bash.org archive

<zipperface> !seen the man who raped me but when i find him
i'm going to lube him up real nice like and bang away at his
ass.
<Harold> Sorry zipperface, I have never seen the man who raped
me but when i find him i'm going to lube him up real nice like
and bang away at his ass.

*** Topic is '#Animorphs: Part of a complete breakfast! Now
with Vitamins A, B1, OMG and WTF!'

<@n909> this guy is traveling in oregon
<@n909> and ran out of weed
<@n909> so he comes to #oregon
<@n909> and asks us for some

<ellipse> whoa. i hate farts like that.
<ellipse> that one was so hot, i couldn't tell if i shit
myself or not. i think i'm going to have to manually check.

<+HackerDragon>: uhmmm yeah I had some lube and "other
objects" wrapped up in a towel under my bed.  My mom decided
that she was going to be nice and do my laundry for me today
cause she is home sick.  Yeah I just looked under my bed and
the lube with objects is there but no towel...

<kellin> I honestly don't think I'm all that big.
<fishphood> I don't like big penis.
<Dairenn> fishphood, meet kellin.
<kellin> UH.

<Monk> All I have to say... is I'm so messed that when I
turned off the blacklight downstairs
<Monk> that I imagined I was defeating a agent of the
negaverse sent by queen beryl who was using it to sap our
lifeforce

*** KeeperX ([email protected]) has joined channel #idle
<KeeperX>: ...
<KeeperX>: Why isn't anyone talking?

Yami: Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they
could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to
go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
Yami: The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought
ten
apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have
to
shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your
face or you'll be eaten."
Yami: The first apple went in... but on the second one he
winced out
in pain, so he was killed.
Yami: The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries.
When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that
this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
Yami: The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The
first one
asked, "Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it" The
second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples."

<DjLizard> click HERE for free Chocobo porn.
<DET> all I got was channel info
<DjLizard> :D
<DjLizard> well, click here for free channel info.

<timmo> its kind of weird
<timmo> my grandma dropped acid
<timmo> and hijacked a school bus full of penguins
<timmo> so its kind of a family crisis

<PACHUKA> I'm exempt from draft
<PACHUKA> W00T
<TonyD> PACHUKA: cuz you're borderline retarded?
<PACHUKA> tonyd: no, because I'm unfing your mother, they
don't take charity workers

<keithandmike-com> Just stop.. okay. Damnit, I hate you so
much. You probably sit and write these down and just wait for
me to join. Bastard. Eat corn poop.
<Fembot> Mike joined the Navy and wanted to become a SEAL...
there was something appealing about their creed to "never
leave their buddy's behind"

WiTriDi: hmm so he got even more raged than you
Searanger: k thnx bye
WiTriDi: ??
WiTriDi: lol??
WiTriDi: your leaving me
WiTriDi: i will not stand for this
WiTriDi: how can we keep our relationship alive
WiTriDi: if you keep ignoring me
WiTriDi: are you even listening
WiTriDi: GOD I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I TRY
Searanger: i go to the washroom for 1 minute
Searanger: and u serve me divorce papers

<+div0> hm... if an infinite number of monkeys typed like wild
on typewriters... how many would be arrested for copyright
violations?
<@CCFreak2K> Exactly half of them.
<@CCFreak2K> Even if that means half of a monkey is arrestred.
<@CCFreak2K> So be it.
<@CCFreak2K> This world's an asshole.

[+Silus]: is there anywhere you can fix graphics cards ? Pm me
plz
[@foulkesaway]: what u mean 'fix'
[@madmk]: like.. he snapped it in-half and needs some special
graphics-card glue

<Mildain> does anyone else find that they run alot faster when
carrying a knife?
<Vidaeus> in Real Life? Yes.

<astroDZ> i brought back marlbro 100s
<astroDZ> a carton of them to smoke
<astroDZ> i was told that were was enuff tar in 1 pack , to
zip up all of freebsd and openbsd
<astroDZ> anyone care to confirm?

<Hat> Windows XP isn't that bad, foO.
<Hat> At least it's better than fucking ME.
<Hat> Wait, I think I saw that on bash.org.
<Hat> aggggrggrgrh, I DID see it!
<Hat> Man, I'm fucking pathetic.  I have IRC quotes in my
subconscious.
<foO> the funny thing about it is that you actually have a
girlfriend that puts out, yet you still irc
<Hat> I'm hideous! Don't look at me!

<Prae> im here to packet and chew gum
<Prae> and im all outta gum

<throwback> you mean to say that someone overreacted on irc?
<throwback> when the fuck does that happen?

<neutrl> i don't have any tables
<mAimZ> da wheels 'o steel...
<mAimZ> you should get some... And get all your favorite tunes
on LP... It's more fun than 4 hookers and a jimmy hat!
<hypr> i highly doubt that

<@mazrimt> the guy seemed kinda decent
<@mazrimt> compared to the normal people who ask for warez ;)
<@mazrimt> irc has lowered my standards of 'decent' quite a
bit

<Murr> I received a fascinating insight into govt operations
today
<drm> hows that?
<Murr> ordered some maps from the california geological survey
2 weeks ago
<Murr> received them 1 week ago
<Murr> and got a call today from a lady who had problems
reading my CC#

(Fetch) freebsd and novell can go fuck themselves
(Fetch) with a pole
(Sancho) why don't you tell us how you really feel
(tobyl) Sancho: Because it would be too disturbing for words.
(Fetch) I'd like to hold the pole, so that I could violate
them in a more
+bloody fashion
(Fetch) I would wiggle it around, so that their irritated and
bloody anus
+holes would become twice their normal diameter.
(IDK) Sancho: And THAT's why he shouldn't tell us how he
really feels.

<darklink570> tubgirl is like the luigi to goatse's mario

<sigafoo> your girlfriend is so slutty she gets pass 'by
reference'
<HdxEvil> &owned

<sAmEeLl> canada`s fbi is called RCMP
<sAmEeLl> sounds like a dos attack

<_astrOdz> you know if you shoplift , you dont pay tax

<Tetsubo> ever wish you could just start life over cause you
didn't know what to do the first time around and messed it all
up?
<Tetsubo> why doesn't real life have a tutorial mode?

<@dum|work> he's actually quite likeable in RL
<@dum|work> its just when he gets behind an irc session he
becomes Bitter-man
<@dum|work> a strange visitor from another planet, zapping the
denizens of IRC with his Bittero rays
<@acme> he's got a Bitter-man cape and tights and everything
<@dum|work> the tights are just a recreational thing

<Red_Sky> Time for some Yiddish freestyle rap! This one goes
out to all my Rabbi homiez.
<Red_Sky> Wizzord to the oy, oy to the vay- to the 'lom
shalabei, rockin with my niggaz, true blood niggaz! Torah
torah torah! Hip to the hop to the skip to the drop, schmokin
schnitzel mit my schmutzel, rock the block! I'm da freeflowin
gentile schlemiel! What now!! What!

<GPF> A fart is just a turd honking for right-of-way.

<Kosta> I bet men wouldn't be so fascinated with vaginas if
they secreted lima beans

<quint> I've figured it out that there are three ways of
pasting text on irc.
<quint> you can press ctrl + v or shift + Ins or click with
the right mouse button in the edit box and select "paste" from
the popup.
<weasel> wow, amazing. You've become a real hacker now.

<ColdGhost> i was just sexually harassed by some old grandma
<ColdGhost> i was walkin into my office and some older woman
like 60 who works in other office, well she was walkin with me
and talking and i was like "sorry my voice is bad today,
really rhaspy and low, not sure why" and shes like "well its
sexy"
<posaway> i have 2 words for u
<posaway> "no teeth"

* OverlordQ changes topic to 'Forget Bayes, We need the Stalin
Mail Filter (TM) -- it detects spam, hunts down the spammer,
and exiles them to Siberia.'

<juicy_J> i have a question for you goose
<GooseThe> k
<juicy_J> pay $500 to get a female to give you oral, or free
from a homeless man named steve
<GooseThe> 500
<juicy_J> suppose you only have 10.35 and a pack of smarties
<CpuMan2001> uh
<CpuMan2001> get a prostitute with diabetes

<Bob> my gf is so cool... 
<zkcerF> yer...corpses can get pretty cold...

<ori0n> why did you name yourself after a video file? 
<zorack> hehe 
<avi-> because i'm long hardcore and take forever to download

samov : Is there a linux program that will end my depression?
boolean : samov: kill

<tehron> i have a question about the english language: are
parcel and packet synonym in any way?
<sabretooth> yes
<sabretooth> packet is generally smaller
<sabretooth> but they can be used interchangeably even with a
large packet and a small parcel :)
<tehron> hm.. :P
<tehron> i think i can't receive parcels
<sabretooth> Well if you're sending them over TCP probably not
<tehron> :P very helpful
<sabretooth> if you're sending them by UDP, UPS or Royal Mail
however they'll likely be dropped anyway

<dizdaz89> my mom is getting a new matress...so I have to go
soon

<piman> RVD: Whereas the amount of people watching wrestling
grows, oddly enough, at the same rate as the people who are
3rd generation welfare recipients.

(zerox): i thought i was going to XXX the movies website when
i went to www.XXXMOVIE.com but i was pleasently mistaken

<MishimaYukio> Ya know, there's a thing called a "blooper",
which is where you get a blowjob while you're taking a shit.
<fluffy> ....
<Massive_Potato> ...what the hell
<MishimaYukio>  Well, I mention it because, well, if God
didn't want us to be burdened by erections on the pot, he
wouldn't have invented bloopers.
<fluffy> thats the most disgusting thing ive heard in years
<DoctorRiff> i will never feel the same way about the "tv's
funniest bloopers" show, you've ruined my life MishimaYukio

<marcus> hahah. these guys have a dedicated oracle server...
an e3500 with 4
cpus and 4gb of RAM
<marcus> they've had it for 2 years now
<marcus> doing nothing but oracle
<marcus> with oracle configure to use no more than 128MB of
ram
<marcus> and recently they've been complaining about
performance
<marcus> they thought maybe they needed more memory
<marcus> i was like "uhhh. your dataset is smaller than
physical ram"

<RjT> I just fucked a chipmunk
<Osmosis> erm
<RjT> ah shit wrong window

<@michael`_> and i found out that some sophomore at my school
ran a stop sign and some dude going the speed limit slammed
into her car
<@michael`_> killing her two friends
<@michael`_> she was drunk as hell, apparently
<@michael`_> and she just got acquitted of vehicular
manslaughter today
<@michael`_> shes on facebook too
<@michael`_> Sarah Pennell wrote
<@michael`_> at 10:49pm March 2nd, 2006
<@michael`_> You.....Me....Large amounts of alcohol = this
weekend!!

<Semi> What good is a car with no dildos?

<miriamb>  is there really horse in horseradish

<nroklost> your life is a lie
<somery> dood i'm just talkin' about your mullet, don't get
all existential on me

<cshepherd> i hax0red my first root account at age 12
<cshepherd> i was so proud!@
<cshepherd> no pubic hair, but good god did i have root

<kisama> only amanda would place her faith in something
written in object pascal.

<Viper550esp> heh hell, you have no idea what hell is! Try
standing inbetween two large fat women at a manson concert who
decided just to wear the bare minimum to get it in concert.   
Oh thats nothing, they decided that it would be fun to start a
mash pit. I kid you not those two women took out 7 people with
one massive shove
<Jaytda4th> omg that is hell! A manson concert.. im so sorry.

<goatTRICKS> i used to go to this daycare
<goatTRICKS> and there was a big black retarded guy and he had
nicknames for everyone that didnt make any sense
<goatTRICKS> and mine was Jukebox Brian

<phrenzy> i went to laser force yesterday all that cs made me
really good
<a3LegdCat> so you camped like a mofo?

<@Spider124> Gay ass homo, as opposed to "Hetero Ass homo"

<KingV> whats the time difference between utah and arizona
right now?
<Fico> 100 years of bad moral judgement

<daimonic> i was standing in the kitchen waiting for my toast
for about 2 minutes
<daimonic> stoned out of my head so i just stood there looking
at the toaster
<daimonic> then when it finally was done it gave me some
fright
<daimonic> fuck

* [TxC]-LaSeK is back from having hot sex. I was gone for
3secs

<Andre> short girls with glasses and flannel jammies are cute.
<The_Frymaster> You just described Jonathan Lipnicki in Jerry
Maguire.
<The_Frymaster> You pervert.

<barkode> you don't even want to be in the same area code as
me after indian  food

<@jaffy> how the fuck does my moniter get so dirty, its like
some cunt eats his meals off it while im asleep

<surfer> anyone here
<surfer> how do i set up an irc script : S
<surfer> whats the command
<seven> surfer : there's a limit of 3 stupid questions within
the first hour of joining, you've only got 1 left.

<Castor|Troy> xp is like microsoft and aol had a baby, and
then aol dropped teh baby on its head

<Bobski> goconnect. the internet equivalent of the dole.
<jamesm> what is it?
<Bobski> a freebie internet service for those who blew their
last 5 bucks on mcdonalds
<jamesm> how do they make money?
<Bobski> you install a wanky dialer and it spatters your
screen with ads. mostly mcdonalds ads actually :)
<jamesm> in case you find another fiver

<xen0cide> Whats black and blue and hates sex?
<Cloud9> Jesus, what?
<xen0cide> Its not Jesus, its the 7 year old in my trunk.
<Cloud9> You sick fuck.

<Shortigo> damned CS.. I keep spelling "pearl" as "PERL"
<Jenny> ahahahaha
<Jenny> lol
<Shortigo> ironically I also find the need to add .cx on
anything ending in "se"
<Shortigo> "... after examining the fine detailz on the
base.cx"
<Jenny> hehe