bash.org archive

<chibo> Found something pretty rad. $5 FBI hat purchased at
HOPE. Blew past a cop at 85. Looked over at the cop, he read
the hat, saluted, and retargeted someone else with the radar
gun. Not too bad for $5. Highly recommended.

<JadussD> all i can say is, the native americans could not
have had better vengeance on americans than tobacco :|
<JadussD> hundreds of thousands of dead each year
<JadussD> "hey, we're going to enslave, decimate, relocate,
and destroy your way of life."
<JadussD> "oh, okay. here, smoke this"

<AL9000> I think it would be funny to bust up into somewhere
wearing a trenchcoat and start shooting people with a brightly
colored Super Soaker, and then after the intitial shock is
over and people are laughing or getting pissed off, you pull
out a real gun and start taking them down
<AL9000> But that's just me

* om3ga has joined #hangman
<hangbot> Hello om3ga! current game is as follows:
<hangbot> a _ _   _ _ _ _   _ a s _   _   _ _ _ _ _ _   _ _  
_ s
<om3ga> all your base r belong to us
* om3ga has left #hangman

<Slap_Shot> scooby doo 2 beat passion of the christ in movie
theaters
<LeafsFan> i bet the pope blamed those meddling kids :P

<Serpentor> My sister has this one friend of hers (who's 19
about to turn 20).. goddamit the girl is the cutest thing ..
(her friend, not my sister you fucking pervert). Whenever I
see her I want to fucking beat off (again, the friend, not my
fucking sister you misinterpretter)
<PainBreak> i think Serpentor has a guilty conscience

<ShaggyShaggs> heh, my grandmother amused me earlier
<ShaggyShaggs> I got up, got dressed, took a leak, washed my
face, got out of the bathroom and mom's there holding the
phone telling me it's for me
<ShaggyShaggs> I grab the phone and mutter "Is this more
important than coffee?"
<ShaggyShaggs> and my grandmother says "Nothing is more
important than coffee, call me back later"

(MoLaUstEr) They call it PMS because "Mad Cow Disease" was
already taken.

onslaught86: Your spelling's so bad your blood must be type-o.

<Evilution> I bought these heinous (but somewhat loveable)
underwear today, a silver-metallic snakeskin-boxer.. and when
I'm at the register the clerk says 'are you serious? I
wouldn't even buy those.. and I'm gay..'

[fris] whats the most rebel thing you have done
[O_o`] destroyed the death star

<spazdor> how do you get a Cisco Certified Network
Administrator off your porch?
<cnug> ...?
<spazdor> pay for your pizza

<Sabdo> So I went into my school's band room for the first
time today
<Sabdo> Biggest bunch of nerds I've ever met.
<Sabdo> and this one girl walks in, really hot,
<Sabdo> and I swear to fucking god,
<Sabdo> three kids pulled out inhalers

<Mank> Happy New Year.
<Mank> 666 + 1337 = 2003
<Anders> So the Antichrist is to arrive this year in the form
of a preteen hacker?
<Chris_A> It's the Ap0cA1yp53!!!!111
<Mank> a11 uR j3suz r b3lonG 2 US!!!!!!

Nail: my chemistry teacher has bad grammar
Traceur: how so
Nail: princiPAL laws of quantum numbers
Traceur: he put principle?
Nail: no
Nail: put principal
Traceur: do yuo know the difference between those two wordS?
Nail: yeah, principal is like the school administrator
Nail: because he's your pal
Traceur: 'principal' also means 'main'
Traceur: a 'principle' is a concept
Traceur: your principal failure comes from not understanding
the principles of grammar.
Nail: fuck you.

<Chewbacca> Raarraraaraarrrraarargh.
<Jordanis_Jackal> What's that Chewie?  Han fell into the well?

<Fattie> I'm fuckin hungry gonna go make some food
<Fattie> if I DC call 911, I probably burned down the kitchen
<[FKU]Greycloak> "Hello? 911? I'd like to report a fire at
74.12.122.225"

amandahirst2007 : why is it that when you ship something by
car it's called shipment and when it's shipped by boat it's
called cargo
Vincent_Valentine9 : Cargo is simply a term to describe
something held on a ship, plane, truck or train. It has
nothing to do with what the cargo is actually used for. The
"Shipment" is an item being moved, it got it's name because
back in the day, before cars, ships and boats down rivers and
oceans were the main form of travel.
Vincent_Valentine9 : When Planes, trains and automobiles began
to be used, the term simply carried over.
amandahirst2007 : ur stupid. asl?
Vincent_Valentine9 : ..........

<Telius> Nobody escapes the Spanish Inquisition!
<codepoet> \S\p\a
\i\s\h\ \I\q\u\i\s\i\t\i\o

<+DethFromAbove> rmuser she is not ugly
<+DethFromAbove> she is fat yeah
<+DethFromAbove> but I saw past that
<+DethFromAbove> I don't know what to call that
<+DethFromAbove> I'm not sure if it's love or what
<@rmuser> gravitational lensing

<@Exor[B-AFK]> yeah apparently a teacher in britain was
arrested. on him they found a pencil, eraser, ruler,
protractor and compass. They said he was part of the Al Gebra
network, and that he had weapons of math instruction!
<@Exor[B-AFK]> HA HA.
* Exor[B-AFK] shoots self

<lordpil> everyone freeze, this is an irc stickup. don't move
or i'll DoS ya. gimme all the voice
<ZorbaTHut> don't hurt me, don't hurt me!
*** ZorbaTHut sets mode: +v lordpil
* lordpil runs away with the voice
*** Parts: lordpil
<ZorbaTHut> damn! he took our voice
<stevieo> ....

<Evan> Real Swiss chocolate? Like from actual Sweden?

<vic> 128kbps is good for music, but for a shower
<vic> it's way more than you need
<Jewass> no way
<Jewass> i need to feel my cleanest
<Jewass> and we have lo-flo shower heads at my house
<Nosnam> Its not a lo-flo shower head. It's a low bandwidth
shower head.
<Kurt> golden showers
<Nosnam> golden showers would be AOL
<Nosnam> A dialup shower head is one where you have to stand
there for 10 minutes before the water starts coming out
<Nosnam> I use a cisco router with my shower. It's load
distribution sprays my entire body at once
<Nosnam> I forgot to enable WEP encryption on my 802.11G
shower... I was showering, and my neighbor joined me
<Chamuyo> I remember back in my time when you had to order
your water and it got delivered in paper envelopes with stamps
glued on them
<vic> that's taking it to far
<vic> gtfo

* God plays the Sims.
* God clicks on "Gothic" and selects "swear"
<Gothic> Fuck
<Gothic> Wait, what

<`Frieza> dont you get it! I have a giant Brain that is
capable of reduceing anything down to a yes or no question.
<bUdDyLeE> LOL `Frieza I don't think that's how it's supposed
to work
<bUdDyLeE> watch
<bUdDyLeE> What is the meaning of life?
<`Frieza> yes
<bUdDyLeE> elaborate
<`Frieza> no
<bUdDyLeE> fair enough.

Soth: i need something more complex than 2+2
jadenbane: Soth: 2+2i ?

<MugsyDaFish> i was peeing on the building and a cop rolls up
on his bike
<MugsyDaFish> i told him, i hope you're not going to arrest me
cuz i don't think ill be able to sit on the handlebars
<MugsyDaFish> i almost went to jail for that

<ph03n1x> Didnt Ray Charles die right before [Ray] came out?
That would suck if he never even got to see it.

<Berawler> Is there any sanity or light left in this
shrivelled husk of a world?
<SingingDancingMoose> There was, but we had to trade it in for
the internet.
<Berawler> That is quite possibly the best response to any
question ever.

<MalachiConstant> hah, I have a funny story about watching
Ringu, ready?
<Jessica> Yeah.
<MalachiConstant> I was watching it on DVD, and it was a quiet
scene, like s shot of someone sleeping...
<MalachiConstant> I was admiring how they kept showing someone
just sleeping, and were realy building the tension well...
<MalachiConstant> then I realized my DVD player was stuck and
I was watching a still frame for about 10 minutes on the edge
of my seat

<iln> cd earlyteen

<joshkr>  Who is this General Error, and why's he scanning my
hard drive?
<de0n>    He's the boss of Major Malfunction
<bismuth> Looking for Private Pictures

<xp99> We all know that it is a sin for an Islamic male to see
any woman other than his wife naked, and that he must commit
suicide if he does.
<xp99> So next Sunday at 4:00 PM Eastern time, all American
women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to
help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
<xp99> Circling your block for one hour is recommended for
this antiterrorist effort. All men are to position themselves
in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not
terrorists, and to demonstrate that they think it's okay to
see nude women other than their wife and to show support for
all American women.
<xp99> And since the Koran also does not approve of alcohol, a
cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your
antiterrorist sentiment.
<xp99> The American Government appreciates your efforts to
root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this
anti terrorist activity.
<xp99> God bless America and GOD BLESS AMERICAN WOMEN! IT IS
YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO PASS THIS ON

<StaticFish> Where did I put my stick of RAM?
<StaticFish> I'm losing my memory.

(omfg): whats the most sensitive part of a persons body when
they are masturbating ?
(TypoKing): idk
(omfg): their ears
(omfg): listening for ppl coming home

< skel> I just patented an atmospheric bio-oxygen extraction
device..
< skel> now I'll sue anyone breathing
< skel> mwuhahahaha!
< skel> i was just kidding guys
< skel> you can let your breath out
< skel> =P
< skel> guys?
< skel> OH DEAR GOD!! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!
< skel> BREATHE PEOPLE!!! BREATHE!!!

<scytale> man, i suck at cooking
<scytale> was cooking something, piece of food fell on the
floor
<scytale> dog ate it up, then threw up

<Frankstar> I am so fucking pissed. This one guy sold me his
air guitar on ebay for 70 dollars and I still havent fucking
received shit.

<ajax> Some people...have the idea that evolution is a fucking
system of...
<ajax> "oh i need flippers, i'd better grow some" type
bullshit. :P
<ajax> It's more like "Oh shit look at that freak over there
with the flippers hahaha OH SHIT I AM DROWNING OH GOD SAVE ME
FLIPPER BOY".

TsK/Scel: i think im gonna download some porn
TsK/Scel: something ive never seen before tho
TsK/Scel: something...... different
Shane/Mehul: lol
Shane/Mehul: porn with women?
TsK/Scel: fuck you

<spree> i wish i had a southern accent
<shy> gday mate
<videogameaholic> not that southern
<shy> hola amigo
<videogameaholic> getting closer
<shy> howdy yall
<videogameaholic> close enough

<predation> so I'm at work and this kid rings the bell on the
counter RIGHT behind me
<predation> the kid goes "SORRY" when I turn around
<predation> kid's mom goes "sorry isn't an excuse when you do
something stupid on purpose"
<predation> i'm putting it on a t-shirt

<etoilet> i went into the D&D store cuz they had old capcom
arcade booths for sale,  and my girlfriend followed me in. 
All the guys were sitting at a table playing D&D,  and this
one long haired dude got up out of his seat, strode up to my
gf, bowed and said "May I help you my lady?"
<crunchyfish> I don't know, man. That's pretty smooth. What
was his charisma? 17? 18?

<Dakara> what's the name of that disease when you can't stop
masturbating?
<amaury> the Y chromosome

<AsPHy> if you could torrent hardware it would be awesome
<Doitle> If we disregard logic, we can do all kinds of fun
things!

<chilomen> *Now Playing: bathtub_lesbians.avi*
<zeddevil2> rofl dude i didnt need to know that
<chilomen> oh shit
<chilomen> lol :S ill change it
<chilomen> *Now Playing: nsync_tearin_up_my_heart.mp3*
<zeddevil2> ...
<zeddevil2> go back to the lesbians

<Skail[IRON]> I get a girlfriend-free evening, tonight.
<Skail[IRON]> All evening.
<Skail[IRON]> :D
<Skail[IRON]> I'm thinking I'm going to sit on the couch in my
underwear, drink beer, and watch porn.
<Driedsponge> You don't do that WITH your girlfriend?
<Skail[IRON]> No, she makes me drink wine.

<ppg> if guns kill people
<ppg> then pencils misspell words
<ppg> and cars make people drive drunk
<ppg> and spoons made rosie o'donnell fat

<TheThree> your special?
<Mj> you're
<TheThree> sorry my grammer sucks
<Mj> grammar
<TheThree> as dose my spelling
<Mj> does
<TheThree> i give up
<Mj> I

<Bonz> I saw a debate in the US Congress where the Coast Guard
and others were saying it's impossible to smuggle nukes into
the US. One of the Congressman asked, "What if they're smart
enough to pack it in a bale of marijuana? We know you can't
stop THAT."

<Anonymous> Last night, Helen and I were sitting in the living
room, and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative
state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If
that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged
the TV, and threw out my beer.
<Anonymous> She's such a bitch.

<Tux> gimme a P, gimme an A, gimme a N, gimme an I, gimme a T,
gimme an E, gimme an S! Whats that spell?
<Tux> PANTIES!
<Tux> er
<Tux> not really
<Tux> but it was close!

ThAJuGgAlEtTe987: Every night, someone thinks about you before
they go to sleep. At least 15 people in this world love you in
some way. The only reason someone would ever hate you is
because they want to be just like you. There are at least 2
people in this worldthat youu would die for. You mean the
world to someone. Someone that you dont even know exists loves
you. When youuu make the biggest mistake ever, something good
comes from it. When you think the world has turned its back on
you, take a look again. Always remember the compliments you
received. Forget the rude remarks. So if you are a loving
friend, send this to everyone on you list
ZooTYaDeaDHomiE: Go Fuck Yourself

<Fuzion> research has shown that men are less likely to
attempt suicide, but more likely to succeed.
<Kadaj>  it's because they tend to use guns, while women use
things like sleeping pills.
<Fuzion> that just pisses me off.
<Fuzion> the last thing you are ever going to do... would it
kill you to do it right?!
<Fuzion> ...
<Fuzion> wait

<DarkKnight> I came home on Sunday night and I found my mom
staring at me and looking annoyed.
<DarkKnight> I smelled her cooking and asked what she cooked
and she responded by saying, "I didn't make any food for you!"
<DarkKnight> She seemed very pissed so I decide to go
downstairs to avoid her.
<DarkKnight> When I was just about to leave she asked me if I
bought a new game. I had no clue what she was talking about,
so I said no.
<DarkKnight> "You sure? " she said, "nothing Male to Male?"
<DarkKnight> I was very confused and disturbed by this
question because my mom seemed to be accusing me of being gay.
<DarkKnight> I said no again and she told me she found a box
that said male to male on it.
<DarkKnight> I stood there and thought for a minute and then I
realized what she was talking about. I ran downstairs and
showed her what she looked at:
<DarkKnight> It was the box for my male-to-male s-video cord.
My mom thought I was gay because I bought an s-video cord.
<silverpig> Just for kicks, you should leave the box for your
3 in 1 KVM cable laying around and she what she says about
that.

<yajmele> Oh my god....I was fooling around with my boyfriend
the other night....
<yajmele> Right when I grabbed his cock, we heard the "get
item" sound from Legend of Zelda. 
<yajmele> It's apparently his e-mail alert on his phone.
<yajmele> It took us 20 minutes to stop laughing.  The timing
on that was impeccable.

<bi0h4z4r_> north korea is test firing missiles right now
<bi0h4z4r_> on fox news
<@argv[0]> thats where i would test my missiles too
<@argv[0]> fox news headquarters

*** Signoff: Morpheus (Connection reset by peer)
*** Morpheus ([email protected])
has joined channel #relax
<Morpheus> argh.. that wasn't my speaker cable

<Indiana> What's a cuntwaffle?
<Indiana> Ah, never mind, I'll ask my mom when she comes on.
She knows everything about cooking and food.

<DB> Oh god - what the fuck do they put in absinthe? i only
had a couple and I feel like I've been raped by a camel..
<Rust_Bunny> It's meant to be taken orally ..

<_static_> I had a dream last night I got fired because my cat
called someone a nigger

<cbatoday> my friend walked in on me having sex on his bed
last night
<Nemoso> was he pissed?
<cbatoday> well yea, it was with his girlfriend :

<TheFlux> give me a chick with lips the size of that guy from
aerosmith or something
<scarf> why dont you just get the guy from aerosmith

<kinijima> why do they keep programming labs so fucking cold?
<aalti> so the computers don't get over heated?
<kinijima> so what the fuck did  the people do back when there
was no air conditioning?
<aalti> you're a fucking idiot.

EndOfForever: So, how do you like being a jew?
AvatarOfPirate: It's ok.
EndOfForever: What's speaking hebrew like?
AvatarOfPirate: It's ok. It's hard to read though. There
aren't any vowels expressed in it. You have to.. sort of
figure it out. It's like...
EndOfForever: Talking to people on AOL?

<wangsta`> damnit
<wangsta`> how the fuck do i turn that off
<wangsta`> everytime someone pastes a link it pops up
<@Ele|HW> oh?
<@Ele|HW> http://www.goatse.cx
<wangsta`> I FUCKING HATE YOU

Anonymous-san: okay so there's these two strings, right
Anonymous-san: They walk into a bar
Anonymous-san: The first string says
Anonymous-san: Hello, I'd like a rum and
cokerhe7954454gh2kjn.,.43>>[][]21?24
Anonymous-san: The second string says
Anonymous-san: You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not
null-terminated

*** DADDDDDY has joined #hockey2
<DADDDDDY> HONK
<DADDDDDY> PIMPIN' AINT EASY
<FredSmyth> PIMPIN' IS QUITE DIFFICULT
<Eulogy_> PIMPIN HAS PROVED TO BE MORE WORK THAN I FIRST
ASSUMED
<Maltby> THE DIFFICULTY IN THE OCCUPATION OF PIMPIN' IS
EXPONENTIALLY MORE COMPLEX THAN FIRST BELIEVED
<DADDDDDY> FAGS
*** DADDDDDY has quit IRC