bash.org archive

<ogg> i'm gonna invent a cereal called raisin hell

<Scofco> just because i like hairless chicks with small tits,
and that are younger than me, does not make me a pedophile
<Scofco> it makes me borderline pedophile

<jonathans> can you kick his ass
<Rjx> I know karate, he knows kickboxing
<Rjx> but if I punched him he'd break my network card
<jonathans> nevermind then

<Guyver3> koolaid time
<Guyver3> what today
<Guyver3> strawberry kiwi
<Guyver3> strawberry kiwi lemonade
<Guyver3> mountain berry blast
<Guyver3> or blood of the preacher's daughter?
<kingmob> the blood one.  definitely.

<t-f-i> An officer in the U.S. Naval Reserve was attending a
conference that included admirals from both the U.S. Navy and
the French Navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in
a small group that included personnel from both navies.
<t-f-i> The French Admiral started complaining that whereas
Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only
English. He then asked, "Why is it that we have to speak
English in these conferences rather than you speak French?"
<t-f-i> Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied:
"Maybe it is because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, and
Americans arranged it so you would not have to speak German."
The group became silent.

Rann XXV: Geez. Story on "Ripley's Believe It Or Not" about
two guys that tried to invent a sport called "parabungee", a
combination of skydiving and bungee jumping. And, gee, one of
them got hurt when it all fucked up. Right now, God is STILL
thinking, "Why the hell isn't that fucker dead?", while Darwin
spins in his grave.

DasKrav: We were playing a review game in history class, on
the topic of the roman empire
DasKrav: The game was like this: The class divides into 8
groups, and one person rotates with the rest of the group in
jeapordy-style questions,
DasKrav: and the question was "What was the name of the
emperor who built a wall in britain?"
DasKrav: and nobody knew it, so he said "Here's a hint: Its
named after him."
DasKrav: and so this one jock guy in my class goes,
DasKrav: "Berlin?"

<n_> derf if you ever call me on the phone and ask for ops
again
<derF> heh.. i'm lazy

<R0SC0E> i bought this returned 60 gig hard drive this weekend
<R0SC0E> thinking they probably just didn't know how to
install it
<R0SC0E> and it'd be fine
<ScumDog> cheap or something?
<R0SC0E> and it turned out to be an old 20 gig drive with the
label swapped
<R0SC0E> yeah
<R0SC0E> but the fuckwad left all his old files on it
<R0SC0E> so i have his name, address, phone number, fax
number, e-mail
<R0SC0E> i e-mailed him and was like you dumbshit
<R0SC0E> he e-mailed back and was like i uh sell computer
parts so once it leaves my hands i don't know what people do
with their stuff
<R0SC0E> i was like what the fuck does that mean, why would
someone take a 20 gig drive you sold, and put all of these
letters to lawyers with your return address on them
<R0SC0E> and call their windows username your name
<R0SC0E> no reply after that

<j4yj0hn> oh my god
<j4yj0hn> the funniest shit happened last night
<j4yj0hn> we were at a guys house and i had to piss, so i go
into his parents bathroom
<j4yj0hn> there was no soap so i look in the medicine cabinet
<j4yj0hn> what do i see?
<j4yj0hn> a big fucking bottle of viagra
<j4yj0hn> so we get like 8 of them and feed them to this guys
9 year old brother
<j4yj0hn> and he has had a bone for about 14 hours now
<j4yj0hn> its fucking hilarious cause he had a physical for
indoor soccer at noon
<j4yj0hn> o laughed for about 4 hours strait
<MrH2o> HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<j4yj0hn> its great, we have about 6000 pics
<MrH2o> damn that is dangrous
<j4yj0hn> but a kid with a massive cock is hilarious

<Celia> la la la
* Archy` stretches and slowly moves arm around Craig
<Archy`> oops
<Archy`> damn TAB
<Archy`> erm....
<@Azhrarn> HAH

<[-FcG-]Digger> LOLOLOL, Some lady just called my cell and was
like "Hi I'd like to place an order"  So I took it!  She's
gonna be pissed when the pizza doesn't arrive.
<[-FcG-]Digger> LMAO CLASSIC
<[-FcG-]Digger> Oh man, I RULE!

<Captain_Cobungo> Arr.  We have a Pirate Ship now.
<FirstMateScurvy> Yes captain. But we have no cannons.
<Captain_Cobungo> Arr! We need to loot something in order to
get money for cannons.
<Captain_Cobungo> Arr! All hands on deck!  Prepare to loot and
plunder.... Canada!
* FirstMateScurvy puts his hands on the deck
<FirstMateScurvy> What now cap'n?
<Captain_Cobungo> Not like that ya lilly livered land-lubber!
<Captain_Cobungo> We're gonna invade canada! Arr! Attack!
* Captain_Cobungo and his forces loot and plunder Canada. 
Arr.
<Cow> Umm... Captain Cobungo, how did you loot and plunder
canada with no weapons?
<Captain_Cobungo> What makes you think Canada has weapons?
Arr.

<Slant> evenpar123: What's up dog, word?
<evenpar123> dog?
<evenpar123> That's my slave name.  My new name is "dogg"

<`Riku> nighty night, don't let the bed bugs bite your head
clean off and shit into your neck.

<Ed> Why is there so much fat porn lately? Someone needs to be
shot.
<Rivorus> what the hell is wrong with fat porn?
<Toad> Yeah, I'm sure they all have great personalities.

<ORi0N> What good are you with a high IQ if you, for example,
can't even tie your own shoe laces or something?
<BaToR> Ask that to Stephen Hawking :p

<@skold> im still happy with my tbird
<@skold> cant say i wouldnt buy a 2400+ right now if i had the
money
<@skold> heh new server with users and an admin who doesnt
seem to be a moron
<Flux> where?
<Taranis> Linux's memory manager is way better than Window's
<@skold> wtf did that come from :P
<@skold> 'hey whats up' 'LUNIX TRUELY IS THE SUPERIOR
OPERATING SYSTEM'

[remROM] hmmmm, a pretty girl once sat next to me in the
computer room then sneezed.
[remROM] I said "gbless you" and she said "thanks". Then she
sneezed again and I blessed her. THen she blew her nose. Then
sneezed again. Then a guy came by and she left with him. Then
2 days later i had the flu.
[remROM] I guess i could brag that she gave me a disease.
[remROM] and oraly transmitted disease at that.

<mojo1701> I remember being in class, and the teacher started
talking to us about communicable diseases
<mojo1701> our teacher's a real whore
<mojo1701> and she kept on saying to us: "Flies can carry
diseases. You don't know where they've been"
<mojo1701> and I looked at her and said, "Then you should stop
unzipping so many of them if you don't know where they've
been."

<AndrewB> I personally think the game is unrealistic. If the
character finds a Zod rune, why can't he just stick it up his
own tailpipe and make himself indestructible?

<Troll> Love anything and your heart will be wrung and
possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact
you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it
carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all
entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your
selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless,
airless, it will change. It will not be broken
<poppyq> or you could just look at porn

<Nastard> i like phonics
<Nastard> one might even go so far as to say i'm hooked on
them

(Lestat): I wish you didn't agree with me.
(Lestat): It makes me think I might be wrong.

<count^> real life is just something the government invented
to steal my money

+|+ [PIT]Kabar has joined #linux
< [PIT]Kabar> ok i got a dumb question
< [PIT]Kabar> <-- linux newb
(+soroh6) well
(+soroh6) we don't allow dumb questions
(+soroh6) sorry.
< [PIT]Kabar> bah usless
< [PIT]Kabar> some great community
+|+ [PIT]Kabar has left #linux []
(+soroh6) HAHAHA
(+soroh6) omg

<McMoo> it smells like sex upstairs
<`michael> haha
<Kenn> I just smelled like sex. I didn't want to shower.
<Kenn> But I did...
<Kenn> :
<kisama> sex and masturbation smell like the same thing, kenn.
<Kenn> kisama, that wasn't nice.

<GaRlic> how you like my new name?
<drunkers> it stinks

<chris> ontario, canada is one of the only places in the world
where you can marry a fag but you can't smoke one

<extrasupreme> This one time, i scored this chick at the
pub...in the TOILETS !
<dunnakin> no you didnt you lying fuckhead
<extrasupreme> ok, i made it up
<extrasupreme> damn.

<Archer> Of course, the most annoying part
<Archer> Was "My heart will go on" ;_;
<Luger>  all of canada sincerely apologizes for Celine Dion
<Luger> in our defense, she's french

<Erad> homophobics are gay

<Frosty> I hate going into kitchens in Resident Evil. I mean -
you just know that there's something in the 'fridge. There
always is. And you don't want to open the 'fridge, but you
know there's something in there that you need. However, you're
running out of ammo, so you're left with killing a zombie
using nothing more than a toothpick and the urine from pissing
your pants.

<LIMPBZKIT> i dont know whats wrong with me i had sex
<JerkItgrl> HAHA
<JerkItgrl> with what?

Saikoesis: 2. A Singapore singing group by the name of "The
Oriental
Singers," sang non-stop for 74 hours and five minutes.
XDarkMindedX: Is that when they got taken out by snipers?

<Aidan> If you found out a commet was about to strike Earth
and you had five minutes to live, what you would do?
<Alsander> You mean, who would I rape

<Cold0ne> the house is shaking
<Cold0ne> WTF!!!!!
<Guyp> you know youre a geek when there's an earth quake but
instead of running away you keep writing "WTF!?!" :O

<+JerryGodd> last time i lost internet i made a kid

<Quan> they speak "texican"

<rezza> wow this 2.6 linux kernel is a big improvement on the
2.4 series... i can do all sorts of crap at the same time with
no slowdown...
<mojomonkee> while you're compiling programs and updating
dependencies at blazing speeds
<mojomonkee> i'm actually doing things

<mefod> anyone ever watch tv...
<mefod> then after 5 minutes or so you think to yourself
<mefod> "omg i better move the mouse, or the screensaver will
come on"
<mefod> but then you remember its a tv

<TCbot> 
<TCbot> Q: Dictionary Definitions: Overly dramatic?
<TCbot>  
<altariel> female

<clay> and i raped your mother %your.age years ago

<indefactorX> WHY AM I BANNED ????????!!!!!!!!!!!!\
<LoneJackal> dunno
<LoneJackal> maybe because you used caps like you just did
here, in a repetitive manner?
<indefactorX> shut up
<LoneJackal> or aggressive language

<KiTTyKaT`> What state is Alabama in?

<Armand> dude
<Armand> I took a mega shit today
<Dong Abuser> nice work soldier
<Dong Abuser> as you were

<Gothic> I put my PS2 in the microwave, and I ended up in the
future

<joesboxd3b> it is just ironic.... you can't get the cvs
version of cvs unless you get the older version of cvs then
cvs to the cvs server to get the latest cvs version of cvs

<mander_> if east timor can be a nation..
<mander_> is there really any reason my bathroom can't be?

<Invictus> Which professions are you getting?
<Shadow> huh?
<Invictus> I told you to read the manual. =p
<Shadow> I got drunk instead.

<[ryan]> jack i have more mariokart hours than your airline
pilot has flight hours on flights
<class> hours or not
<class> ill let my shells do the talking
<class> and your ass do the eating
<[ryan]> in a pure race i'd own you
<[ryan]> weapons only make things more complicated
<class> thats like saying 'when you take the hard element out
of the game I ROCK

<AZReDWiNG> i just found out my dad is a giant warez freak
<AZReDWiNG> and he tells me not to download stuff at home
<AZReDWiNG> hes against kazaa and all that crap, hes in some
sort of "anti-hacker/warez federation"
<AZReDWiNG> im like "dad... this copy of xp is illegal"
<AZReDWiNG> "yeah, i know son"
<AZReDWiNG> "this copy of xp is on 500 computers at my work"
<AZReDWiNG> "WTF I THOUGHT UR ANTI-WAREZ"
<AZReDWiNG> "screw microsoft"

<FJ> you know what the coolest thing about IRC is?
<ashendragon> what
<FJ> you can talk with your mouth full and still be understood

<@[LH]PeterDoug> i am answering peoples questions on private
messages if anyone is interested
<@megat> ... peter you just said that to 2000 people.
<@megat> good luck.
<@[LH]PeterDoug> hang on there is too many of you
* @megat giggles
<@[LH]Sam|WORK> Peter will be here for the next 6 weeks :D
<@[LH]NeilOfDoom> there are 2600 of you
* +meeb headbutts the nearest wall
<[DWC]-Web^Douch> :)
<@[LH]ChrisB> Peter's poor computer has 2000 PM's and 5
laughing developers...

* JimmytheCow looks over at his linux box.
<JimmytheCow> or run 2 pc's
* Wiecker[DAMIT] looks over at his linux box.
<Wiecker[DAMIT]> Hmm..that's strange, never had a linux box
there before.
<Wiecker[DAMIT]> Never had a linux box period.
* Wiecker[DAMIT] examines the box.
<Wiecker[DAMIT]> Hmm...looks like a refrigerator.

* BldackFlag has joined #twistedmonkey
* BldackFlag changes topic to 'Once you go black you never go
back.  Once you go white, that ain't right!'
* BldackFlag has left #twistedmonkey
<Nerje> I wonder if he realises he spelt his name wrong

<[BoB]spencer> LOL who has seen the capture the sperm game?
<Sharp|DoD> i play it every day with my sock
<Sharp|DoD> woops

<Mike_Works> If I ever killed myself, it'd be in front of a
group of children. It'd just be a nice feeling knowing you've
made a difference.

<ashp> cogito ergo sum
<Phallus> libido ergo sum
<Phallus> i'm horny therefore i am

<Enhanced> but ya i'm gonna paint my intake on my car
<Enhanced> can i use spray paint?
<NT5> ummm..... what other kind of paint did you think there
was available?? latex flat wall?
<Roppongi> finger paint
<Enhanced> i just dont wanna use paintbrush kind of paint
<NT5> lol
<NT5> paintbrush kind of paint.... that's good
<NT5> get out the roller billy-bubba
<Enhanced> well shit i dont know anything about paint
<Enhanced> except finger paint
<NT5> we gonna paint us a car

<sarae> seems like im getting an abortion every other week
lately
<Tarkaan> did you get one of those little cards?
<Tarkaan> cause on the 10th punch, you get a free one
<Tarkaan> like at subway

<*kraken> oh
<*kraken> my
<*kraken> god
<*kraken> my mom sent me an email
<*kraken> and in it at one point she said
<*kraken> "i saw that they have personal ads on the
internet...ever thought of placing one?"
<*kraken> THANKS MOM!

(%b0x) there used to be this song by Genesis that said "Jesus
knows me, and he knows I'm right."
(%b0x) apparently though, i used to go around singing "Jesus
knows me, and he knows I'm white!" when I was 5 rofl

Trex: I like my women like I like my cars!
Prometheus: Expensive?
Dromiceiomimus: Foreign?
Epi: Um... revved up?
Crow: Fast?
Brex: low-maintenance with a wide tailpipe?
Dromiceiomimus: Freshly waxed, with a GPS tracking system?
Lorn: Trex, this is insanely sexist! Besides, I like my women
like I like my databases.
Trex: Managable?
Lorn: Corrupted!
Trex: ...
Trex: No fucking comment.

<Drak> i rolled out of bed, and before my feet hit the ground,
my finger hit my power-on

* GM_Axis swings around a drop kicks Ras
* Ras backflips
* HairLeMair looks ambient
* GM_Axis strikes fighting pose
<GM_Axis> FIGHT!
<Ras> you cant win
<Ras> because I...
* ChanServ sets mode: +o Ras
<GM_Axis> DAAAAAMN!
<Ras> Am the one
* Ras flies away, doing his superman thing

* auslandr pokes lint in the eye
<EigenLint> no poking.
* auslandr stabs lint in the eye
<auslandr> better?

<Sirea> My brothers cats name is God Damned Cat and she's
running around with pair of my panties in her mouth
<Leth|ASSignment> "God Damned Cat and she's running around
with pair of my panties in her mouth" is a damn long name.

<Son-Doobi> i've been thinking man
<Son-Doobi> today is 10 11 01
<Son-Doobi> thats binary shit
<Son-Doobi> we living in the binary age