bash.org archive

<ElderGodSmack> The quickest way to a woman's heart is with a
knife.

moonman137: (she has no clue)
moonman137: (does putting it in these not let her see it?)
waymon04: (i think so)

<@Jon^D> I used to pop on IRC at 13:37 for the pure novelty of
it
<@Jon^D> and I'm not a loser

<Mort-Hog> How do u spell Encylop(a)edia?
<Flirbnic> Insyklepudier

<Lord_Red> how did they screw up
<TheDingo> first, they somehow forgot i'd asked for an oil
change, which was my main reason i'd brought in the car
<TheDingo> second, they didn't check to make sure WHICH john
white i was, and had me listed as some guy in lancaster KY
<TheDingo> they tried calling me last night to say my car
wouldn't be ready, but they called this other guy instead, who
was quite confused, as he'd never owned a voyager in his life
<Lord_Red> demand money off your bill
<TheDingo> i got them back
<TheDingo> i took TWO donuts from the customer lounge

<allcuishpa> they should do a crossover with tubgirl and
goatse
<allcuishpa> "CATCH!"

* Smatters sets mode: +girlfriend -lan Element Element
*** Element is now known as You
* You are not an relationship operator. Cannot set mode
(+girlfriend)

losercmc: I'm going to kill splintercell, or at least get
banned trying
Sgtsnowman85: yea u should
Sgtsnowman85: if i had enough money i'd fly to his city and
track him down
Sgtsnowman85: and lick his ass
Sgtsnowman85: AH!
losercmc: hahaha
Sgtsnowman85: kick!
Sgtsnowman85: omg

<ChrisTheKiwi> Roses are red
<ChrisTheKiwi> Violets are blue
<ChrisTheKiwi> Im way to drunk
<ChrisTheKiwi> To have sex with you
<ChrisTheKiwi> So forgive me my dear
<ChrisTheKiwi> I must go spewjhgfknhguiaaqwjhilhih
<Ater> What THE hell?
<Socko> 0_o

Chronz > my girlfriend dumped me for playing too much eve
Chronz > she said she couldn't take it anymore
Chronz > she took the shotgun to the moniter
Chronz > and i pointed it at my forehead
Chronz > i said me first
Chronz > she dropped the gun
darrenX > thats unforgivenable
Chronz > and walked out

Mahnamahnah: mssql is to the linux tech what a butt plug is to
the straight guy.......pointless, a laugh or downright
offensive and in a nightmare situation a pain in the ass

<Surye> My mom was like "Why don't you put on "Wake Me Up" By
Wham for your alarm"? I just looked at her and said "So you
want me to wake up gay?"

<ocelot> I've lost my only spoon
<ocelot> how do you lose ANYTHING in a 11,4 square feet
room???!?!
<Adam_H> ocelot: there is no spoon

ElectromagneticPhantom> there's like this monster, stooping
over a dead body, it looks up at the camera, and as it moves,
the heavy skin shifts and folds over itself in places and IT
LOOKS FRELLING *REAL*
Lyme> Okay, PHant, I read that sentence, and thought you were
talking about dick.
ElectromagneticPhantom> yeah
Lyme> I reread it like, 3 times, and I still think you're
talking about dick.
Lyme> Are you talking about dick?
ElectromagneticPhantom> but this monster has no eyes, I think.
and four legs
ElectromagneticPhantom> and claws and stuf
Lyme> Four-legged dickmonster
ElectromagneticPhantom> and nasty teeth
ElectromagneticPhantom> and it eats people
CommandantCleavage> four-legged dick monster? You mean men?
Lyme> four-legged clawed cannibalistic dickmonster
ElectromagneticPhantom> it is NOT a dickmonster!
Lyme> It only eats other dick.
ElectromagneticPhantom> STOP IIIIIIIT

Genovese Laptop: so how long does it take to eat doom 3 hell
OpenSourceKeys: depends on the size of your bytes
Genovese Laptop: ba-zing

< natx> so drawing maps from satelite imagery is a pretty fun
job..
< natx> but when i found out you cant zoom in far enough to
see elephants
< natx> i was really let down

<special_guest> Whoever said that hell hath no fury like a
women scorned never owned a cat.

<phr0work> using linux is like using windows, except every
time you try to do something like install a program or a
driver or set a different resolution, a big black dude runs in
and kicks you in the side of the head

<DarkLich> DarkLich had his first homosexual encounter =(
<DarkLich> It was horrid. I'm not 100% straight.
<DarkLich> NOW
<DarkLich> NOW. I said NOW 100% straight.

<METHODZsz> WinME is a app you put on someone elses computer
to play a joke on them into thinkin their computer is fucked

<s_> the thing that attracts me to fat chicks the most
<s_> would probably have to be their gravitational pull

<+host> finally, I got some good help in #debian in freenode
<+host> and another lesson learned
<+host> I will never let someone ssh to my computer to upgrade
it
<+host> again

@redhook: I'm surprised california doesnt require large neon
writing on handguns that say "WARNING: Bullet Comes Out Here
->>>" pointing at the barrel

<tps^snoogans> haha
<tps^snoogans> i just went into the kitchen
<tps^snoogans> and picked up this boneless buffalo wing
<tps^snoogans> and said "why didnt i eat this this morning?"
<tps^snoogans> so i ate it
<tps^snoogans> and then i was like "oh yeah i dropped it on
the ground outside"
<tps^snoogans> i'm a fucking retard

<@jamesG> You know those naruto headbands some people actually
wear?
<@jamesG> I remember someone refering to them as "Pussy
Deflectors"
<@jamesG> I laughed until I saw a female wearing one...

<digdug> wow
<digdug> did you ever wake up and feel like you've
accidentally managed to get yourself into another dimension?
<digdug> it's one of those days...
<tokage> try /nick DigDug
<tokage> that'll probably fix it

<SYch0> wwf the music vol 4
<sasami> I saw that CD at a store . .
<sasami> It was in the "HICK" section.

* vampyr giggles in a sinister manner
<vampyr> hmm..that didn't come out right
* vampyr chortles in a sinister manner

<Firemoth> Weird, My cat's got conjunctivitis in one of his
eyes and i have to put like a jell type cream on his eye. He
doesn't mind me puting it on there one bit, He just sits back
and lets me squeeze it on. Doesn't flinch or anything.
<Agg> dude, he's been dead for 2 weeks now.

<Kionon> "Left, right, front, back, penis in, penis out."
<Andris> Dance Dance Reproduction.

(e-city) why do they rip trance as one huge mp3????
(Graeme) 'cos it's mixed, and the gaps you'd get in winamp
would spoil your ecstasy trip

(m-femme): my ass is too big for hotpants haha
(m-femme): its my muscle...i have too much ass muscle..
(m-femme): haha
(doggie^): lol
([olly]): stop using it to talk then

<big_ernie> roses are red
<big_ernie> violets are blue
<big_ernie> my quote got rejected
<big_ernie> so i say "fuck you"

taebaeg: Owen Wilson tried to commit suicide?
TheZedWord: apparently
lemonlimeskull: Someone let him watch one of his own films.

Kiache Majere: Hey, want to go see a movie later?
Kiache Majere: Do you suck cock?
Der Zwitter Affe: yes
Der Zwitter Affe: shit i mean yes to the movies

<Disciple> nice, local computer club uses kerberos for
password based access to the clubroom instead of a key.
<Disciple> if you give the wrong password, the door doesn't
open. Instead the screen says "Kerberos bites you, kerberos
bites you. You die."

<FunG> i dunno how anyone thats smart could put up with your
opinionated and pretentious ass. if i were locked in a room
with you for 10 minutes id stab myself in the face. id have to
before your personality oozed all over me and make me second
in command of the idiot ship.

<[Yu-Ominae]> brb nature calls
* [Yu-Ominae] goes outside and rolls in the bushes naked

<evil-guru> if the Bible says Pi equals 3, the Pi must equal 3
<j-la> Thou shalt not reckon in decimals.

<perlplexer> perldoc .eh
<perldoc> .eh is western sahara
<perlplexer> hmm, i was expecting Canada
<deus> unfortunately no registrar exists for .eh
<deus> or i would get aboot.eh
<deus> and start irc'ing in #ontario and #vancouver from
what.is.this.all.aboot.eh

<Graceless> I've learned that I cannot make someone love me.
All I can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

<orion> A FUCKING GAY CLUB
<orion>  HOMOS WILL TOUCH MY FUCKING FLYER
<orion> this is a NIGHTMARE
<orion> where's my time-release cyanide capsule of death
<Guilty> Now orion, you arent gay from homo's touching a flyer
you made
<Guilty> Unless said flyer is a picture of your dick
<Guilty> Which knowing you, it might be

<@SwampGas> my whoroscope says i'm gonna get overcharged today

<Sarin_Died> I forgot to turn off the alarm on my alarm clock
last night, so the radio turned on at 10:30am thismorning
<Sarin_Died> and I hear a car commercial saying "Attention,
would the person with the late 1980's station wagon with fake
wood panels please move your car, you are blocking 7 parking
places" and I got up thinking DAMNIT I have to move my car

<Darkness9> *wonders how many girls he could fit in a back
seat of a car*
<Zibzibzib> depends.. if you're in the car, none

<helminthes> and the little basket at the counter says tips,
so you hock a big loogie in it and then you realize what you
did and say, "oh shit i'm dyslexic"

<Kaotic> I'm probably going to have to get wireless
eventually, my brother keeps punching "network holes" in the
walls

<Volt9000> huh huh huh huh this job title is "Unit Manager"
<Volt9000> I can manage my own unit just fine
<DopefishJustin> Volt: you must be good at micromanagement ;)

<che> there's a programmer's union?
<Wintermute> yes
<Wintermute> Local 100100101110101010010

<total> fucking fantastic phone
<total> phone = movie

<tritt> strange... i just logged into my box and I'm pretty
sure i used tab completion on my password o_O
<Yot> you and your ultra-secure linux ways

<+cX`KEm1KaL`ns> lol i came up to one of those domain names
that arent registered
<+cX`KEm1KaL`ns> here are the top 5 searches performed
<+cX`KEm1KaL`ns> 1. naked
<+cX`KEm1KaL`ns> 2. boobs
<+cX`KEm1KaL`ns> 3. big boobs
<+cX`KEm1KaL`ns> 4. vagina
<+cX`KEm1KaL`ns> 5. yu-gi-oh

<hafree> then there's all my friends
<hafree> that for some reason think "jewish" is a nationality
<hafree> yes, i come from jewland

<Scythe`> What's the worst thing about being a redneck ?
<Scythe`> Tasting your dad's semen when you're eating out your
sister
<Galdor> iim thinking.... how would you recognise it as your
dads?

....  I love the way Microsoft follows standards.  In much the
same manner
that fish follow migrating caribou.
-- Paul Tomblin, alt.sysadmin.recovery

<DrStrangelove> Yeah, save your money, man.
<DrStrangelove> It's not too late.
<[DMK]Relvox> im 16
<[DMK]Relvox> its kinda too late
<DrStrangelove> Else you'll end up like the rest of the
population.
<DrStrangelove> Poor and broken.
<DrStrangelove> And ignorant.
<[DMK]Relvox> what is ignorant?

<legolas> Not all of us can be preppy 'burb white kids.  ;^)
<hariya> legolas: actually not all of us can afford to be
white either

<[H]Mephisto_kur_srv_> nArKeD... How flexible is your
morality?
<nArKeD> what morals?
<0dan0> that is the right answer

<phr0work> redhat really fucked you in the ass
<`KArmA> not yet it hasn't, but its definitely giving me a bit
of a rimjob and whispering it suggestively

<ivan356> Pacemakers already have radioactive batteries.
<Kintanon> And they are a hell of a lot more convenient than
those old Wind Up pacemakers! I tell you man, having to reach
into grandpa's chest every 6 hours and wind him back up was a
pain in the ass!
<jonnythan> "Was" a pain in the ass?  Did you forget once?

<rogue> I'm a flaming homosexual!
<rogue> I was out there being gay, and one of those radical
right-wingers set me on fire!

<xtort> I smell homosexuality!
<|Spanky|> got your head up your ass again?

<dregan> Shush, or I'll stab you in the groin.
<MightyQuinn> no you won't.
<MightyQuinn> MY PENIS IS FAR TOO MIGHTY TO BE STABBED!
<dregan> Would you like to test that?
<MightyQuinn> no.
<dregan> I accept it may be hard to hit first time, but I'm
willing to give it a go.

(+Clarke): i was hanging out with some friends last night, and
this guy was saying how lesbian porn doesn't turn him on
becuase his sister is gay
(@h0ns`b0ll0x): Not too big into lesbian porn myself.
(+Clarke): and he'd be like "oh cool, those chicks are going
down on each other......and my sister's friend is sleeping
over... OH GOD"

<evilbob> installing linux is like piercing your tongue. it'll
impress your friends, but it's stupid and painful. and people
without pierced tongues will laugh at you when you complain
about it.

<jeff> A man goes into a pharmacy. He says to the druggist: "I
need
<jeff> some birth control for my eleven-year-old daughter."
<jeff> "Is your little girl sexually active?" asks the
druggist.
<jeff> "Nah, she just lays there like her mother."
<Wintermute> bring your family problems somewhere else

*** Ettin|Succubi is now known as Moses
<Moses> /part #oceans

<Embercide> lol i just tried to RP for the first time
<Embercide> some guy was like "greetings" so i said "hail"
<Embercide> he asked "how art thee"
<Embercide> and i didnt know wtf to say so i made it look like
i logged out

ashgromnies: Let's play some Oregon Trail
technocloak: I've never played that game since fourth grade .
. . the character I named after myself DIED on my birthday.