bash.org archive

<ChompyGator> every time you tell a lie, it makes the baby
Jesus cry..
<Flirbnic> But Jesus isn't a baby any more
<Flirbnic> He's a corpse
<Oberfeldwebel> OMG HE DIED?!?!?!!?
<Oberfeldwebel> My thoughts and prayors go out to the christ
fammily.

<+SirLudicrus> type /who *.edu and you see why college
students fail so much

<BustaNutt> I was working in a movie theatre one time and a
mother just threw her crying baby on the hard ground, i was
like WTF!! the other ushers had to calm me down coz i was
fuckin pissed the rest of the day
<Abstruse> Busta: I almost had to call the cops on this one
woman when I was working in the bookstore because her child
calmly walked up and quietly asked 'Momma, can I have this
book?" and she smacked the SHIT out of him.  I told her to get
out, and she threw a fit.
<BustaNutt> ABstruse, she beat the kid just for asking for a
book?
<Abstruse> That's not even the most fucked up part.  The most
fucked up part is that she worked for a shelter for battered
women and children.

<Setoshi> im sad
<Setoshi> how i wanted to download house season 1
<Setoshi> and i got the full house season 1
<Setoshi> what a fucking waste
<KN> rofl!!!!!!
<Setoshi> dude but i seriously got pissed
<Setoshi> i saw michelle's face I was like
<Setoshi> WTF IS THIS

<[Ars]Michael> is there any way to make a noise when u get a
pm
<[Ars]Mikoyan> you could grunt in pleasure

<justin> why does bitchx sound so excited:
<justin> -:- BitchX: Join to #tenet was synched in 1.161
secs!!
<justin> it's like WOW man!!
<asm-X> cz, it's a hot little BitchX?
<asm-X> with nothing but secs!! on her mind

<Eir|food> Y'know, Taco Bell's "Think Outside The Bun" seems
perfect for a hilarious anti-gay slogan.
<Eir|food> "Don't put your meat between buns!  Get it in a
taco instead!"

<Dr_DOS> i'd go straight into the army if they allowed IRC on
weekends.

<Vang> Hmm, he's suddenly awfully quiet.
<Paul> its tough typing with 1 hand.
<Paul> quote me on that and die, pigs.

<maggie> how do i shut down my computer?
<uh> press start...
<maggie> no i want to SHUT DOWN! why does everyone tell me to
click start...
<uh> ... you might as well just pull the power cord...
<maggie> uh but i also heard...
* maggie has quit irc (Error: connection reset by peer)

<lark> shit dude im in deep shit with my gf
<Solid_Snake> What'd you do this time?
<lark> well her doctor was rude to her and I found it
hilarious
<Solid_Snake> Brilliant.
<lark> hes like this young new doctor and she went in for some
shit I dont remember and hes like "well  I got a prescription
for you. you could just take my..capsule" motioning to his
dick
<lark> she rolled her eyes and then he said "its a
suppository"

<Pocket_Sized_Jesus> aw shit.
<Pocket_Sized_Jesus> i was deleteing some files
<Pocket_Sized_Jesus> and i sneezed
<Pocket_Sized_Jesus> and deleted an entire tree

<Ali_> no canadian cars eh?
<Egg_> no
<Egg_> i don't think there's a canadian made car
<Egg_> lol
<Egg_> that would be cool if there was
<Egg_> we'd have shitty animal names though
<Egg_> like the Ford Canadian Goose
<Egg_> or the Chevy Beaver
<Egg_> man
<Egg_> i'd so drive a Chevy Beaver

<Mayonaise> i wonder if the guy from police academy that makes
noises can mimic a 56k modem handshake and complete a
connection to a computer

[Video] I've been watching the warez scene for like two
months.
[Video] Nothing is worth DOWNLOADING
[Video] That's sad
[Ouija] i know
[Video] Is that their new anti-piracy technique?
[Video] Release shit no one wants?

<birdhouseskater> my one goal in life besides a girlfriend is
getting in bash.org

<Reedy> man im lame
<Reedy> i was walking around the city tonight
<Reedy> looking at the signs and billboards etc
<Reedy> street lights, traffic lights
<Reedy> and im like "pfft, doom3 has way better lighting than
this shit"

<Tisha> dialup boy!
<supreemball> at least i dont have problems :)
*** supreemball has quit IRC (Quit: Connection reset by peer)

<MaXiMUz> so linux and ftp r the same thing rite?
<MaXiMUz> Fuck hacking itz too complicated, i can't ftp and
shit

<Borgis> I think there's air in the pipes in my house
<Borgis> Every time you turn the tap on, the water heater
outside makes this loud 'BBBRRRAAAAPPPPP' noise
<Uric> yea
<Uric> that happened at my old house
<Uric> I dont know what it is
<Borgis> Your old house didn't explode or anything did it?

<C00k0> I used to think ircops were cybercops that would run
around like leet hackers in movies and storm your house if you
did something bad
<hex86> and were you sad when you found out they actually do
very little?
<C00k0> I was quite happy ^_^

<@fragility> why is my modems "activity" lite flashing like
crazy??
*** fragility
([email protected])
Quit (Ping timeout)

<jenn> BUKKAKE!
<DogBoy> ouch
<Asmodean> bukkake? isn't that the japanese rope tying fetish?
<DogBoy> no
<prefect> you're so young and innocent, asmodean
<DogBoy> lol
<Asmodean> young.. maybe.. innocent.. no :)
<DogBoy> hmm
<DogBoy> I can't even spell that
<DogBoy> I'm gonna ask my mom what it means
<Asmodean> bukkake?
<Asmodean> oh my
<Asmodean> hitting "i am feeling lucky" in google for bukkake
was umm.. *sooo* not work friendly

jared 33 ghs 02: i heard possibly the most racial remark the
other night at a restaurant
The Magma Hawk: ?
jared 33 ghs 02: an old jewish lady was lecturing my friend
who was waitressing about the two tattoos she has and how its
not good for her body and a drunk was listening and finally
had enough and said "hey old lady, shut up, ur just jealous u
got ur tattoo for free"
The Magma Hawk: buahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
The Magma Hawk: that's what she gets for preaching
jared 33 ghs 02: everyones jaw dropped and there was silence,
and then he just turned around and continued talking to his
friends or whatever

<Weirdo> Sooty just brought a mouse into my room
<Weirdo> brb
*** Weirdo is now known as Weirdo|F00d

<c-unut> pfft slipknot
<Finch > slipknot go good
<c-unut> I've always seen them sorta like anal sex
<Finch> if u want to look at it that way...
<c-unut> You know, I appreciate that some may enjoy it, and it
has its moments, but at the end of the day, its still fucking
shit.

<TunkeyMicket> HOLY SHIT MY COMPUTER IS BROADCASTING AN IP
ADDRESS
<TunkeyMicket> HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP
<TunkeyMicket> THIS WINDOW CAME UP
<TunkeyMicket> TOLD ME THAT IT WAS DANGEROUS

<crushdmb> blah
<crushdmb> I HATE EXES
* crushdmb kills all exes
<vap0r> hahaah
<vap0r> why?
<crushdmb> 'cuz my ex is an asshole
<vap0r> i thought you meant .exe

Maxim: My alarm clock software demo expired.
Maxim: So I changed the system time by a week, and it worked.
Maxim: But I forgot to change the alarm setting accordingly.
Maxim: So the alarm didn't go off, and I missed the
appointment.
Maxim: :-(

<Silent|Study> These Christian rock ads on tv are so pathetic
<Silent|Study> Its like they assume people are going to
suddenly think "OMG! JESUS! I never knew!

<Patrick`> holy crap, I'm 20 on wednesday
<Patrick`> I'd better get pregnant in the next 5 days or I'll
miss out on the best part of being a teen

* Nordling 's sexual history changes constantly, depending on
how much alcohol is imbibed. One drink: yeah, I fucked four
girls at once! Three drinks: Hot sex with a model. 7 drinks:
Fucked a fat chick. 11 drinks: pathetically masturbated to the
chicks in HOT ROD magazine. 15+ drinks: replace said magazine
with CAT FANCY.

tj: tho there is this other girl who is like STUNNING i
mean... kinda like a blonde cross between avril lavigne and
melissa joan hart
@mojo: jesus fucking christ.
@mojo: what is her special power? killing erections?

<Pyrate> I was downloading a hentai game, but it was slowing
down my Harry Potter download, so I canceled it... I think I
may be a little retarded

<superrambo> (CRAZY/CUTE)-(PAST RELATIONSHIPS)+(CURRENT
OUTLOOK)-(INTELLIGENCE)=COMPATABILITY
<superrambo> IT IS THE CALLED THE "SHE'S NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS,
TRUST ME" FORMULA
<monkeylice> love is blind
<monkeylice> lust is deaf
<superrambo> PSYCHOSIS IS OBVIOUS

<|hOrNeT|> Does anyone have Sims Vacation please that they can
hook me up with?? I've been trying to get that for my
girlfriend forever and I don't get any sex0r anymore if I
can't get it

* Anderlan raises a cheek off the chair
<Anderlan> farting is offensive, but raising a cheek in
preparation is even more so
<gears> it's a good way to show people "I am not interested in
what you have to say.  Leave my cubicle at your soonest
convenience."

<StillAway> omg i got spam saying 'someone at work likes you'.
they really dont target this shit well do they, I DONT HAVE A
FUCKING JOB

Pingu: heh just randomly i said to someone
Pingu: "kate, why are you such a bell end?"
Pingu: just to see what theyd say
Pingu: kate  says: because i was born that way
Bull3h: you've been blocked
Pingu: nah
Pingu: kate's hardcore
Bull3h: does hardcore ?
Pingu: yes
Pingu: i just asked her if im allowed to call her a bell end
to her face and she said yes
Pingu: im toying with the idea of asking her if i can slap her
in the face with my bell end
Bull3h: clearly she fancies you
Pingu: yeah
Bull3h: but is she hot ?
Pingu: well...
Pingu: she's not not hot
Bull3h: with my few years extra of experiance i'd say that the
girls who are fairly hot but not really hot are the best kind
Bull3h: they're not cock sluts who fuck you over and just keep
you about because they like the attention
Bull3h: tho you gotta watch out, crazy girls... watch out,
they'll do something like split up with you because
everythings going to well and they dont want to get hurt
Bull3h: then stalk you and keep suggesting that you get back
with them
Pingu: I JUST ASKED HER IF I COULD CALL HER A BELL END TO HER
FACE FFS
Bull3h: LOOK I'M SPOUTING WISE ADVICE
Pingu: sorry
Pingu: carry on
Bull3h: so basically drug her and rape her.
Pingu: k
Bull3h: roofies
Pingu: best way

[aphr0] do hospitals let you keep the umbilical cord?
[aphr0] I'ma have my kid's cord made into a die
[aphr0] tie
[aphr0] or freeze it and tan it and make it into a cane
[aphr0] give it to my kid when he learns to walk so he can
walk around and pimp bitches with his umbilical cord

<Teratogen> what is the difference between PMS and PWS?
<Rhelik> Teratogen: one is a curse on men sent by god, the
other is a curse on men sent by microsoft

<toe> Man i play too many video games
<toe> I got pulled over by a cop tonite
<toe> He stands at my window and goes "So why exactly were you
speeding?"
<toe> my reply? "I wasnt speeding, i was qualifying!"
<toe> $165 fine right about there.

<Quixo> how about we kill their daughter and hang them from a
tree instead
<Quixo> upside down
<Quixo> split down the middle
<WildWing> With tobasco sauce?
<Quixo> ...uhh...sure
<Quixo> freak

<Mr_Evets> I wonder what would happen if I were to eat some
Brine Shrimp
<Mr_Evets> I wonder if they'd mix with the semen in my stomach
and create a seaciety
<Sabrejack> yes. they would.
<Mr_Evets> Would they build statues of me and worship me?
<Mr_Evets> Then the other half build statues of something
else, worship it
<Mr_Evets> and start suicide bombing each other??
<Sabrejack> quite likely.
<Mr_Evets> Excellent
<Mr_Evets> Because I already ate the brine shimp

<dan> I really like this girl
<hannelore> Sneak into her room late at night
<hannelore> And play a hypnosis tape
<dan> hypnosis would be the shit
<dan> I could start dating girls instantly
<dan> and if I wanted to break up with her, I could just snap
my fingers

<kolby> i dont think the number of times ive jacked off to
britney spears can be calculated
<kolby> it never gets old
<kolby> i think that's what love is

<Clutch1> Some fucker is using my name!
<Zaratustra> Clutch is
[email protected] * Michael Pierce
<Clutch1> Hmmm... I am that fucker.
<Zaratustra> Indeed.

<MattsGirl> my surname gets pronounced many ways
<NixsGirl> what the right way to say it?
<MattsGirl> Bee-at-ch

<WhiteLife> i just looked at the ingredients to herbal ecstasy
<WhiteLife> ITS THE SAME THING AS MY SECRET FORMULA :(

<angryskul> So I think we should allocate a new struct and...
<angryskul> Did someone just jump off the roof?

<jimmiejaz> Doctors in Singapore say the virus that causes
severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) is present in the
tears of patients with the disease.
<syberghost> Cry me a fever.

Walshy117: tv now. i need to get rid of some braincelss
SeijuroSakeHiko: looks like you're well on your way

<Xerox> STOP CONTROLLING MY MIND!
<DigiGnome> If I did that, you'd fall into a lifelss heap by
your computer, and only be found days later when the
neighbours get suspicious about the change of smell coming
from your room.

[04:32] (%craigr000) WHAT THE FUCK
<%craigr000> FOR ONCE I'M HAVING AN EROTIC DREAM
<%craigr000> AND I AWAKEN TO MY FUCKIN MOM
<%craigr000> HITTING ME AND TELLING ME I HAVE TO SCRUB THE
WALLS
<%craigr000> I MEAN IT'S OBVIOUS THE ONLY PLACE I'M GONNA GET
ANY ACTION IN A LONG ASS TIME IS IN THE REALM OF SLEEP. THANKS
MOM. THANKS A LOT.

<spazzer> ahh fuck
<spazzer> i did it again
<spazzer> spilled tap ramen juice in my lap twice
<Cured> see and I thought you were just singing along to
Britney Spears

(SpAc3d) i hate when [movie groups] release shitty quality
stuff like TS and Cam's
(SpAc3d) its a fuckin waste of space
(mistical) like Hannibal *upsidedown cam* *real* *subtitled*
*in japanesse*

Ubergamer: I think the idea that good things come to those who
wait comes from the fact that, due to probability theory, on a
long enough timeline there is a good chance that at least two
good things will occur
Ben: or it's a saying started by people who don't wait that
want more good things for themselves
Ben: so they tell those who wait to keep waiting
Ubergamer: they should modernize that saying
Ubergamer: hot chicks come to guys who masturbate
Ben: haha
Ben: and said thusly, one can see the absurdity
Ben: we have successfully debunked an aphorism
Ubergamer: yay!

RamAss has joined #subaru
<RamAss> subaru is for gooks and niggers
<RamAss> muahahahah
<pagan> heh well atleast my nick does not insinuate im a
homosexual :/

<ElZango> I was introduced to Tolkein by a trio of British
social scientists in Peru who also introduced me to Marxism.
<ElZango> They tossed LotR at me and said "it's reactionary,
but amusing." I was 11.
<FuzLogic> <ElZango> they let me sleep in the closet when I
was good.

~ _raven is Away. [Reason: out. like a boner in sweat pants.]

<Heem> [entropy], have you ever heard of WiFi?
<[entropy]> I don't listen to techno

<Jewedass> atarax: Find yourself a nice 26 year old woman and
pretend she's two 13 year olds

<QJ> your grandma opened the shower door
<QJ> while you were wanking?
<knox> yep
<knox> it was worse than that
<QJ> she finished you off??

(@TRCC|shot): directX 8.1 any good?
(@landje): i havnet pld it
(@ui|ICEMAN): dirext X isn't a game
(@landje): what is it
(@landje): if any;one puts that in their quit message i'll
feckign kil ythe,

<wankel> i think high-end computer hardware manufacturers
should have to pay an extra tax, which gets sent to the game
developers.  we all know that people who pirate video games
spend their savings buying fancy computers.

<Adam> C'mon, make me one more!
<God> You're out of ribs
<Adam> Here, take my spleen then!

<dr_dna> no, i love animals - ive been a vulcan for 12 years
<jdk> don't you mean a vegan?
<dr_dna> what, with these ears?

<Waters> i had a dream about masterbating...thats sad isnt it
:(

<GiRLiE-> ur cruel.. but funny
<bytraper> and you have a beuatiful mind... but you're fat