bash.org archive

<FyreStorm> 'cute'=fat, 'stud'=small penis, 'kitten'=usually
over 50 yrs old, 'sexy'=desperate, 'girl'or'gal'=usually
<FyreStorm> over 40 yrs old, 'cuddly'=exceptionally
over-wieght, 'hot'=lousy in bed, 'wet'=incontinent, 'boy'=
still a virgin at 30,
<FyreStorm> 'single'=married but horny, 'hard'=on viagra,
'divorced'=will be if his wife finds out

<Oddness> Is it safe to put a 100W lightbulb in a 60W outlet?
<Atma-Mage> Do you enjoy having a face full of glassy shards
of red-hot pain?
<Fire_i> Read: Yes, it is.

<pq> i had the funniest complaint from a client this morning
<pq> <client> when i turn on that machine it tells me my hymen
is missing
<pq> <me> do u mean HIMEM.SYS?
<pq> <client> Yes, thats the one!

<Vermilion> So I was pushing a Laserjet in a handtruck, and
then I saw this lady pushing a baby in a stroller, and
suddenly I felt like such a loser.

<Pedingto> I find this job can be real hell at times.
<Pedingto> When this UBER-FIT woman came in
<Pedingto> and purchased many packs of condoms.
<Pedingto> I so wanted to ask her if she heard our try before
you buy policy >:)
<Etheria_Dawn> LOL!

Cope: we have been so bored at work we made a sport
Cope: we call it condomball
Cope: theres a used condom thrown in the ally and if the ball
touches it the game is over forever

<+Hellion_Prime|Work> heat output is considerably less,
however, which is also something to consider.
<+iceheart> I like heat output
<+iceheart> it's fucking cold here
<+iceheart> I can go from 16c to 24c in 15 minutes by turning
on all screens and the tv
<+iceheart> then I open a vent to compensate
<+iceheart> maybe I am not energy star compatible

<Kat> I just got an email from Horny Orgy Babes.
<Kat> oh gee... I wonder what it's about
<kmds> rhinocerous calves studying organic chemistry?

<Kevyn> Ooh PeeTree has his webcam on, and he has GIRLS in his
room. I hope they get naked.
<Uncle_Tobias> WOW GIRLS? WHAT ARE THESE STRANGE THINGS AND DO
THEY COME WITH MAC OS 6?
<Kevyn> That'd be awesome if he left the room for a minute and
the girls started making out, unaware that the webcam was on.
<NuttO> I think it'd be funnier if they pissed in his shoes
when he left the room.

<McEi8th> God damn it
<McEi8th> I walked in on my mom last night sucking off my dad
and I saw his dong
<McEi8th> It was pretty sick
<Pozzi> Dude that wasn't your dad...
* Pozzi runs

<Acrimon> Does anyone know where to get a GOOD xemacs
configuration file?
<NeepNeep> owh man.. emacs.. I just had dinner, please.
<Acrimon> sorry

<AGaeris> With her gone, now Breathe is the only girl-type
left for me to talk to in here.
<@Breathe> Who said you could talk to me?

<sukumade> i'm out like michael j fox in jenga

<Smir> you've read that file about electronic stimulation of
the penis?
<ManMower> uh no
<Smir> I'm sure you did
<ManMower> if I read a file about electronic stimulation of
the penis, I
would likely remember it
<ManMower> and possibly be in the hospital

<Hatter> I was over-circumsized
<Hatter> the law suit is still pending

<brukA> I'd hire a pornstar. Everytime I see one they're hard
at work.

<nerdBeer> so, I just dropped a book _into the toilet_
<ct> home or work?
<popsQ> heh, does it matter?
<nerdBeer> poop's poop, man.
<banquo> Ok,..WHY were you reading a book over a poop filled
toilet? And what!? "Poop spotters guide"? "Pooping for
dummies"? "The illustrated guide to What the Hell did I Eat"?
"Flushing and putting the seat down (A husbands compendium)"?
<banquo> If you have to stand and read it it has to be porn
while your,.........Oh I see

<blazemore> we know your hand gets more action jax0ring than
your feet do walking
<scar`1> yeah well that's also caused by the fact that i
hardly walk

<devoid> we should have a "bring your parents on irc" day

<slashdotuser> I still think the only real way to communicate
with outlying civilisations properly will be with supernovas.
<slashdotuser> Though, only one message could be send - "Help
our sun is blowing u^&"%£%^&!*(())[NO CARRIER]

<FFD> I was just wondering where anyone could get 99 virgins
together in one place... Then I remembered IRC.

<Wilke> LEMME SHOW YOU MY FORECAST
<Wilke> COLD WITH LOTS OF FUCKING SNOW AND LIGHTNING
<Wilke> LOW OF REALLY FUCKING COLD
<Wilke> HIGH OF REALLY NOT QUITE AS FUCKING COLD

<Ouroboros> You know, I think the modern-day computer tech
replaces, to some extent, the mystic of ancient times.
<Ouroboros> Here we have these strange, inexplicable boxes
that are sometimes possessed by demons, and the mystic comes
and opens the sacred box and waves his magic charms and things
and somehow exorcises the spirits and makes everything good
and whole again.
<Ouroboros> Then he takes all your money and disappears.

<stern_7> on CNN, story number 1: North Korea has a nuke.
<stern_7> story number 2: Does standing on your head cure
hiccuphs?
<stern_7> This is what happens when AOL is allowed to own the
news.

<Guilty> Dont you know, if theres a hot white chick on a show,
she invariably ends up with the "sweet, but rugged" black thug
<Guilty> It's an FCC regulation

<gas> games are getting too confusing now.  what ever happened
to click and shoot.  now the key board doesn't have enough
buttons to give command, have to use combos like ctrl + shift
+ right click + masturbate  = move forward.

<Kankraka> turn my tv on, and it's all "omg save the african
kids"
<Kankraka> so i turn on my xbox
<Kankraka> crisis averted

<Deja> gay, I can't use my GameSpy ID because it has an
accented e in it
<Ear> hahahahhah
<Ear> That's what you get for being pretentious. :D

<depresso> Compaq FAQ: Where is the ANY Key? (FAQ2859)
<depresso> This is not a key. When you are instructed to press
any key, this
means you can press any of the keys on the keyboard (such as
the Enter key,
the R key, or the space bar).

«+Stevey^666» klas, send me some girls
«+Klasnikov» ok
«+Stevey^666» hot ones plz :D
«+Klasnikov» ill send u jasmine, shes a model
«+Stevey^666» w00t
«+Stevey^666» shaven?
«+Klasnikov» no shes an actual model, mostly plastic

<dolbe> blll you really are such a loser
<blll> dolbe, that's like a quadrapelegic telling me I walk
funny

<DML> Heh... my sister just IM'd me. My sister is cool and
shit. I wish I could be eclectic, funky, and well-adjusted
<Drusilla> we do too, Dan.
<tieboy> well, 0 out of 3 ain't bad

<H0ley> Its like if you want to get a mate now a days, one has
to get a myspace.
<H0ley> What ever happened to getting to know people and dates
and crap.
<H0ley> Screw this profile crap.
<H0ley> Everyone is trying to profile each other.
<H0ley> Freaking meat-markets.
<L4m3r> Dogs leave piles of crap for each other. We have
Myspace.

<Dreaded_Fist[using_AOL]> I've had the internet since I was 9
<Dreaded_Fist[using_AOL]> course back then, when I looked for
porn, I'd type "pictures of men and woman having sex"
<rpliving> now u just type in "pictures of men"

<osx5>    question is there an irc server that has mostly mac
users on it?
<Eulogy>  i hope to god not.
<osx5>    lol, why
<Eulogy>  that much arrogance would cause the universe to
collapse on itself.

<cix> they're outside aren't they?
<s> what is "outside"?
<cix> it's that place they show on "Discover"
<cix> I think it's near Montana.

<AceAway> well later bitches of to the hospital
<SForce> that sounds promising
<AceAway> not really spend half my life going to them all part
of being stuck in this damn wheelchair
<SForce> unfortunate
<SForce> makes me want to stand up

Wintyr: I totally emasculated my father.
Wintyr: I took my little brother and put him in my old ballet
recital dress, put lipstick and a bow on him, and then paraded
him around the house in it...
Wintyr: In front of the dinner guests...who started, like,
whistling at him and shit...
Wintyr: All the while he's like, "Look look! Cole pretty! Cole
pretty!" and all happy about the dress.
Krylo: Hahahahahah
Wintyr: My dad is just standing there with this horribly lost
look on his face, saying, "I...I do have a boy...right...?"
Wintyr: It kicked so much ass.

(driz) sometimes i bring my mom on irc
(crystalize) whats her nick?
(driz) i usually give her the nick Coupon_Master
(driz) because we're jewish, etc.

<+sic6sic> HOLY FUCK!
<+sic6sic> i just found a cd full of pr0n i forgot i had
<+sic6sic> }=]
* +sic6sic is gone (reason: uhhhhh...uhm.....sleeping? )

Gamerman2601: (>^_(>O.o)> HOMOSEXUAL KIRBY
Gamerman2601: :D
Gamerman2601: lol
Hachi: XD
Gamerman2601: (>^_(>^_(>O_o) THREESOME!
Hachi: oh god
Gamerman2601: :D
Gamerman2601: (>^-^)> ~~ (>^-^)> ~~ <(;;o_o;;)> ~~ <(^_^<) ~~
<(^_^<) KIRBY BUKKAKE!
Hachi: XD]

UFO19M: You know how you go into a public rest room and the
integrity of every stall has been compromised, so you have to
pick the least disgusting one?   
UFO19M: That is how I feel about dating

<Ophelia>: I had college once, but I drank a lot of fluids and
got a lot of rest and eventually it was cured.

<quisling> bwahaha, I was looking through some personals and
this chick's username is "responsible" but she's 20 with a
child...

* nSu`bNr`t has joined #asp
<nSu`bNr`t> is that a channel for active server page ?
<Karyon> no
<Karyon> its the Asp, Snake and Serpent discussion group
<Karyon> We're snaketrainers
<Karyon> you interested in becoming one?
<ZondrZout> Karyon! I just tought my snake a new trick!!
<Karyon> really?
<ZondrZout> Yeah, I tought it how to find an entrance
<Karyon> You dont have a snake, idiath
<ZondrZout> I don't?
<Karyon> no
<Karyon> thas your dick
<ZondrZout> Dick, go search for an entrance on Karyon!

<hobophobic> cant be fucked going to the toilet
<hobophobic> i reckon i'll piss out the window
<hobophobic> brb - pissing out my window
<Mr_J_Beam_1981> lol
<hobophobic> brb - pissed on my window
<Syncope> Yeah you gotta open it first
<hobophobic> :(

* krazy ([email protected]) Quit (Quit: A good
discussion is like a miniskirt; Short enough to pertain
interest and long enough to cover the subject.)

<Work_Plague> irl?
<WorkLord> its like irc only with less text and more gravity

<reddz> love does not make the world go round... just up and
down a bit.

<Kyle> The band Disturbed is holding open auditions for a new
bass player. That's my ticket outta this hell hole! Hey, where
can I rent a bass?
<icabod> I'll lend you one
<Kyle> Niiiice. Now, how do I play?
<icabod> It's just like guitar, except you get fewer chicks

<Phaelax> so what am i suppose to do with 175GB of wrongly
named mp3s?
<EddieGordo> stick them on gnutella
<EddieGordo> they already have a good collection going

<kkenn> Traffic lights
<kkenn> Remember folks. Traffic lights timed for 35 mph are
also properly timed for 70 mph.

<Dave> You know, Bash should merge with SomethingAwful. Then
it could be a homogenous collection of stupid and unfunny crap
<Mobsta> Something Bashful?

<%spock1104> lmao, some poor bastard in florida had his house
burn down thanks to a dell
<+Toba> I would make a joke about needing a firewall on his
home box
<+Toba> but that's just too low

<patchinko> jerry falwell's dead
<darsu> a-who?
<lynkali> :o
<lynkali> really?
<patchinko> he died like >3 hours ago
<Cthulhu> umm, you misread that part jon
<Cthulhu> "School official said Falwell was fine at breakfast"
<Prakk> they ate his corpse?

<Procyan> is there like 1 person on earth that knows tcl/tk
and is writing all of the apps?
<unSlider> procyan: no, there are a bunch of people who dont
know tcl/tk but are writing apps for it anyway

xou: What's MMA?
syL: Mixed martial arts...basically grown men dryhumping in
missonary position

<mitkok> Hey, guys. Is there an easy way to split an array of
100 integers for example and write 3 numbers per line
separated by whitespace into a file ?
<Izhido> #include "realeasyfunctions.h"  /     
Split100intArrayWrite3xLineWithWhitespaceInto(FILE* f);

<HeraldTheGreat> what's a +b?
<@Kavity> It stands for +buddy, want one?
<HeraldTheGreat> sure!
<@Kavity> Ok! ;)
--- Kavity has set a ban on: herald@*.bos.east.verizon.net
<HeraldTheGreat> thanks, you guys are cool! i will be back
later!
* HeraldTheGreat has quit IRC (BYE NEW FRIENDS!)
<@Kavity> Hehe... I don't think he will ;)

<Toad> I remember my brother's 21st. It was in a university
hall and all I remember was eating a lot of asparagus.
<Toad> And speeches about people with briefcases.
<Chris_A> Toad, I think that was possibly a board meeting.
<Toad> It might've been!
<Chris_A> Did you come out with a slice of cake, or documents
detailing the fiscal productivity of the 1998 year-end?
<Toad> This joke is now stale.
<NapkinEater> like the cake
<Chris_A> Like the c-- bugger.
<NuttO> Was the cake stale-- FUCK.
<Chris_A> There are no original quips left in this universe,
we must recolonise immediately.

(token_nrg): btw, I made some kind of statement last nite
about Domino's Philly Cheesesteak pizza rox0r'ing.
(token_nrg): I would like to retract that statement if
possible
(token_nrg): My anus thanks you
(token_nrg): and good nite

<Guyver3> you know what the best part of being me is?
<Guyver3> being me
* Guyver3 gleams with an unholy glow
<kingmob> now, see, that's the kind of attitude i like to hear
<kingmob> the world needs more arrogant bastards
<kingmob> i get lonely

asjk] !list
[asjk] anyone know a good open ftp?
[ck1] 127.0.0.1
[asjk] need a userid/pw
[ck1]anonymous
[bluerose] oh come on give him the good account
[ck1] :)
[bluerose] l: hax0r
[bluerose] p: 31337
[asjk] thx

<KBC> brb, i think i heard a girl say "desperate" about 3
miles away

Hooka: I'm going to pee on you
Ralphy_Fox: that'd be hot
lemonlimeskull: Only for a while, then it'd cool off.

<eras3r> who the hell is digdug?
<element_a> he used to be an old video game
<element_a> then he mutated into an IRC user after someone
stole his shovel
<element_a> tragic

<saint_> i should masturbate
<saint_> but like
<saint_> my sister lives with me
<Agent_069> hahaha
<Agent_069> who needs masturbation when you have a sister? :P

<[4]Ma909>    12R 14olling  12o 14n  12t 14he  12f 14loor  12L
14aughing  12L 14oud  12F 14alling  12D 14own  12T 14he  12S
14tairs  12I 14n  12T 14he  12K 14eller  12S 14tösst  12S
14ich  12T 14he  12S 14chädel  12O 14n  12T 14he  12F
14ußboden  12b 14richt  12s 14ich  12a 14lle  12b 14eine  12u
14nd  12d 14er  12k 14rankenwagen  12k 14ommt  12n 14et
<[4]Ma909> neeiiinnnnn!!!!!!!!
<[4]Ma909> fuck
* [4]Ma909 ([email protected]) Quit
<RurouniJones> What the bloody hell

<Animule> OOkkaayy......
<Animule> HHooww  ddoo  yyoouu  ttuurrnn  ooffff  llooccaall 
eecchhoo  iinn  tthhiiss  tthhiinngg??????