bash.org archive

GuyGuy: I am so fucking dead, dude.
Bilbo22: What's up?
GuyGuy: Ok, this is gonna take some explanation.
Bilbo22: Go for it.
GuyGuy: Alright. My wife goes crazy when I cum in her. She
really likes the feeling of liquid shooting into her or
something, cause she's absolutely nuts about it. It's like a
fucking fetish.
GuyGuy: Anyway, Last week she went totally overboard with
this. We were having sex, and everything was going great, but
when I said I was about to cum she grabbed me by the shaft,
forcefully yanked me out of her, got this fucking jar from the
drawer in the nightstand, and collected my fucking semen in
it.
Bilbo22: What the fuck?
GuyGuy: Yeah. Weird ass shit.
Bilbo22: No, I mean the fact you're telling me this shit. I
don't want to hear this.
GuyGuy: It's important dude, hear me out.
Bilbo22: Fine, Fine.
GuyGuy: Anyway, I was asking what the fuck she was up to and
she tells me she wants to save up my jism so she can take it
all at once. So she sticks the jar in the fridge and tells me
we can't have any more sex until I fill the thing entirely.
GuyGuy: And long story short, I just don't got that much juice
in me, so after a week of trying to jack it until I could fill
it, my penis felt like it was gonna burst. So I decided to
cheat, and topped it off with some of this dove soap she has,
cause it looks a lot like semen.
Bilbo22: Oh dear god, I know where this is going.
GuyGuy: So I give her the filled jar all indignant like cause
she made me do this, and she promised me lots of kinky sex for
it.
GuyGuy: Then she pulls a fucking turkey baster out of her
dresser, sucks up the contents of the jar, sticks the baster
in her pussy, and lets it rip.
GuyGuy: As it turns out, Soap apparently burns like a
motherfucker when you put it in a woman's pussy.
Bilbo22: Oh shit man. When the fuck was this?
GuyGuy: Like, ten minutes ago.
Bilbo22: Then what the fuck are you doing on AIM!?
GuyGuy: Are you kidding? She's been in the bathroom for the
past ten minutes screaming like a fucking banshee.
GuyGuy: I needed leverage. If she murders me now, I've got a
witness who can testify against her.
GuyGuy: Oh shit, she's coming out now. If you don't hear from
me in a few days, call the cops!
Bilbo22: I'll be sure to check under the porch for your body.