bash.org archive

<dekk> your mom lost her virginity in a penis accident
<[b&]shoez> i lost my penis in a virginity accident

<actaviosan> i got ddosed today
<actaviosan> didnt last very long
<actaviosan> thought my first time would be better

<drunkers> u arab?
<Zelbinian> Nope.
<drunkers> good
<Zelbinian> Irish, French, and English.
<drunkers> geez
<drunkers> u moms a whore

<than> the makers of m&ms used to claim they didn't melt in
your hands
<than> which was clearly bollocks
<than> they also melted when I clenched them betwixt my
buttocks

<X> come cover the desk so i can pizza, darrell :)
<Zero> I need to wait for the landlord's dwarves to arrive and
forge a new thermostat

centenarygirl: maybe someday, but not right now
RKM 82: "maybe someday" do you mean that, or is that just
thrown in there to comfort me
centenarygirl: no.........I really mean it
<PizzaMind> maybe means "when I'm 30, my pussy is floopy, no
one else wants me and I've finally grown out of liking
assholes"

<Winkingdog> Cute toll collector At the Harbour tunnel this
morning.  Blond,  young and very cute.  I'm gunna ask her
out..
<Winkingdog> I wonder how many round trips Ill have to do
before I get the chance  :)
<DD> Shit!!! She's already costing you money!:-)

<Ein|sk00l> Goddammit.
<Ein|sk00l> Is it too much to ask for ONE hot shower a week?
<Staberinde> Yes
<Staberinde> But then I live in California
<Staberinde> Where its too much to ask for electricity at
least once a week

<BLIZZ> the Xbox 2 will include high-end gaming hardware, a
mini-fridge capable of holding an entire case of soda or beer,
an air-conditioning unit, a four slice toaster, a TIVO unit,
cup holders, a diaper changing table, a trash can, and a
refillable toothpaste reservoir. Even the new extra large
controllers - designed specifically for use by basketball
players - will incorporate heated buttons and miniature LCD
screens so you don't miss out on any of the action
<BLIZZ> but thats just my prediction.......
<around-Bellerophon> no way...not gonna happen....they'd never
pull off the refillable toothpaste reservoir

<D1> mp3[01 - s~1] [1m47s/1.23mb/96kbps]
<D1> arg
<D1> i need one of those mp3 name thingies

<+Normandy> How poor is this.
<+Normandy> that exercise bike I've been lookin forward to
start building my leg muscles for the summer finally arrived
today
<+Normandy> yet I'm carryin it upstairs and twat it against my
knee, and now my uncle who is a doctor says i cant exert any
pressure on it for 2 bloody months

* Thirty-nothingster will kick the next person who spoils
<Pong64> Darth Vader is Luke's father. =D

<PurplHaze> marriage doesn't mean you own me
<CaptCavmn> no, just the genitals

<Sevastra> nasýlsýn?
<RadioheaD> iyiyim sen
<Sevastra> <-- Ýstanbul
<RadioheaD> oðlum türkmüsün deðil misin
<BLiZZ> <-- Wýll kýck your arse ýf you don't shut up

<datz510> u prolly race grandmas goin tot he grocery store too
huh
<BenK> no
<BenK> I race hardcore racers
<BenK> people with tinted windows
<BenK> and 20 inch rims
<datz510> Ben.. like other hondas?

<Azadre> Computers kick ass
<Western_Chee> my gaydar totally wasnt functioning today
<Azadre> My ass hurts
<Western_Chee> i was about to buy shit from express for men
*** Western_Chee was kicked by Puedlfor (Puedlfor)
*** Azadre was kicked by Puedlfor (Puedlfor)
<RunninRaven> Pued, you are a saint
<Puedlfor> I do what I can

<AutistiCat> Anyone know how to get a halogen light bulb to
fit into a halogen lamp thing?
<Ochopatas> Push on it
<AutistiCat> It has two little things sticking out and they
won't go in...
<AutistiCat> If I push any harder it'll break before it goes
in.
<Sensi> you slide it in and rotate the light. it should lock
in
<AutistiCat> It won't slide in. It's like the holes are too
small.
<Squinky> Wait until it passes adolescence.

<@unfnknblvbl> I love it when Outlook crashes
<@asuma> then you'll always be in love

<guardian> whos john lennon
<obi-rav> has the same sounding songs like the beetles, they
must have inspired him
<guardian> probs

<ToastyX> CNQ: Use webserve.dal.net, it's new and reliable
<ToastyX> I never get peered from it.
*** ToastyX has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)

<fppe> The worst thing about a prostate exam is when he finds
out you're not a real doctor.

<matts> I was on vacation and I saw this casino advertisement 
on the highway: "LOOSEST $1 SLOTS" and they had a picture of a
woman on it and then I realized that this casino ad could be
taken the wrong way :P

(?)     kullen- ([email protected]) enters
#lesbian
CoulomB:  turn around
CoulomB:  no lesbians here.
(?)     kullen- ([email protected]) leaves
#lesbian
CoulomB:  all gone, big lesbian fire of 96.

<YumCimil> I'd really hate someone to have a website
containing all the stupid things I'd said.
<Beagl> bash.org ?

<duckman> do you say gash?
<A|exander> not in polite company
<IonSurge> haha
<IonSurge> who here is polite company?
<A|exander> oops typo
<A|exander> meant police custody

<Mog> NECROPHILIA IS SICK AND TWISTED
<Mog> I LIKE MY GIRLS AND BOYS NICE AND ALIVE.
<Mog> -boys

[S+Z] Signoff: Atlaz_ (.)
<Joke> Why does Atlaz always quit with just one tit?

<codewolf> I need a new toy, I've played with this one enough
<codewolf> maybe a Z4
<Teatime> Or a miata.
<Teatime> codewolf: A ferrari.
<Teatime> Or an RUF Porsche
<fluffy> Teatime: or he could just save a lot of money and get
a sign that says "im insecure about the size of my penis."

<_ry0suke_> Select [128kbps 44100Hz 02:32min] Mary-kate &
Ashley Olsen & Fri - Hugged by you
<_ry0suke_> THIS SONG REMINDS ME OF YOU GODEDRP
<godedrp> :)
<_ry0suke_> Select [128kbps 44100Hz 01:02min] Anal Cunt - Your
kid commited suicide because you suck
<_ry0suke_> SO DOES THIS ONE STRANGELY

*** cade changes topic to: 'its my mcdonalds, ill play in the
ball pen if i FUCKING WANT'

<_Pete_> my abs have never looked so good in my life after
losing these 10 pounds fast :D soon they'll turn to flab
through lack of use though :(
<Avium> Pete you sound kind of gay
<Avium> no offense you sack of shit

You Are Hemp: i bit my lip pretty hard today
You Are Hemp: there was blood on the opposite side
You Are Hemp: didnt get me laid though
hobopower113: does biting ones lip usually get one laid?
You Are Hemp: i guess not...

<ph0tek> Jemm, you're a women-magnet(R) ?
<Jemm> yeah.. unfortunately the wrong end :(
<ph0tek> hehe

<-yper-orse> mamma mia
<-yper-orse> my my
<-yper-orse> i cannot resist u
<-yper-orse> mamma mia
<Squeeks> "With Dragon Voice, you too can flood IRC Channels
as you sing to ABBA"

<cactoid> my god, the new lara croft has enormous gonzagas
<cactoid> i wonder if she goes for overweight australian it
professionals

[JJJTTT] what's this 707 thiong?
[st-707-afk] oh
[st-707-afk] that's LOL upside-down
[JJJTTT] gotcha
[st-707-afk] HTTP 707:  File Not Funny
[st-707-afk] that's gonna be one of my new error messages
[st-707-afk] well, neither of us are gainfully employed so
that's what happens
[st-707-afk] sit here and think of stupid shit

<ChOeL> MASTURBASTE
<LilPest> I can't, my computer's broken
<ChOeL> well
<Chibs> Do it yourself then

<Prozax> 9 cats? you must be really ugly

<McKain> in psychology
<McKain> we were discussing sleep
<McKain> and the blind kid with bad hearing asks
<McKain> "I heard that if you are dreaming and falling, and
you hit the ground, you die for real"
<McKain> and my professor immediately says "Yes. You die."
<McKain> I LOL'd so hard
<McKain> then someone else asks
<McKain> "I hear that if you have a nightmare in which you
die, you die for real"
<McKain> and he goes "No, that's complete rubbish"
<McKain> I wanted to ask "I hear if you are dreaming that you
are battling zombies and you get bitten, you will wake up and
be a zombie. True or false, Professor? TRUE OR FALSE?!"

<Kitster17m> i don't quote meaningless blabs
<RainDown> <Kitster17m> " You are a stupid bitch ,
<RainDown> <Kitster17m> and i hate you "
<RainDown> thanks for being oh-so-meaningful
<Kitster17m> that's not meaningless, that's very deep
<Kitster17m> it's an introspective criticism concerning one's
relations with another, and the social awareness of the
prostitution institute
<RainDown> Screw you

<ACAB> 1st time i delt with a dead body i had to remove all
personal belongings and put the lady in a body bag when i was
an intern at the hospital ER... i put on all her jewlery and
got in trouble :(
<baggle> That's some fucked up shit man
<ACAB> i put on her wedding ring and was like "Sorry ladies,
im taken"

<hasek30> see i put <embed src="WishYouWereHere.mid" autoplay=
"true" loop="false" width="400" height="100">
<X13> Is the file named WishYouWereHere.mid?
<hasek30> nah its not

<Cody> where'd you two meet again?
<Derian> a mud.
<Cody> ahh
<Derian> Yah. I'm just glad he wasn't an axe murderer.
<Cody> heh, yeah
<Derian> but he swears he's never murdered a single axe
so.....
<Cody> well that's good to know
<Derian> If you're an axe.

<@BitS> LordViper is serious about not playing multiplayer
games, he even has sex by himself :/

<Zen> I wonder what flavor of Windows they're going to run on
Xbox..
<Yohoma> hopefully AOL 7.0 is out by the, i wanna play gamez
online

<Iluvatar> 217.136.168.137
<The_Cat> ?
<Iluvatar> guess who's address that is
<The_Cat> HOW DID YOU GET MY IP ????
* The_Cat kicks his useless firewall

<rufees> Ron Jeremy was a decent guy. He is such a Troma fan
that he worked on the movie for free. Troma payed for his
Hotel , and I believe his airfare and food ( if that was what
we ate ), but that was it. The funny thing about Ron was that
he wasn't just some novelty to have in the film ... he can act
, and I mean well. I was shocked at his ability to learn his
lines quickly and he had excellent comedic timing. It caught
me off guard. He is definitely a sex maniac though. You'd
think a day off from shooting porn he wouldn't concern himself
with getting laid , but he goes up to one of the actresses in
the middle of the day and shows her his index finger and says
"You know why you should masterbate with this finger ?" and
she goes "No?" and he replies "Because it's mine". Sleazy, but
fuckin' funny.

<Kir> if i had a better body, and clearer skin, i'd be a
snobby bitch

<@bort13> I don't have my virginity, but I still have the box
it came in

KiRBYdaCREAMpuff: I saw the funniest thing today, a group of
white guys putting a roof on a mexican restaurant

<Spawn`-`> ive got chicks everywhere
<Spawn`-`> 5 on each hand
<@un0> those are called "fingers" spawn

<@TreeSquid> i wonder what percentage of people jerk off at
work....
<@TreeSquid> i know i used to
<SLiVeR> I never did
<cokey> i used to 
<cokey> when i worked at the daycare....

<jade> don't become one of them
<jade> geeks = evil
<jade> except as sex slaves.
*** jade was kicked by Pita (be nice to geeks. They make IRC
possible.)

<saint_> and i'm not nasty. i'm actually not that big of a
pedophile

* @Pretsel wants a little robot which will clean floors and
vacumn rooms :/
<Mad-Cow> You can get them
<@Pretsel> Yeah but I'd imagine they'd be expensive :D
<Mad-Cow> It'll cost you a few million but you can get em
<@Pretsel> Woah Woah... I don't want a wife...

<Affe> haha my mom just got an email from adultcheck that was
supposed to go to my stepdad
<Ouroboros> Busted!
<Affe> she's like "adultcheck? i hate all this spam" and she
clicks on it to delete it, and up comes the preview "dear
william (my stepdad), on such and such a date you ordered...."
<Affe> haha
<Affe> she's all like "asshole"

--- Topic for #celebs-n-models is <@YoGuRT_> beer just had his
first Duck Job..how ya feel? <@Beercaps> same as before
<Digested> heh
<Digested> wtf is a duckjob?
<Beercaps> its bj from julia roberts

<[bM]DrFunk-404-> i talked for 4 hours, to my anti-drug
girlfriend
<[bM]DrFunk-404-> stoned off my ass
<[bM]DrFunk-404-> she didnt suspect nothing
<[bM]DrFunk-404-> im like "everyone here is wasted and
toasted"
<[bM]DrFunk-404-> she is like You arent i hope
<[bM]DrFunk-404-> im like Nope!
<[bM]DrFunk-404-> oh man, i should be an actor
<LoZel> no you shouldnt
<[bM]DrFunk-404-> yes
<LoZel> no dude you cant even make text beleivable

<PapiChu1o> i only like DreamWeaver because it takes away the
pain of staring at text
<S5474> I use a text based editor because it takes the pain
away of pointing and clicking ;)

<trollusk> lol, theres this girl at my school who is always
obsessing about being fat even though she's pretty damn skinny
<trollusk> and one day, she goes up to this buddy of mine
<trollusk> and she's like "pull up your saggy pants"
<trollusk> he was like "i don't like your shirt and you should
lose some weight"
<trollusk> she cried for hours

<Evilmonkey> I SWEAR TO GOD IT WAS MY MOM NOT MY DAD..
<Evilmonkey> i wouldnt dream about my dad.. im not gay.. er..
shit.

<Quoth> i thought MacOS was a breakfast cereal

<Kestrel> I'm hanging with the wrong crowd.
<Kestrel> One of my friends just asked me what woot meant.

(therap|st) IMPERIAL PARKING is seeking a JUNIOR FIELD
AUDITOR. This full time position will require a self starter
who has their own car and analytical mind with an eye for
detail. Interested applicants please fax resume to 943-XXXX
attn: Operations Manager.
(therap|st) would that mean id be the bastard who drives
around and gets people towed?
(Cid-Away) be like "your hawt and illegally parked i think
somthing can be arranged" :)
(Dane_) tow pimp
(Cid-Away) you can tell if someone is hawt by the way tehre
illegally parked
(therap|st) those guys must think im hella hot
(therap|st) cause i park like shit

Keerax: i was talking in l33t to my old english teacher
Keerax: she said "i can't believe i passed you"

<+Zuu> i think i want to stop doing college and become a
mechanic
<@bazl> i forbid it
<+Zuu> why
<@bazl> because every word in that sentence was spelled
correctly

(@RyJones) new laptop?
(lukehop^) No, it's my old one, just gradually turning it into
a cow
(@RyJones) yeah my exwife did that

* cams lights tri on fire
* Trimangle is flame retarded

<irokie> be there any other interesting channels on this
network?
<maff> #bearcave
<sxh> #bearcave
<jestuh> #bearcave
<Nades> #bearcave
<Thuryn> #bearcave