bash.org archive

* Preachy gets out the guitar
<Ron> ?
<Ron> you play guitar? cool
<Ron> i play guitar too
<Preachy> actually I call my cock a guitar

<StmChser> sex is like math
<StmChser> - the clothes, + the bed, / the legs, ...and pray
to god you don't multiply.

<shumani> when gnosticism becomes mainstream, is that mass hip
gnosis?

<jesdynf> That's odd. There's an option at the bottom of
Yahoo's email composition screen -- I can attach -money- to my
email, with "PayDirect" or something.
<jesdynf> Wonder if I should attach a $20 to my resume.

<MadHatter> omg how do I turn mirc timers off
~~~ (signoff) MadHatter ;Excess Flood

<killah667> shit i left my jacket in another channel!!
<madlib> wich one!?
<killah667> #lobby

<quacky> if you get carpal tunnel from giving handjobs, can
you still get L&I from work?
<Captain_Tenille> Depends if it's job related, I guess.
<Buggy> hmmm... if the handjobs are for managers, maybe
<geekie> technically...you just have to give the handjob at
work.
<geekie> and then management is responisble for said handjob
<Buggy> well, it's not really in my job description.. but
maybe it's in yours
<geekie> no..if the accident occurs in the workplace, they are
liable.
<Buggy> right, so if it's an accidental handjob...
<quacky> that's what I'm talking about.
<Buggy> or an accident occurs while doing the handjob
<quacky> only we're talking about handjob-related injuries
<geekie> right.

<Breianna> The U.K. is adding a new stripe to its flag
<Breianna> Black, to reflect its "multiculturalism"
<whitcomb> i noticed all the blue people when i went there

<@CMX> got a speeding ticket the other day
<@CMX> and the fucking asshole cop
<+mootlife> how fast?
<@CMX> insulted my car
<%jdp> wtf... lol
<@CMX> 69 in a 55
<+mootlife> insulted your car?
<@CMX> fucker asked if I had any dead midgets in the trunk
implying I have a little car
<+mootlife> LMAO!

(]Joey[> how wsas the party?
(avarrin-> [oe
(avarrin-> pine
(avarrin-> JO9WWkn
(avarrin-> pinw
*** avarrin- has quit IRC (My damn controlling terminal
disappeared!)
(]Joey[> damn, must have been good

<TehTipper> what do u call bread made by a buffalo?
<DoomGuyPaul> Unsanitary.

<richmond> one time i was watching anime in my room, and my
dad hit his hand on my door, and yelled, "Are you jackin' off
to cartoons in there!?"
<richmond> :(
<BloodFromStone> haha
<BloodFromStone> Busted.
<Dragonfly> lol
<richmond> haha
<richmond> yeah :(

<+WAREZmunkey> owwww shit
<+WAREZmunkey> i just managed to put a staple into my tongue
<+WAREZmunkey> teach me to chew on it i suppose
<graeme> I cannot even begin to imagine the sequence of steps
that caused to to accidentally staple your tongue.
<+WAREZmunkey> ok i will rephrase it
<+WAREZmunkey> i just stupidly put a staple into my tongue
<Lithium> LOL

(lithrye) I'm experiencing an annoying problem.
(lithrye) hlds is killing my ISP's router.
(Silicon) and how exactly do they say it's doing that
(lithrye) it's causing it to drop packets.
(Silicon) what are they using Fischer Price, My first router?

<sta-hi> YOU DONT SCARE ME ENCLAVED
<sta-hi> I EAT HOMOS LIKE YOU FOR BREAKFAST
<sta-hi> er..

[dodgey   ] wow!
[dodgey   ] somthing fucken weird happened
[dodgey   ] i just deleted porn :|

<Arsonic> steam, steam, the magical fruit. the more you play
the more you reboot

<Paul_> i was rubbing one out to this vid, girl stradling a
bloke, bouncing away back to the camera happily taking the
full length up her zx spectrum. all of a sudden she lifts off,
he pulls out and fires off a few rounds right up her back,
inpressive clustering. I finish up - managing to timne it to
within 1/2 seconds of the money shot, Ron Jeremy style - a
true professional. Then, at the very end, completely
unexpected.. 'she stands up'
<Paul_> and it is quite clearly a fella :|
<Paul_> i was horrified.
<Paul_> the pyschological implications....

<isocat> id like to see a good movie about someone nuking the
Superbowl

<MisterQ> I found a way you can call people for free while on
the internet
<shilantra> oh really
<Republica> It's called "Your Neighbor's Phone"

<DJCookieMonster> Tell your mother to stop changing her
lipstick. My dick is like a friggin rainbow.

<Jeeba|FG> I think all Juvenile Delinquents should be sent to
spend 5 months with me.
<Sunn_Toucher> Are you a law figure?
<Jeeba|FG> No
<Jeeba|FG> Im a child molester.

frostedbeagels: now here's the thing
onkeybutt87: where's the thing?
frostedbeagels: here
onkeybutt87: oh yeah

Schraitle: IP's are like old phone numbers because when you
get a new one you're stuck with all the shit that the person
who had it before you did.
Schraitle: for instance, the guy who had my IP before i did
had a lot of fun spamming irc and getting himself blocked from
every website that i like to go to

<Bubbaprog> you know nothing of men :-)
<Calisa> I know that it's not appropriate to masturbate when
you're in the same room as your daughter, thinking it's okay
because you think she's asleep.
<Calisa> I know something!
<Calisa> He stopped every now and then when he heard my sister
shifting.
<asshat> thats good parenting

<@Blackout> is it ok to masturbate and irc at the same time,
what ya guys think
<@fragge> dont aim your cum on my nick

<@jwz> yeah, apparently I was getting shafted by perl's
distinction between returning a single value, and returning a
single value.

<imagine> Oh god.
<imagine> I just tried to mute my fan with the tv remote.

<jihad> i need crack
<craz> www.gamecopyworld.com
<jihad> not this fuckin software, the drug

<NightO> Jesus is coming, everyone, look busy!!
--- solicit sets ban on jesus!*@*

Alex: I need to take a poo
Dad: Don't take a poo, leave a poo
Alex: Well, if I don't take it, do I not flush it?
Dad: Well what are you going to do with it?
Jenn: I can't believe you're having this conversation

<@Bojangle> splurge: This one time, my friend called the cops
for getting a threatning phone call. SO the cops come over to
just see what my friend is like, to judge if he was BSing or
not
<@Bojangle> So they come over, and start chatting my friend
up, they go, "What do you do?" and he's like, "I'm a computer
consultant
<@Bojangle> "Oh yeah, what are ya' working on?" and he's like,
"Oh, some webserver"
<@Bojangle> So then these two cops start talking about how he
should use another server, and how the server he's using
sucks, and how he should set up a database for certain things,
lmao
<@splurge> HAHAHA
<@Bojangle> And my friend's like, "What are you, cops or
computer programmers?" and he's like, "Oh, I just like to play
around in my spare time"
<@Bojangle> It was like something outta Seinfeld
<@splurge> id skullfuck them and leave their corpses in the
backyard
<@Bojangle> Me too

<JacksonC> remember, VCR's used to expensive :P
<Steempy> Everything used to be expensive
<Steempy> Except when you were a boy
<Steempy> Then everything was a quarter
<Steempy> Gallon of gas? quarter
<Steempy> Dinner? quarter
<Steempy> Blowjob from your cousin? quarter
<JacksonC> haha
...
<Steempy> Well, that's what I paid
<Steempy> Maybe you got family rates

<demalavor> do you want larger firmer breasts?
<IceBurner> No, I prefer my broad, flat manboobs

*** ubermensch- is now known as peer
<peer> DIE POOFSTER
*** Quits: Poofster ([email protected]) (Read error:
Connection reset by peer)

<zaril> my x-gf left me sex-deprived, not my fault. :P
<Toen> yeah right.
<Toen> "she let me see her bra once"
<Toen> "...one of the ones in her dresser anyway"
<Toen> "it was unhooked! eheh! heh!"

Chris: im looking at the stileporn popup
Chris: and this girl looks like my sister =/
Propain: Hrmmm
Propain: Bet yer beating off to it right now
Chris: yeah =/
Chris: well, its not REALLY her
Propain: lol

(|{KomienD) Who has a crack for Spider-Man?
(paper_bag) who has english lessons in an hour?
(vital|wrk) who has to work right now
(paper_bag) who let the dogs out
(nexxai) Who is getting pussy tonight?
(paper_bag) im getting hand
(nexxai) [paper_bag]: jerking yourself off doesn't count
(paper_bag) blast :(
(paper_bag) guess i can give back grandma her lotion, i wont
be getting any l33t points tonight

<folly> and anyone who tells you you can is a moron.
<folly> (or a windows admin, which amounts to much the same
thing)

<EnDs> N E 1 have that song u know the one from woodstolk?

<nido> am i on the internet

<syncretic> whats the best program for capping tv
<JtHM> Handgun v2.4b

<Fiero_Firestorm> My sister's singing to her crap...
<Strife> ...
<Strife> Your sister is singing to her turds?
<Fiero_Firestorm> No.
<Fiero_Firestorm> Her music.
<Strife> Does that make it come out easi--oh!

<Neal[CoNWork]> Not everyone's goal in life is to malign you
<DarkPaladin> Your's seems to be
<Neal[CoNWork]> Yeah, but I said "Not everyone's"
<Neal[CoNWork]> That doesn't mean nobody

<kisama> i've spent my last 5 new year's on either irc or aol

<Aximili> aha Kids' Jeopardy is like Celebrity Jeopardy except
they know the answers

<NekoLocke|Runescape> What the hell? some girl offered me
cybersex on Runescape in exchange for all the gold ore I had
in my inventory. @_@
<Danny> now you do it be a man whore :P
<Eden99> LOL XD;
<Noval> Wow, a game with real hookers. That's inpressive.

<@mewse> contrary to popular belief there are periods where i
dont feel like drinking
<@mewse> these periods, i call "hangovers"

<Butters> this girl I'm talking to on AIM just tried out her
new "pink panther"
<chowda> Butters: I'm sure "she" did :)

<l0g1c> Does giving handjobs make you go blind??
<ApOkAliPs> well...depends where you aim it...

<PERL_ZEALOT> ( E@3 )
<PERL_ZEALOT> / /U
<Brass> Whassat, Perl?
<PERL_ZEALOT> Goatse.

<dragman> Did you know the legal age of consent in Canadia is
14?
<lockdown!> Interesting...all i need now is a cheap flight and
some deodorant
<lockdown!> I think Hollands has a low consent age as well
<dragman> Hehe.  You go that way, I go this way and we meet in
the middle.  Highest kiddy total wins £20
<lockdown!> The game is on

<Josh> i ogtta go to an apointment
<Josh> i cant spell
<Josh> ps its not a spelling appt
<Phil> smart of you to abbreviate it the second time

<ILLSKILLZ00> what would having a computer in my pool
acomplish?
<sKratch zEro> potential death to people swimming in it

<Normandy>  I like Pixie's spelling late at night
<Pixie_Pete>  kick Normandy SUHT PU 0F0!!!11

(Fus|on) Well did any1's grandfather die today????
(Fus|on) cause mine did
(Fus|on) :(
(Patrol) thats off topic

<picklehammer> im gay too
<picklehammer> oops wrong room

<xved> I turned on some trance radio, and now I want to code
<thomashc> I turned on Laura Pausini and now I want to fap!
<Tekk_> I turned on glen beck
<Tekk_> and now I want to die

*** Joins: Canadianpirate (java@=
YEpe33-53-450-851.om.om.cox.net)
<@Oshi> Eyarrr, eh?

<%japaneseschoolgirl> china is beating USA in gold
<@||bass> it was tied this morning
<%japaneseschoolgirl> well still
<%japaneseschoolgirl> china is beating USA
<%japaneseschoolgirl> oh and USA lost in basketball
<%japaneseschoolgirl> to lithuania
<%japaneseschoolgirl> what the hell is lithuania
<@||bass> dude
<@||bass> dont sweat it
<@||bass> the olympics isnt over
<%japaneseschoolgirl> dont sweat it? USA lost in basketball.
<%japaneseschoolgirl> to LITHUANIA

<cherno> midori will pay,
<cherno> somehow, i will find his family,
<cherno> and make hamburgers out of them
<cherno> and make him eat them!
<cherno> and then i will say
<cherno> "midori, would you like some more of your mother?, i
mean beef"
<cherno> but it will really be his mother

<Spammy> shit. i just ate my brothers christmas present

<Squinky> Are all Vietnamese people named Nguyen or something?
<Sopabuena> Yes
<Squinky> I know about 8 with that last name, but none with a
different one
<Sopabuena> If you go to Vietnam and shout "NGUYEN" everyone
will look at you

<Dezner> that was the bitchiest security sticker I've ever
removed from a CD case :x
<Blackjak> what CD?
<Dezner> Excel Saga Great Experiment 2 :O
<Blackjak> ...I was going to say something about whatever band
being hardass
<Blackjak> but fuck man, get laid

<T> I couldn't decided what I wanted so I just got one box of
each type of fruit snacks, some gummy bears, and 5 pints of
americone dream ice cream
<T> When I went up to the checkout, the lady looked at me like
I was crazy after she finished ringing me up
<T> I'm not sure if it's cause I spent $100 on fruit snacks,
or if it was cause I had a sword
<T> Anyway, so I tie the bag handles around the hilt of the
sword, cause there's too many bags to carry, and I set off
down the road
<T> nobody tries to stop me
<T> I get about 3 of the 6-7 blocks towards home down when a
police cruiser pulls up beside me and tells me to put
everything down and put my hands on my head
<T> Luckily, as I've said before, the cops in the UC/Converse
area are cool as shit
<T> It's only SAPD that sucks
<T> So the first thing the cop says is "Is that a weapon son?
", to which I reply "It's a sword, officer"
<T> So, I reply "No officer, I just wanted some fruit snacks."
<T> Now he's really giving me a look, and puts his spotlight
right in my eyes
<T> He says "Are you high son?"
<T> "No officer, just a little drunk."
<T> He's like "Alright, well since you've been honest with me,
let's get you home. Let me see your ID."
<T> So I give him my driver's license, he tells me to hop in
the back, and he takes me to my house and drops me off
<T> I ate an entire box of fruit snacks in the back seat of a
police cruiser
<T> He even let me keep my sword

<Bubbaprog> sweet
<Bubbaprog> my posters came from the museum of modern art
<Bubbaprog> three huuuge art prints, magritte and miro, for 20
buckls shipped
<Bubbaprog> you should see the giant bazooka they came in
<Bubbaprog> it's like a tampon applicator for rosie o'donnell

<egg> I said I was back with Cake. I never said there was
enough for everyoone
<Diet_Crack> IM ETHIOPIAN.. POOR, HUNGRY, NOW GIVE ME CAKE
<kooshy> didn't napster teach you anything about sharing?
<egg> Yes.
<egg> Don't.

<nost> whered iban go
<langdon> home
<nost> this is his home

<ambrness> DEVICE=eth0
<ambrness> BOOTPROTO=static
<ambrness> BOARDCAST=203.21.86.255
<ambrness> HAHAH... no wonder it had probs
<ambrness> curse having an admin who speaks english as a
second language