bash.org archive

<Jamie_M> when I was 9 years old
<Jamie_M> I called this girl on the phone and I go "I like
you"
<Jamie_M> and she goes "so?"
<Jamie_M> I was like ":("
<Jamie_M> then in that same year
<Jamie_M> it was grade 4
<Jamie_M> i think
<Jamie_M> I liked another girl
<Jamie_M> and I gave her one of those candy grams as a secret
admirer
<Jamie_M> and she ran out of the class crying

* +Dejiko_nyo modded his toaster
<+Vassago> you can play burned pop tarts on it now?

* [light] is away, someone told me that theres life outside of
irc, i have to check it out [log:OFF] [page:OFF]
[email:[email protected]]

<DeathStar> i have to flick my balls so the cum comes out
<DeathStar> fuck wrong channel
<DeathStar> ignore that please
<Draebor> haha

<@Weirdbot> Question 11 of 12: Where is it illegal for
chickens to cross the street?
<+Evil_Chipmunk> crawford, texas
<+Evil_Chipmunk> ...
<+Evil_Chipmunk> aw, why not... everything else that's come
out of there has been retarded.

* Morpheus agrees with tark, but I also prefer nude wet legal
aged girls =P
<Tarkuss> hey...legal age is 12 in some countries...
<Morpheus> 8 in tiwan
<Tarkuss> Morpheus: EIGHT!?
* Morpheus nods as he watches tark go to get a passport

[during the Olympics]
ted: everytime i load my yahoo it seems the US has three more
medals
craig: Stop reloading then!!! Canada has to catch up

<goh2> how do oyu boot to DOS not MS DOS?
<goh2> well i wanted to try defraging
<goh2> w/o windows

<RageRules> Well I have woots Ip address
<RageRules> That's cool
<%mrWoot> hack me?
<RageRules> Why not?
<%mrWoot> how dare you
<RageRules> Give me 43 and a half reasons why I shouldn't
<POLKA> rage, ill give you 1
<POLKA> because you cant

<mightyflo> TP-PS2 667 Remote Control: Infrared Transmitter
for PS/PS2
<mightyflo> "Put your gamepad away and watch DVDs with a
wireless remote, just like the pros use! Yeah, pro DVD
watchers, that's right."
<SukiPotato4> Yeah, I have my bachelors in law, but my masters
in DVD watching

<korben> i have a very rich and satisfying sex/personal life!
<Iceman> self satisifying? :P
<korben> hell no
<korben> its a very varied sex life
<korben> sometimes i swap hands

<hq1> i promised myself not to touch java EVER in my life
again, i'd rather drive a taxi

<Zahava> <3<3happy valentines everybody!!<3<3
<@Silva> Roses are Red
<@Silva> Violets are Blue
<@Silva> i could never love you
<@Silva> because you're 1/16 jew
* Zahava has quit IRC (quit: )

<voln> I am going to build the first car that has built-in IRC

<DrWoody> i do'nt belkivein drinkng

Moonli3756 :  my butt looks 100 times better than your face
Shaboobooboo :  and gets fucked over 10 million times more

<reptile-> black is pry my favorite color for clothing. =/
<MadHatter> are you still fat

<Panzer> hmm. 3% out of about 2000 Battlefield gamers are
female
<Sargasm> That's...what, 60?
<Panzer> dont know if thats exact
<Wilbur> it is
<dsbnh> and this matters because....?
<dsbnh> now more gamers can get dates?
<Wilbur> trivia is vital
<Panzer> dee
<Sargasm> 3% of them can, now
<dsbnh> "omg kekekek i am a girl don't shoot k cutie ^___^"
<Sargasm> "omg are u really a gurl?"
<Sargasm> "pics plz"
<dsbnh> "OMG yes"
<Panzer> heh
<dsbnh> "later after i win"
<Panzer> forget it
<dsbnh> "let me win k?"
<Sargasm> "anything for u hunny
<Sargasm> "
<dsbnh> "^__^"
<Panzer> ack von stupidhead
*** Signoff: Garnet (Exit: Austnet Chat Network)
<dsbnh> "what button do i press to shoot,
becauseobviouslyicanconvinceiamagirlbyactingclueless"
<Sargasm> "u can push my buttons any day"
<dsbnh> "omg kkeekke ur funny"
<dsbnh> "dude i have him we are  so win to win"
<dsbnh> "oh crap, i typed that in wrong"
<dsbnh> "kekeke hi... helllo"
<Sargasm> Sadly, this is far more accurate than it should be
<dsbnh> LOL

<snag> you know whats funny
<snag> im big
<snag> but im not that fat
<eldee> that's what all fat people say

* Aryeh`AFK has quit IRC (Quit: [16:12] * ObnoxiousFrog
reminds Aryeh that a girl on a gaming clan IRC chan is about
as common as a unicorn that pisses gold and farts dreams)

<+EvanTH> You'll have to be Smacky The Heroin bear.
<+Kulstad> w00t!!
<+EvanTH> You must sit in a corner and lose your hair
<+EvanTH> All the children will laugh and stare
<+Kulstad> you mean like Fuzzy Wuzzy
<+EvanTH> For you will be Smacky, the stiff-veined bear
<+EvanTH> yes.
<+EvanTH> Sometimes I wonder why the hell I even let myself
type.

<aard> i have a dentist appointment tomorrow
<aard> for these cavities
<joeN> aard is going to get his cavities filled :)
<Number-6> bend over; I'll fill your cavity

<IronCurtain> I can talk to two people on the internet at the
same time
<Shoryu> DAMN D00D your l337

<WSBN-DannyBoy> stfuysmfs
<Cowboy_LapDog> is "sit on my face" part of that?
<Cowboy_LapDog> hmmn
<Tankd> I was tryin to decode that too.
<WSBN-DannyBoy> STFU YSMFs
<WSBN-DannyBoy> Monkey is part of it
<Cowboy_LapDog> sit the fuck on my and your faces?
<Cowboy_LapDog> you sick monkey fucks?
<Cowboy_LapDog> sexy monkey fuckers?
<Cowboy_LapDog> wait i have one
<Cowboy_LapDog> FYYFF FFFFFFFFF FFFFF !@# FFF
<Cowboy_LapDog> "fuck" is a part of it

<Danelope> This contract doesn't involve sodomy, does it?
<harb> actually
<harb> damnit

<Hurricane> I wonder if the Banner people would be offended if
I started a
little project that would require about 400
inserts per second
on the Oracle server.
<Krinberry> Easy way to find out, Bran :)
<Hurricane> Yes!  Exploration through experimentation is what
a University
is all about, after all.  :)
<Gord> They mean pot and orgies, not database hosing! (:

<+skrath> I don't think I'm better than others, it just so
happens that so far, statistically, I am

<latexslut> i bet u are thinking of ur hard rod being teased
my this wet slut don't u?
<Godrod> No. I am thinking of filing a restraining order
against you to protect my dick from your H.I.V. shit.

*** Toramo has joined #---------
<Toramo> It's a full house tonight!!!
<Illuvatar> Can I be uncle Joey?

<omega> it was funny
<omega> we had this argument ('ve been getting into a lot of
these latley, about the us)
<omega> and as soon as i brought in the facts
<omega> like
<omega> that the patriot missile system is the same as it was
in desert storm, minus a few tweaks like radar upgrades
<omega> and how the US put saddam in power in the first place
<omega> gave him weapons
<omega> and shit
<omega> and how the US put whats his face in power in panama,
and then had to later go in and get him
<omega> and the whole arming and training bin laden
<omega> he decided the only way he could counter it
<omega> was by saying that since the USD is worth 30 cents
more than canada's therefore canada sucks, and the US is smart
<omega> and then he stopped talking

<notBel> Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when
they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for
all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

<RonaldJ> dood
<RonaldJ> we should start a site
<RonaldJ> like Am I Hot
<RonaldJ> and
<RonaldJ> Like My Nude Pic?
<RonaldJ> but call it
<RonaldJ> How Do I Look In This Shirt?
<RonaldJ> .com

<@neotek> can you imagine how many neck injuries occur each
year from camwhores with small tits trying to lick their
nipples?

<Ice|P> blow jobs r better
<mk4> why because you get a load in the mouth
<nim-zero> a load in the mouth is worth two in the hand

<Diamond> There's about 800 people tied up in my basement.
<Prophet> Oh my
<Prophet> What do you use them for?
<mordac> They really bring the room together, you know?

SwEeTi6724: Every year 11,000 Americans injure themselves
while trying out bizarre sexual postions.
XDarkMindedX: Amateurs...

<SonicBlues> man, don't shove vibrators up your ass if your a
guy man. I was trying to milk my prostate y'know, damnit, I
guess the vibrator was too much for me.
<SonicBlues> get this, i slide the dildo up my but, smothered
with ky jelly yeah? I flip it on, and I start stroking.
<DrQ> this cant end up well....
<SonicBlues> now, i'm in front of a TV, about 3.5 meters away
from me, compensate about .25 meters for the diagonal. But
man, i start strokng, and maybe 8 minutes later, i get this
surging pain from my nuts and i shoot the silver bullet all
the way to the tv man. christ.
<DrQ> conrgatulations
<Thrifty> Hahahahah holy shit man
<SonicBlues> yeah, the problem is, I came onto irc to tell you
all, my girlfriend stepped in...

<Funk> Apparently Lisa Left-Eye Lopez would have survived that
crash, only the hospital heard about her strict "no scrubs"
rule.

<Asskicker064> High Templar One: Wanna merge?
<Asskicker064> High Templar Two: Archon me, baby.

<Uriel> crackhead is driving at 60 MPH and talking to the
seats. A stoner is driving at 6 MPH and munching on the seats
<piman> How fast will they be going in 2 hours when they hit?
<pvx> 0 mph. Dammed elephant crossings..

<SO|Razor> treize do you believe in other intelligent life?
<SO|Treize> in the universe?
<SO|Treize> or on forums?
<SO|Razor> .............

<skmt> DigDug, if you install a beaded seat cover, the value
of your car will skyrocket
<SD_Washu> nah
<SD_Washu> all you have to do
<SD_Washu> is keep a big ol brick of heroin in the trunk

TANNER3000: I decided I'd try Meatball Marinara today.
TANNER3000: It's good, but no cigar.
Luigigamer Golem: You're abusing the idiom.
TANNER3000: No, I meant you'd have a hard time smoking it.

<@Megaman984> So, would the Old Testament be First Edition,
New Testament Second, and the Koran Third?
<+MegamanX2K> yeah
<+MegamanX2K> which explains the crusades
<+MegamanX2K> they were burning 3rd edition heretics
<+MegamanX2K> good thing Jerusalem made a saving throw

* Ouroboros does a robot dance in FLB's pants.
<FLB> ...
<Ouroboros> Well.
<Ouroboros> I mean.
<Ouroboros> You have spare pants, right?
<FLB> Yeah! Of course!
<FLB> That's what you meant
<Ouroboros> Yes.
<Ouroboros> It is.
<FLB> Umm.
<FLB> You can keep that pair.
<FLB> They're on the house.
<Ouroboros> KTHX

<miteymous> whats crackin?
<Ize> a cracker
<miteymous> you rode the short bus didn't you Ize?
<Ize> to where

<Aura> oh my god
<Aura> i just passed one of thos adult diaper commercials
<Aura> they are trying to make it look sexy
<Aura> they showed this sexy leg with polished nails
<Aura> going into a diaper
<SkyCriesX> thats canada for you

<Jag> I think I'm going to print out the Kama Sutra and label
it "TFM" so I can leave it laying around work.
<Jag> Not really, but it would be terribly amusing
<ender> Jag: ROFL!
* ender ponders what the lotus position has to do with X
tunneling, but honestly, after reading TFM for a couple
minutes, all of a sudden I don't really care about X
tunneling....
<Jag> Ahh, here's the section on tunnels... oh my.....

<morn> I'm gonna be a pimp, yo! It'll be off da hizzle
fashizzle, knowwhatimsayin'?
<Gabe> It's sad when white people try to talk like black inner
city people. It's doubly sad when those white people are
European. :P
<morn> Now, don't be hatin'!

<Pepper-> "Dear valued customer, it appears you have attempted
to transmit data through your modem. Here at iiNet, it is our
policy to stop all outgoing traffic from client's computers,
as it encourages rampant misuse of our outragesouly overpriced
and underserviced internet accounts. Please refrain from doing
this in future, and thank-you for your continued support of
our company."

* |taint| brushes qcommand hair back, traces lips gently with
finger, staring into eyes...and then a kiss.
<|taint|> omfg wrong one!
<|taint|> =(((((
<qcommand> OMG
<Garak> LOL!!!
<|taint|> !!!!!
<Garak> ROFL!!
<|taint|> gah
<|taint|> rofl stfu =(
<qcommand> i feel strange
<Deena> eeewwwwww.......
<|taint|> rofl
<Deena> grossss.....
<|taint|> i hit the wrong one damnit!
<SCORPION> lol
<SCORPION> Q has been tainted

<Scarlet[away]> :/
<Scarlet[away]> im cold :(
<Scarlet[away]> my teeth are chattering lol
<SEXMACHINE> remind me not to ask for a blow job on a cold
night
<Scarlet[away]> ROFL

<@Hele-WritingQs> DO I HAVE A HARD NINTENDO QUESTION
<kiwiman> Is the answer Sega
<@Hele-WritingQs> ...
* @Hele-WritingQs crumples up his sheet of questions

<essex-> man that was no fart
<essex-> brbrb

<Velario> where the fucks john gone?
<My`Albanian`Ass> outside to piss in a bucket
<Velario> long piss
<My`Albanian`Ass> big bucket

<Dopefish> there is sometimes a denial stage in drinking
<Agg> no there isn't!

<LARZ_GOD_ME> lets see back 2 gta3 or back to studing
<LARZ_GOD_ME> which one
<darque9> considering your spelling, i'd say "studing"

<Poltergeist21>I want to fuck the olsen twins right in the
ass!!
<Poltergeist21>Dude, my balls goin smack smack smack against
their teen asses..yum yum!1
<Charlesowns>Dude, i said that ten years ago!

(Cap`nRoy) I hate salt
(Cap`nRoy) but I am the saltiest of the sea-dogs
(KaLdAiS712) If you were to lick Cap`nRoy, you would die of
salt.
(KaLdAiS712) Also several venerial diseases.

<Tigrrr> I cook food in my oven.
<Tigrrr> i like food.
<edoc> I gas puppies in mine
<Tigrrr> mmmmmm puppies

<Marecki> Ahh. Sorry. Thought you made "sickening" as in
"making you want to puke"
<Dr_Octogon> lol
<noid|drunk> Well, it does make you want to puke.
<noid|drunk> And cry, and laugh.
<noid|drunk> And shit.
<Dr_Octogon> and shit?
<noid|drunk> And shit = and stuff
<noid|drunk> Not "HUUUUUUUUUUHNNNNNNNNGH"

<timmo> i wonder if gay people are ever like
<timmo> "oh man that is so straight"
<timmo> or
<timmo> "youre so heterosexual"
<Livewire0> "Quit being such a hetero!"
<Livewireo> with the limp wrst flick, of course

<PoisonPen> Ayn Rand is the curdled remains of a black,
bitter, shrivelled apple from the tree of hypocrisy growing
under the outhouse in the deepest pit of Hell.  She couldn't
grope her way out of her own rectum with a flashlight and a
copy of Gray's Anatomy.  Her entire rancid philosophy could
have been killed if anyone had been brave or desperate enough
to stick their penis into that frigid arctic pucker of her
twat.

<Gayo> Welsh phonetics baffle me.   <Zaratustra> That's how
the Welsh managed to survive.   <Gayo> And that Welsh VERGEr
wasn't much help either.   <vecna> "Lets go conquer the Welsh
city of ....  er, fuckit.

<juji> but i'd have to learn japanese to play half of its
games :)
<z2-Fool> you don't speak japanese?
<z2-Fool> and you're a slope?
<z2-Fool> :)
<juji> :(
<juji> i'd cry
<juji> but i cant fit tears through my chinky eyeslits

BillyLove:  Half awake, some of my large mammal friends and I
are sitting around playing Scatergories at around 1 AM.
BillyLove:  Then out of noware we get the subject "Things
you've never tasted" and the letter C... BillyLove:  We
thaught that was bad till be got the letter N and the
fallowing subjects: "Things that are black," "Things you save
up to buy," "Tools," and "Things your afraid of."
BillLove:  Right before we got the letter H and "People who
work at night", we got W and "Female athletes", then someone
yells out "WHO CARES?" That's the last time we play that late.
Bufford:  I think our game of Apples to Apples was worse. The
word was "spicy" and someone played the card that said "JFK
Assassination."

* Aboo * we have enough youth, how about a fountain of 'smart'

<nilumtil> HOPE U GOT 2 IPS
<BilliamForty> i have twenty anyone want one?
<cln> BilliamForty, YES
<cln> i have no idea what i'd do with it though.
<BilliamForty> ok you can have 250.912.666.56454.258.4145.541
<BilliamForty> and if anyone says thats not an ip they can
meet me out back
<cln> that isn't an ip.
<BilliamForty> meet me out back
<cln> will do
*** cln invites you to join #out.back

<AccordionGuy> k%: SELECT * FROM People WHERE
People.AttractedTo = 'me' ORDER BY People.HooterDimensions
DESC
<AccordionGuy> Now *that's* SQL.