bash.org archive

<+Scott> I had my dreams crushed yesterday. It turns out the
newspaper headline "Village still looking for paedophile"
wasn't a vacancy.

<Christina> *kisses back* I love you
<Josh> I love you too babe
<Christina> I take off your pants, sliding my hands up your
thighs, watching your cock get hard.
<Christina> That's what he said to me
<Christina> I was like "Wtf dude? One, I'm a chick and two
what the hell?"
<Christina> And he was like "Oh shit, wrong conversation"
<Josh> ...
<Christina> Oh shit, wrong conversation

<Buck> the MPAA site has an interesting anti piracy blitz
going on for Christmas
<Buck> they say that they're protecting users from buying
pirated copies of films
<Buck> then they go on to say that you can recognize pirated
films by the fact that they're a lot cheaper, out before or
while films are still in theatres, are region free and contain
no DRM
<Buck> if I wouldn't have pirated before.. the MPAA sure has
convinced me to do it now

< Darien> I saw a coworker trying to figure out how to make
his chair lean back
< Darien> he was on the ground looking at the bottom of it
< Darien> we talk about the chairs for a minute or so
< Darien> then he puts on his headset, hits a button on his
phone, and says 'Sorry ma'am, thanks for holding.'

<+Quantsini> when i say the word "ramen" what words come to
mind?
* Ikari has joined #STNJ
<@[Polynomial]> instant
<ph4tkid> ninja
<+Zanshi> porn
<Ikari> instant ninja porn?!?! WHERE???!?!
<+Quantsini> ...

<kasierlord55> hi guyz how r u all doin???
<Blarrrg> Dear kasiserlord55,
<Blarrrg> Please stop raping me.
<Blarrrg> Love,
<Blarrrg> The English Language.

FecalAlcoholSyndrome> i love how they try to say that
homosexuality is a
leading cause of pedophilia
<angie> i think perverts are the leading cause of pedophilia
<h4ck> homosexuality is the leading cause of caring,
compassionate men
<sunrinse> sexy children are the leading cause of pedophilia

<MarkGobbin> ok think of some answerable but subjective
question
<Sergio> why?
<MarkGobbin> wow... i'm erecting a statue in your honour for
that

<rhyno> okay
<rhyno> I must be losing my mind
<rhyno> I just walked to the PJ station
<rhyno> because I can't find my car keys
<rhyno> and they were right fucking here an hour ago
<DaemonX> pj station?
<rhyno> yeah
<rhyno> gas station
<rhyno> but the thing was
<rhyno> I was going there to get gas
<DaemonX> without your car?
<rhyno> and I couldn't find my keys
<rhyno> so I just thought "I'll walk"
<rhyno> go all the way up there.. and I'm like "wtf was I
going here for.."
<rhyno> "OH YEAH! DUMBASS!"
<rhyno> then walked back
<DaemonX> ... i can't even comment on that

<Dr_DOS> My fish get scared of pizza boxes.
<Dr_DOS> They think they're giant borg ships or smth
<repp0r> Don't put an anchovie pizza near your fish.

Hekili_Manu: Ok. So I called my bank's fraud dept about that
hotels.com letter I got since I apparently used them twice
with two different cards. I forgot completely that when I
signed up you can assign your own security question online.
Hekili_Manu: So when I called and spoke to the guy they use
the same security question and he asked me "Ok, I just need to
verify one thing. How big is your c**k?"

<spinks> I'm pretty sure dad is reconsidering sending me to
drama classes
<maguiness> ?
<maguiness> explain
<spinks> well tonight i was home alone for most of the night.
Mum was with my little brothers in singleton, out to dinner
for my uncle's birthday
<spinks> my older brother is in gloucester for the next few
days
<spinks> and dad was at karate till about 8 and thus i had to
cook tea
<spinks> of course i get a brilliant theatrical idea in my
head just to make things a little awkward when dad comes home
<spinks> i cook some pretty basic fuckign stuff, 2 pies and
some 2 minute noodles
<spinks> but i garnish the fuck out of them with salads and
shit, and put them on the good china, got the good cutlery
out, wine glasses filled with red wine, the dinenr candles,
the nice place mats, all of it
<spinks> a nice romantic dinner
<spinks> dad got home and i lit the candles, got dressed in my
suit and tie, nice saphire-blue micro-fibre shirt, placed the
plates opposite one another and turned all the lights off
<spinks> I sat there waiting, folded my hands nicely and dad
walked through the door, blinked coz of the low light and just
stared at me
<spinks> then he just slowly walked to his room, where i'd
laid a trail of fake rose petals down the hallway to his room
<spinks> GOD i will never forget the look on his face

<Stryyp> im never stopping for small animals crossing the road
again
<Stryyp> i hit on the brakes and almost wrecked.
<Stryyp> the little bastard sits there and stares at me for a
minute, then continues to cross the road
<Stryyp> and out of nowhere a truck comes from the other
direction and pancakes the sucker

<jdigittl> i just filled out an online mortgage application to
test something. I just received a phone call from a mortgage
broker: "Hi, I'd like to speak with, um, Mr Testy McTest..."

(sadik): nothing gayer than 2guys and a chick
([sic]): well there's two guys and no chick
([sic]): that's pretty gay

<Hef> correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't holy water just water
that has a prayer said over it?
<Tribolthree> holy water is water blessed by a priest, nothing
special or added -_- technically he could bless the water
coming from a pipe
<Tribolthree> so like you could have a fountain of holy water
<Hef> the priest would probably get tired of the constant
blessing
<Hef> and run out of mana

<pritch> jeez
<pritch> sauron couldve got the one ring on ebay for £4.99
<pritch> oh wait
<pritch> excludes delivery to mordor
<fragglet> one does not simply deliver to mordor

castuslumen: whats the name of those hats that Green Berets
wear?
foranzan: are you being stupid on purpose?
castuslumen: what?
foranzan: you are officially the Rolls Royce of stupid.

<Hara> The old USSR had one single time zone too. They had a
hammer and sickle in the ground near the Kremlin and used it
like a sundial.
<Hara> Arguments raged for years as to what to call the
timezone
<Hara> Moscow Time?
<Hara> Comrade Time?
<Hara> In the end they all agreed.
<Hara> Hammer Time.

Laudanum: I think my ability to communicate has gone downhill.
kaltegeburt: I don't understand.

<ThatOneDude> the last time somone listened to a Bush, a bunch
of people wandered in the desert for 40 years

SouLTaKeR2023: I was on the phone with a friend
SouLTaKeR2023: and we happen to talk about foreskin
ARazorbladeGrin: amazing
SouLTaKeR2023: and my lil bro walks in
SouLTaKeR2023: and hes like
SouLTaKeR2023: "whats foreskin"?
SouLTaKeR2023: Im like
SouLTaKeR2023: "Its the skin on the forehead"
SouLTaKeR2023: I flicked him on the forehead so he would leave
SouLTaKeR2023: and now hes running around the house yelling
SouLTaKeR2023: "MAMA ALEX FLICKED MY FORESKIN"
ARazorbladeGrin: ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL

<CompuMan> The tragedy of Canada is they could have had
British culture, French cooking, and American technology, but
instead they got American culture, British cooking, and French
technology.

<socket7> I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a
really sexy Thai girl. I thought to myself, "Please don't get
an erection, please don't get an erection.
<socket7> But she did :(

<ILLogik> i was having cybersex with this chick but she
wouldn't go all the way so i had to rape her

<dice> You're in Sydney?
<Scott> ahhh yea
<dice> Cool!
<dice> Whatcha doing there?
<Scott> grandmothers
<dice> Really? You stud! How many?

<raphael_sorel> So, where you from? ;)
<sweet_angel47> Chicago, Illinois. how bout u?
<raphael_sorel> Manila, Philippines. :D
<sweet_angel47> where is that? in like, Russia?
<raphael_sorel> No, it's in South East Asia.
<sweet_angel47> dude, i totally fail at geometry
<raphael_sorel> ...

<Erdage> WTF dude help me, i have lost my dick!!!
<DakuTenshi> What are you talking about?
<Erdage> help me daku, it's missing!
<DakuTenshi> Erdage... you are drunk right?
<Erdage> Err.. no...
<DakuTenshi> Yes you are
<Erdage> WTF??? How do you know?
<DakuTenshi> Erdage, you are a girl...

<cancerpass> ever watched the monty python show/movies?
<over-thurr> yeah he's a very funny guy!
<cancerpass> i'll take that as a no

<Goldmoon> its amazing what you can get with batting your
eyelashes and showing your tits.. lol
<n0nthing> raped?

[Turtle] hmm
[Turtle] ctfmon.exe
[Turtle] no jamacians capturing any flags on my computer that
i know of

<Phyxius> Hmm there are some black people hanging around
outside the gates at the end of my driveway, brb
<Courtney> mkay hb
<Phyxius> HOLY SHIT THEYRE GONE
<Courtney> The black people?
<Phyxius> NO, MY GATES

<popemichael> I was in line to buy a new DVD player. The woman
in front of me was having something delivered.
<popemichael> The clerk asked for her 'street name' she
replied "I don't have one I go by Shanice."

<Rach> when i get my old puter back i'll send you some songs
<Olly> What happened to it?
<Rach> i broke it
<Olly> On purpose? 
<Rach> i wouldnt say PURPOSE
<Rach> just stupidly
<Olly> Ahh
<Olly> So you do know exatly what's wrong with it?
<Rach> yeah, it's full of water

<ckx> i've got nothing against homos
<ckx> as long as they don't fuck me or touch me
<ckx> they're alright
<gb> what if they cum on you
<ckx> that's a grey area

<GaeMan> Chia: Be nice to CAgurl today.
<chirpet> I am always nice to CAgurl. I resent the
implication.
<chirpet> I am nice to everyone.
<chirpet> Always.
<chirpet> So shut up.
<chirpet> pigfucker.

[dcg] I love how someone links a picture of a woman with a
penis and it turns into a discussion about monitor resolution

<Spast> I'm going to be the next Hitler
<Spast> I'm going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<AssA> good, i hate clowns.
<Spast> ...
<Spast> goddamnit

Spoon35: http://www.oddworldz.com/fmweekly/kellypinup.jpg
SenorWeird: who?
Momog: hehe
SenorWeird: who is that?
Momog: kelly hu = the wolverine chick from xmen
SenorWeird: Kelly who?
Spoon35: exactly!
SenorWeird: Kelly Exactly?
Momog: heh
Momog: it's a trap!
SenorWeird: Just tell me the chick's name. It's Kelly what?
Spoon35: Hu.
SenorWeird: ?!
SenorWeird: The chick you just posted a picture of!
Spoon35: Hu
SenorWeird: That's what I wanna know! Kelly who!
Spoon35: exactly!
SenorWeird: So it's Kelly Exactly!
* Marty11 Laughs in the strange confusion
Spoon35: Hu.
SenorWeird: The girl in the picture you posted is Kelly
Exactly
Momog: Hu, Kelly.
Momog: HA!
SenorWeird: Yes, Kelly, Momog.
Spoon35: Kelly Momog??
SenorWeird: Kelly Exactly
Momog: doh
SenorWeird: Okay, you know what? Forget this.
SenorWeird: Let's talk about that hot chick in Mulholland
Drive and The Ring.
SenorWeird: What's her name?
Momog: who?
SenorWeird: her name
Spoon35: Watts.
SenorWeird: yes, I think my question was quite clear.
Spoon35: Watts.
* Momog covers his ears and screams
SenorWeird: are you not understanding me?
SenorWeird: Who is the chick from The Ring?
Spoon35: I think I understand. you want to know Watts.
SenorWeird: Not What, who. Who is the chick from The Ring.
Spoon35: no, Watts is the chick from the Ring
SenorWeird: Who is?
Spoon35: no, she was in X2
SenorWeird: What?!
Spoon35: exactly.
SenorWeird: Exactly was in X2. okay.
SenorWeird: so then Who was in the ring?
Spoon35: Hu was.
SenorWeird: Who was in the ring?
Spoon35: no. Watts was in the Ring. Hu was in X2.
SenorWeird: Exactly. Now, let's get back to the Ring. What's
that chick's name?
Spoon35: watts.
SenorWeird: okay, I'm lost.
SenorWeird: What's the name of the chick from X2?
Spoon35: no, Watts is the name of the chick from the Ring
SenorWeird: Forget about the ring. I don't want to hear about
Who was in the ring.
Spoon35: watts
SenorWeird: Am I not clear? Who was in X2?
Spoon35: yes.
SenorWeird: Yes?
SenorWeird: Yes what?
Spoon35: Yes Hu! No Watts.
SenorWeird: ....
SenorWeird: What?!
Momog: i am logging this and using it as blackmail against you
both
SenorWeird: oh, this is either genius or stupidity.

* badlands dials phone-a-hooker
<WhitAdept> phone brb

<lyfe> i just don't keep a fucking book with the names of all
the girls who've had their dick in my mouth

(Bismarck) Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes!!!!
(Bismarck) France is going to house the new nuclear fusion
reactor!
(Bismarck) If it suceeds, cheap long term energy. If it fails,
BAM! France is gone!
(Bismarck) It's win win!

<Dack Falu> WTF, there are Bomberman fanfics
<Dack Falu> Did that shit have a storyline?
<Stultus> Someone's probably written a fanfic for Tetris
<Saturn V> THE L BLOCK TAKES ME BY THE HAND AND PLUGNES ITSELF
NEATLY INTO ME, FORMING A LINE
<Saturn V> I MOAN BUT THEN PART OF ME VANISHES
<Saturn V> FOREVER.

<Larno> I got terribly smashed the night before
<Larno> And some electricity cable broke down in my street
<Larno> it was like 6am postman and garbage dudes were there-
watching them workin on it and the street was blocked by
police cars
<Larno> eventually they knocked at my door so i m in front of
a cop, a worker with his helmet a garbage mate,  a postman and
my neighbour- a huge black guy who works in IT
<Larno> and all I can say is  "oh maan the village people
became jheovah witnesses"

* Mazca just had a singularly scary experience there...
<Ephialtes> what happened Max?
<Mazca> I was just feeling sorry for myself and pissed off
about not having a girlfriend, and wondering what I should do
to sort my life out...
<Mazca> then my iTunes, AT THAT EXACT MOMENT, started playing
"Gay Bar".

<FLB> Are you in the mood for some gaming?
<Ouroboros> Uh huh.
<FLB> Cause I should be finished in a reasonable amount of
time.
<FLB> So you have more or less two options.
<FLB> A) You leave me an IP address, and I join you later.
<FLB> B) You simply wait for my return, at which point game
specifics are worked out, and we commence.
<Ouroboros> C) I find a game, don't tell you the IP, and we
never hook up.
<FLB> D) I hunt you down and kill you.
<Ouroboros> E) Ow.
<FLB> F) Somehow we manage to accomplish all of the above.
<Ouroboros> G) Not likely, but ok.
<FLB> H) I know, but it was an idea.
<Ouroboros> I) pick B)
<FLB> J) I have to scroll up, please hold.
<Ouroboros> K)
<FLB> L)OL
<FLB> M)an this is getting old.
<Ouroboros> N)o kidding.

<Slimjim`> My parents caught me masturbating one day, and
responded with making me a cake to celebrate my ascent into
manhood. At the time I should have been "what the holy
bejesusing fuck" but instead I was like "hey, free cake."

<Insomniak> ow owow
<Insomniak> ow
<Insomniak> i hit myself in the nuts playing air guitar
<Insomniak> again
<nxn> darwin is hard at work

<@moss> oh jesus
<@moss> its 6 PM
<@moss> not am
<Tiq> XD
<Tiq> What have you missed, moss?
<@moss> uh... wednesday
<Tiq> HAHAHA

<TLF> smoke
<TLF> im calling u out hustlah
<TLF> bring it
<MegaSmokeX> Why, bitch?
<TLF> first person to hack the other person wins
<MegaSmokeX> k
<TLF> lets see your 1337 skillz bitch hahaha
*** Signoff: TLF (Connection reset by peer)
<Ginnsu> Goddamn O_O
<Saunders> pnwed.
<MegaSmokeX> I think thats the luckiest Ive ever been in my
life...

<Altair> hey guys
<Altair> gotta question for you all.
<Altair> If you could listen to one song before you died, what
would it be?
<Spike> The song that never ends?

<jackal-> someone guess what my cat will type when i drop it
on my keyboard
<jackal-> hello i'm a very intelligent cat, save me from my
cruel master and free me from this prison
<jackal-> omg
<jackal-> bad cat

<us98> hi
<us98> I've windows 98 installed on my computer
<Sygrke> ok
<us98> now i have a problem
<Sygrke> you repeat yourself dude

<NobelDek> I got all my history from Age of Empires
<JoseoftheWired> Using video games to learn history is
probably a bad idea
<JoseoftheWired>  And the American colonists decided to rebel
against the British because they were camping all the tea. 
<[7hs]> Brits lost because of lag
<NobelDek> No, the Brits were noobs. They didn t know how to
play in DS_America.
<[7hs]> The Civil War happened when someone turned FF=ON
<JoseoftheWired> The Japanese hated the Koreans on their
server so they invaded
<[7hs]> Hitler used a wallhack to get into France
<[7hs]> twice!
<TheStupidOne> No...paris lagged out

* unexpected joins the room!
<unexpected> oh shit gotta go
* unexpected left the game.
<Chimerasame> well that was unexpected.

<watashi-x> Oh my God! Are you attemping to DoS me?
<Polymer> WTF are you talking about dumb ass
<Polymer> I can't get into your MS-DOS

<Kupo> man
<Kupo> Firefox can fuck itself
<DarknessTear> It can? So THAT's what the Firefox logo is
doing.

Mike: I had a random thought in the shower just before
Mike: I think I was still half asleep
Mike: if you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of
johnson's no more tears, would it create beautiful irony?
Hopper: ROFL

zero:dude that computer you nicked from school, ive just had
the police round being questioned about it, they will probably
be at yours soon.
Anony-X: WTF SHIT!!!!!what do i do? my parents are gunna
fucking kill me and im gunna get fucking expelled
Anony-X: Man, im running away from home, it sucks anyway
theres never a sprite in the fridge when you need it,take
care.
*** Anony-X has left #bnbn
zero:HA APRIL FOOL!
zero:danny?
zero:oooh shit...

<yoozer> the speed of sound is defined by the distance from
door to computer divided by the time interval needed to close
the media player and pull up your pants when your mom shouts
"OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING"

Magus5311: I got a C- in Spanish 1.
Magus5311: Then I got a summer job doing construction
Magus5311: Next year I had an A+

<dr00d> gd, my gf is so fucking stupid
<stupid> shit, you found out about that?

<saboteur> sometimes i wish i didtn have a penis
<saboteur> like when i get a wood standing up
<Damien> lol sab
<saboteur> and its hard to hide
<phase5> same
<phase5> or like, when your walking down the street
<phase5> and it hangs out the bottom of your pants
<phase5> and drags on the ground
<saboteur> haha
<saboteur> yeah exactly
<k> or when you lie down and planes crash into it

<Poyzin> So, something amusing happened to me.
<Kilts> ?
<Poyzin> I clocked out of work today, and the ticket tells me
I've worked 13 hours and 37 minutes.
<Poyzin> Of course, presented as 13.37.
<Poyzin> Know what that makes me? :D
<Kilts> lol really leet?
<Poyzin> ...
<Poyzin> I worked 13 and a half fucking hours, and TIRED isn't
your first guess? God dammit.

<@Gandalf> Recent scientific study found that the kind of male
face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where
she is in her menstrual cycle.
<@Gandalf> For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted
to men with rugged and masculine features.
<@Gandalf> And if she is menstruating, she is likely to prefer
a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors shoved
deep into his temple and a cricket stump jammed up his arse

<ihatestan> god I hate my little brother
<ihatestan> its my mothers birthday and I got her a Amethyst
necklace
<ihatestan> than out of no where my brother goes "mom has +3
strengh"

<sigafoo> i realized i loved my girlfriend when i said to her
<sigafoo> <3
<sigafoo> and she said "<3.14159265" back...

[Sativa] My sister earlier, got pulled over by a cop
[Sativa] He said 'Can I see your licence'
[Sativa] And she gave him her credit card on accident
[Sativa] And he is like 'I only accept cash'

<Zoiks> its my birthday in two weeks   :D
<Zoiks> I'mma throw a big party and invite all my friends
<Zoiks> shit dude, I need to start making plans
<+madhtr003> and friends