bash.org archive

<Grumbledook> my mum told me off for saying fuck in front of
her
<bodhi> hmmm
<bodhi> my dad bollocks me for saying piss in the house
<Grumbledook> :P
<dave> my mum told me off for shitting on a plate and putting
it in the fridge

[03:01]<monkey1> at least im not on IRC at 3 AM!

<Darkening> something doesn't feel right on my system now i
just upgraded my nivida drivers
<Borgs8472> do you sense a disturbance in the force?
<Borgs8472> "theses aren't the driver's you're looking for"
<Darkening> ^geek

<skatinxx> So, I was in Foods today and we were making pasta
and my teacher came over to me and says "Your pot is hanging
out". My hand immedietly went to my sweatshirt pocket to make
sure my baggy was still there and then she pointed to the pot
with the pasta in it. I realized then that the handle was
facing out over the edge of the stove. She gave me the
weirdest look....

<[G4]CowBook> weren't u beat up by an 8yr old girl like last
year?
<DannyBoy> she was 12 dude
<DannyBoy> big difference
<DannyBoy> she caught me off guard
<DannyBoy> I would have pounded the little bitch

<cppdog-> :\
<cppdog-> I just got raped at the park
<cppdog-> OS Uptime (WinME): 3hrs 55mins 35secs
<scotteh> after a good rape, the first thing you really wanna
do, is check yer uptime

<cygnus> in windows
<cygnus> what it mean
<cygnus> if the folder has a hand underneaath it
<Sephiroth> means it is shared
<Sephiroth> across your network
<cygnus> how did you know that
<cygnus> i thought it meant it was heavy or something
<cygnus> like
<cygnus> it's got 10 gigs in it

<Mandi> why can't I find the picture I want
<Borgs> that's because the governement closes those sites and
procecute people who download those sorts of pictures

CREdragon) it takes a man very comfortable in his
heterosexuallity to have sex with another man
CREdragon) ... wait that came out wrong
~SS) ..
~SS) You have been bashed.

<c-rOCK> when I was 15 I was fat and a loner.
<KuRoKoSoN> are you 16 yet?

< ameyer> citalim: you argue like O'Reilly
<+citalim> i have a theory that bill o'reilly doesn't believe
a word he says
<+citalim> i think he's just trolling on a much larger scale
<+citalim> i look up to him

<badaboom> who can help me ? i'm french and i don't know irc
<Paladine> can't help you with the being french part, you are
screwed their mate

<VicViper> dorm = jail cell with internet
<SYch0> w/ fast internet

<Petersen> damnit
<Petersen> i just stood on a 512meg dimm
<Petersen> anyone wanna buy a pair of half length dimms?
256meg each

<Nifty> Quick etiquette question: Should one make it a point
to say goodbye to the people having a four-way in the living
room, or is it best to slip out quietly?

SPUNNEER:  whats goth
fist meets colon:  Goth is emo on 5,000 calories a day.

<Bugaboo> So I was in the halls today, some jerk yells "I
wanna fuck your dad"
<Bugaboo> I shout back "hes dead"
<Bugaboo> moment of ackward silence, as they think of what to
do
<Bugaboo> It made up for all the grief I had at killing the
old guy.

<Nano> Is it "cheating" or wrong to mastubate over another
chick when your married?
<Syco> thats like asking is it rape if they smile?
<Nano> wtf... no its not :/

<ScumDog> my first BBS name ever, when I was something like 11
years old, was pothead.
<ScumDog> except that I was named after a local band, and had
no idea what an actual "pothead" was
<ScumDog> so people were always like "Rahhh! 420 4-ever!!!"
and I had no clue what they were talking about

<FiZi> HEY I FOUND A COOKIE CRUMB ON MY SHIRT
* FiZi eats it
<FiZi> Aw crap
<FiZi> It wasn't a cookie crumb

<dodee> you want hard, ask glc to send you some of his
grannies in nipple clamps shitting on japanese girls that are
eating vomit while haveing 50 guys nut on them
<CreePy> dodee: I have that one, it sucked.  The one with
vultures eating the girl's liver while a leopard raped her was
cool tho.
<dodee> jesus christ

Tanith: Today was so fucked up; in science we have a really
hot teacher and she was bending over talking to a student and
this other kid stood behined her and pretended to hump her and
i was standing glarign at him coz i have a thing for her.
Tanith: she fucking turned around and saw me staring
Tanith:....now she thinks im a pervert :(

<jay\> the cock from burger king tastes better, dunno why tho
:|
<jay\> coke
<jay\> ffs

<Hiryuu> "War, the musical!"
<Ten> "With Sean Connery as Iraq!"

( CraNDaWG  ) i just watched like 6 ddr videos and i must say
( CraNDaWG  ) that is the _gayest_ bullshit i have ever seen
( Lev       ) you know, real men who rustle cows and weld
stuff prolly think us playing computer games and giggling at
each others gayness on irc is the _gayest_ bullshit

<Purelimit> Fuck man we hear about all these terrorists
nowadays
<SgtPayne> Yeah but most came here legally staying after their
visas expired
<Purelimit> Are u fucking serious
<SgtPayne> Yeah compare that too blockbuster if your 3 days
late their people are all over you
<Purelimit> yeah lets put blockbuster in charge of immagration
<SgtPayne> rofl

<Nick> Albert! Say something dirty!
<Albert> Bukkake!!
<Nick> Agh!! Too Dirty!

<armyopsfufu> shoplifting is a victimless crime, like PUNCHING
SOMEONE IN THE DARK
<DrivingZucchini> or jacking off into a birdbath

<matt`> dear god freshmeat looks like ass
<matt`> probably making use of the html 5 <ass> tag
<matt`> <ass tables><hard to read text>blah blah blah</hard to
read text><more ass tables><gayness></more ass tables><some
gay color></gayness><ass tables>

<dudeforev> hehe
<dudeforev> my mom said what r u wathing
<dudeforev> i said pohrn
<dudeforev> she said well dont make a mess
<dudeforev> hehe
<[0sec]Hero_Man> hahahahaa
<[0sec]Hero_Man> your mom sounds cool

<felix> that raid card is gonna saturate that machine
<felix> that's like giving a chihuahua a fire hydrant enema.

QB: My brother went to see the Globetrotters last night...
QB: <spoilers>Globetrotters won!</spoilers>
Come: ARG
Come: I HAD THAT ON TAPE

pugg: My worst gig was doing sales on salary + commission.
pugg: That's sort of like being a waiter, except you have to
go out on the street, pull people into the restaurant, and
convince them they're hungry.
pugg: Also, you don't get your tip until a month after they've
finished eating.

*** mr_bill has changed the topic on channel #unix to Kids in
the back seat cause accidents.  Accidents in the backseat
cause kids.
*** mr_bill has changed the topic on channel #unix to oops,
wrong channel

<@LazyMan13> [¥] Lag: 1.048 seconds [¥] Project Infusion
v0.0.3 [¥]
* @LazyMan13 gives up
* +Knights slides his dick out of Lazy's connection and zips
his pants...
<@LazyMan13> [¥] Lag: 0.102 seconds [¥] Project Infusion
v0.0.3 [¥]
<@LazyMan13> .....
<@LazyMan13> damn you Knights

<felix> eek
<skrike> felix just screamed like a girl
<felix> no, I said "eek"
<skrike> girls say "eek"
<skrike> YOU GIRL
<oat`meal> guys say "oh SHIT, what the FUCK, BITCH"

<Antizac> I keep my real short too so the girls dont bitch
<Shipchic80> why would girls complain about your hair being
long?
<Antizac> It gets stuck in their teeth
<Shipchic80> I dont know why I bother asking anymore

[+MrCow] linux=allah
[+MrCow] people like it but are scared to say it
[+MrCow] then you get the random people
[+MrCow] who run in with bombs screaming LINNUXXXXXXX WINDOWS
SUCKS LINNUXXXXXXX

<edeity> DDoS attack on a nightclub bar, get all your friends
to keep asking for water.

vetiman: So I was in Bio today
vetiman: And my friend Kyle says to this hot girl carrying a
testtube rack
vetiman: "Can we trade racks? I like your rack better."
vetiman: And she just kind of smiled at him
SibL: I would;ve killed him
vetiman: And Kyle realized what he said, and grabbed her boob
vetiman: The there was this awkward silence, they walked out
of the room, and 5 minutes later he comes back with a broken
arm...
SibL: ouch...

<Moonpie> Dude
<Moonpie> Don't ever put deodorant on your crotch and try to
lick it off.
<Moose[DWI]> ...
<Moose[DWI]> OK THEN

<maff> I prefer replacing the victims house with a giant
microwave that looks exactly like their old house

<SAMMY> i'm so fucking HAMMERINAEOAED
<SAMMY> i'm getting pototao ships
<SAMMY> chiptns
<SAMMY> fuck it
<LoRdZephyR> SHIPS
<LoRdZephyR> LOL
<LoRdZephyR> gonna go sailing?
<SAMMY> fucking chopked on a ship
<SAMMY> CHOCKING NO FUCKING SHIPS

[GmJ] some idiot made a iso of 2 more isos
[GmJ] so when I burned it
[GmJ] there are 2 isos on the cd

<AaronsGurl> Um  If Your Aaron Carter MSG Me And Chat Wit Me!
<the|navigator> That's pretty sad.

<MadMAxJr> they should replace /kick with /stab

<sta_hi> lol
<sta_hi> "anything can be a murder weapon, if you have enough
time on your
hands."
<GrassMunk> soggy bread?
<sta_hi> yup
<sta_hi> ESPECIALLY soggy bread.
<GrassMunk> one blade of grass
<sta_hi> yes, that too
<sta_hi> ... if you remove the top of one's head first.
<sta_hi> or could somehow get it into his bloodstream.
<sta_hi> flacid severed penis?
<sta_hi> that too.
<GrassMunk> sperm
<sta_hi> thats destroyed more lives than any gun.

<blitzoid> I should register the nickname 'I spunked all over
this item' on ebay to discourage people from bidding on my
stuff.
<blitzoid> "Hey, an original Asteroids machine! Cheap, too! I
think I'll bi - Wait, wait. It's got spunk all over it. Damn."

<kuribo> wanna CS?
<TheCat> I'm guessing that stands for cyber sex.
<TheCat> In which case, sure!
<kuribo> counter-strike, you flaming faggot
<TheCat> I knew that...........

<Meeko-Priest> I was talking to a pimpin' ghost with my
friends Lisa and Candace.
<Meeko-Priest> "Are you there?"   Ouija Board:  NO     "Why
not?"   Ouija Board: SEX    "Oh. Goodbye"

<MrBeanTroll> ah, San Francisco Personal Ads
<Ocean-Saurian> What aobut 'em?
<MrBeanTroll> you will never find a more retched hive of scum
and villiany
<MrBeanTroll> I must be careful
<MrBeanTroll> "I'm looking for a cute strong guy with a truck
to help me move a couch from Dolores Park to Oakland some time
this week during the evening. I'll buy you dinner afterwards.
Picture required."
<MrBeanTroll> "you must be THIS hot to move my furniture"

<Oriden> you have lens crafters in canada?
<EV3> yup yup
<Gregg|WaitingForUO> no
<Gregg|WaitingForUO> we just leave our visually impaired to
die.
<Gregg|WaitingForUO> get hit by cars and stuff

<LIQuid> my mom is convinced that i need milk
<LIQuid> yeah well i tell her that i dont need to be
artifically breast feed by genetically altered and enhanced
cows
<LIQuid> all she says "dont make me get your father"
<Deke> your dad is going to breastfeed you?

<impl> If I were a cow and getting assraped, I wouldn't just
be thinking
<crimsun> you'd be using emacs.
<crimsun> woops, ECHANNEL
<iank> That doesn't make sense, but it sounds like he's making
fun of emacs so I like it.

<godofcows> I decided on some cool things I'm gonna do when I
get rich
<godofcows> like ask my mom what car she would like the most,
and then buy it
<godofcows> and then when she comes outside to look at it,
it'll get run over by a monster truck
<godofcows> and she'll cry
<@godofcows> I thought of another thing I'd do if I ever got
rich
<@godofcows> I'd gonna buy a bunch of toys for an orphanage 
<@godofcows> and have them all laid out in front of the
building on christmas morning and get someone who works there
to wake up all the kids and come out to look
<@godofcows> and when they all step outside and look, I'm
gonna run over the toys with a monster truck and laugh at the
looks on their faces

<Rav3n> if eminem had a 15 year old sister, she would look like this http://
www.msnusers.com/mypicture?user=
4263~4AAABAAAACQvSEQB3m0gg5W641xHxiPqX7DnL4o6NOPKV6XsTAf7Hmxg$$~4AAACAAAAEVyAFyBKsl7uXPmYHd1ECNoIXtgGXx*RzqyY$
<kluster> that's the weirdest ascii art i saw in ages
<kluster> oh, it is a link. nm

<Innkeeper> ===== Question 15588/19999  =====
<Innkeeper> What is the first book of the Bible
<Innkeeper> Hint: @@@@@@@
<looloo> genocide

<MAZgyrl> skootlez, take me off ur ignore list. i need 2 talk
2 u
<jared> that's not going to work MAZgyrl...
<jared> cause if you were on his ignore list he couldn't see
you, you are stupid
<MAZgyrl> shut up
<jared> MAZgyrl: send me your pic, you sound easy

<calvin909> I don't know what gives, but the last 3 movies
i've downloaded are in frigging spanish.
<princess> dey took our pirating jobs!
<calvin909> yeah no doubt

<ArAgOn__> Dyckert: If your parents got divorced, would they
still be cousins?

<NinjaDebugger> Too... many... fetch... quests!
* Zrith parsed that as "fetish."
<Mandoric> "My black leather panties fell down the well! I'll
give you the Dildo of Erdrick if you retrieve them!"

Fatthew Mupples: i imagine a large part of romanian and
chinese cultures revolves around typing ssh [email protected]

< CausaSui> So I was showing a coworker bsd, and explaining
flags, and speficically the schg flag
< CausaSui> And to give him an example that even root can't
delete schg flagged stuff, I tried rm /kernel
< CausaSui> But it turns out that, for some reason, on fresh
installs of 4.8, none of the kernels are flagged schg

<masttime1> i gotta pee
<masttime1> brb
<masttime1> SHIT
<masttime1> IM SO KILLING MY BROTHER
<masttime1> he put saran wrap on the toilet
<masttime1> and i peed all over my foot

<Arkansas> wank --device=/dev/righthand --input=/dev/cock/
shaft --output=/dev/cock/head --loop-device &
<IBM> I got a frontend to do that for me. It's called "woman".

<king-vegetunks> im 13 now
<king-vegetunks> im older
<king-vegetunks> more machur

<Ophiel> welcome to irc, where everybody is an expert on
everything

*** fr33b1rth sets mode: -o fr33b1rth
<fr33b1rth> shit...
<fr33b1rth> shitfuckdamn

<DrBukkake> You know the world is going crazy when the best
rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, France
is accusing the U.S. of arrogance and Germany doesn't want to
go to war.