bash.org archive

<pvah> when i got my cable modem.......i had to get rid of
about 4 friends in order to manage my time

<Dru> been going strong for like 20 minutes
<Velcro_> the viagra's helping eh?
<Dru> yeah like i need drugs to keep a constant hard on
<Quorthy> viagra is for ppl without usenet access
<Quorthy> & usenet is for ppl without vagina access

<Dekkon> the meaning of life is as follows:
<Dekkon> "up up down down left right left right B A select
start"

<JeighEighm> Tauren, why don't you just sniff the packets and
find out?
<Tauren> how do i DO THAT?
<Tauren> how  do I sniff packets
<JeighEighm> Tauren, okay. It's easy. Get your network cable.
<Tauren> How do I sniff?
<JeighEighm> Hold it to your nose.
<JeighEighm> Inhale.
<JeighEighm> Smell those packets.

<gweeds> wow
<gweeds> i am now completely out of credit card debt
<gweeds> time to dive back in

<OtherBill> omg.  It's the meditation mantra of the internet
generation.

<Bear> it's why it [LandRover Series 3] rattles on the
motorway
<Locandez> Like a skeleton masturbating in a filing cabinet

<SiFL> wow i was just looking at something and thought to
myself, this is kool, i better get a screenshot, then i
realized i was just looking at it.... it wasnt on my comp

<@flugger> Dont ever handle your dick after handling hot
peppers..

<kuruption> OMG I HATE LINUX USERS
<kuruption> this guys gave me a shell on his box
<kuruption> and vi is symlinked to pico!

<Knghtbrd> something so totally feels wrong ...
<lisa> ?
<Knghtbrd> no idea, but going outside right now makes me wanna
run back inside, bar the door, and hide under the bed.
<lisa> republicans in town or something?

* cuba has joined #uplink
<cuba> hoi all
* Dave2|Laptop bans trade with cuba
* Luigi30 arms cuba with missiles
<KeaponLaffin> Luigi30: hey now, no bay of pigs

<floop> now... a 22mp camera?  i'm stoked.
<irving> 22? why not just carry the scenery around with you?
It'd be cheaper and smaller.

<wyki> *free hug*
<stef> the deals on the net are getting better and better!
<stef> *accepts hug*
<stef> *changes identity and accepts another* :D
<wyki> yeah but now you're signed up for two spam mailing
lists from www.freehug.wyki and you'll have to change your
email address in six weeks because of all the teen porn your
getting

<filo> edwardo asked me if "i did any virgins" tonight
<filo> what an upstanding individual

<@rudesmurf> my mom got me "real brewed" iced tea
<@rudesmurf> it tastes like cold tea
<@pikacheney> iced tea is cold tea...

<BenLMB> i'm waiting for niggabyte hard drives...so i can use
it as a slave drive.

<Kilroy`> I had this blind date, her name was :. .:. : ... .::
-
<Kilroy`> well, all I saw was the top of her head
<Kilroy`> I wonder if I'll recognize her if I meet her again
<Kilroy`> .....
<dh> Kilroy`: I guess you'll just have to make every chick you
meat give you head
<dh> err meet
<dh> but then, meat works too

<SvenN00B> i have a script that'll msg me and tell me when
people mention my name in rooms and stuff
<SvenN00B> so i mentioned my own name and now it's in an
endless loop telling me that SvenN00B mentioned my name and ..
yeah .. it keeps on going :P
*** SvenN00B has quit (Remote closed the connection)

<Server_X> i need to take my modem out tonight 
<Server_X> is it true that you have to wax your modem if it is
a 56k once every month?

<mike90210> shou
<Shou> mike90210
<GLC> hey... symmetry!
<GLC> god I'm bored

<Tetsuo> Isn't using NOSPAM in a Hotmail address kind of like
trying to stop a hurricane with plywood?

<emp|whiskey> icq??? who still uses that?
<jud_> pervs
<zapp> i do
<zapp> oops
<zapp> oh damn.

<@Neurowave> YOU!
<@Neurowave> DOWNLOAD!
<@Neurowave> ALL!
<@Neurowave> SONGS
<@Neurowave> THEN
<@Neurowave> LISTEN
<@Neurowave> NOW
<spacer> ALL YOUR CAPS ARE BELONG TO US!
<sEnDarK> that sentence is not gramatically correct, its "all
your caps belong to us"

<Amanda> Oh yeah, a thug did his commemorative speech on "P
Diddy" today
<kisama_> fuck thugs
<kisama_> thugs will amount to shit later
<kisama_> there's a bunch of thugs here taking CISCO
NETWORKING CERTIFICATION courses
<kisama_> they are all "YEAH MAN I'M GONNA MAKE 80K COMING
RIGHT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL MAN!"

< back2u> yeah ... somme ppl r just born loosers like urslef
...
< pairo> Hey, at least I can spell loser.
< back2u> heh.
< pairo> Not to mention "people", "are" and "yourself".
< back2u> good for you ...
< pairo> Oh, and "some".
< back2u> the caybord is not a good one :P

<emuflame-> what are some good efnet servers?
<nylint> hahahahahahahahahahh that's like asking 'do they make
heroin that doesn't kill people'

<klafka4> i actually am sick
<klafka4> i think it's allergy
<AlbinoSqrl> to real life?
<klafka4> what? real life is great i've got my fantasy and
scifi books, my anime, my tv!

<maff> word to your mother.
<maff> especially on mothers day.

<Agent> [02:02] * king_away is back from Sex0ring my HAND :D.
I was gone for 18secs
<Agent> You should see a doctor about that.
<Agent> 18 secs?!
<king_minkus> :D
<king_minkus> yep
<king_minkus> my hand is good
<king_minkus> DAMN good
<Agent> I'll uh... take your word for it :)
<Silent_Remorse> 18 secs? Your pathetic
<Silent_Remorse> ;p
<king_minkus> i repeat
<king_minkus> my hand is good
<Silent_Remorse> I pity the woman who you eventually trick
into having sex with you

<Jim`> Casey loves me, tel.
<Jim`> We're best friends.
<SarahS> Jim is afraid of Casey though.
<Jim`> I WAS because he's SHARP and LOUD, but I'm fine now.
<telarium> Do you help him masturbate?
<Jim`> I played with him and stuff.
<Psitron> ...
<Jim`> Er...
<acdcfanbill> ~_^
<Jim`> Bad timing.

<guider> i fucking hate my biology teacher
<garfep> why?
<guider> hes such an asshole, he treats me like his fucking
personal assistant
<guider> he has me file shit for him and like make his lesson
plans and shit while he sits and flirts with the chicks in my
class
<guider> so i'm skipping his stupid class tomorrow
<garfep> you should just leave and be like "suck my cock"
<guider> i bet if i was a girl he would

<Macabre> dammit, y'know what? tday I was waiting for a cab,
and the chick next to me was like, hey cutie. And I wink, then
she looks down at my crotch, smiles for abit, then smacks my
face.
<Macabre> IN FROTN OF ALMSOT 500 FUKCING PEPLE!!
<Macabre> Y'know why?
<Macabre> BEcause I was holing my handphone in my right hand
pocket, and it started vibrating because I got a call. I dunno
about yous guys phones, but mine vibrates like a pussy
vibrator, ie really pwoerfully
<Macabre> she must have thought I was wacking to her or
something.. :(

<Dejocko> I lose 50 IQ points when i talk to girls, no fair
<GIJosh> you had 50?

<madlocust> notmany women have me so into them that I can see
them as a great friend
<madlocust> and in her case...my best friend
<|ced> so write a poem, fag

cabbagehead227: so I came out of the closet today
cabbagehead227: I was looking for my bowling ball, but all I
found was a bunch of queers

<mogh> I landed an in person interview
<sergey> where at?
<alexander> Hydraulic Press Inc.
<sergey> You've gotta crush the interview to work there
<sergey> very firm handshake is a plus as well
<kurn> dunno if I'd want to work there, I hear it's a
high-pressure environment
<kurn> and opportunities for advancement are pretty flat     
<alexander> Getting the wrong manager there can be
soul-crushing.     
<helena> but getting the right one can be powerfully
uplifting          
<mogh> I think I could squeeze out a living

<Giuslaien> hi!!
<Giuslaien> I am dj of the brasil I have you vary music with
Latin interferences.
<Giuslaien> do I like to change music, some kindred dj of
changing music?
<Giuslaien> are you of where?
<Giuslaien> which your name?

ClonaZjeveni5: It isn't a biased opinion
ClonaZjeveni5: its true
xenotwuz: I'm thinking your opinion on biased opinions is
biased.

<Keitaro`> i just watched this tech tv interview with a
software pirate that got caught
<Keitaro`> he had a server at work, with 1.5 TERABYTES of
warez
<Jerec> TB.. wow
<Jerec> to even see a TB on a computer
<Jerec> thats like seeing bigfoot
<Jerec> or Jesus

<Pandemonium> Those popups could poke someone's eye out.

<Joey> holy nutsac in a tree
<LookOutForTheWam> How do you think it got up there?
<Joey> it's holy
<LookOutForTheWam> Someone castrated god?

Brianetta_afe > There's this other girl, who says she "values
out friendship but..."
Brianetta_afe > and this continues:
Brianetta_afe > "... I wish it was more."
Josh_afe > lol, she's talking about your co...oh, never mind.

<Frozen_Shadow> OMG my cousin had sex with her dog, when i
stayed the night at my aunts house, got up to go pee and her
room is right by the bathroom and i walked past she had the
light on and the door open
<cheesegoduk> what the hell frozen?
<cheesegoduk> your cousion was having sex with the dog
<Frozen_Shadow> yes
<cheesegoduk> what did she say when she saw you?
<Frozen_Shadow> she didnt say anything
<cheesegoduk> ?
<v_Ln|email> hahahahaha
<Frozen_Shadow> i just dont go to the bathroom in the middle
of the night any more

<polyWog> my welfare sim family keeps having babies
<polyWog> how true to life

:St0nerChild: One time I was getting rode and she peed on me
:St0nerChild: She didnt mean to though, she didnt even know it
tell i told her, she was in the middle of cumming
:St0nerChild: That was when i lost my virginity
:CK_Jeans: you lost your virginity to a girl who pissed on
you?

<Xero_Omega>I can imagine a Micro$oft coffee mug, you buy it,
and after 2 mugs of coffee, a 2-inch steel plate slides out,
preventing you from drinking anymore until you register your
mug.

(Pixie_Pete): Care to join me in a little sven co-op?
* ssmmdd fires up Sven
(Dogsdinner): That's quite possibly the most homoerotic thing
ever said in #TPNGC.

<Paranoua> Okay, this is the *only* right answer to the
question "Do You Think I'm Fat?":
<Paranoua> "No, because if you were fat I'd leave you."

<crikket> spyware is stuff that looks at where you go on the
net and tells some market research group
<strangefour> hmm, market research now know I go to japanese
websites that have scantily clad drawings of green haired
women with glasses
<crikket> next year that's what'll be advertizing pepsi
<crikket> thanks alot s4

<+NikitaDk> The problem is that God gave men both a penis and
a brain, but only blood enough to control one organ at a
time... Robin Williams
<+Challii> ha ha ha ha ha ha
<+Challii> and it gave women too much blood that they had to
get rid of a load of it each month

<Techiii> Q: How do you spell Kuro5hin?

DragonAtma: malware = spyware that hurt your computer
yayz muffin: ah
DragonAtma: so if you open ie and the homepage was changed to
goatse.cx, the file that did it is probably malware
yayz muffin: probably was crashing my browser too
yayz muffin: >_<
DragonAtma: same think if you realize there are bookmarks to
pages like "gay anal fisting", "horse rape", and "republican
national convention" ;)

<MadMax> press the Alt key.
<MadMax> Once.
<MadMax> press the left arrow key
<MadMax> Once
<MadMax> press the down arrow key
<MadMax> then you should get a list...
<MadMax> ?
<MadMax> that works for me at least..
<Altariel> that takes me into the tools menu
<MadMax> which left are you going 8p
<Altariel> oh fuck

<un0> i want them to commit seppuku when they lose on iron
chef

<Svenson> lol.. yahoo says "Someone else has already chosen
svensonwhocannotfigureoutaloginname"

<glas_paper> my paper has the word count of the beast

<@kmad> //say $calc(Sersans IQ)
<@Sersan_43> 0
<@Sersan_43> wtf

<Sheena> me = ho
<Sheena> t
<Sheena> OMg...worse typo ever

<jorm> if you have to ally yourself with a subculture that
likes bad music and shitty drugs, you might as well go with
the one where you're more likely to get laid.

<Guilty> $30 - PC133 128MB
<Guilty> $31 - PC100 128MB
<Guilty> What a world when PC133 is cheaper than PC100
<D1-> where?
<D1-> nigga where?
<Guilty> Pricewatch
<D1-> oh
<D1-> thats white trash generic ram

<aNuBiS-> she humps me from behind sometimes tho
<aNuBiS-> as a joke
<aNuBiS-> when shes walking behind me
<JayWhoa> she wants to be a man
<JayWhoa> a gay man
<pagan> its all fun and games untill soemone gets their anus
poked out

<shin_k> rez is great though
<shin_k> just because of how insane it is visually
<shin_k> and w/ a great sound system it will make you CRAP
YOUR PANTS
<TURBOMEAT> I don't think I've flat out crapped my pants yet
<TURBOMEAT> but there may have been some subtle fecal leakage,
yes

<drunkers> is your real name gabe?
<Gabe-33> yes
<drunker> ever concider killing your parents with a shovel?
<Gabe-33> no

<CYwolf> damnit.
<CYwolf> I forgot to ask malis how big the fed-ex guy's
package was.

<Godsey> there is a problem w/ our house :)
<Godsey> there is a small cosmetic call next to the toilet
<Godsey> and I'm afraid my fat ass won't fit :)
<Godsey> so I'm taking the wall out
<etrigan> with your ass?

<Flik> my friend gave up masturbation for lent, and lost in an
hour

<Sock_Monkee> this "ska" band starts
playing.....................
<Sock_Monkee> like, they had
guitar,bass,drums,tbone,trumpet,altosax,singer
<Sock_Monkee> and the singer looked like avril labalifn;
lawenflw;afinge
<mog> girl?
<ocean> lavigne, i think.
<Wintermute> "labalifn;lawenflw;afinge"?
<Wintermute> must be polish

<BonzoBoy> An honorary degree is like a nerf dildo.
<ramoth4> nerf dildos can be fun....sort of
<Equinas> i use a nerf whip
<Equinas> it's part of the Bondage for Beginners set