bash.org archive

The_Fur: where do i fail again?
BadMojo: First off, you're the product of a failed abortion.
Then your mother failed to drown you properly, only enhancing
your retardation. Then you failed to develop inter-personal
skills, a sense of a humour, and functioning testicles. After
that, you completely failed to "have sex" or what I like to
call "fucking." After which, you failed to enhance your brain
to a proper level.
BadMojo: Then, you failed to make sensible arguements, failed
to make funny statements, failed to win, and invariably you
will try to shoot yourself in the skull and fail at that too,
whereupon you will accidentally shoot two house cats and a
small schoolgirl.
BadMojo: Then you will fail to make a logical case in court,
where you will fail to be found innocent, and you will go to
prison, where the only thing you will succeed at is being jail
raped and then murdered by a fatman
BadMojo: Okay, let me rephrase: you will fail to properly
protect your anus from a fatman in prison, and you will fail
to have a knife-proof head, directly resulting in your
subsequent failure to live
BadMojo: whereupon your organs will be donated to science,
where your heart will fail, killing a small child, your lungs
will fail, killing an elderly man, your liver will fail,
killing a recovering alcoholic, and your kidneys will fail,
making somebody pee everywhere