bash.org archive

<Real> I found a hooker with a heart of gold.  I TORE IT OUT
AND MELTED IT DOWN FOR DRUG MONEY!

<^_-> oftentimes i'll be looking at porn and feel the urge for
movies
<^_-> so i'll go on random filesharing programs and start
downloading some
<^_-> but by the time i orgasm the movies still aren't done
<^_-> and i delete all of the movies.
<Funk> That happens to me too
<Funk> You want to know what's worse?
<Funk> I have a 2Meg/sec LAN connection.

<Raenne>  Damnit, my cookies are only half baked
<Tungee>  Smoke em up a bit more then
<Futility>  Heh heh heh... half baked.
<Raenne>  I stuck em back in the oven :)
<Tungee>  Mazi
<Tungee>  Nazi
<Raenne>  ...
<Raenne>  They are COOKIES, not PEOPLE
<Raenne>  chocolate chip :)
<Tungee>  The nazi's didn't believe the Jews were people
either

<Ryuusei> ok this intelligent face tracker thing is freaking
me out <<
<Ryuusei> webcam keeps on following my ass

<[ric]> although.... dark makeup (check)... peircings
(check)... wearing black (check)... leather & studded
wristbands (check)... mad stare (check)
<[ric]> she has all the hallmarks of a good date if you ask
me... now if we could just add a some mental instability and
bizarre drinking habbits then we have my perfect woman

Munktun: how was thanksgiving?
Wahbuffet: missionary position
Munktun: hahahahaha
Wahbuffet: sorry wrong person
Wahbuffet: pretend i didnt say that

<blazemore> where did you find this, sych0
<blazemore> did you just type in "crap" and download whatever
came up?

<+Incantation> shag's 100% let you cry on his shoulder and
make you think he cares so that he can manipulate you into
sucking his cock
<+Julie42> HOLY SHIT! Good. Because here I was thinking I had
to think of things to cry about, just so I could suck on his
cock.

<assturbation> this nick doesnt exactly scream "heterosexual"

<shaun|WRK> bah...porno's get borring after like 5 min
<|D-ToX|> all u just told me was u Blow yer load in 5 mins

<IceToad> anyone listen to the state of the union?
<IceToad> some of his statements confused me
<Syntacs> IceToad: Don't worry, he felt the same way.

<ClownyMo> Where do you send Jewish kids with ADD?
<Gino> I don't even wanna know this one....
<ClownyMo> Concentration camps!!!
<Gino> Oh how rite i was

<comet_11> I hope I never go to prison
<comet_11> I swear I dropped the soap like 12 times when I
showered just then

<|Chris> anyone else got beer?
<|Chris> wanna play a drinking game with me?
<|Chris> everytime a line contains a word, you have to drink.

<@three> hi! welcome to the dept. of redundancy dept. and
hello

<DN-Mark> touch and taste are basically the same
<Jude> Please... I dare you to go squeeze a donut in your fist
until you can feel how sugary and sweet it is.

<vrit> mm* = hi, we're capcom. we don't need to come up with
new ideas for games. here, enjoy street fighter vs marvel vs
snk vs megaman vs taliban vs n'sync alpha super gold turbo
extreme zero mega ultra double-stuf supreme extra value combo
4x

<Psyche> hi
<steve_> sobering up yet?
<Psyche> no
<Psyche> im still drinking
* ecks sets mode: -o Psyche
<ecks> DONT DRINK AND OP

<pooshda> ICQ is nicer than AIM because it doesnt pop up like
BLAM I JUST FUCKED UP YOUR BRUSH STROKE NIGGA!

<Resident_Redneck> The Canadians commited three warships, 1000
soldiers, and 10 tanks to the war effort...but due to the
exchange rate, it works out to be a mountie, a moose, and a
flying sqirrel.

<aCidbOy> can anyone help me out?   I've been locked up for 6
months (by the INS - They were trying to deport me... long
story)... I just got back out, and I'm trying to get back into
the scene... I just need a good lead on sites... all my old
ones are dead... thanx

(@iRlaN^) can someone tell me some good bf ip's thanks
(+gig) ?
(@Nick^) he means bf1942, not boyfriends
(@Nick^) boyfriends dont have ips
(@Nick^) man that'd be leet
(@Nick^) have a girlfriend scanner
(@Nick^) like an ip scanner
(@Nick^) select the filters and click refresh
(@Nick^) then take your pick
(+gig) you need to get out more dude

<[KS]> this one time... at lan camp.. i stuck cat5 up my pussy

<ratsun> damnit i started a smallbox game but nobody came on
the field so i exited and now i cant get in
<ratsun> what to do?
<super-radish> reboot
<ratsun> the computer?
<super-radish> no, i mean take your shoes off and put them
back on
<ratsun> i'm not wearing shoes.....

<TenBaseT> This computer lab is 47.54 degrees F
<TenBaseT> christ.
<TenBaseT> I coult type with my nipples.
* ataX hits /clear

<addeman> after some bad experiences with fat chicks I no
longer ask their asl
<addeman> instead I ask for their BMI

<someone>: how good does txt compress?
<overmind>: rather good, they often can be compressed to 10%
of their original volume
<someone>: no, i meant which one compresses better doc-files
or txt, because I want to export my icq-history and in word it
has 600 pages, so which one should i take?
<overmind>: take word and set the font size to 1, so you get
the best compression

<Reaper_of_Souls> at the risk of sounding unbelievably gay,
lace underware has more crotch space than you'd think

<[DeViL]WaRzO> chufty decode this plz
<[DeViL]WaRzO> cerom: (11:22 PM) I know but talking with who
speak's English as a motherlanguage.
<[DeViL]Chufty> it means "add me to your ignore list"

<warezfrea> can any1 tell me where I can download GTA Vice
city?
<@Conz> buy it, rip it, put up your own ftp, download it

<TuorSirfalas> I tried using my sis's G5 powerbook or
something
<Cloud02> she has a mac? poor thing.
<TuorSirfalas> she bought it for the logo
<TuorSirfalas> her words, not mine

<MpTaNk> my mom was telling me to do a whole bunch of stuff at
once and my first thought was to tell her to stop flooding me

Walter39: I woke up in a ditch last night
Walter39: Not sure why
Walter39: Family left me, i cant afford pants
Walter39: But on a plus note, I finally won master status at
Everquest

<DigDug> <hypr> dof i think hj00 lsefz haw
<DigDug> wtf did that say?
<hypr> i dunno
<hypr> what i said

<shizumaru> "Sega originally stood for "Segregated Arcade" and
was started by a black man, Martin Luther King Jr. in the
1960s, however MLK was later assassinated during a
brainstorming activity concerning a new blue hedgehog
character by a Japanese Sniper on the balcony of a hotel, the
Japs successfully framed a white man and took over Sega taking
the profits for their own."

<Shard>: I think my GF is pregnant...
<Sapphon>: You should pimp her out to cover the abortion, she
cant get pregnant twice ;).
<Shard>: ....

<async> Violus: the ICQ protocol is about as good as your
performance in bed
<Violus> woah, sweet
* Violus installs ICQ

<Drakh> damn..my room smells like semen and popcorn
<Angelo_> i didn't know you could get semen as popcorn
flavoring

Sug*******i8: Darn it, I wanted to nuke some pizza but
someone's using the micro-wave...
loofaspunge: just rub each slice one at a time really fast...

<Echo5ive> I am not a Japanese schoolgirl, so I can t type
80wpm with my thumbs on a cell phone.

<cian> I'm gonna call you and hit on your wife
<Nictathan> dude
<Nictathan> I'm divorced
<Nictathan> go for it

<l0wkey> i used to be a freelance gynecologist

<DoCa-Cola> ALL rap is bullshit
<DoCa-Cola> all it is is "fuck that nigger, he fucked my
woman, fuck that woman, she fucked my nigga"

<LionClaw> i tried to OD on pain relievers once
<nanNette> :/
<LionClaw> i didnt have a headache for about 2 months

<fo0bar> it's 5PM and I haven't put pants on yet.  I consider
this a good day

<siruv> FUCK!
<siruv> FUCK!
<pussydog> wats wrong?
<siruv> i just sent an email of porn pics to a friend
<siruv> got the email addy from my address book
<siruv> but "dad" is next to "dave"
<siruv> i chose "dad"
<siruv> didn't realise till after it was sent
<siruv> FUCK!

<CapnDan> Oh god DAMN it.  I listed twenty cardboard boxes on
freecycle on Saturday morning. 15 minutes later a guy had come
to get them. Two minutes after that I posted that they were
gone.
<CapnDan> I've gotten THREE DOZEN requests -- a dozen of them
so far this morning -- for the god damned boxes.
<CapnDan> I felt sorry for the guy - he needed the cardboard
boxes to move his wife out.
<ooPo> put her on freecycle

<MadScribe> i WILL NEVER EVER live below someone again
<MadScribe> he is apparently redoing the fucking floor
<MadScribe> *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
*BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* pause
<MadScribe> *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
*BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* pause
<MadScribe> *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
*BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* pause
<MadScribe> *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
*BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* pause
<MadScribe> for the last fucking hour
<MadScribe> geezus
<toNe> you sure he's not just fucking his wife?

<+phU|CrUM> i woke up to the sound of rain of the roof
<+phU|CrUM> layed in bed and listend to it for a couple of
minutes then rememberd that i left my windows down in the car
<+BalefireX> that would have been funny to watch
<+phU|CrUM> what? me sprint out of bed, run outside half
asleep, realize that i forgot my keys, slip in the mud and
almost fall on my face turning around, get inside, grab my
keys, sprint back outside and close my windows?
<+phU|CrUM> naw, that wouldnt have been funny to watch
<+BalefireX> you realize that your car would have been just as
wet had you taken your time to get dressed and calmly walk out
and do it?
<+phU|CrUM> you see, now i realize that... but when im half
asleep im like 10x as dumb as i usually am
<+BalefireX> im amazed you remembered to breathe

* Joins: the-craft
* ChanServ sets mode: +v the-craft
<the-craft> thank you chanserv:-)
<the-craft> chanserv where are you from
<the-craft> hello
<the-craft> ?
* Parts: the-craft

<IsoFlash> i dumped my girlfriend because she is fucking dumb
<AciDBatH> woah sweet
<AciDBatH> i dumped mine cuz she had a penis

Matt: I AM QUERY OPTIMIZATION GUY
Matt: AND THIS... IS MY QUERY
Andy: wha?... WHO TOUCH MY QUERY?!
Matt: WHO TOUCHED MY JOINS!!??
Matt: Some users think they can outsmart me.  Maybe... maybe. 
I have yet to meet one who can outsmart LIMIT.
Matt: She weighs in at 300 lines of SQL and she searches 8
million rows per second.  It costs 24 billion machine cycles
to run this query... for 12 seconds.

<Rosss> I watched a crazy japanese gangster movie today
<Rosss> A yakuza boss drowns a hooker hopped up on heroin in a
kiddie pool full of her own feces
<Lev> Was it a comedy?
<Rosss> uh no
<Lev> Oh

<Ad0> I met my gf (which is here as we speak) over IRC
<Wyatt> Ad0: Are you both IRCing side-by-side?
<Ad0> almost
<Ad0> she is in the kitchen with the laptop

<RS-Ryan> crap.. i'm having a blonde moument, what's IGMP
again?
<Not_RS_Webby> shit beats the fuck out of me
<Not_RS_Webby> im drunk
<RS-Ryan> God you Cisco support techs suck

<deitarion> I've always been the "mind is more important than
looks" type and all the girls around here are idiots.
<pewbert> deitarion, same here, but idiot pussy feels just as
good as smart pussy

<Staberinde> What I'm wondering is why the ACLU isn't bringing
lawsuits against these schools that suspend kids for drawings
or writings. I mean if that's not depriving someone of their
freedom of speech I don't know what is.
<Joe_> Because the Supreme Court ruled that the constitution
doesn't extend to schools.
<Staberinde> That means my old high school can secede from the
union then, right?
<Joe_> It could work..

<Me> the nigerian prince scam is old
<Me> today you do it like this:
<Me> hi, im an arabic dictator, and i have to get my vast
fortune outside the country soon

<b1rdn> WTF are you talking about, courtney love is like the
girl next door
<LegenD> yea if you live next to a methadone clinic

*** Laney has joined #everything
<Laney> hi.
<turboke> lo.
<ninjapenguin> in the middle

<zacwhite> they should do rock paper scissors over mail
<schwatoo> they do
<zacwhite> really? sweet.
<schwatoo> it is called paper, paper, paper though

*** Schatten has joined #werenet
<ALW> Hello Schatten
<Schatten> HI There
<ALW> This is ALW, an automated greeting bot on #werenet. Type
1 and hit return for more info.
<Schatten> 1
* ALW cackles
<ALW> Well that was fun for two-minutes.

<Sumez> Adam could just sacrifice another rib for another
woman. :P
<Nobuyuki`> sumez: yeah, and two more ribs and he wouldn't
need any more women

<Typhon> 1 4m @n 31337 H@X0r 4nd I OwNz0R 4t kW4k3 3 4REN@.
Fe4r My m4d $K1llS, D0odZ
<xr> Typhon: you own at quake e arena ?

<Lannen> (>^_(>O.o)>
<Lannen> GAY KIRBY!

<Ak0> fuckin hell
<Ak0> am i the only person who has these probs with ofp
<GUZZA> the short answer whould be 'yes'
<GUZZA> the long answer would be
'yyyyyyyyeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssssss'

[SB|Ranter] I played the Sims for 1 hour and realised I was
making such an effort to clean the dishes when there's a whole
stack of them beside the sink in real life
[SB|Ranter] so I deleted the fucker

<Zonko> Ah bukkakke, the sport of kings.
<Snazzbot> A lot of kings!

<McCheese> Under da sea...
<McCheese> Hi McCheese, how ya doin?
McCheese ([email protected]) is now
known as Bobbie
<Bobbie> I'm doing fine
Bobbie ([email protected]) is now
known as McCheese
<McCheese> oh shit, I screwed that up :)
<McCheese> BAH, I mean :(
<@Technogeek> Get help.