bash.org archive

<maff> Someone has donated coathanger just now!
<Amanda`> GET IT
<Amanda`> GET THE COATHANGER
<Amanda`> YOU CAN PERFORM INGAME ABORTIONS!

ND: My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing
relationship with my bed.

<aq> dont ever tryu to beets a yiugolsavian at tequikla

<Huan> wtf
<Huan> some guy stuck a condom over his head and is blowing on
it
<pleasant_> haha
<pleasant_> what a dick head

<drastic> anyone know of a program that would display free hd
space for multiple drives on the desktop or something?
<ninth> drastic: you could write down how much space is free
on a piece of paper.. then scan it.. and set it as your
wallpaper

<djv> psykiv..sorry about your loss
<djv> BUY A MACINTOSH NEXT TIME.
<djv> ;)
<The-Virus> why buy a mac
<The-Virus> its like buying a car thats only compatible with
10% of the roads

<@JP> before i saw miss cleo's commercial, i didn't know there
was a "you are attracted to a large-breasted female co-worker"
card in the tarot deck.

<Makaveli> let's change girlfriend to boyfriend
<Makaveli> then the statement is true
* SoulVoid whispers to Paralysis: Mak loves the cock
<Makaveli> wtf
* Paralysis nods sagely
<Paralysis> mak, I have a proposition for you
<Makaveli> fuck you both
<Paralysis> oh, in that case, you already answered!
* Paralysis is away (mak :D).

<Center> i wish women were open source

<Zak-> she's cute as
<Zak-> somebody find her for me
<Agrajag> are you crazy? i thought females were just things
people made up on the internet
<Octane> There's only two types of females: *.jpgs and *.gifs.

<Bayls> Kaff - can you stop changing your nick. My notify list
is about 98MB now, since I simply must know the nanosecond you
come online.
<Kaffy> bayls, thats FUNNY considering you never talk to me :(
<Kaffy> and dammit, i miss you so much when you're not here.
or soemthing.
<Bayls> Kaffy - Sadly, that's true. However, I find enough
solace staring doefully out the window into the night,
illuminated only by the soft haze of my monitor, thinking of
you and humming "Soooommeewhere ouuuut theeere..."
<Bayls> Then I load up the vast gallery of porn, all carefully
edited to include your head with the tampons stuck up your
nose on each body, have a brisk pull, then fall into a restful
sleep, my own manpaste hardening to a flaky crust as I
slumber.
<Kaffy> aww how romantic *sniff*

<astaroth> the other minor annoyance with this laptop is that
the IRDa port keep changing the channel on the TV

truthug17: so u have a man
Cassandra: Oh yes.
truthug17: do u love him
Cassandra: I do.
truthug17: could u love me
Cassandra: I might. But I'd never sleep with you, so I guess
it doesn't matter.

<Soulcleaver> Once me, my dad, and some of his employees were
having a racist joke contest, but midway through we remembered
we were still in Wendy's.

<FJ> ok, I am off to the International House of Pancakes
<FJ> truly, I am a man of the world.

(+profiled) you don't always have to fuck her hard, in fact
some times, it's not right to do!
(@krampan) i always take it easy, soft, am a gentle guy, but
in end before u cum in her, u hav to b lil hard...u c
profiled?
(+profiled) krampan; dude i'm singing a song

<Amish> why are people fascinated with cartoon porn
<Amish> I mean, do you watch the Simpsons and really feel the
need to (poorly) photoshop lisa giving bart head?
<Gudrow> when hitler was an artist he specialized in tentacle
rape portaiture
<Mr_X> Gudrow: That's how the alliance between Germany and
Japan began
<jre> That, and the German-Japanese scat fetish
<Mr_X> The scat fetish is the result of secret WW2 nazi
experiments
<Mr_X> "HANZ, I SHALL NOW DEFECATE IN YOUR MOUTH, JA?" "JA"
"DO YOU FEEL LIKE AN UBERSOLDAT YET?"

< gt3> a million people applied for the apprentice 2
< gt3> and you know damn well its just gonna get outsourced to
india

X3R0G33Z: wut do u mean typing like an aol dumbass

<IllusionX> Windows 2000 Professional, Service Pack 2 (5.0 -
2195) CPU: 1-Intel Pentium II, 497MHz, 512KB L2 cache Vcore: v
Uptime: 2w 1d 1h 16m 53s Resolution: 800x600 32bit 200Hz RAM:
Usage: 49/128MB (38.28%) Temps: Time: 00:44:35 Date: 09/07/
16502
<abcbooze> whats it like in the year 16502?
<IllusionX> exactly the same as i was just running downstairs
and come back..
<abcbooze> apparently they don't speak good english in the
future.

<Winta> Well well well
<Jess> dam dam dam
<Winta> yes yes yes
<Jess> oh sorry... I thought we were talking about things that
water could be in

<DCBastard> wow - either fairlight and deviance have
absolutely pathetic suppliers or morrowind has some good copy
protection
<DCBastard> i think it's absolutely disgusting that you can
BUY a game before downloading it

<`bobble`> give +v to PunKz plz. i want him close to me

8:08PM  <Shiznaz> for our senior prank we took about ten
buckets of white oil paint and painted in 30 foot tall letters
"GAY PRIDE" on the black tar shingle roof of out school
<Shiznaz> I went to an all boy's school
<Shiznaz> you could see the GAY PRIDE from blocks away
<cornflake> lol
<Shiznaz> they tried painting the white paint black so you
wouldn't see it, but the shingles were more grey than
anything, so it was just as easy to read
<Shiznaz> I think they've just reshingled it since then
<Huge_Spatula> I wish I went to an all boys school. All that
fresh, untapped man ass

<DAEMON> marked by circumcision
<DAEMON> hm, that sounds like a Steven Segal movie

<deft-> i always type /dick instead of /nick on accident =

<GooberMan> sony were handing out PS2 condoms
<GooberMan> the cover design had condoms in the shapes of the
buttons ie X, square, etc
<darknation> awesome
<darknation> I always wondered about those vibrating
controllers. Now we know.

<fats> whats a kernel?
<_astrodz_> kernel is the man who made kfc!
<fats> huh?
<_astrodz_> his chicken is built from source

<Halibut> Oh dear
<Halibut> I just tried to swat a fly with my cursor

<ShamansMystery> odd, i'm ignoreing msn and mygf is online and
not bitching at me for ignoring her
<CyberDoc> Mayb shes cybering with someone else Shaman hehe.
* bacon03 slowly closes msn

<sora> I don't think goths are evil and satanic, I think
they're pitiful and irritating. Like street mimes, only not as
much fun to set on fire with kerosene.

<quatoria> you shat on your daughter? disgusting pervert.
<Plaid> No, you freak. I puked on her.

<Shounen> The expression "smooth as a baby's bottom" is
socially acceptable.
<Shounen> But saying something is "tight as a baby's bottom"
gets you all kind of weird looks.
<ssai> you shoulda seen the looks i got when i said i had a
breast feeding fetish

<Spazz> I want to find a girl who is not afraid of dating a
geek guy.
<Spazz> You know... one that says "Oh, I don't care if I can't
bring him out in public...   he's got big junk!"
<StalkerofurSoul> "I dont care if hes ugly and has pimples,
did you see that quake win loss ratio?"
<StalkerofurSoul> he's got the finest c++ ive ever set my eyes
on
<StalkerofurSoul> omfg, and we was sitting there... and he
pulled it out, and i asked if i could see it.... and he let me
hold it....a wireless mouse! what will they think of next!

<Wi|d-Ride> I'm madder than a 3 legged dog trying to hide a
turd on a frozen pond.

< cygnus`   > this girl broke up with me once
< cygnus`   > becuase i was sucking her tit
< cygnus`   > and i said it was to try and get milk to come
out
< cygnus`   > and i started laughing like a retard

<@martini> my weed dealer, was drunk last night
<@martini> and she started feeling me up
<@rommel> lol
<@rommel> did you advance?
<@martini> i said "call me when you sober up"
<@rommel> aw, you weren't lookin for some butt that night?
<@martini> not at that very moment
<@martini> shit was crazy
<@martini> too many things going on at once
<@kvm> u were chewing gum then?
<@martini> har har
<@rommel> HAHAHAHA
<@rommel> owned.

<pab> dude, how do you know what condom size to get
<pab> I dont want it to be ockward... but I have no idea
<pab> is there a way to view webcam over irc?
<omnica> ....
<omnica> bring the measurements to the pharmicist
<pab> it's 2am...
<omnica> bring measurements to the 7-11 attendant

<hypo> taking it up the ass only hurts the first few times
<hypo> uh
<hypo> my friend told me that

<@boink> I wonder when the day will come that telemarketers
offer to Enlarge my Penis?

<piglet3> [info] #gaysm      5       Don't f*&% with the topic
PIG
<piglet3> They are into homosexual sadomasochism, but they
can't bring themselves to spell out `fuck'.

<souletr> god i hate fucking stupid bitches
<souletr> er
<souletr> *hate stupid fucking bitches
<souletr> i'd fuck stupid bitches

notorious phake: everybody gets mistaken for a whale at least
once in their life
notorious phake: it just happens to her a whole lot more

<+[SFX]Newbie0> I had a dog once
<+[SFX]Newbie0> my mom always told me when I got a boo-boo, to
let the dog lick it
<+[SFX]Newbie0> said it was antiseptic
<+[SFX]Newbie0> One time, I had a sore throat
<@[EoK]cheaptrick> I can see where this is going..
<+[SFX]Newbie0> God I miss that dog
<@[EoK]cheaptrick> ew..
<+|WM|ePi> haha

<uglykaka> uhhh AF is making thongs for 6-10 yr olds
<shaan> thongs?
<pagan> ya i saw that on the news, pretty funny shit eh
<_neil> jeez
<uglykaka> thats just wrong
<_neil> that's just wrong
<shaan> shake your pre puebescent groove thing
<shaan> they should market it as a "training thong"

<SillyBoob> HELP
<SillyBoob> WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME
<SillyBoob> WHERE DO YOU GO TO DOWNLOAD THE CDS?
<SillyBoob> MY CUZIN DOWNLOADED HTIS FOR ME
<Takaznik> type /quit get cd list and wait for about an hour
* Quits: SillyBoob (get cd list)
<Naked_Eye> How much you bet he will be back in an hour

<FeSTeR> oh ya great job pullin out of the parking lot
today..lol almost hit a woman
<GABAR> dude if i was any good at pulling out, you wouldnt be
alive

«+ aisu_kurimu » damn right
«+ aisu_kurimu » wait i think i messed up my ghetto lang
«+ aisu_kurimu » damn straight*
«+ aisu_kurimu » ughhhh 17 years in the ghetto, you'd think
i'd pick up something
«@Xellos-san» yeah, herpes

<Oberon-> So does anyone have any projection on how cheap
Pentium III
chips are going to get in the next few weeks?
<TeeCee> Cheep enough to be able to use them for floor tiles. 
:)
<Oberon-> TeeCee: Wow, cool thought!  Massively parallel floor
tiles -
a kitchen floor you can count on!

<AlmtyBob> 401k's are for homos who fucking intend to live
until 65

<tm> hmm, our call centre manager just asked how do i turn off
capslock
<Zaph0d> tm: Ctrl-Alt-DEl
<tm> she's crying on her keyboard now

(FireballX301) this dude says that we need a nation's consent
to bomb it
(FireballX301) whoo
(FireballX301) The Iraqi government, he added, was "fully
informed" about the attack on Falluja, the latest of several
bombings against suspected safe houses for Mr. Zarqawi's
militants, and he said it "agreed with us on the need to take
action."
(FireballX301) "The point is, we didn't just act on our own,"
Mr. Armitage said. "A sovereign nation had to agree."
(FireballX301) so basically...
(FireballX301) Germany: Lets invade France!
(FireballX301) France: Help us Britain!
(FireballX301) Britain: Hey, Germany, can we bomb you?
(FireballX301) Germany: No.
(FireballX301) Britain: Oh well, sorry France.

swansonmarpalum: I dunno
swansonmarpalum: I do not think I would hang around someone
who could not get hard and fuck me
Sigma X: Wait
swansonmarpalum: I mean if I was a chick.

<Mach17> i haev the firewall up
<@Curator> firewall, what kind?
<Mach17> redhat 7.2 :o
<@Curator> thats a OS you fruitcake
<@Curator> not a firewall
<Mach17> stfu newb
<@Curator> ...

<Threeboy> don't use it ever when i'm in here please.
<_3D_Mike|work> use what?
<_3D_Mike|work> whigger?
<Threeboy> "nigger" it's fucking rascist.
<JonM> I am not racisct
<JonM> it was easier to type then african american

<civicsi> flappy: they have rubber in em now
<spazzer> HI JASON PRESTON
<spazzer> AKA
<spazzer> CIVICSI
<civicsi> HTF DID YOU GET MY NAME?
<spazzer> hahaha
<civicsi> spazzer: your IP will be forwarded to the FBI
<aNuBiS-> roflmfao
<aNuBiS-> JASON PRESTON
<spazzer> go right ahead Mr. Preston
<KK> the people at work are ricers..
<aNuBiS-> i just comprimised your computer
<aNuBiS-> and am reading your files right now
<aNuBiS-> theyre pretty lame mostly
<civicsi> YOU ALL NEED TO STAY OUT OF MY COMPUTER
<LennyNero> hahaha
<JPres> civicsi sounds like a real moron
<civicsi> uhhh, no
<civicsi> I am MCSE asshole
<Darn> haha
<pHatBUDDa> haha
<KK> civicsi.. I have access to government computers.. Jason
Preston.. I can see your home address
<civicsi> I have experience
<KK> I have experience jerking off but that doesnt mean I am a
jerkoff extroidinaire
<spazzer> So Jason, how have things been?
<aNuBiS-> err, ya it does KK
<KK> aNuBiS-.. hmm.. you are right
<civicsi> spaz: do I even know you?
<spazzer> Jason Preston: http://www.digdug.cx/quotes/?2767

Rovin: MY AUNT WENT OUT WITH IVAN FROM MEN WITHOUT HATS
Shorah: Did they practice safety sex?

<Elementl1> In all seriousness, I am currently looking for
some warez at the moment.
<Elementl1> I would like a Vigilante 8 ROM for the Nintendo
64.
<Mulet> I'm usually not here this early. do we have an AOL
hour?

<Mike_3486> i wonder if i could smother somebody using the CO2
from a Coke can <Sock_Monkee> shrug
<Mike_3486> nobody knows...if i asked how to make a bong from
a wiffle ball, some duct tape, and a rubber band i'd get 10
different answers

<Kazeuri> That would roxor to live in a cave back in the day.
I would still rather be a pirate though.
<Kazeuri> I guess I have to settle for internet pirate. Yarrr,
sail the seven ISPs.

<Chow-BBL> fuck, i just realized how much i dislike eating
pussy
<rtav> ChOwShAdY, I have to ask why you're trying to pleasure
a woman...
<rtav> you need to tell her that were she meant to be
pleasured, she'd be a man
<Spamalope> keep in mind how often rtav gets ass before you
heed his advice pertaining to ladies.
<rtav> Spamalope, My advice is untainted by experience.

<Renzian> ahh i just swallowed a quarter
<ChrisAFK[motfR3]> ...
<ChrisAFK[motfR3]> You swallowed a coin?
<Aspect> You only have to be worried if you shit out two dimes
and a nickel.

KajiTheGaurdian: Funny thing. There were these papers by kids
posted on the wall of the temple about why being Jewish is
good, and one kid wrote "I like being Jewish because it means
I'm special," but he wrote it as "spechul".
Dolorous Decay: He sounds pretty fucking spechul to me

-> -#tfc- [notice:#tfc] YOU HAVE RECEIVED A FATAL ERROR, PRESS
ALT + F4 TO REPAIR THIS IMMEDIATELY
<Spearhead> should i try it? :-P
<Spearhead> oh here we go
<Cobrabat> go on tell me what happens
<Spearhead> nothin
<Spearhead> :-P
<VooDoo> press alt and F4 at the same time
<Spearhead> nothing happens voods :-P
<Spearhead> does it have to be a capital f?
<Spearhead> hmmm xp that dont work voods :-P
<VooDoo> F4 as in the buttons above the numbers
<Spearhead> ooooh like the F1 Help button?
<Cobrabat> do you hit F and 4 together?
<Spearhead> i tried that cob it didnt work
<Spearhead> unless you have to hold shift as well to make it a
capital F
<VooDoo> like the F1 help button
<VooDoo> n00bz...

<Kerpal>the Cd-key is 56dsr67x
<vR|Sn00kie>Wont work....hmm
<kerpal>Hmm....it is x as in zebra
<vR|Sn00kie> you are stupid

<dsherret> :(
<dsherret> hey i never noticed this till now if u look at :)
on its side u can see a face
<dsherret> tilt ur head to the left and see a happy face :)

(tiko-out) Guin is the poster child for pulling out
(Twin-X) although she's the result of not

<dr_binks>I think they should start rating bash quotes
according to how stupid the people are, not how funny the
quotes are.

<Ma[N]da> he wont shut up about my mum
<Ma[N]da> i swear i wannna kiss him
<My`Albanian`Ass> kiss him?
<Ma[N]da> oh my god
<Ma[N]da> i mean kill him