bash.org archive

<Nugget94M> I remember when my mom first got on the internet,
about 2 years ago. She *almost* had it figured out.
<Nugget94M> she managed to use a search engine, and found a
web page she was interested in.
<Nugget94M> so she printed it out, stuck it in an envelope,
and _mailed_ it to me so I could see it too.
<acidkill> Nugget94M: hehe, i guess she didnt know about
email?
<Nugget94M> she knew about email. it just never dawned on her
that she could mail the url.

Substitue Teacher> Alright class. Here's the next question.
Spain was divided into what? Hint, Canada has these.
Dane> Umm... Canadians!
Kyle> ... Provinces you idiot...

<rick_rizzy> dude how's this for a horror story
<rick_rizzy> i just ate a hershey's kiss
<rick_rizzy> but sort of half choked on it
<rick_rizzy> some of it got caught in my throat
<rick_rizzy> so i was all snorting and trying to cough it up
<rick_rizzy> and now it's all up in my upper throat and nasal
passage
<rick_rizzy> I'M IN HELL

* ShadiZar throws her head back and yells "oh god! yes!" -
just for the fuck of it
<`KArmA> see, I don't look at it as having really dirty sex, I
look at it as having a really deeply spiritual prayer session
<`KArmA> tag-team style
<ShadiZar> rofl
<ShadiZar> amen brother
<`KArmA> let us pray

<mowgli> Nicolai why are your faces allways backwards?
<Nicolai> what? ._o
<Mertek> He's european. It seems like everyone I've ever met
from Europe has used backwards smileys.
<Mertek> There's no other way to do D: though.
<mowgli> : D
<Spazmo> :D != D:
<Spazmo> I got laid :D She had herpes D:

<Dude> did ya hear poland bought 5000 septic tanks?
<DatDawg> why?
<Dude> as soon as the figure out how to drive them there
invading russia

<Xerox|Studyage> Personally, I'm not too fond of
hermaphrodites. They have more than the recommended amount of
penis for a girl.

<Elenkis> so we're still at +3 huh?
<Domino> guess so...
<Elenkis> man, this is sadder than checking hotornot.com to
see if my rating has gone up

<Aventura1> what does b8 actually mean?
<StndRain> You have to master it to find out

<mikes_> what does this mean? eth0: Promiscuous mode enabled.
<`> it means your ethernet card wants to party

* lavhoes is now known as Jesus
-RPGServ:#pvponline- <Roll for Jesus [1d20]: 12> 
<Jesus> JESUS SAVES!

<scenestar> chuck norris jokes are the web 2.0 equivalent of
"all your base"

<phlo> i believe i'm going to have to explain to my gf that
you dont put the ashes from the last bowl back into the box
with the rest of the dope

<PetrDoubt> Wow, that's elite.  Customer's DSL is down, so he
sends a partial
traceroute.  The middle of the traceroute.  Not the
beginning.  Not the part
where it stops.  The middle.
<PetrDoubt> "My DSL is down.  Here's some hops in alternet."
<PetrDoubt> Thanks, dude.

<cooey> brb going to efnet under the proxy
sawgrass.massopac.navy.mil and telling people to join the
millitary

<maff> the grue wears a +3 amulet of bling blingin'

<cyxxwirc> Soui's ass is able to compile C
<cyxxwirc> that is pretty godly
<rogueWRC> not when he core dumps

<Kelly> i know a guy who was so facinated w/ tits he take two
condoms, fills them w/ water, ties them together, slings them
over his shoulders and wears them in a bra
<crazym> Kelly: you need to get out less.
<Kelly> heh!

onkeybutt87: I have no work ethic
onkeybutt87: or ethics
onkeybutt87: in a related note, I'm going to go hit babies

<c-rOCK> damn my cell phone still reeks of pussy
<c-rOCK> wheres the febreze
<Goemon> Hmm...Did you put it on vibrate?

<wilylojik> you ever get that "not so fresh" feeling?
<immi> wilylojik like after i cum on my balls
<immi> ?
<wilylojik> like after you've been running windows for 6
months
<wilylojik> which I suppose, yes, is like after you cum on
your balls immi

<DaveMann> i know the millitary has a program that could see
ur msg and dcc
> you mean the NSA not the military
<DaveMann> no the military
<DaveMann> what is nsa
<DaveMann> dont u mean
<DaveMann> nasa

[Yaksha] We call this kids' mom 'Mapquest'
[norris] why's that?
[Yaksha] She has multicolored veins visible all over her body,
looks like downtown Phoenix.

Reject: My best friend crashed on the sofa last night, so I
left her a note saying come up whenever you wake up.
Reject: At about 5 in the morning, i'm woken up by laugher.
Reject: Apparently, I was spooning with my dog.
Reject: I will *never* live that down

<niglet3> my "father" sent me a mail with an image (joke about
florida's voting procedure, has a picture of some fisher-price
toy) -- the source?  forum.incesttaboo.com ...

<andrewg> eps will make you drop the soap on command
<andrewg> AND
<andrewg> insert a tracking device
<djrand>  good god
<djrand>  i think thats enough
<@epic_>  lol
<epic_>   Did we make you blush rand?
<epic_>   your virgin ears.
<djrand>  indeed
<epic_>   should put comdoms on them..   wont catch hearing
aids.

*** Foxers has quit IRC (If idiots could fly,Dalnet would be
an airport.)

<Monarx> If it's 2003, where's my flying cars?
<Monarx> And jetpacks?
<Proto_K> hehe
<Proto_K> all those old cartoons
<Monarx> And other hoohah?
<Proto_K> that depict the "future" in 1991 AD
<||bass> yea
<||bass> 1991
<||bass> Mc Hammer
<||bass> talk about a fuckin disappointment, huh

<Macavity> I'm growing a beard. It's really itchy, growing a
beard...
<fin> Then shave.
<Macavity> But I weant a beard for I-Con.
<Macavity> And a real one, not a spirit-gummed-on fake one.
<fin> Why?
<Macavity> Just...because I do. Because it's part of the look
for a LARP character I have.
<fin> OK. Stop there. I don't want to know anymore. Goddamn.
<Macavity> BECAUSE I FUCKING FEEL LIKE GROWING A BEARD, OKAY?
<Macavity> Shiiiit....
<fin> Which part of "changing your appearance to fit in with a
LARP character" doesn't sound stupid to you?
<Maestro|OoT> LARP?
<Furry_Geek> Live Action Role Playing.
<Maestro|OoT> Oh, NO.
<fin> OK, scratch that. Which part of "playing a LARP" doesn't
sound stupid to you?

<wik|sys> if i was a girl. i'd be the sluttiest lesbian ever.
and i'd fuck all the dorky nerdy guys who don't get any. just
'cause.

<Fryboy>  A fast internet connection has more long term value.
Your typical 18
year old girl is good for about 1 night....then
either she gets
bored and moves on or you want to strangle her after
hearing "Like,
you know, and stuff" in EVERY goddam sentence.
<Fryboy> Now Gigabit Ethernet....that's the gift that keeps on
giving.

<M1k3> hey, the girlscouts would need some parent to look
after them, are you in?
<Bo13> wait 1 quick question, does this increase my chanses to
get laid??
<M1k3> but they are like 12 years old!!!
<Bo13> so that's yes?

<okin^2> hi
<okin^2> how can I retrieve my password?
<@shasta> refresh your memory
<@shasta> :)

* Efudd names his new firewall box "cannabis"
<Efudd> It's a gateway box!
<Efudd> To Other Bad Networks.

<mindran> ok i'm going to be fired
<mindran> i made some thing generate random passwords for this
app i just made
<mindran> and sent it out
<mindran> and some of them are horrible :(
<mindran> i dont want to be the person who's password is now
"hard14long"
<mindran> or "like10come"

<Thunder> I seriously gotta upgrade my computer, I'm scared
that my comp will blow up if I click the wrong tile in
minesweeper D:

* Valvados pulls out a random Indiana joke
<Valvados> HEY
<Valvados> Why doesn't Kentucky slide into Tennessee?
<Valvados> BECAUSE INDIANA SUCKS

<Gohanmastaflex> \+\
<Gohanmastaflex> (>^^(>**)>
<Gohanmastaflex> catholic priest kirby!

<Vertinox> idiocy is relative
<Vertinox> in fact your an idiot next to some one else
<Vertinox> everyone has some one superior
<Vertinox> in some way
<Joe_> What about the guy who is the best?
<Joe_> Who is his superior?
<PyroRaven> That would be me

<HailBrak> "Oh shit! I got the shoe! I'm so invincible! Oh!
Eat it, you bitch! You don't understand! I got the damn SHOE!
It's the shoe! And look at how cute I am with my stupid
plumber head poking out of the wind up sock! I am the cutest
invincible shoe rider ever! Mario! Mario! He's in the ULTRA
green SHOOEEE!"

<DoctorRiff> i hear that every year the piro comes out of his
hole in the ground and if he sees his shadow we will have 6
more weeks of delayed comics

@(F|uid) candlelight dinners suck
@(F|uid) i cant see my food

(@sml) jesus
(@sml) Bizarre & Weird Porn Links < PenisBot... Fetish Bloody
pussy pics of teens changing menstrual tampons & pads, +
tampon eating. A Sex With a Twist Interesting and unusual porn
- midgets, twins, latex ...
(@sml) anytime you think something's too weird to be on the
intarweb
(@sml) it is there
(@sml) and pushing >> 85mbit of movie bandwidth, fo sho
(@sml) ugh
(@sml) that's fuckin gross, even for me
(@mamba_X) tampon eating urk
(@mamba_X) way to get your iron i guess
(Blaxthos) only someone who has gone down on his girlfriend
after pucking her cherry the night before would think of that
(@Sabboth) or someone who has earned their red wings
(@pachell) that's some fucking filthy shit
(@pachell) i'll fuck a bitch on the rag, but that's about it
(Blaxthos) it was an accident
(Blaxthos) or call it lack of forethought

<dj_ak> i just popped a zit on my shoulder
<dj_ak> and it hit me in the eye
<dj_ak> then i licked my eye
<splifs> women must love you

<Gygaxis> hitler: NO FAIR!!! ENGLANDS WALLHACKING!!!!1

<Xore> ;_;
<Xore> dammit
<Xore> you know you have problems when...
<Xore> you write really really sexy code
<Xore> and you belatedly realize
<Xore> that your code is a whole heap sexier than you are

<GladX> holy
<Azhrarn> moly
<GladX> a cloud just flew into my house
<GladX> !!!
<@sdodson> cloud?
<Azhrarn> we call that "fog"
<GladX> yes, one of those white puffy things
<TheWeasel> neat.
<GladX> my house was experiencing turbulence!
<TheWeasel> invite it to have coffee.
<Azhrarn> poke it with a stick!
<Azhrarn> A POKING stick!
<@sdodson> Are you atop something tall enough to put you up
where clouds live?
<GladX> Azhrarn: it was a cloud
* TheWeasel sics Mr. Madsen on Azhrarn.
<GladX> either it was a cloud or a new string of attack fog
<TheWeasel> maybe it was car exhaust.
<GladX> strain
<GladX> there goes another one
<GladX> i'm watching clouds zip by my house!
<TheWeasel> take pictures.
<Azhrarn> Mmm... Attack Fog
<@sdodson> It was a cloud!!!! 
* sdodson giggles
<Azhrarn> What will the Russians come up with next?

<PTM> when i was ten...
<PTM> (interesting story, no?)
<PTM> i was messing around with a neighbor girl
<PTM> and like
<PTM> it was mostly naked wrestling
<PTM> with penetration
<PTM> but no orgasms.
<Damsel> you fucking fucked at 10?
<PTM> well if that's your definition of fuck, i suppose

<C3rBeRuS> i hate my dad
<C3rBeRuS> i hope he dies tomorrow
<C3rBeRuS> not today
<C3rBeRuS> becoz he is goin to get pizza

<TheM-netbook> yeah, "god" is a concept more than an actual
thing or state of being
<+chaosisorder> Like Duke Nukem Forever?
<TheM-netbook> haha
<TheM-netbook> god is vaporware

<Bloaty121> hmm i was just watching a jif commercial and now i
want a peanut butter sandwich
<|404notfound> They're brainwashing you, watch out.
<Bloaty121> but i'm hungry
<|404notfound> That's what they want you to think.

<CorranFox> but I wanted to ask something about a certain
girl... who likes me
<CorranFox> its been buggin me for a while
<CorranFox> well since last night anyways
<CorranFox> care to listen?
<Slant> Sure. Do tell.
<scummo> "See.. her name's 'my mom'...

<CrazyDUMPLING> i treat my women like sUGAR
<Tetsuo> How so?
<CrazyDUMPLING> i put them inbags and lick them
<CrazyDUMPLING> or at least i did until that financially
debilitiating lawsuit
<Tetsuo> ...

<Gravit> Poker, beer, and lucky charms. What does that make
us? :)
<Roverpup> Irish.

<DeF`> hehe... The Man in the Iron Mask made me cry... for
real
<cuzzzin> debbie does dallas made me jack off

<Boba> You know who should get in the NBA? Mini-Me.
<collusion> yeah, and he should play center right?
<Boba> No...he's obviously a power forward. Are you sure you
watch basketball?

<ultraman_jlh> Gonna go eat guys.
<ultraman_jlh> Later.
<Fnord> Why are you eating guys?
<ultraman_jlh> Because I don't like bitchy food.

lizbunny11: actually, i respect microsoft developers
lizbunny11: it's hard to have your head up your ass and your
nose in the air at the same time

<Helen> Well my husband never yells at me
<Helen> Neither he swears nor say rude stuff to ppl
<Helen> And he almost never stays late by computer
<Helen> And he never cheats on me and never goes to that
horrible drinking places like pubs and stuff
<Helen> Isn't he great?! ^_^
<DialSoft> Hmmmm..........
<DialSoft> Try poking him with a stick
<DialSoft> He seems pretty dead

<promo> can you op me in the main plz.
<Raz|utreg> als ik je kut lik ruik ik je reet
<Raz|utreg> zal ik jou eens effe lekker in bek scheiten ?
<promo> huh
<Raz|utreg> zeg ken jij de mosselman BRBRBRBRBR mosselman
<promo> <BR><FONT SIZE="1000">I don't understand</FONT><BR>

Ryk> "let's be friends" is what chicks say when they're
feeling guilty about shafting someone.
<Ryk> they don't mean it.
<Ryk> they mean the kind of friends that never speak and never
see each other.
<Tippytoes> thats the best kind of friends

<DesPlesda> Dammit, I got turned down for a blind date with
the excuse "I think we should see other people".
<Hugh> Yikes.
<DesPlesda> Somehow she picked up on my geekness from just my
voice. Scary.
<DesPlesda> Maybe I shoudln't have started with 5 minutes of
heavy breathing.

<KANG> You know, I don't think you can call it a "friendly
rivalry" after you've killed your opponent's parents.

strangeanya: yah he's a prick...
porter is a dick: men are such pigs
porter is a dick: show me your tits

<shiwan> Geez, can't a guy mention Janet Reno on Margaret
Thatcher strap-on porn and not empty a channel?

<AnneRobinson^> Do Canadians really like fart jokes for
entertainment???
<shagman> fart jokes rock
<shagman> take this classic canadian joke for example
* shagman farts on IEatChildren

<Tea_Bag> yo fox is Mulder your surname
<FoxMulder> Tea_Bag: erm...no
<FoxMulder> is Bag yours?

<Kersus> we have to exchange presents at work. we had a $20
limit. So naturally
I bought 20 dollars worth of kool-aid

<Vedic> Boiling cheese = DON'T EAT