bash.org archive

<iPBS> you know
<iPBS> there were billions of virus emails traveling the net
last week
<iPBS> people were complainging about getting hundreds of
emails in their inbox's
<iPBS> and i didn't get a single email virus
<slightly> me neither
<iPBS> whats that say about our popularity?
<slightly> :(

<RMerlin> Best one was that night a regular woman on the
channel joined it, and asked us if someone could finger her.
<RMerlin> Then she realised what she had just said

<phiber_> where's my boot disk? how can i be a hacker without
linux?

<tbp> I never trusted James Earl Jones after that Vader shit.

<Sapient> hey guys
<Westovski> Hey Sap, wanna do a knock-knock joke?
<Sapient> err, ok
<Westovski> you start
<Sapient> k
<Sapient> knock knock
<Westovski> who's there?
<Sapient> ...

<foo> You got to think like a poet.
<cain> I think you're a cunt.

<Ravsieg> My firewall just blocked itself from accessing the
network.
<Ravsieg> I wonder if this is a good or a bad sign.

<Destruya> HEY WOW I'M SO GOOD AT BF1942 BECAUSE I HANG
OUTSIDE SPAWN POINTS
<Destruya> ESPECIALLY THE PERMANENT ONES
<fatehaze> lol
<Destruya> AND I FUCKING KILL EVERYONE BEFORE THEY CAN SHOOT
ME BACK
<Destruya> AND PEOPLE LIKE THIS "DESTROYA" GUY YELL AT ME
PROBABLY BECAUSE I'M SO FUCKING AWESOMELY 1337
<Destruya> AND HE'S JEALOUS OF MY MAD SKIZZILS, YO
<Destruya> OMGOMGOMG
<Destruya> I SHOULD WRITE A TIPBOOK ON BF1942
<Destruya> "BF1942: HOW TO BE FUCKING COOL LIKE ME IN JUST ONE
VERY SIMPLE STEP"
<Destruya> </sarcasm>
<Destruya> I just got out of a really goddamned frustrating
BF1942 game full of career cocksmoking permanent base
campers.  Could you tell?

<Messiah> I remember what's her name
<Messiah> ok granted obviously not that well

<fanf1> linux is more compatible with unix than windows is
with windows

<verin> and on the fourth day, there was pr0n, and God said,
"let this be a blessing onto you, since Eve is out shopping"

<Baintz> Wikipedia is now used like the dictionary, meant to
be serious but used to look up dirty words

<iKon> it's like they took my buying habits and offered me the
exact opposite of everything i've ever purchased
<Queued-S> What, they're offering you heterosexual literature
without pictures?

<Jahidi> love is just when two people decide to stalk each
other.

<shapr> whoa, my erc mode line is [#h,#e,#l,#p], I think my
computer is trying to send me subliminal messages.

<RedVapor> hearing my dad say "Wow, Tifa's hot." is scarring
<RedVapor> You wanna know what I replied with? "No duh, dad.
Funny thing is, I have a better chance witgh someone like that
then you do." I was grounded for 2 weeks
<ecco> Yes, you have a better chance with VIDEO GAME
CHARACTERS
<ecco> ahaha dork boy

<blazeboy>you dont have to be willing
<blazeboy>only unwilling to file charges

<Dashiva> "There comes a special time in every young woman's
life when special things start to happen.."
<hibbert> every month, for  afew days, its ok to be a bitch
<Lanfear> ...you men dont know how easy you have it
<hibbert> whatever
<hibbert> you dont have to deal with carting around this huge
piece of meat everywhere
<Dashiva> hahahhah
<dogma-> lol
<hibbert> its like im pregnant, and the baby is hanging
between my legs

<@minion> i think abortion is a time travelling alien's plot
to stop us from advancing
<@NrK> no
<@NrK> conservitives are

<Ck3> know whats pedophile's favorite chord?
<Ck3> A minor

<lan_rover> i hate reruns.
<DAL9000> as do i
<lan_rover> i wish the tv stations would just say: "We're
sorry.. we have nothing new to show you.. so please go do
something productive."

<dregan> Speaking of which, I got myself a new girlfriend.
<dregan> And she has a bigger dick than my last boyfriend.
<dregan> Skillz.

<@iretd> Problem with bash is: after reading it for like half
an hour, you go back to irc and you don't understand the jokes
ppl make, like "where's the punch line" and then you realize
there's no joke, it's just back to boring old IRC
<@dalias> actually i have that problem on bash
<@dalias> i read a quote and i'm like "where's the punch line?
"

<phiber> I JUST LOST A NEATO ROOT CAUSE I HIT CTRL+C MEANING
TO COPY THE IP

* fido2 ponders his next move
<@Doody> Queen to knight four?

<xPinkyx> Nate, did you know my hand is part of an indian
tribe called Slapaho?

<trunck> how long doesschool have a vacation?
<Nec> till monday, i think
<<Nec> next week, that is.
<trunck> whoa
<trunck> really long
<trunck> fucking school kids
<Nec> is illegal.

<+Coneja> and something about clitorises i dreamt last night
<+Coneja> a talking clitoris
<+Coneja> that's what it was
<+kevin> hahahahaah
< geekster> a talking clit... that would scare the utter shit
out of you
<+preacha> geekster: it would probably diss you
<+preacha> "goddamn, you're doing it all wrong"
<+preacha> "oh look at you, big stud, she looks bored as fuck"
<+preacha> "hey, i think you've forgotten about
something........ME!"

JunoRulz: Meh, in health class, some lady talked about it.
JunoRulz: She said rape is unwanted penetration of body.
JunoRulz: So I went around sticking my pinky in girls' ears.
JunoRulz: Declaring rape.

<DMC[18s]> heater cores look like baby radiators that fell out
of the sky for my enjoyment.. i just wanna give them a hug
they are so cuddly

<@blodyholy> do you know the importance of mixing caramel and
honey and whipping creme together and heating it up in the
microwave for 2 minutes and pouring it on your cat?

OhTheCommotion: This "Comedy Central presents..." was brought
to me by Windows Vista
OhTheCommotion: But this show came on at the time it was
scheduled to come on
OhTheCommotion: So someone is lying to me.

<Snoody> I am wearing a sports bra. It makes my boobs look all
flat and weird.
<tanjo> as opposed to ?

<Zorah> You're like a merry go round.. everyones had a ride.
<Exodus> naw
<Exodus> just the ones who are taller than 5'

<Latino-Heat> my mum wants me to get a piercing or a tattoo to
make me look meaner

<BlakMajiK> my dad said "we need to get ready for this y2k
bullshit, i'm gonna fill the fridge in the basement full of
beer"

<The-Jim> Next time I fly British Airways I'm gonna steal the
little knife, fork and spoon, they're like 2/3rd the size of
normal ones, gonna keep them in my bag.
<xace> do it
<xace> then when people try to make you use a spork
<xace> be like
<xace> FUCK YOU I HAVE MINI FORK, KNIFE, AND SPOON

Rayo :: My friend Lupe is the Santa at the Mall.
dissolve/decay :: wait, what happened?
Rayo :: He owed me money.
Rayo :: So I waited in line today with all the kids.
Rayo :: and told him to pay up in front of all the children,
"kids. Santa owes me 40"
"....come on Greg...wheres your Christmas Spirit?"
"Do you want these kids to think Santa is a cheapskate?"

<Swish> the C5 military cargo plane?
<iban> that's what my mom's boyfriend used to pilot
<iban> yea the C5
<Swish> cooool :D
<iban> he said that when it loads it lowers the body down and
opens the front and back
<iban> its' the only plane that gets down on all fours to take
it from both ends

Andy: when I finish a song, I automaticly hate it.
Nielzor: that's quite a healthy attitude, though, I think,
hating what you've created
Andy: like punching babies!
Nielzor: EXACTLY

* [petey suspects I-Que of not being 1337!
<I-Que> I'm only 22!
<I-Que> not 1337

<poppycat> well..I dont have a vibrator any more but yes...he
was called mister buzzy and he used to squirm and vibrate
across the floor at great speed
<kirsy> you let your vibrator play on the floor?
<poppycat> yes..I didnt get much out of using it so I decided
to let it amuse me by racing it
<Yasui> "GO MR BUZZY! beat that other vibrator! you can do it!
"

<fastahj7> what's the difference between the usa DC lightgun
and the euro one
<smcn> the usa one has a "shoot up your school" button

<no_soul> did you know the testes on blue whales weigh like
400 pounds?
<no_soul> thats a hefty sack
<ecoli> my god.
<no_soul> just a little fun fact for you all
<ecoli> them is some big nuts
<ecoli> did you know that the blue whale's penis is 11 feet
long?
<no_soul> i bet the shoot loads like a fuckin cruise missle

<trashcan> studpid email
<trashcan> Subject:Massive Cocks, 14 inch cocks ripping open
tight teen cunt holes
<trashcan> WHO thinks of these things
<PhD> i heardly think world health organization has time to
think up of spam email titles

<feikkikuotti> heard about the accident?
<`Riku> no, what, who, where?
<feikkikuotti> my bro got hit by a bus, got both of his legs
amputated :(
<`Riku> so you got half brother then?

(&Jet) That reminds me of another funny story
(&Jet) Our senior prank last year:
(&Jet) (the seniors have now graduated)
(&Jet) their first attempt
(&Jet) they put birdseed ALL over the ground
(&Jet) like everywhere
(&Jet) too bad for them it was windy
(@Valkarious) LOL, think of all the birdshit
(@Valkarious) awww
(&Jet) and we have gardeners at our school
(&Jet) no wait listen
(@Valkarious) man, foiled
(@Valkarious) kk
(&Jet) the gardeners blew the birdseed
(&Jet) INTO THE PARKING LOT
(@Valkarious) LOL
(@Valkarious) YES
(@Valkarious) YESSS
(&Jet) Yeah baby
(@Valkarious) oh man
(@Valkarious) that's classic
(&Jet) so much bird shit on everyone's cars
(&Jet) it was fantastical
(Leprae) LOL

<dabblerblue> i wonder if anyone in iraq has tried
rocket-jumping yet
<DJTodd> Rocket jumping?
<dabblerblue> nevermind

<CommanderStab> ARGH
<CommanderStab> It just dawned on me that the "pen" I was
chewing was actually a pair of scissors @_@
<CommanderStab> It dawned on me when I cut my lip on them >_<

<sieco> i still use it to play duck hunt
<ion> my nintendo went out the window after that last time I
failed to beat ganon and bring home the tri-force
<XCoyote> lol
<ion> my girlfriend was like "you fucking sissy.  if you don't
bring me home the tri-force I'm going out with Bobby next
door"
<sieco> rofl
<ion> I'm like "fuck you bitch!"  and I flung the nintendo at
her

<TwoEight> heh, i dont even know how to hack a system
<TwoEight> i am always amazed when i hear such stories
<TheBigZ> hell, half the time I can't get into my own damn
box, much less someone elses

<Nyphur>Dude, my wee sister has TITS!
<CWGerard>...
<CWGerard>...
<Nyphur>Fuck, did I just think that, or did I type it?

<Calrathan> its amazinz;].jhv0z;].jhv0z;].jhv0z;].jhv how a
little liquid in the keyboard can screw it up so much

<Nailbomb> ugggh, I swear I'm gonna be seeing pixels for the
next week, can't wait to hit the beach tomorrow
<Demigoat> yeah
<Demigoat> so you can look at the sand
<Demigoat> and go
<Demigoat> "hmm, those look like pixels"

<^FiCtIoN^> get a tounge ring
<CheeseCookies> lol, coz there good on chicks :D
<Mousey> so is an apron

<TheHobo> Has anyone ever downloaded a 24kb program that tries
to send your hard drive to a japanese company?

<kinkos> can you use a tesla coil as a sexual toy?
<Aegis`> yah, but only once.
<kinkos> once is all i need!

<Rhombus> US investigators say they have seen neither bodies
nor graves while examining a civilian site in central
Afghanistan, allegedly targeted by US warplanes earlier this
week.
<Rhombus> That sounds like:
<Rhombus> Fox investigators say there is no proof that any
henhouses have been raided by foxes.

(tobyl) It's damn hard to schedule these things, and we're
hitting major plot.
(tobyl) Not to mention my character just went up two levels.
(Fetch) wow
(Fetch) what'd you kill?
(Sancho) the DM

<Coyote> ok I'm bored
<Coyote> noir, can I telnet you?
<Noir> why not
<Coyote> Can i get you rroot and play in your filesystem?
<Noir> why not
<Coyote> wewt
<Noir> just dont break anything
<Coyote> oh don't worry
<Coyote> I'll be gentle
<Noir> k
<Coyote> I'll slowly input keystrokes to your cli until you
come to emacs

<egypt> bejeweled is hypnotic.
<zebra> omg bejeweled is like crack.
<egypt> i'm convinced this is an attempt at world domination.
<egypt> i can't stop playing this.
<egypt> MUST.. GET... JEWELS... INTO LINES OF THREEEEEEE.
<egypt> NO MOVES LEFT? BASTARDS!
<Allan> What's bejeweled?
<egypt> its like, tetris for the mentally challenged.
<zebra> omg I HATE that noise it makes when you lose.
<egypt> omg i KNOW
<egypt> it makes me feel like such a FAILURE
<zebra> it makes the baby jesus cry.
<egypt> "you have no friends. please find a disease and crawl
into bed with it, thanks."
<zebra> That *GAME* makes me feel like a failure.
* zebra falls over laughing

<mattbuck> !pball
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> i would start by kissin you
softly on your lips
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> whilst undoin your shirt
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> then i wud move down your neck
and start kissing your chest
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> all the while i woould be
undoin your belt and your trousers
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> i would then rekease your long
hard throbbin cock from your underware
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> and move my tongue down from
your chest to your waist onto your penix
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> *penis
<mattbuck> not that one AGAIN!
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> then i wud give u the best
head of your life
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> and i will let your
imagination take you from there
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> NOW can i have my ops back?

<Spin0ut> anubis's nick is cool
<Spin0ut> cuz it contains the words anus and bi

<esquire> i should name my first born son Zerg
<esquire> just so i can call him a Zergling
<karmasore> what happens if you have a daughter?
<esquire> I buy a gun

<Myuutsuu> Apparently my brother was oggling at my porn stuff
and my girlfriend's picture.
<Tone> Your little brother was FAPPIN' to your girlfriend?
<Myuutsuu> All of his game files will be mysteriously deleted.
<Alphonse> Inside several folders.
<Myuutsuu> He will have a piss stain in his bed the size of
China.
<Myuutsuu> He will have his YGO cards stolen.
<Gojirott> Myuu: Use milk :X
<Gojirott> or better yet, mayo
<Myuutsuu> And I will pay one of the kids at his school to
kick his ass.

(@virt) cracker barrel is the most hilarious name for a place
where a bunch of white people go

Cochese: you're under the impression that Viagra will just
give you an erection
Cochese: it'll only help sustain an erection that you get from
whatever gives you wood
FeMHuR: so if I take Viagra but nothing turns me on nothing
will happen?
Cochese: correct
theho81: so there's still no hope for fat chicks?

<Nija> hahaha i met some girl off the internet once too
<Nija> boy, was she pissed

<detro> i dont remember my heart stopping though
<detro> and i dont remember the paddles shocking me
<revc> that's because you were dead
<detro> yea
<detro> i guess
<detro> next time i die i wanna be sober