bash.org archive

<panacea_> im going to the doctor tomorrow morning regarding
my thumb
<Lordaerom> panacea_, so much fucking wanking

kydruid: actually Laura Bush is working undercover for the
DEA... every gram she snorts is another off the street.

<Floach> It's pretty well known that your brain continues to
function for quite a bit after decapitation
<Bitstorm> the mame board is proof of that

<oc3-spd> no way dude my system is so much better than yours
it owns yours and is faster.
<Hrrrrm> Ok show ur info.
<oc3-spd> os[Windows 2000 Professional (5.0 - 2195)] uptime[1h
22m 6s] cpu[2-AMD AthlonMP, 1635MHz, 256KB] mem[Usage: 380/
3072MB (87.33%) [|---------]]
<Hrrrrm> you forgot to change the % on the ram.
<oc3-spd> os[Windows 2000 Professional (5.0 - 2195)] uptime[1h
22m 6s] cpu[2-AMD AthlonMP, 1635MHz, 256KB] mem[Usage: 380/
3072MB (12.36%) [|---------]]
<Hrrrrm> damn youre right... its better :(

<@UBC_Wiska> I have invented a vibrator featuring a CPU, 64 MB
RAM... it is wireless and LAN capable
<@theamy> *vibrates*
<@UBC_Wiska> wtf?
* kevinb notes that UBC has invented anal vibrator for
personal use
<@UBC_Wiska> it will be able to download "personalities"
<@Narcissus> Why would one want to switch personalities
mid-use?
<@UBC_Wiska> for example
<@UBC_Wiska> the leo personality shuts the vibrator off :)
<@theamy> What would your personality do Wisket
<@theamy> I know what matt's would
<@kevinb> It would shrink to half the size
<@theamy> LOL
<@UBC_Wiska> the size and diameter are variable
<@UBC_Wiska> and set on personalities
<@Narcissus> That's one sophisticated vibrator:)
<@UBC_Wiska> for example, kevin's would be swollen from all
the previous j/o :)
<@kevinb> It would also implement Impotent sub-routines.
<@kevinb> lol
<@Narcissus> Keep the vibrator discussion clean, Wisk:)
<@UBC_Wiska> How?

<cwd> god damn i just farted HARD on my chair and it felt good
<HardCore> did it lift u off?
<cwd> yeah good thing i was wearing my seatbelt

(ennui_) heh
(ennui_) some hophead in that channel was relating his
opium-induced dreams
(ennui_) Freud would have had a field day
(Ubu) was mom in them?
(ennui_) let's just say I hope his mother has the good sense
not to hug him for too long at a time

<drunknom> I could probaby force myself to be sober, but it's
toom uch eforroft
<Zacchaeus> ah well - ya gotta enjoy it - or whats the point?
<drunknom> preceseisyl

<MrCubanMafia> I love women. I love every bone in their body.
Especially mine.

<mrempire> humm
<mrempire> -7% burning an iso here
<mathew2> now we know why you work for PC World.

<langdon> win2k is tight.
<langdon> i added all my warez ftp sites to network
neighborhood

<sacarna> i think willingly putting your child in a porno
comes under the catergory of unfit parent

<Gabe> lol i didnt like the diary of anne frank
<FraudulentTommah> if anne frank was alive today would she
make a livejournal
<Super_Moogle> The Livejournal of Anne Frank
<Super_Moogle> "Mood: Happy :))"

<ZangTT> it's like a massive 300 story zombie john maynard
keynes is wandering through california, tearing down buildings
and breathing fire.

<Spink> man
<Spink> I shot myself in the neck, that sucked
<Minion> it's too bad you obviously survived
<Spink> yeah
<Spink> If only it was a gun
<Spink> I'd probably be happier
<Minion> We'd all be happier
<Spink> jizz on my collar :/

<Object> i'm good for 15 minutes
<sh0> Object, 15 minutes ?!
<sh0> you better have a lot of cash to keep yo bitch loyal

<LordStan> Jed, why can't you have a fake man that has a
magical motor that drives a series of gears and what-not to
make a robot?
<Jedisar> LordStan: Because he's busy starring in a new FF
game.
<LordStan> I would say something sarcastic to that, but
chances are you're right.

<Lord-Data> spanish girls like come with a tan by default
<Lord-Data> its like they come factory fitted with a fully
body kit :)

<Thamwlad> i'll attempt to disbelieve the floor

<Crucifix> when the pope dies who is the next pope?
<Crucifix> his son?

<Loki> A mammal that lays eggs, is the ultimate breakfast
dish.

<Elise> hey do u have the compu wholesale purchase order at
all?
<logik> ?
<logik> ummm
<Elise> so?
<logik> why do u need it
<Elise> cause im attaching the invoice and entering it in myob
then i need to do the billing ....
<Elise> why do u ask?
<Elise> have u eaten it or something?
<Elise> ;)
<logik> nah you see
<logik> the thing is
<logik> there was no toilet paper around

<Mank> I missed about half of the movie
<Mank> If you catch my drift
<waffle> Mank: stop with the public masterbastion

<clay> i heard joey submitted the first rfc for irc
<clay> something along the lines of D00D WE NEED WAREZ TRADING
2 ORGANIZE N SHIT

(Guilty) I like my women the way I like my tomatos, big round
buldging and red

aaront: :-P
aaront: Whatever ya say
xxkuku4purplexx: dont stick ur tongue out at me, are u like 2
or something?
aaront: you take emotiocons way too seriously <3
xxkuku4purplexx: ewwwww
xxkuku4purplexx: gross

(@Jumper): I've been to LegoLand
(@Jumper): I've actually been drunk in LegoLand !
(@Jumper): We had a huge company party in the Lego Castle
(+offwYtE): drink out of lego cups
([ric]): lagerland... sure that wasn't where you were Jumper?

<voidnull> Computers destroyed my life. Today when my mum told
me to get up, I asked her for the password.

<Zenholder> JavaScript kicks ass
<Nanobot> JavaScript sucks ass
<Nanobot> You were off by two letters

<Phucker> I just tried moving a box on my bed with my mouse
<Phucker> :/

* jitspoe feels fembot... fuzzy
* Fembot shaved
<jitspoe> not there you didn't

[00:55] <enntee> i'm about to go to seven eleven and i'm gonna
hit
on the clerk
[00:55] <enntee> even if she looks like ass
[01:00] <enntee> off i go
[01:11] <enntee> damn. she was too ugly.

<Mansion_Maniac> 3 types of people on the internet = convinced
they're ugly, convinced they're life has no meaning, and
convinced they could kick your ass despite they don't know
jack about you

<Focusyn> hmm this commercial for a local pool place here
<Focusyn> just said "And we make PAYING fun TOO!!!!"
<SJr> Hmmmm
<Focusyn> what, do they let you come in every month and pay
your bill in ones in some stripper's panties?

Lilmuckers- did someone say lesbians
c99koder- haha
Wrecked_Em- lil: not yet o_0
Lilmuckers- lol
Lilmuckers is disappointed
Wrecked_Em will slowly lead to the topic of lesbains
Wrecked_Em- so...fish
Lilmuckers- dolphins eat fish
crt0- lesbians ...
Lilmuckers- dolphins can have sex for fun
Wrecked_Em- in maniac mansion muff diver got sensored for tuna
diver
Lilmuckers- therefore lesbian dolphins must exist
Wrecked_Em- ...what do you think about the muff diving?
crt0- -_-
Lilmuckers thinks about lesbians
crt0 does too
Wrecked_Em thinks about dolphins

<Falsity> tricks are fo kids
<ircbuddy> And hookers.

<Paradigm> I wish I had one of those rental cars that blow up
after you're finished with it.
<Shadowtext> Para--they ALL do if you plan it right.

<aweigh> Physical pain?
<aweigh> Sign me up.
<WussyBoy> Pain can be fun, but certainly not in a sexual way
<aweigh> Obviously you've never had a donkey punch.
<Galvatron> ...that was in no way appropriate

<parag0n> LOL I JUST HACKED MY SCHOOL
<trigg`> what exploit?
<parag0n> I USED ROOTKIT
<trigg`> um ok but what exploit?? and what OS do they run?
<parag0n> I TOLD U ROOTKIT, AND THATS THE FUNNY PART THEIR SO
LAME, THEY RUN WINDOWS98!! LOL!!!
<trigg`> uh ok

<RunNHide> women should be computers - then you could
re-configure their mouths to be input-only devices

<Balatro> Electroly:  It died on me once and wouldn't
restart.  I had to ps -aux or whatever the fuck it is and kill
the process.  Then it started fine.
<Electroly> ah, nothing good old `ps aux | grep Proteus | awk
'{print $2 }' | xargs kill -9` won't fix.
<Electroly> much better, that worked.
* Gandalf stares at Electroly
<Gandalf> And I thought I was a Unix dork.
<Balatro> Yeah, it was so much less effort to do that then to
type a command, quickly see the process and kill it by PID :)
<Electroly> you are a unix dork
<Electroly> Balatro: there were like 10 Proteus processes,
dude.
<Balatro> Funny, I had 1 ;)
<Electroly> dunno where these all came from, but i killed them
all.
<Electroly> now all is well
<Gandalf> Electroly: I understand ps, grep, and xargs. Explain
how that awk thinger works, though? :)
<Electroly> Gandalf: awk is pretty simple.  it treats the
stdin as a bunch of columns
<Electroly> and lets you reformat the output.  { print $n } is
typical, where n is the column number to print out.
<kurros> AWK AWK MOTHER FUCKER
<Electroly> it uses whitespace as the column delimiter by
default, but you can change that by some argument to it
<Gandalf> ah, and in ps aux the PID is the second column, thus
$2, right?
<Electroly> yup
<Electroly> you can do other stuff with awk, like awk '{ print
"Whee!  The PID for " $10 " is " $2 "!" }'
<Balatro> It makes me hot when you talk unix.
<Electroly> rm -rf /home/Balatro
<Balatro> That's /homo/Balatro, honey :)

*** Quits: Espresso (my sister is a bitch and needs this
computer because her homework is already saved on it)
<^Pa|Busy^> I think all words after "bitch" were probably
unnecessary.

<Karyon> [12:10] * Quits: RainyDay (Will you remember my ass
or my brain? :))
<Karyon> WELL THEY BOTH GOT A LARGE HOLE IN THEM, AND ARE BOTH
FULL OF SHIT!!!!!!!!

[JaymoFish] I can change jumper settings on my HDs via BIOS
right?
[Ben`] nope
[JaymoFish] thats gay
[Ben`] no, you're gay for not having them set right in the
first place :P
[JaymoFish] no
[JaymoFish] they're set in right
[JaymoFish] but to make an ext. HD
[JaymoFish] you gotta set it to Master inside a computer
[JaymoFish] then take it out
[Ben`] dude
[Ben`] you'll need to pull it out anyway to make it an
EXTERNAL hard drive
[Ben`] Won't YOU!
[JaymoFish] oh yeah
[JaymoFish] damnit

<Talaysen> ...I used to get an erection watching the My Little
Pony movie. I didn't know what it was but I kind of liked the
feeling.

<+Lithium-> i nearly died
<+Lithium-> going into the cellar - sister fucking put some
fucking shit on the steps
<+shak> :o
<+jonathan> that must smell
<+richard> lol
<+jonathan> does your sister lay dumps all the time?
<+jonathan> can she lay a dump on me?
<+james> ...
<+Alex-A11> lol?

<Vexer`> i'm arabic / muslim
<Traktopel> im more muslim than you
<Vexer`> you are?
<Vexer`> YOU TERRORIST!

<humble> for every job there is an appropriate tool
<anal-ease> that's what she told me
<anal-ease> as she pulled out the 12" dildo

* Topic is 'Download help NOT available here.'
* eats ([email protected]) has joined #
new2mIRC
<eats> i need to get a trial version of maya 3d software. were
in this program can i go to look this up?
<@corm> www.download.com
<eats> not that comon
<@corm> oh
<@corm> you mean on mirc
<eats> yes sir/mame
<@corm> push Ctrl and F4 at the same time, it opens the file
search dialog
* eats ([email protected]) has left #
New2mIRC
<@corm> snicker

<AndrewOregon> People debate to win, and they usually resort
to dishonesty in doing so. It's not a conversation.
<AndrewOregon> IRC is so cozy because it still hosts
conversation, that rare gem online.
<lakembra> get raped fgt

<CactusJac> Mike Sweetser walks into a bar and orders 6 shots
of tequila. The bartender asks, "Why so many buddy?" Sweetser
replies, "I'm celebrating my first blow job". The bartender
says, "Well hell, congratulations, I will give you one on the
house for free." Sweetser says, "No thank you, if the first 6
shots don't get the taste out of my mouth one more won't make
a difference."

* Robzy tries to remember wher goatse ASCII is...
* Robzy wonders why the *ENTIRE* geek community is obsessed
with goatse
<Tripwire> Robzy: it's tradition
<Robzy> Has anyone ever spared a thought for the photographer
of goatse?!

<Wolfy> if i ain't a geek i'm certainly not a nerd :p
<Wolfy> so that leaves normal or extrovert
<Wolfy> :p
<+damadm00> or 'wanker'

<orge> !speedtest
<orge> (_*_) @ 599Mhz
<claws03> at 907Mhz
<hydro-> niggers picking cotton @ 998Mhz
<jestuh> s00p3r 4thl0n runn1ng 4t 1696Mhz
<bos-> >=[ @ 341Mhz
<bradley> jerkin it @ 306Mhz
<DigDug> 207.4 millions of cycles per second :-o

<flamebird> using trillian because \"it works with MSN too\"
is the same as saying \"well im not going to a strip club
tonight, ill just get my mother to give me a lap dance.. shes
a woman\" - its true.. but.. NO

<FLoRa> i'd actually rather be ugly than fat
<milenko> hmm i dont think so
<milenko> you can lose fat
<milenko> BUT YOU CANT LOSE UGLY!

<nitrifik_> I ROFL:ed :|
<nitrifik_> I need to get off IRC.

<Spooky> What agitates your grotesquely large noggin?
<Alexander> Human EXISTANCE
<Spooky> Righto...only that?
<Spooky> I accepted their powerful funk of stupid long
ago...only not really.
<Spooky> I can't go to a mall when it's busy or I start
shaking.
<Spooky> Shaking (read: Killing)
<Alexander> yeah I know that shaking/maiming feeling

<Duloth> BRB, the dorm is on fire.

<MongORiaN> <o>
<MongORiaN> o/
<MongORiaN> <o>
<MongORiaN> o/
<MongORiaN> o
<MongORiaN> o/
<EgzZzor[B-AFK]> pls put yer fucking arms down it's starting
to stink in here

<conZ> how do i connect LED's to the pc ?
<phaxx> stick it in your floppy drive. make sure you insert
the cathode pin first or you'll melt the led
<conZ> will make sure of that
<phaxx> good
<conZ> fuck
<conZ> it doesnt work

<Fredu|mega_sad> vodka would keep us warm
<k2tu> so would stroh 80 :P
<dr_dna> so would not drinking outside in freezing
temperatures

<SVJ-FuNiOnZ> you havent seen shit till you've seen jesus
throw gang signs..

<[smurf]> MelowRage: you are a sick, sick, sick child
<MelowRage> I know
<[smurf]> even the name MelowRage pisses me off
<[smurf]> it tears me
<MelowRage> SCORE
<[smurf]> I am seared
<MelowRage> I was hoping it would piss someone off
<[smurf]> SEARING RAGE OF MELLOWNESS
<MelowRage> what with the blatant misspelling and such
<MelowRage> It was either "MelowRage" or "MellowRag"
<[smurf]> it makes me want to flip out and listen to Jazz at
the same time
<MelowRage> I chose the former
<MelowRage> hehehe
<MelowRage> VIOLENT JAZZ MUSIC!!!
<[smurf]> STOP IT
<[smurf]> HAVE YOU EVER FLIPPED OUT TO JAZZ CORPERAL?!
<[smurf]> IT'S NOT SOMETHING A GROWN MAN SHOULD DO!
<MelowRage> like a music video of some black dude going nuts
and shoving his saxophone into a guy's eyeball
<[smurf]> ..nah
<[smurf]> that's rage
<[smurf]>mellow rage would be the Micheal Jackson video where
they get all ready to knife fight and then they just dance
with their hands together

<trance> pj eats little kids for breakfast
<pUrPLe_jArGOn> I used to trance, but I cracked a tooth on a
thighbone and the doctor told me I should move to more
conventional foods

<LLyric> How do I break out of an infinite loop on a c64? It's
been sooo long.
<MaggieL> Unplug it.

<Shuzin> Stupid junk e-mail.
<Shuzin> Why would I want to get the porn OFF my PC when I
bought all that film and went to all the trouble of hiding in
the bushes?

<Gryvix[FoN]> any computerexperts around  ?
<Gryvix[FoN]> I have a  little problem
<Gryvix[FoN]> my mouse won't work
<Caedar[SOT]> And I assume you unplugged it and plugged it
back in. :)
<Gryvix[FoN]> then I have to shut off the comp right
<Gryvix[FoN]> I can do it without shutting it
<Gryvix[FoN]> ???
<Caedar[SOT]> If it's USB.
<Caedar[SOT]> Is the port rectangleish?
<Caedar[SOT]> Or is it a circle?
<Gryvix[FoN]> Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.
<Gryvix[FoN]> Someone unplugged it.
<Caedar[SOT]> Oh. My. God.

(|Lenore|) why does windows even bother giving estimates? the
times change by 5 minutes every thirty seconds...