
resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants.
But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified
and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out,
we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will
never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to
complain about the person that we hired.

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile ([email protected]) has joined #
themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<

* ab is away - gone, if anyone talks in the next 25 minutes as
me it's bm
being an asshole -          
<ab> HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS

<Anonymous> Now, I m sure many of you have encountered little
shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking
things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you
know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little
cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like
it.
<Anonymous> Okay, here s the best part. A biter got me today
when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too.
This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a
tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit s teeth as he was
grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get
wide, and started screaming  SHIT! SHIT!.  Now, my good
friend, Tom we ll call him, was there too, and he instantly
picked up on it. He started shouting  FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN T
GET IT! FUCK!.  By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts
crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and
starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
<Anonymous> Here s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye
and say,  Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he
just bit me and I m  I m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE. 
<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire
store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his
mom isn t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed.
I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier,
all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice
little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to
hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.
<Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the
moment I heard that sob.

<i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
<BonyNoMore> how u make that inverted b?
<BonyNoMore> wait
<BonyNoMore> never mind

<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying
there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why
don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let
the problem solve itself?

<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced
the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...
<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er --
got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They
snapped me wang in half an' everything
<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really
looking forward to.
<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry
Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes.
It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her
first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of
willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany
wang. Eleven inches. "
<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his
fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it
swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and
gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing
dancing spots of light on to the walls
<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed
Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"
<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but
even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up
its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when
he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's
nostrils.
<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's
nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang,
and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he
whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a
fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly,
and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried
to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept
intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother
again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her
again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted
from the end of his wang
<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded
the silvery substance with its tip.
<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds
they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like
fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip
on his raised wang.

Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a
bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all...
and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the
street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up,
and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was
crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing
there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave
us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks
with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...

<death09>my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her
and her new boyfriend in bed
<ktp753>ouch.
<death09>yeah.i sent them to her dad

<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard
it'd go all the way from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, shit

<Ben174> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay
me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when
the bandwidth picks up after hours.
<ChrisLMB> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired
instantly.
<Ben174> : Where u work?
<ChrisLMB> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 ([email protected]) Quit
(Leaving)

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice
aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you,
bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard
hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real
beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl.
8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of
the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is
ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest
sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000
Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are
only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of
****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my
lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as
flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr.
Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold
war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it
was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard
now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage
your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard
hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me
again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna
report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you
f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named
robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother fucker

*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot.
For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
<Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21
<Word_of_God>  Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the
morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of
Moab. -  (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!
*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider
(Please dont Swear)
<Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in
this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see
that...

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a fucken impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao

<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading
it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got
that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back fucker"

<Patrician|Away> what does your robot do, sam
<bovril> it collects data about the surrounding environment,
then discards it and drives into walls

<MooseOnDaLoose> Hey Mike
<goatboy> what?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> er?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> and?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> ...
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> i dont get it
<MooseOnDaLoose> AND YOU NEVER WILL.
<goatboy> bastard

<Sonium> someone speak python here?
<lucky> HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
<lucky> SSSSS
<Sonium> the programming language

<Eticam> I was in biology class once, and the teacher said
there was sugar in sperm
<Eticam> And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
<Eticam> When she realised what she said her face became red
like a spanked monkey ass
<Eticam> Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness
with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue
back in your throat
<Eticam> The girl started crying and left class ^^

<Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad.

<kow`> "There are 10 types of people in the world... those who
understand binary and those who don't."
<SpaceRain> That's only 2 types of people, kow.
<SpaceRain> STUPID

<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes  Mrs.Miller.. :-/

<wolf> 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in
pile A
<wolf> 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
<wolf> 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find
the Business
Reply Mail Envelope.
<wolf> 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the
envelope you hold
in your hand.
<wolf> 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail
and walk away
whistling.
<wolf> I have now received two phone calls from the credit
card companies
telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with
coupons rather
then my application. They informed me that it they are
not pleased that
they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply
with "It says
Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to
ensure that your
business is more successful. They promptly hang up on
me.
<wolf> Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring,
so I got an
added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies
to the envelope
so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call
informing me about
the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my
change back. After
yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they
agreed to my
demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my
hand at this
very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.

<cassius_clay13> so I was with my friend bryan the other night
in a bar
<cassius_clay13> well he got really drunk and said he was
gonna puke
<cassius_clay13> so i helped him walk to the toilet
<cassius_clay13> all the stalls were occupied
<emoti_conartist> lol
<cassius_clay13> bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors
open
<cassius_clay13> and there's this guy in there taking a shit
<emoti_conartist> hahahahahaha
<cassius_clay13> and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
<cassius_clay13> then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh
shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was
sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up... so i'd better hit
him first'
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
<cassius_clay13> and runs away
<cassius_clay13> imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT
EVER

<turno> I want to fuck Michelle's brains out with my huge
fucking cock, over and over again .. and then her sister can
come and join us too.
<Seeker> Err turno, your mom reads the quotes on bash.org?
<turno> I'll fucking KILL YOU! !
<Seeker> Your mom does work for the church ? If she reads what
you just said she'd be pretty angry right?
<turno> Dude you have no fucking clue, don't seriously...
you'd be ruining my life.
<Seeker> Don't worry, I won't post it.
[Privmsg] <Seeker> Hey dude, I'm gonna paste something - will
you post it on bash.org?
[Privmsg] <opiate> the turno thing? haha you fucking bastard!!
[Privmsg] <Seeker> hehe his mom's gonna fucking kill him, drag
him to that church they go to and get the priest to sodomise
him.
[Privmsg] <opiate> yeah and then he's gonna come fucking kill
us, still I reckon it's worth it;)
[Privmsg] <turno> You're not gonna post it are you ? Please
don't .. I'm begging you.
[Privmsg] <Seeker> I'm not gonna post it:) and even if I did
she'd never know that your nick turno was her son Michael Savu
.
[Privmsg] <turno> *phew* spose you have a point

<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you shit on the floor, and
you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually
landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
<peng> ...
<peng> what?
<VolteFace`> oh shit
<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you DROP shit

<Night-hen-gayle> I gotta go.  There's a dude next to me and
he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me
out.  Yes dude next to me, I mean you.

<tag> Ouroboros: lets play Pong
<Ouroboros> Ok.
<tag> |    .
<Ouroboros> .    |
<tag> |  .
<Ouroboros>    . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros>      | .
<Ouroboros> Whoops

*** Topic in #doghouse is 'Our hearts are extended to the 17
victims of the recent internet fraud'
* Anubis has joined #doghouse
<Anubis> what fraud?
<Kadmium> You haven't heard about it?
<Anubis> no?
<Kadmium> You can read the full story at http://
www.tubgirl.com
<Anubis> omg wtf!
*** Kadmium changes topic to 'Our hearts are extended to the
18 victims of the recent internet fraud'

<by> Is there anyway I can tell the world I'm an idiot?
<Seven7> Of course, just type your name, where you live and
your confession
<by> Kk
<by> I am Mark Duval of Belgium, and I am an idiot
<by> ?
<by> Now what?
<Seven7> Don't worry. It's done

<AgentSmith> It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr.
Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook
at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by
the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda,
lying, and being a generally immature pest...
<AgentSmith> One of these...has a future.
<Randerson> LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean
about this
<AgentSmith> How can you use the phone when you
cannot...speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m

SparTacus ([email protected]) has
joined #santcuary
*SparTacus is now known as Betty_Guns
wacko Jacko ([email protected]) has joined
#santcuary
<wacko_Jacko>ok spartacus just came n here i know it. which
one of you is that loser?
<hunney> I am spartacus
<ji_pper>no im spartacus
<Betty_Guns>I am spartacus
<mistr andersn>I m spartacus
<wacko_Jacko>ur all freaks thats what u r

<Locl-Yocl> I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all
over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people
with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down
the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at
the counter was mortified.

<third_planet> The other night my friend had some pot and
wanted me to smoke it with him, but we had nowhere to smoke it
because both our parents were home.
<third-planet> So we drove around looking for a place to park
so we could smoke in the car.
<third-planet> We eventually settled on a Wendys parking lot..
<Mr-Butlertron> The logic is all there...
<third-planet> I know, it was a ridiculous idea. We were just
desperate and that was the first place to pull off..
<third-planet> So we park in the back of the parking lot under
this tree, and it's dark out, so we figure we're secluded
enough. We start to light up and a cop pulls in. So we both
sit really still and hope the cop will think the car is empty
and just parked there. Or that he won't notice.
<third-planet> The cop circles the parking lot once, then
parks behind us and we're both freaking out. So Bobby, my
friend, takes all the pot and shoves it in the glove
compartment. But the car smells like pot, so we figure we're
busted.
<third-planet> So Bobby says we've gotta distract the cop from
the pot. In a huge flash, he rips his shirt off, undoes my
pants and sticks his hand inside. Before I can process what's
happening, the cop knocks on my window. Then he looks in and
sees Bobby shirtless, with his hand down my pants and turns
bright red.
<third-planet> I roll my window down and the cop says in this
really flustered voice, his face bright red, "you guys be good
now" and walks quickly back to his car and drives off.
<third-planet> He didn't even notice the smell of pot.
<third-planet> We drove home in the most uncomfortable fucking
silence ever.

<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for
moving all the bibles into the fiction section

<Sui88> 67% of girls are stupid
<V-girl> i belong with the other 13%

<UKDJ|Planet> I swear to god
<UKDJ|Planet> I've just heard a duck tell a joke
<Jock> o...k
<UKDJ|Planet> there was as group of ducks on a pond near where
i live
<UKDJ|Planet> one of the ducks was quacking away looking
straight at a group of like 10 ducks
<UKDJ|Planet> then he stopped and all the other ducks went
mental
<UKDJ|Planet> it looked just like duck stand-up comedy

docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in
fucking EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra
$69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun
wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with
it.
docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet
sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo
dead
c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long
distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)

<kylev> BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<kylev> hahahahaha
<kylev> some girl just came onto our floor
<kylev> and was yelling "sexual favors for anyone who does my
sociology paper"
<kylev> i just asked her what the paper was about
<kylev> and she said the accomplishments and growth of
feminism
<`Neo> bahahahaha

<link>once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak
and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot  xxx
galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there
came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning,
mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered,
" give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.
<hokage> *cries*, scary....

<glome> Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?!
<content> glome stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
<glome> Who me?!
<content> Yes you!
<glome> Couldn't be!
<content> Then WHO?!!
<glome> Woody stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
*** glome has been kicked by DrWoody (fuck you i didn't touch
the motherfucking cookie, bitch)

IronChef Foicite: well, there's a lot of reasons
IronChef Foicite: i mean, roses only last like a couple weeks
IronChef Foicite: and that's if you leave them in water
IronChef Foicite: and they really only exist to be pretty
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying
IronChef Foicite: "my love for you is transitory and based
solely on your appearance"
IronChef Foicite: but a potato!
IronChef Foicite: potatos last for fucking ever, man
IronChef Foicite: in fact, not only will they not rot, they
actually grow shit even if you just leave them in the sack
IronChef Foicite: that part alone makes it a good symbol
IronChef Foicite: but there's more!
IronChef Foicite: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato!
you can even make a battery with it!
IronChef Foicite: and that's like saying "i have many ways in
which I show my love for you"
IronChef Foicite: and potatos may be ugly, but they're still
awesome
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying "it doesn't matter at
all what you look like, I'll still love you"

<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty
continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"

<studdud> what the fuck is wtf

<h|tler> HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT
WHAT I'M
WRITEING?????????????????????????????????????????????????????

<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by
now
<@Sony> ...........
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
<Malpine> Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit

<ckx> women ask for it
<ckx> they act all old and mature
<ckx> and then you stick your cock up their ass
<ckx> and they get all bitchy
<ckx> "I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"

<[BAC]Draxon|TWL>  "The animals will hear!" bellowed the ear
licking penguin as the awesomely endowed midget sucked her
oozing charlies and plugged his purple middle leg into her
festering cunt.
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> oops
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> wrong window
<d|syztem> what the FUCK

<Raven> I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough. :(

<scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would
poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started
doing it to them at funerals.

<reo4k> just type /quit whoever, and it'll quit them from irc
* luckyb1tch has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* r3devl has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* sasopi has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* phhhfft has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* blackersnake has quit IRC (r`heaven)
<ibaN`reo4k[ex]> that's gotta hurt
<r`heaven> :(

<Stormrider> I should bomb something
<Stormrider> ...and it's off the cuff remarks like that that
are the reason I don't log chats
<Stormrider> Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me
<Elzie_Ann> I'm sure they can just get it from someone who
DOES log chats.
*** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe
<FBI> We saw it anyway.
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )

<LordChewy> so my dad found my porn folder
<LordChewy> and he was getting all pissed
<LordChewy> so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not
stupid you know"
<LordChewy> "i know dad"
<LordChewy> "what do you have to say for yourself?"
<LordChewy> at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes
and say "C:Documents and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent
faxes"
<LordChewy> and he just shut up
<kingKahn> what is it?
<LordChewy> its his porn folder

< Alkivar> we're on our way back from partying in NYC over the
weekend ... it was like sunday afternoon we're headed back
west
< Alkivar> we're cruisin... maybe 130-140mph
< Alkivar> flew past a trooper on the side of the road
< Alkivar> trooper lights up ... siren blasting ... chasing us
down the highway
< Alkivar> we're both like should we stop ... there's no way
he can catch up to us
< Alkivar> we decided to be good and stop
< Alkivar> cop catches up to us ... comes out gun drawn ...
pissed as hell
< Alkivar> walks up to the side of the car and goes
< Alkivar> "SON CAN I SEE YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE"
< Alkivar> Jason pulls out his fucking pilot's license
< Alkivar> cop's jaw hits the fucking ground
< Alkivar> most stunned face I've ever fucking seen
< Alkivar> in this practically a whimper goes "get the fuck
out of here"
< Alkivar> no ticket... too embarassed apparently
< Alkivar> I'll never forget that day long as I live
< Alkivar> I was sure we were goin to jail

<DmncAtrny> I will write on a huge cement block "BY ACCEPTING
THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE
TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS
WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT,
CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE
INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING."
<DmncAtrny> And then hurl it through the window of a Sony
officer
<DmncAtrny> and run like hell

<Montana> yeh but chinese for dinner.. Peking Dick FTW
<Dauntless> ... LOL
<Montana> omg here we go
<Dauntless> Can you say bash.org?
<Montana> why? so it can join the other 1 million quotes of
random people saying 'i love wang.. oops typo, i meant
computers.
<Montana> Screw this
<Montana> If i'm getting quoted I'm getting my moneys worth:
<Montana> MONTY PRESENTS THE ULTIMATE QUOTE
<Montana> OMFG my naked sister just ran into my room and
before I could sex her she set fire/other means of destruction
to my room but because Im a total geek it doesnt occur to me
to get of irc and fix it.
<Montana> I instead enter a conversation on computers: OMG MY
COMPUTER HAS GOT A VIRUS! OH WAIT NO, ITS WINDOWS/LINUX/MAC/
NORTON/AOL. Now for the obligatory Windows ME insult where the
name of the product is mistaken for a pronoun for myself:
<Montana> ME SO GAY! WHOOPS IT LOOKS LIKE THE INTENDED PURPOSE
OF THAT STATEMENT WAS TO HIGHLIGHT MY OWN HOMOSEXUALITY
WHEREAS I MEANT IT TO BE THE HOMOSEXUALITY OF THE OPERATING
SYSTEM! HOW EMBARASSING!
<Montana> Now for the topic of sex:
<Montana> I HAVE A GF.. AND BY GF I OF COURSE MEAN A GFORCE
20MB 3.45 SYSTEM RETRO POWER MAX SUPERMAN RAPING COMPUTER
STICK!
<Montana> Furthermore, I make a comment as to the worth of sex
but comment of my lack of sexual activity.
<Montana> Hmm
<Montana> I'm forgetting the most impostant part! The lack of
social interaction!
<Montana> OMG I just opened my blinds and the sunlight burnt
and I saw this guy with a swollen chest and I was like WTF and
my dad says 'thats called a girl' im like WTF IS A GIRL then i
went and downloaded 50GB of porn.
<Montana> </end rant>
<Montana> Anyways, as I said before.. dinner.. brb
<Dauntless> o_o

<Zanthis(ALE)> AFK, tornado