bash.org archive

* Brooke just adores the way you people try to worm out of
stuff.  <G>  "Could you explain it to Brooke?"  "I'd love to,
but I'm right in the middle of chewing my hand off."

<Pozzi> My comments will be well structured, mature and on
topic at all times.
<Pozzi> Now fuck you all!

<Jed_D`Lagged> I don' tknow, I really woulden't want a penis I
coulden't hide under my desk.
<Jed_D`Lagged> Or one that would take more than one hand to
masturbate
<Farnarcle> did i miss something

<blitzoid> It's got a thousand people saying that you CANNOT
live without a "ULTRA RARE FOIL CARD MTG SUPER GOLEM ORC
MONSTER FLOWER" card. I don't even like MTG, and these fucks
are saying that without these cards my colon will fuse shut
and my eyes will melt and drain down my face.

* Mike grabs a pitcher of ice cold water
* Mike then pours the ice cold water over narzy
<Mitch_Shrader> i did that to a skunk once. it was
educational.
<Mike> LOL!!!!
<Mitch_Shrader> the skunk didn't like it much either.

Brandon2W: i had a dream that i was talking to someone, but
she had a little AIM window next to her head, and i just read
what she said there and typed back to her what i would have
said
Brandon2W: i need therapy

<@ryan> theres acpi crap in my kernel
<@jon^c> eat more fiber

<Suave|Away> Oh, and don't DnD tonight.
<cow> dnd
<cow> ?
<cow> oh
<cow> yer
<cow> no way
<cow> !
<funnel|getreddy> dnd?
<Suave|Away> Either Dungeons and Dragons, or Drink n Drive
<Suave|Away> Either way, you're a bloody idiot

«@ Geza» how do u shut it down?!
«@ Geza» 2 shut down sum 1's chan?!
<PcChip> well
<PcChip> try this,
<PcChip> type: /quit shutdown #cafe_paradise
«@ Geza» ur lieing
«@ Geza» it will kick me
«@ Geza» u gay
Quits: Geza ([email protected]) (Quit: shutdown #
cafe_paradise)

<mgt> i can't find any good porn anymore tho
<mgt> i like reading stories now
<mgt> it gets my imagination going
<mgt> the trick is getting yourself to actually believe they
are true
<mgt> and not written by some fat horny star trek fan

<eth0_tulip> once, i stabbed a guy in LA, for not closing both
eyes at the same time when he blinked

<EggTrivia>  &#8221; What is the title of the 1996 sequel to
"Terms of Endearment"? &#8221;
<TMF> terms of endearment II
<TrueChaos> er no
<TrueChaos> not that easy
<Tags|Sue> lol
<TrueChaos> terms of endearment 2
<el_presidente> the return of the terms of endearment
<TrueChaos> terms of endearment: 2
<TMF> !!hint
<TrueChaos> yay
<Tags|Sue> Terms of Endearment: The Revenge
<TMF> the morning star
<EggTrivia> TMF answered « the morning star » in 37 seconds
and was absolutely CORRECT!!!
<EggTrivia> Next question in 20 seconds, get ready!
<el_presidente> lol
<TrueChaos> attack of the terms of endearment

<Anarchos> my penis is 6.5" long, so my long distance
relationship must be no more than 5" away.

<teste_fly> i talk shit, and none of it's true and i'm a
skinny pussy who wouldn't harm a turd
<teste_fly> but i will give it a stern talking to

<Murielle> this just in from ABC Radio - a man went to defend
himself when he heard a noise, stuck a .22 caliber pistol in
his shorts..  accidently pulled the hammer back...  felt this
stinging sensation, and a trickle of blood down his leg....
<Murielle> he had performed a self-orchectomy
<Murielle> :-)
<Noelle> lol
<Charron> hmm, so shooting your testes off "stings"?
<Murielle> apparently
<StephanieNYC> uhhhh
<StephanieNYC> a stinging sensation?
<StephanieNYC> this makes for a new definition to the term
"numb nuts"

<Ultra_Violet> I lost my virginity in a graveyard at 2am
<Vortexia> dude necrophilia is SICK'

<NonHomogenized> ...I was young. I needed the money!
<Stopper> ew...
* Stopper hides Non from Michael Jackson
<NonHomogenized> not that young

(@watchy): hey io
(@watchy): i am gonna put up a ebay auction
(@watchy): i'm gonna auction my sperm
(@watchy): haha
*** Quits: watchy (Excess Flood)
(@[IO]): or not

<Mr`K> When people find out you play video games, they think..
like..
<Mr`K> You play EVERY video game
<nzc> dont you?
<Mr`K> "Oh, I got this game, I can't get past this part, what
do I do?"
<Mr`K> And it's like Barbie's Fashion Designer

<Edge_> and i am like tearing my thumb apart
<[cut]> can you still masturbate edge? 
<Edge_> i think i will be ok

<Mister> I was at The Bronx,was quite... strange
<Mister> and then I saw 2 girls who I know
<Mister> and they were like :O... Jason? I never knew you were
gay?!
<Mister> I told them I was there for the music,don't think
they believed me
<Jesus> That's like the worst excuse
<Mister> I don't care,all these guys buying me drinks
<Mister> openly checking out my arse
<Mister> it was like being a girl,was nice getting free stuff
<Jesus> I'd rather not be a mans eye candy.You were like a
visual gay prostitute

<Snowman> How come I can't hack anything that I try to?
<Snowman> I even used su... I just dont know what do do after
that...
<Snowman> Even when I have root...
<TheFat> *sigh* you idiot...
<TheFat> Dont you know, you need uber root not su...
<Snowman> How do I get that
<TheFat> run "halt" then "ur"
<Snowman> Sweet, so i will hack things with ur?
*** Signoff: Snowman (Disconnected)
*** Snowman([email protected]) has
joined channel #hackr
<Snowman> Man... hacking is sooooo gay

<DrkNrg`> i once knew a man who took some acid and he thort he
was a fire engine, it was kinda funny until he pissed on my
lighter

<DMC[tiky]> the word rocks is funny to me, cause when i was a
little kid in fox chapel, my friends brother told him GO SUCK
ON A ROCK, so he did, and everyone crowded around him and
watched him suck on this rock for like 10 minutes.............

<hero> ah, this good old channel , where 'gay' is an adjective
for shitty, and 'jew' is a verb.

<zeemu_> how's that US army members form? he fucken grenaded 3
of his own tents
<BenZor> he teamkilled. bastard.

Craig> craig's penis - 8===========================D O: -
spooky
<Spooky> Your "penis" is less that 3 inches long.

<kinzillah> pie.
<jej> cocks.
<kinzillah> now THAT'S some word association right there

<Dawai> i feel like fucking my gf in the ass real hard
<Dawai> the only problem is she dumped me some time ago

<_mrG> teh fuck are cam girls?
<@santa|> trashy white whores that put their lives on grainy
webcams
<pagnaet> underage porn sites
<mcsuede> jesus you people live in a bubble
<@santa|> no, we just dont visit the trash of the internet
<mcsuede> are you kidding?  you're on irc

<JoeyTribbz> A stats professor plans to travel to a conference
by plane. When he passes the security check, they discover a
bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is hauled off
immediately for interrogation. 
"I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims.
"You're an accomplished professional, a caring family man, a
pillar of your parish - and now you want to destroy that all
by blowing up an airplane!" 
"Sorry", the professor interrupts him. "I had never intended
to blow up the plane." 
"So, for what reason else did you try to bring a bomb on
board?!" 
"Let me explain. Statistics shows that the probability of a
bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. That's quite high if you
think about it - so high that I wouldn't have any peace of
mind on a flight." 
"And what does this have to do with you bringing a bomb on
board of a plane?" 
"You see, since the probability of one bomb being on my plane
is 1/1000, the chance that there are two bombs is 1/1000000.
If I already bring one, the chance of another bomb being
around is actually 1/1000000, and I am much safer..."

[4am]
<@Cheez> someone put me to bed
<@[Smaug]> GO TO BED CHEEZ!
<@[Smaug]> NOW!
<@[Smaug]> dont make me come over to your house!
<@[Smaug]> or apartment
<@[Smaug]> or whatever you live in
<@Cheez> "channel"

<]Darkstar[> Everyone hit ctrl+v
* MMK[TP] hits ctrl+v... ctrl+v runs away
<MMK[TP]> Now I lost these two keys!

<SPACEBOY|GTA3> when the pain stops... thats when you know
you've kicked the bucket
<nuggetman> i just read the obituaries to make sure i'm not
there

<Ig[AtWork]> For your pleasure...bad quotes:
<Ig[AtWork]> Hec-1: I got the japanese version of the bang bus
<Ig[AtWork]> Last_blade: lol
<Ig[AtWork]> Last_blade: I bet the japanese version of bang
bus is called... "SUPER FUN RALLY BANG BUS GO GO GO!!! Make
Happy strange girl!"

<^cell^> he was one of those people that had to make multiple
objects.. like.. he makes 1 tree, so he says "lets give him a
little friend" and at the end there is like 50 trees and like
3000 squirrels

<djfisty> i woke up with samuel l jackson's hairstyle from
'unbreakable'

<Clockwork> You know.. The complexity of an N64 controller and
sensitivity of that analong stick, not to mention the hidden Z
button, is alot like a woman..
<Dekan-> Except for the love and affection and sex. And tits.
And vagina. Yeah I'd say it's pretty much the n64
controller...

<D-BOY> how is it people can possibly find japanese people
smart
<D-BOY> look at their food
<D-BOY> they can't figure out how to cook it
<D-BOY> look what they do with rice
<D-BOY> <Japanese Dude> Maybe if I roll it into a ball it will
taste better!
<D-BOY> <Chinese or Mexican Guy> I'll lightly pan fry the rice
and season it to perfection while adding in choice meats and
vegetables to create a dish in itself
<D-BOY> <Japanese Guy> I can't figure out how to start a fire.
I'll just eat my fish raw.
<D-BOY> <Chinese Guy> I'll marinate the fish in a 2:1 ratio of
egg to cornstarch and fry it to add a thick breadding. Then
coat it in a sauze of ginger, hot bean sazuce, and add
vegetables
<MM> Maybe it's just age-old tradition...?
<D-BOY> More like age-old idiocy
<D-BOY> Idiocy is inherited from generation to generation
<D-BOY> Look at Israel and Palestine

* TechHut changes topic to 'Welcome to #Euphoria | SuperChill
has no penis | "Peace, love, empathy" - Kurt Cobain'
<TechHut> :)
<ergoproxy> superchill does too have a penis... its just that
it belongs to someone else, and its usually in his mouth.

<Spydie> ive been playing games too much, when i close my eyes
i see gun fights
<NuGgEt|mIRC> i see naked men

*** Quits: Zathras (Evelyn the dog, having undergone further
modification pondered the significance of short-person
behaviour in pedal depressed, pan-chromatic resonance, and
other highly ambient domains. "Arf," she said.)

<Mcme> Just got the last skiing of the season done
<Microshrimp> I am banned from skiing
<fear> Storytime?
<Mcme> How does one get banned from skiing?
<Microshrimp> after the last time I tried it.... couldn't
figure out how to stop and I was headed toward about 10 people
who were standing in a circle talking.  It was like human
bowling.

<rafeil> i had a dream i had 3 penis's of varying legnth and
direction
<rafeil> and 2 girls were sucking on them, but they were
sucking on the numb ones. only one had feeling. it was like
the head of the hydra myth
<helminthes> no.. not the numb ones.. oh god no.. {wakes up
violently in cold sweat}

<DL|horses> Death to all who oppose me!
* Warlord dies

<AndrewB> Lonely..
<Linguica> aww
<AndrewB> Come to bed and snuggle with me.
<AndrewB> Er, wrong window.

<tsunami> my mind is racing, just remember my old flatmate and
the dreaded salad
<tsunami> i was like: 'this salad you made tastes funny...'
found out she used the cucumber the night before, washed it
and placed it back in the crisper... i banned her from ever
making food again
<Sephiroth> hmmm...that's mildly erotic
<Sephiroth> in a lo-cal sort of way

<`3pX^Manitoba>  If you sleep with a guy, it doesnt
necessarily mean you're gay right?--PM ME plz, I need to kno
<Jivedue> what's the setting? prison or at home?

<wmf> AaronSw: what did I tell you about Stallman?
<AaronSw> not to have sex with him?

<FieroMan> I wanna jerk off but my nose is too stuffy.

<|CM|>Mongoose> i'm looking for a girl that enjoys having a
bad time
<Paralysis> search for the keyword "gothic"

* niki-luv waves
* s_ surfs niki

<aptget>  I have $50 on Duke Nukem Forever finishing before
Vista.
<carpespasm>  can anyone quote from the bible which comes
first, horsemen, ps3, DNF, or vista; I always forget
<soogy>  Mark 13:4 "Tell us, when shall these things be? and
what [shall be] the sign when all these things shall be
fulfilled?"
<soogy>  Even the Bible can't save us now.

<aBoijj> he asked me where I downloaded it from
<aBoijj> I said I walked into the shop and downloaded it from
the shelf to my hand then uploaded some money from my pocket
to the till via the shop assistant

<K34R> im going to buy 6 monitors and a big metal rack and
position them all around me
<K34R> so it will be like im captain of the starship ianprise
<K34R> on a mission to hack the gibson

<br4dh4x0r> if you r 1337, show me your gibson
<br4dh4x0r> wait, that sounds wrong

<IgWannA> why do scots wear kilts? ..... because sheep have
gotten used to the sound of a zipper

<Mach17> Google: your number one source of not sounding
retarded.

<Rynol> Until individual protons play little quark violins.
<Zrith> I imagine attempting to play music on a quark might
prove problematic.
<Zrith> You either get to figure out where you are in a song,
or what the tempo is.
<Rynol> Of course, if we were talking string theory then it'd
be easier, what with the inherent resonance and all.

<SpeedSk8X> 21 is too fucking old :( :( :(
<type[s]> bah
<type[s]> i'm 22
<type[s]> i think
<type[s]> yeah, 22

<KuNgFo0> when it takes 15 seconds to d/l a server's motd..
<KuNgFo0> that's lag

<wof> does anyone really use emacs?
<Pills> my wife used to
<wof> really?
<wof> what'd she do?
<Pills> she... edited files? :)

<Terrorwolf>YES! NOS CHOOL!
<ALW>Sounds like you need to get your ass back there to me.

<Worsemaker> public boolean whore(String x) { if (x = "Your
Mom") { return true; } else { return false; }
<Seigfried> You forgot your close brace, Worsemaker.
<Seigfried> And the else is extraneous.
<Seigfried> And I don't think you need the "public" unless
it's actually in a class.
<Seigfried> And THAT has infinite levels of recursion. ;P
*** Worsemaker was kicked by Mandoric (C++ kick. =p)

* Wee humps Hannah's leg.
<Hannah> thats my prosthetic leg
* Wee humps Hannah's other leg.
<Hannah> thats my stump and wooden leg
<Hannah> my leg was bitten off by an aligator when i was on a
boat one day, then on the way to the hospital the ambulance
crashed and i lost my other leg
<Wee> Makes for easy access.
<Hannah> sicko

<fraggle> when i typed lesbian i almost typed debian

<Surge|Metal`Gearing> Yeah why don't we use stupid people as a
fossil fuel? We'd end the energy crisis for millions of years.

<BombScare> im fuckin done
<BombScare> bah..no high speed net = no streaming pr0n movies
<BombScare> gotta jerk off to memories then :(

<phoenix-> rjx: im sure #mensa can survive without another
intellogant person