bash.org archive

<Fubar> Reminds me in class, when some teacher was going off
on us about feminazi shit, she goes "A woman can do anything a
man can!" and my friends goes "well you can't produce sperm!"

<Pluton> what extension is an Adobe eBook?
<feerit> .gay

<grifferz> I love vim so much
<grifferz> pets can die, women will fuck you over
<grifferz> but vim's love is pure
* ben moves away
<grifferz> vim is truly a man's best friend
* IZS calls for the men in white coats

<Crono> If life were a video game, level 1 would be France.

<ChugChug> so like... uhh.. what language do you use?
<LaC> english
<ChugChug> is that like perl? :)
<LaC> god i hope not

t903576: When I got arrested my dad told me "Youre lucky there
arent any "doctors" around here that will perform 72nd
trimester abortions"!

<@ecoli> i should just ln -s /dev/urandom ircd.conf
<@ecoli> and keep restarting it
<@ecoli> eventually it'll get everything right
<@Wink> lol
<@ecoli> stupid ssl.
<@ecoli> this couldn't be less documented if it were an md5
encrypted haiku.

<Thrash|Zzz> YAY HARRY POTTER ON DVD
<Khross{killme}> O_O
<Khross{killme}> I WILL BE BACK SHORTLY
<Khross{killme}> Oh wait I'm heterosexual.

<Bakazuki> Damn it, I don't care if mouth is going to hurt
like a bitch during winter break (I've stated this before; I'm
having my wisdom teeth pulled out), I just want it now!
<Jones> I will now take that quote out of context and spam it
to people.
<Jones> [11:20:25 PM] Bakazuki: Damn it, I don't care if mouth
is going to hurt like a bitch, I just want it now!

<TheVirus> i hate when im takin a whizz, and then im almost
done, then i get those damned piss shakes. and my piss goes
all over the damn place, then my cat comes in and licks it up.
good cat =D

<RuleR-> jesus christ, i farted so loud my dog ran away from
my room

<ShroomDuck> but the head we get here in ontario is fuckin
horrible <ShroomDuck> HEAT! <ShroomDuck> I MEANT HEAT!

greyfox80988: The average American spends 6 years in the
bathroom, and 6 months at a stoplight.
greyfox80988: I want to know who figures this stuff out o_o
greyfox80988: Cause that's what I'm gonna be when I grow up ^_
^

* Earhart/#intersocs thinks about sex :-)
<mel> when do you not?
<mel> it's like
<mel> 10 Think about sex
<mel> 20 Goto 10

<rob-bot> k, i got attacked by this hobo today on the side of
the road, with his hat full of change and everything
<(``)> what you do?
<rob-bot> i asked him if he had change for a 5

<kennykiller> drombie, you need to up your social skills
<drombie> Clarify
<kennykiller> just because someone says they think youre funny
doesnt mean they want to have sex with you :P
<TheMster> SO THATS WHY I GOT ARRESTED

<codyryan> because men, have problem controlling their
testosterone
<Skiz> not me I'm a pretty good shot.

<TurboYoda> what is bash.org?
<TurboYoda> Is it suitable for Me?
<fezm0nkey> Its a gay sex site.
<fezm0nkey> Hardcore anal fun.
<TurboYoda> I'll visit it when nobody's home

<RenegadeC> I have to talk to that girl who came over to my
house friday night
<RenegadeC> because she left her bracelet here
<CardO> was she hot?
<RenegadeC> yes
<RPG> RenegadeC: sheep don't have bracelets; they have
collars.

<Arrgh> great.. now he's trying to vomit in my shoe
* [TMBJ]Rhadamanthus happydances
<Arrgh> he called it a "vomit capture device"
<[TMBJ]Rhadamanthus> Throw something at him
<Arrgh> like what? my shoe?!
<Arrgh> HE ALREADY HAS IT

<Zeal> Ignorance is bliss. :]
<devilsad> Ignorance is leaning out the car window at 100
miles per hour, feeling the wind in your hair... then hitting
a pole.
<Brass> Ignorance is watching the instant replay, and hoping
the guy makes the catch this time.

<Trog> I pity the english
* Yarn smacks trog
<Trog> they go to all the trouble inventing all these sports..
and then they turn out to SUCK ASS at them

<DigDug> did you /ctcp digdug op yourpass?
<blazep88> wtf does "yourpass" do?

<hybridy2k>  how do i give ppl ops with a certain level
<@netwerk> rephrase your question in english before i find an
axe and murder your parents

<Rasterburn> Is there a way to split a file at a specific
byte?
<0dan0> no
<0dan0> unless you are using a "computer"
<0dan0> then it can be done

<Twisten> Generalised question.
<Blue> Answer.
<Twisten> Was I talking to you!?
<Blue> Ah, comedy gold.

<Mattimeo> I've decidedthat IRC is an MMORPG where I play the
role of a hopeless nerd :(

<Mr_Durden> no wonder superman's ship is powered by the only
thing that can kill him
<Mr_Durden> it was designed by a canadian

<[_tOz_]> people saying internet is full of childporn is so
full of bullshit...i cant find a single picture

<zymurgy> #define NULL NULL /* because I can dammit! */

<djrm> Q what is the penalty for exceeding your space quota?
<Alaric> death by pineapple
<djrm> ooo err

<Snots> If someone don't send me a rom I'll use ping!

<Grey> I downloaded an ISO image of a game which turned out to
be porn...
<Grey> people don't respect anything anymore
<Borlath_Mon> I downloaded Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri, and
sadly, it turned out to be Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri.

<@sub> wow my uncle is a moron
! +Washu points ot at chr
<@sub> he got a pirated copy of WinXP and it wasent working
good
<@sub> so he calls customer support..

<enajyram> support bacteria, it's the only culture some people
have.

<Snobbenunge> does anyone waht error: 0x1d1c4e86 referenced
memory at 0x0000000000 the memory could not be read mean? :D
<matricks> yes
<Snobbenunge> what does it mean
<Snobbenunge> ?
<Snobbenunge> i only get it when i'm browsing the harddrives
<matricks> someone forgot to check if a pointer was null
before reading from it..
<Snobbenunge> ok. so some troubles with the mouse drivers?

<MetaBean> my wifes boobies will be huge soon
<Nobara> ???
<Nobara> She is pregnat, or you are rich?

cmk314: i said Civil engineers have the biggest erections
cmk314: Some other guy said mechEs make weapons, civEs make
targets
cmk314: and at the exact moment i realized i need to get out
of engineering.

<Psychofreak> I have a kid (3 yo) with toys that do stuff and/
or beep. Easily 100 AA batteries in JUST her toys. (although
she does not play with many anymore so they are getting packed
up for donation) Funny thing is we got her a wooden train set,
no batteries at all, and now almost all the fancy electronic
toys are left alone! We will see if this holds true for more
than a few weeks.
<Psychofreak> Amazing how much more powerful imagination is
than batteries.
<Anonymous Coward> Try telling that to my wife.

<Guilty> My friends cousin's mom told her kids that if you
cursed online the police came to arrest you
<Guilty> So they would type like "Go to h!ll!"

<niff|n> why do you have so much porn Greebo?
<Greebo> 'cos i like masturbating, niffin.

bob2 | fuck, my room is like a bad text adventure!
tb | The top of my monitor is too thin to fit anything, unless
I glue it on.
bob2 | > take thermos
bob2 | the thermos lid falls off, spilling boiling water all
over you!
bob2 | you die!
bob2 | play again (y/n)?
Faugn | no

<@stuartf> I just went and got a coke, the machine is one of
the ones
with the conveyor belt in it and there was
already a coke on
the belt
<@stuartf> if you buy anything to the left of the drink on the
belt you
get what's already on the belt and your drink
is left there
<@stuartf> if you buy anything to the right you get your drink
and the
one on the belt remains
<@stuartf> if you drop another drink on the one that's already
on the
belt the output is undefined
<@[M]oon> classic divide by coke error
<@PowerOfCheese[w]> this is a classic coke-in-the-middle
attack
<@[M]oon> trojan coke
<@PowerOfCheese[w]> diet coke injection attack
<@Edgar_work> damnit, I wanted a water and got pinapple fanta
<@[M]oon> ahh. it got edgar

<krg> stupid fucking church people took all of our parking
spaces
<Tragic> your parkinglot isn't private for employees and
customers?
<krg> it is
<krg> they ignore the signs
<Tragic> "but this is a house of god!"  "yeah well this is the
parking lot of an evil IT company. fuck off."
<Tragic> "our dark lord detests the presence of your honda
civic, you must be punished!"

-(+MinioN5000)- k
-(+MinioN5000)- installing
-(+MinioN5000)- oh shit
-(+MinioN5000)- illegal operation
-(+MinioN5000)- wtf
* @Cuthbert calls the police

<PhantomOfTheRouter> never got another call from them till
they bought a new accounting package that needed Win95
<PhantomOfTheRouter> and Novell for the servers..
<PhantomOfTheRouter> went in to upgrade the machines..
<PhantomOfTheRouter> moved the first 2 workgroup servers to
Novell 4.11
<PhantomOfTheRouter> couldn't find the third
<PhantomOfTheRouter> asked them where they moved it to...
<PhantomOfTheRouter> umm, moved ?
<PhantomOfTheRouter> yeah, where did you move WKG3SRV to ?
<PhantomOfTheRouter> ummm...
<PhantomOfTheRouter> we didn't change anything
<PhantomOfTheRouter> You had to have moved it when you
remodelled the office! The wiring closet in the hall is
gone...
<PhantomOfTheRouter> oh shit!

<MrSede> They made a movie of Phantom Of The Opera. I was like
"woah, they made a movie of Phantom Of The Opera." Then I
didn't watch it
<Geothermal> you too eh

<Hurricane_Hasney> fuck... that was not good
<Hurricane_Hasney> I put on winamp and added my MP3 directory
<ragnarok2040> O_O, winamp3
<Hurricane_Hasney> Forgetting that it has porn videos in it
<ragnarok2040> heh
<Hurricane_Hasney> I had ePSXe running as well full screen so
there I am chatting away to my mum and playing Tekken
<Hurricane_Hasney> One of my songs finish and all you hear is
"Uh, uh, mmm, right there"
<ragnarok2040> LMAO
<Hurricane_Hasney> so a quick stab of the reset button was
inorder

<mewse> i got moderated as a troll on slashdot for defending
the mummy returns

(+aileur): man you guys rock
(+aileur): killed 120 people in a wedding
(@SeeDee): news here says 20
(+JoeYoung): eh?
(@headc4se): well they're canadian cd, so using the metric
system
(+JoeYoung): metric people
(+JoeYoung): 1 standard person=6 metric people

<MerliN`> want kinda cable u using?
<Cypress> a blue one

<Dain-EvenDumber> I have a theory
<Dain-EvenDumber> A theory that the current Prime Minister of
Canada is the smartest man on the planet
<Dain-EvenDumber> And his brilliant ideas would have ushered
Canada into a new age of prosperity and power, overcoming even
the United States...
<Dain-EvenDumber> if only people could understand what he was
saying

mike > What do they send you if you send those penis
enlargement companies some money?
mike > "No pill, no pumps. Simple exercises you can do at
home.". I have a feeling I am probably already doing whatever
it is.

<Edge> i am right when I say there's no other reasonable
explanation for anakin and amidala bringing R2D2 to naboo if
not to shoot some really nasty homemade holographic porn?

<Josh> hey Lan
<Josh> i just would like to say
<Josh> that if world war iii comes tomorrow
<Josh> i loved you most of all
<@Lan> i would like to say
<@Lan> if ww iii comes tomorrow
<@Lan> i loved orange soda more than any of you

<Xellos-san> don't confuse barbecues with hookers
<Xellos-san> the only way you can tell them apart is to set
them on fire
<Xellos-san> if it runs away, it's a hooker
<Xellos-san> if it stays, it's a barbecue
<Xellos-san> or a dead hooker

[Cerixus] I'll give you $50 if you'll stop trying to tell me
how to save money.

<CoderMan> kritical, you are dumber than a dead rock
<matts> dead rock
<matts> umm
<matts> CoderMan news flash
<matts> rocks can't live
<matts> :

<CaMR0N> why does everyone call me cumron?
<drunkers> probably and honest mistake
<CaMR0N> but everyone?
<drunkers> did you tell them you were gay?
<CaMR0N> yes cause im honest with everyone
<drunkers> maybe its not an honest mistake

<Boycy> ooh, find me an ip :)
<Boycy> have a 3line batch file to send the same net send msg
until you push Ctrl+C :D
<Hub-Security> boycy has ip: 137.222.226.67
<Kameleon> 137.222.226.67
<Boycy> excuse me for a few seconds...
<Boycy> FUCKER
<Kameleon> lmao
<Boycy> I know how to find *my* ip you bastard
<Boycy> 600 shitty net send boxes oh god I hate you

<brenty> Did you guys know there are boobs on the internet?
<IAMUNNOTICED> yeah
brenty> I just found out today.
<En1gma> brent, there is a fundementual flaw in that
<En1gma> you can't grope them!
<En1gma> *shakes head*
<En1gma> man..
<brenty> Like hell I can't!
<brenty> I can print them and put them on a stuffed animal,
idiot.

<SaBaS> brb. food stuck in throat

<@LAMMJohnson> I suspect Star Trek Into Darkness will be good
but not great.
<@LAMMJohnson> My reasoning for this is thus                 
<@LAMMJohnson> Perfect score because all of its words have a
length that is a power of 2.
<@LAMMJohnson> Minus one point because total letters is not a
power of two.
<@LAMMJohnson> Not even including spaces.
<@LAMMJohnson> However, the letters in all of the words plus
the number of words is 24.
<@LAMMJohnson> Overall score for the movie: 8.5               
<~chown> LAMMJohnson - Vice Executive of the Autism
Department      
<@LAMMJohnson> The score, correctly, is a power of two marred
with an ugly fraction.
<@LAMMJohnson> Although the fraction is 1/2
<@LAMMJohnson> Actually, the overall fraction is 17/20 which I
pretty much hate.
<@LAMMJohnson> Which means I will initially think the movie is
OK but then later change my mind and hate it.
<~chown> LAMMJohnson - Honourable Chairman of the Autism
Empire

(dosdemon)  theres just all these other car brands in sega gt
(dosdemon)  like "ford" and "chevy"
(dosdemon)  they must be real small
(dosdemon)  because they only have 2 cars to choose from
(dosdemon)  then you go to subaru and theres like "impreza wrx
sti type r version b aspec 2"
(dosdemon)  "mitsubishi lancer evolution VII GS Tommi Makinen
edtion"
(PACHUKA)  on an xbox that car would be mitsubi~1

<Kermee> SELECT * FROM {[chicks]} WHERE {[bust_size]} > 32C
AND NOT {[is_fat_chick]} AND {[looks]} = Hot! AND NOT
{([is_psych_student]} OR {[is_law-student]} OR
{[is_commerce_student])} AND {[will_swallow]} = True AND
{[has_own_cash]} :P
<Astatine> oh, good one :P
<Astatine> I think we've just made a SQL statement for the
perfect woman :P <Kermee> now if only there where such a
table..

<StorDuff> meatball, we should start a channel for n00bs like
us
<Meatball> htf do u make a channel

<jestuh> QDB TIP OF THE DAY: ALL THE GOOD NIGGERS JOKES CAN BE
ACCESSED BY CLICKING 'BOTTOM'

<@puto|^_...> i went in the restroom to take a piss
<@puto|^_...> then my fucking shorts snuck out of my reach
<@puto|^_...> and fuckign snapped my penis up while pissing
<@puto|^_...> fuckign pissed everywhere and on myself

-PDC:#windowsnt- MCSE = Must Consult Someone Experienced
(L0ki) MCSE=Mindsweeper Consultant and Solitare Expert
(nexxai) MCSE = Must Consult (with) Someone Else