bash.org archive

RobLuckettX: i wonder if the world took some massive vote, if
we could exile Bush from America
Masqueradeuk: some people like him
RobLuckettX : like a sort of giant UN Weakest Link
RobLuckettX : hosted by Thatcher
Masqueradeuk : "George Bush you are the Weakest Link -
Goodbye!"

<Kayem> Don't tell anyone, but... I'M the one who gave Stella
her groove back

<Preacher> my arsehole brother has just told me he's sold me
playstation ages ago
<Preacher> i'm fecking livid
<Preacher> i've been salivating about FFVIII and now i can't
play it :(
<Preacher> he better have some cash left cause he's gonna need
it for the new knee caps when i do the fecking little twat
<Mousey> go sell his guitar preach
<Preacher> it's my fecking guitar

<jonathans> statutory rape is the one thing id be okay with
having on my record

BuXtonZer0: i dunno why its such a good combo
BuXtonZer0: the goldfish are crunchy and cheesy, while the
coke is cold, refreshing, sweet, and breaks down the goldfish
Benihana420: and your teeth
Benihana420: at the same time
BuXtonZer0: another plus

<@Zeth> SLing: Will you take 3 years, $2.5 million with a
$500,000 signing bonus?
<@SLing> Dude, for that much money I'd eat poop for a living

<KANG> hey...shut up?
<Dinjack> Oh, wait, hold on, my pizza just came, pepperoni
with blow me.
<KANG> that sounds like quite a pizza
<Dinjack> You don't wanna know about the free breadsticks,
then

<[Max]Kaz> does any1 know if I can extract a bit of a movie
without all the files?
<[Max]Kaz> Its p0rn so I dont need all of it

<Randy`> took duey 2 hours to complete the vista cycle
<Randy`> from 'I'm going to install vista' to 'vista ftl'

<[Basil]Ruger> Flashing backgrounds make eplileptic Jesus cry

* Lemieux doesnt do the menage-a-trois thing
<Lemieux> at least... not if there's 2 women involved
<skidd> so you're a multiple input woman?
* Lemieux is not a porn star
<JayByrd> you don't have to be a porn star
<JayByrd> dirties across the land are getting it at both ends,
as we speak

<JibbleWork> no amount of work would be able to get my
clenched cheeks open

<Mephistol> irn and I have a proposal for you
<Invizigo> really?
<Mephistol> yes
<Invizigo> tell me
<Mephistol> its along the lines of 'wnt 2 cibur'

<[ComHem]HammeR> casca; think? Whats that?
<[PASSIVE]_casca> that's the thing you do before masturbating
in public

<morbid> I had this plan
<morbid> i was going to join the band
<morbid> and kill myself, and leave my tuba there.
<morbid> it would explain it all

<Kazimierz> the fast and the furious was full of homoerotic
undertones
<Kazimierz> just you couldn't hear them under the loud music
and loud car engines

(cowboy) LOL
(cowboy) THat was fuckin' funny
(cowboy) rec director at a park calls me up
(cowboy) wants to knwo how to fix something on his web page
(cowboy) I tell him it can't do what he wants it to do
(cowboy) he asks why
(cowboy) I explain
(cowboy) He comes back with, "Well I wonder what moron
designed it like that. That's stupid!"
(cowboy) I pause a moment
(cowboy) Well, actually, I was the one who designed it like
that.
(tobyl) lol
(cowboy) Oh, uh, err, uhm, ahhh, eeee, oooo, hrm, well,
uhhhhhhh

<toe-sleep> i tell you what. if i had my way...
<toe-sleep> i'd be the one writing the propoganda leaflets
america drops on baghdad
<toe-sleep> say shit like
<toe-sleep> "say no to saddam and in 6 months you're eating
big macs!"
<fysh> get the mc'kebab buy one get one free mondays only
<fysh> KEBAB MONDAY
<toe-sleep> "resistance is futile. opertion desert mcdonalds
franchise will succeed"
<toe-sleep> "would you like some freedom fries with that?"
<fysh> brought to you by CENTCOM AND THE UNITED MCDONALD
FREEDOM FUND
<toe-sleep> (a corporation of SONY)

fastfido2000: I'm still puzzled on how that chunk fit through
my hole...
fastfido2000: It's SCARY.
Kefka505: ....
Kefka505: Whoa, wait, start over.
fastfido2000: Weren't we talking about my "artistic vision?"
Kefka505: I sure as hell hope we were. O.o;

<s___> nair is scary
<s___> ive always been afraid i would go too near it at the
grocery store
<s___> and it would spray me in the crotch or something

<DrLickies> Anyone who wants to fight me, I'll be at Yonge and
College in like 25 minutes
<capitan0> don't homos hang at yonge and college ?
<DrLickies> No, I think they hang a couple of blocks east
<DrLickies> But maybe some homosexuals hang there
<smackhead> DrLickles- homosexuals will be hanging there in 25
minutes, apparently

<Cricket> talk about bush then.
<Cricket> the kind you eat, not the kind you vote for.
<pesti> ew, no
<pesti> no political,stuff,
<dUb> lol
<pesti> like, mowing the lawn?
<dUb> I like the george michael clip
<dUb> hihi
<Cricket> yeah, like mowing the lawn.
<pesti> trimming the hedge
<dUb> chocking the snake
<dUb> ...
<pesti> pounding the beaver
<dUb> spanking the monkey
<pesti> dub, you still have a lot to learn if you think that
is having sex with a girl

<BadAndy> leechers wanna stop leeching for a bit?
<frankster|kickme> that's like asking them to stop breathing
for a bit

<Fntc> Has jetchan exploded yet?
<JetSki> yes... thank goodness for duct tape
<Fntc> Wow I never thought of using duct tape for masturbation

<kylev> i was tryin to fix this computer
<kylev> the power supply fan was buzzin funny, and it wouldent
post
<kylev> so i said somethins busted, and the computer is shot,
and he got pissed, punched it and now it works fine

<Foggie> i wish i could buy shares in hot women
<Foggie> then i could go to ashley judd and be like "you gotta
sleep with me since i own 2% of you"

<r00t> I thought it was raining outside, but it turned out
just to be a cron job

<es0> how you use TCp with an abacus?
<%sluggo> TCP as in a TCP/IP stack?
<@Amish> that would be a fancy abacus, indeed :)
<%sluggo> that would be about as useful as half of the RFCs
out there
<%sluggo> like "wireless TCP/IP networking via carrier
pigeons"
<@Amish> yeah, B. F. Skinner was really pushing for that one

<Fembot> Apple is co-branding a cpu line w/ Monty Python.
it'll be called the "iFartinyourgeneraldirection"

<Nazgul> my grandma got some pictures developed, and she was
showing them to me, and said that they must have accidently
one of someone else's pictures in with hers
<Nazgul> because there was a pic of a woman and man standing
beside each other with their dog
<Nazgul> and I was looking at it, and thinking weird..then
looked in the upper right hand corner and saw a flying saucer
in the sky
<Nazgul> and was like "SHIT!"
<BloodFromStone> o_o
<BloodFromStone> Don't send them back.
<Nazgul> then flipped it over and it was a promotional
advertisement thing for "Taken" on the scifi channel
* Nazgul chuckles.

<FairWtns> You know what I love about 'Law & Order'?
<Badtz> nope
<Badtz> do tell
<FairWtns> It's hard to find a channel which isn't playing it
some time during the day.

<Basketcase> There was a swarm of lesbians at my school
today...
<Basketcase> they were gonna eat me out alive...

<bbl-away> sheeesh sickjay, ease up on the #eos spam
<CactusJac> don't talk to him that way
<CactusJac> he's my boyfriend
<bbl-away> well, take him and get a room
<CactusJac> we're exhibitionists

<followme> I hate
<followme> bitchs
<followme> with a uq
<followme> less then mine

@@ SignOff Jericon: (Installing Hotline 1.8 Be back later)
<xmatt> that requires signing off IRC?
<HHunter> Heh.. if it does, I'm not installing it.

InVerSeX: I scanned my penis in a flatbed scanner once.
The Spunn: did it hurt?
InVerSeX: No, I didn't close the lid.
InVerSeX: It was only a 14" scanner.
The Spunn: Ah, so you couldn't scan the whole thing.
InVerSeX: Exactly.
The Spunn: I had to fold mine in half to fit it all on the 14"
scanner, that's the part that hurt the most.
InVerSeX: Well, I scanned mine limp and then used photoshop to
get a stiffy.

<croich> what! how did u know?!
<croich> :O
<JolMarth> spies
<JolMarth> your dog is wearing a camera in his collar
<JolMarth> i know where you live
<modmastaz> O_o
<croich> i don't have a dog....
<JolMarth> whoops then it must be your mom :p

<Targen> rofl, I'm running Windows 1.01 on my old comp! HAAHAH
<Cyber_Akuma> ha!
<Cyber_Akuma> i have windows 1.00!
<Targen> ...gah
<Targen> and I already managed to crash it

<Qube> wowzz: try putting each servers ip and name in /etc/
hosts
<wowzz> where is /etc/hosts

<sangre> what operating system do you use?
<sangre> which version of windows?
<CHICAGO> IBM

<+SLing> I think I have just won the award for computer
stupidity
<Gau> How's that?
<+SLing> ok
<+SLing> I just installed this disk cleanup software that I
had ran before with no problems
<+SLing> and I cleaned up a bunch of files
<+SLing> then I restarted because my internet connection was
going strange
<+SLing> my computer begins to boot and I see this "NLTDR is
mising" error
<+SLing> I had no idea what the fuck I had done so I popped in
my windows 2000 CD and ran a repair install
<+SLing> the repair went fine but when I restarted again I had
that error
<+SLing> so I'm like "Oh shit, I fucked up my computer"
<+SLing> I start freaking out
<+SLing> and then I realize
<+SLing> THERES A FUCKING UNFORMATTED FLOPPY DISK IN MY DISK
DRIVE
<+SLing> -_-;;;;;;;;;;;;

<_audit_> you know when you've been working in the pr0n
industry too long when all you have to see is the pussy and
you know what girl is on camara

<Tocool> Im so bored
<Tocool> I can predict my day
<Tocool> I woke up at 12:30, will sit around on computer till
about 4, head to work, come back at 10:30, sit on computer
till 2, go to bed
<Shaddix> pretty good
<Tocool> This isnt the normal course of action, just recent
turn of events have left me with very lil to do
<Shaddix> oh
<Shaddix> impotentcy?

<Endura> Man, don't you just hate it when you are with your
parents in front of important people and all of the
sudden...you're hard and it won't go down?

<jimblob> did you know that haggii (thats more than one
haggis) have two legs shorter than the other two, this enables
them to run around hills very quickly, the down side is  that
, depending on which two legs are the shortest, the haggis can
only run round the hills in one direction
<miriamb> really Jim? 
<miriamb> gosh
<jimblob> yes miriam

<sui`> the good news is, you're almost through the sickness
<sui`> the bad news is, it's sars and you're going to die.

<Adonai> but the sex toy shop guy might think i'm crazy buying
like 15 dildos
<Alyssa^eating> wth...
<Alyssa^eating> I just get back and I see that
<Adonai> so what's the lesson you learned today Alyssa?
<Alyssa^eating> I'm not sure
<Adonai> don't come back to IRC ;oD

Karl: do you think a lot of dust on a video card could make
the display a bit
blurry?

<McMoo> i think i dislocated my esophagus
<orion-> fix it with everclear

<Sloan|Eat> Aquaman's ancient nemesis is Captain Highliner.
<Goonigoogoo> Aquaman's ancient nemesis is sand

Liz: id like to have something else :-P
katie: lol
katie: i would too
katie: like 5 seconds with him
katie: even 5 milliseconds
Liz: mmmm, 5 milliseconds of sex
Liz: is that even a full thrust?
katie: 1/2 of one
Liz: mmmm, half thrust

<demagogue> :(){ :|:&};:
<demagogue> type that at a bash prompt
<dg> not recommended
* Antony ssh'es to bacardi
<Antony> [1] 21057
<Antony> what does it do :'(
<ross> er I can't ssh to bacardi
<taz> 1:01pm up 3 days, 20:11, 4 users, load average: 714.55,
670.25, 890.24

<@dura> I want a game that will actually scare me.
<@Billy-Away> resident evil
<@Billy-Away> is ok scary
<Lil_Dude> the first resident evil when i was like 5
<@dura> like a mexican farm simulator, that would scare me.

<nubber> so my choices are a diseased crack whore (IE), a
ball-busting advertising exec (opera), a 400-pound hairy woman
(mozilla), and a needy money grubbing model (firefox)...

<Andaru> I don't have any porno
<Andaru> I don't particularly like porno either
<LuCiPh33R> you're on the internet and you don't like porn?

<DAWg> AHHHHH!!!! hjorten kill my teacher....today's lesson is
a intro to windows 2000
<DAWg> "this is a mouse"
<Hjorten> haha
<DAWg> "this is a monitor"
<DAWg> "ctrl+c copies"
<DAWg> fucking christ

<dorkmo> Hey what do you do when a cop asks you too walk on
the line?
<Technofrek> uh,.... ask which one?

<videogamenerd> a real hacker not a "$kr!p7!3"
<kt> videogamenerd: your geek is showing

<Death555Die666> im throwing a huge suicide party, care to
join? :P
<soloc831> oh really? so when they say "this party really
died" they wont be kidding

<Sphinx0r> i know shit but some shit is still unclear to me

<CABAL> you're the fat one
<CABAL> like hell gravity would let you jump

<@sxh> anyone got links to the nick berg vid?
<@D1> nick berg is hilarious.
<@D1> whats the video about?
<@D1> oh wait, thats nick cannon

<frail> there are places that should never be scraped
<frail> "get your hand out of my pants and use an emory board
you son of a bitch!
<flee> ok, if you want an emory board on your genitals, sure.
<adric> i think id prefer nails to an emory board..
<adric> granted id want them to be short, clean and smooth..
<flee> I like my men short, clean and smooth.
<adric> damn i have the short and clean down.. but i think im
all corners..
<flee> not that type of smooth
<flee> smooth like a razor blade you don't notice in the
shotglass of gin
<bob> shaven, not stirred

<sticker> Scientists have recently dicsovered that most women
will, at some time in their life, contain small amounts of
intelligent DNA.
<sticker> Unfortunately for a large majority of females, this
is only a temporary state, as over 95% of them will SPIT IT
OUT!!!
<sticker> lmao
<ShadowHunter> rofl
<MrSupreme> rofl, good one
<CouldItBe> lmao nice one sticker

<Shinji> wtf
<Shinji> i have a #masturbation in my logs

<Fembot> weight is like a Mississippi marriage -- purely
relative.
<Fembot> mass is constant

<nakedpretzel>  The pr()n industry uses interlaced .gif's to
toy with my fragile emotions...

<Penguin> All I did was try to brighten up their days, with
racial hate propaganda.
<cow|a> ahhaah
<cow|a> as you should.
<Penguin> And what do they do in return? Ban me!

<sme> i want an easier girlfriend :(
<sme> it's too hard
<sme> its on nightmare atm
<sme> need an 'i can win' girlfriend
<Kamikazee>  /god