bash.org archive

<Pv> i like my women as thin as chopsticks
<Pv> so i can eat my rice with them

<p1astik> i think i should just dry shave, i mean, the razor
is just right here and it saves me a trip to the bathroom
<bugster> but you could get a beer at the same time
<p1astik> tempting...very tempting....oh..the decisions i have
to make

<Road|\{ill> anybody have that picture of that fat chick
sitting on a chair with the little dog underneath it?
<Road|\{ill> i need it

<SomeGuy> damn
<SomeGuy> why can't she be like 6 years younger and 20 kg
lighter? :/

(Munkee): ban MunkeeFucker
*** eek sets mode: +b *!*munkee@???.blueyonder.co.uk
*** yay sets mode: +b *!*ArseSucke@???.???.???.???
*** Munkee was kicked by eek (oof - don't use bad words)
*** MunkeeFucker was kicked by yay (oof)

<blazemore> Now playing: 01 - David Rose - Gay Spirits @ 128
Kbps. (0:05/2:07)
<blazemore> ah hear we go
<HKISA> YES!!!
<HKISA> wait
<HKISA> shit that 'yes' was out of place

<aen> I look somewhat akin to a pensive crackwhore waiting for
cock suckage, vexed that it hasn't come to pass.

<tr0n> OBLIQUE WROTE THE BOOK "101 HOME REMEDIES TO CURE
WANKER'S CRAMP".
<tr0n> AND IS NOW WORKING ON "HOW TO RESTORE RECTAL
ELASTICITY"

<Comedy> Now now, we all like our anal virginity.
<timbo`> mine was violated with my first poo

* Scout wants to die while having sex. not really.
<Opoggo> that'd suck for the guy
<Opoggo> think he'd go on?

<j4yj0hn> look at me! i watch mtv all day! I am brainwashed
into thinking pop is an excellent style of music! Road Rules!
Real World! Now to go buy my $100 dollar shirt from american
eagle or abercrombie because i am a consumer whore!
<j4yj0hn> i hate television...

|foomanchoo| i have a crush on this lady with a mullet at
school, i think she has a 4 year old kid too
|Teargarden| a mullet?
|foomanchoo| yeah she looks terrible
|foomanchoo| maybe i feel sorry for her

<@Logan> I think my roommate has a strong aversion to taking
out the trash.                                               
<@drini> kill him
<@drini> ok maybe not a good idea
<@drini> you'll have to take out garbagetwice
<@drini> as often

<RoadRuner> mail1 procmail[15005]: Error while writing to "/
dev/null"
<RoadRuner> on my mail server at cisco

Ssecondstringr85: i love thanksgiving
TwilightKnight00: me 2
Ssecondstringr85: when the line between what you should eat
and what you can eat is blurred

<KingKirby> The US is stupid like that.  Bomb somebody, give
them money.  Shoot somebody, give them a band-aid.
<nylint> Fuck somebody in the ass, give them a reach-around.

<Calrathan> well, I'm screwed
<Calrathan> not gunna get this work done
<Fryth> irc to the rescue!
<Calrathan> yay
<Calrathan> it doesnt fix your problems...
<Calrathan> but it sure makes you forget em

<Tr1driph0n> shouldn't the past tense of shit be shot?
<Tr1driph0n> like, you know, 'i shot my pants'?

* SniperDave thinks the middle of a public swimming pool
during open hours is an impractical place for lesbian rape
<Kazimierz> yeah, at least have the decency to make it an open
air swimming pool
<Kazimierz> they just have no idea of realism in anime

TaXxXi: Umm...someone in our apartment complex wrote "U Suck
Dick" in gold spraypaint on someone's brand new PT Cruiser.
weird_aunt_martha: yeah PT cruisers are THAT ugly
TaXxXi: I feel bad because I kinda laughed.

* deegan is gone. cupcakes and oralsex @ my mom's place

<PsychicSeagull> I should make a book - Procrastination for
Dummies!  It will just be a bunch of empty pages.

<Rick^y>shit, one time, i jerked off into kleenex, but i
didn't have enough time to through it out cause the phone rang
<Rick^y>so i forget about the kleenex, and couple hours later
i end up wiping my mouth with it
<illy>yumm...

<Pieh0> whats wrong with handcuffs and a ball gag to make
things fun
<[Clowneh]> nothing if u just got arrested....
<Pieh0> what??

<tomg> er I have no comment on this.
<tomg> :P
<Jumper> tomg: afraid of being quoted ? :P
<tomg> no, I'm afraid my mum will find the quotes :P

<Sphlynxo> well
<Sphlynxo> anytime there's a decent girl im with
<Sphlynxo> she's always a drinker
<Sphlynxo> damn it
<Sphlynxo> id like a hot girl who DOESNT drink
<wshs> that should tellyou something
<wshs> :

<Thorndy> whats the worst geek?
<ashley> the worst possible geeeks know that they are geeks
but think they are better than anyone else.
<ashley> watch
<ashley> DEGEEK YOURSELF DANIEL
<paveway> keep dreaming

<JanusLexington> have you guys seen the new MSN commercial?
<JanusLexington> with friend browsing?
<JanusLexington> worst
<JanusLexington> invention
<JanusLexington> EVAR
<Caff> pay $14.95 to browse web with your friends
<JanusLexington> friend porn browsing...
<Caff> it's like "SHARE YOUR PORN PASSWORDS!"
<Caff> "DON'T BE EMBARASSED UR NOT TEH ONLY ONE MASTER
BATING~~~~~"

<@david_bowie> `I just popped the biggest zit known to man
<@david_bowie> it splattered ALL over the mirror
<@david_bowie> this wasn't the normal whitehead popping either
<@david_bowie> it was like, a penis came out of my eyebrow and
came all over the place

* DRagon87 flips quarter
<DRagon87> heads
<Squirl> is heads the bottom?

<ZS> hey i just realized
<ZS> i think my isp gives me some hosting space..
<wh0re> cool
* waffle waits for zs to try to host warez on 2mb of space

-usagi- attacking asians doesn't bother me tubby
-Seethroc- Calling me tubby doesn't bother me either, Mr.
Drives-girls-to-being-dykes.
-usagi- At least I can get girls in my area code
-Seethroc- Yeah, at least you have that. Cling to it like a
motherfucker.
-usagi- Oh, I will.

<flawed> i wish they had Summary Software .. you paste in a
huge chunk of text and it gives you the gist of it :)
<flawed> then you can use some Text to Speech software to read
the summary out loud
<flawed> ah the Age of Laziness

<SarahS> You can remove testicles?
<Phenom6996> Yep
<Phenom6996> and breasts
<Phenom6996> It requires special tools
<ajplus1> yeah....a knife

<prefix-> I just feel like going upto any idiotic bitch that
says porn is bad and that boys will be fawked by looking at
it, and just flap down my pants and slap my penis at her

<Castle> Why was Helen Keller a bad driver?
<Bizarre> Because she was deaf and blind?
<Castle> No, she was a woman.

<dpk> hehe.. looking for domain names. i wrote a program which
reads
www.news.com and www.zdnet.com and similar crap sites and
puts together
random consonant/vowel combinations based on it.
<dpk> it's pretty lame ;)
<Xney> dpk has too much free time
<dpk>         eeigoua.com avail
<dpk>         eeigoua.net avail
<dpk>         eeigouanet.com avail
<dpk> get it while its hot

<Gazhag> black ice defender is a good defender program, much
better than firewall.
<Dzarg> lol :)))
<Dzarg> I could almost make that my quit message.
<Gazhag> oh, what's so funny in that? It's better than
firewall, isn't it?

<Mek> my dad gets junkmail from all over the world
<Mek> hes had em from, belgium, france, austria, australia,
Canada, America, Argentina, Russia and the Czech Republic
<Mek> and also Jamaica
<Paulio> its his mailorder bride catalogues
<Mek> you get them too??

<CitizenErazed> I dunno, there are other, better things to do
while you're in bed
<tomjone5> like play chess. always does it for me, anyway
<CitizenErazed> so THAT'S what you and Jen spend all your time
doing, matt?
<tomjone5> yup, I can keep going for hours at a time
<tomjone5> but have you even thought of the positions you can
play in? gets me all tingly just thinking about it
<CitizenErazed> tantric chess books, then?
<tomjone5> I'm still writing the kama chess, expect to see it
in 'special' bookshops next month

<Ice_raven> two reasons to like ICQ
<Ice_raven> 1. it's fucking eleet when you have a bot named
Erica make pseudo-cyber-sex with you
<Ice_raven> 2. when you get messages like [@#$]S?dl?nder (8:44
PM) are you from afganistan

<jeff-ev1> the security level is now orange...no idling
allowed

<Khrath> the thing i miss most about dating
<Khrath> was convincing those kids i was a teachers aid and
they they were on a field trip

<aNuBiS-> Italians got it made
<aNuBiS-> The luxury of being tan, the convenience of not
being black

lemonlimeskull: I keep getting spam e-mail from a company
trying to convince me I owe them for search engine listing
services. They send an actual invoice for me to print and fax
to them.
lemonlimeskull: It's their own fault, really, that I faxed
them a photo-to-ASCII image of a hand giving the middle
finger.
killjay: lol bet they were PISSED
lemonlimeskull: They will be if they lay out all 54 pages in
the correct sequence.

<Dude68> I just spent the last 15 minutes talking to an AI bot
<Homie22m> i think it was like 50 minutes
<Dude68> shhh.. I'm gonna pretend that it was only 15... so I
don't sound lame...

<tReMeR>  /penis lengthen 13.5 inches
<nattydr00g> penis Unknown command
<tReMeR> damn these servers

<Toke> ralhpis's little brother wanted to packet fraggle once
<Toke> and asked for his ip
<Toke> so fraggle gave him own ip and he packeted himself

<moira> reading my cds with a laser pointer, while the whole
time I could have been using a mac that can run iTunes

<ljtyk> damn school
<SoulBladeKai> it suX0rs
<ljtyk> i'm gonna be so happy when i graduation
<SoulBladeKai> uhh...that's an IF not a WHEN
<ljtyk> fuck u l33t boy

[%werejag]  people there aint no crack yet we have top warez
sciencists working on it

<@DarkHoly> you live in canadian future, that's like, wright
brothers just invented airplane
<Tdot> airplane?
<Tdot> O_o
<@DarkHoly> see?

<Gothic> I sound Lovecraftian backwards
<Gothic> Cithog, the black cloud of despair, hatred, and
donuts

<Zeratul-SK> Cello, I'm tired of you in the top of the users
list. :P
<Cellosoft> zer, I'm tired of you on the User list

<luna> okay okay, so it *probably* isn't going to snow, but i
can
<luna> imagine it!
<roland> well, if we're imagining, i can imagine buxom women
will fall
<roland> from the sky like sexy hailstones.

<enrol> PERISCOPE UP, BITCH DOWN
<spikoh> thats a dilbert phrase isnt it ?

<SiZZuRp> this is from www.pk-hq.com
<SiZZuRp> Most users ever online was 138 on 02-14-2002 at
13:33.
<SiZZURp> a sad valentines day......... date much?

<@sequence> linux has its place
<@sequence> if nothing else, it keeps the morons out of *BSD
[S+Z] CTCP VERSION reply from sequence: ircII EPIC4-0.9.2-ssl
Linux 2.2.16-3 - Accept no limitations.

<gh5046> Witness the amazing power of and ice-cold lemon lime
soda as I pour it on my crotch and become sexually aroused!

* PuffinFreshWog munches on the contents of a huge viagra
bottle
<PuffinFreshWog> guess what
<HyperHorse> what?
<PuffinFreshWog> i'm not typing with my hands right now
<HyperHorse> whatwhatwhatwhat?
<PuffinFreshWog> :o)
<PuffinFreshWog> you don't want to know how i hold down shift

<Tovart > I have high standarts. I want to be like janet reno.
<Locke|Away > K, lie down and let someone beat your face with
a stick for an hour.

<SWM> if killing wasn't illegal I'd do it every day
<blazemore> shutup you pussy

<steve> oh man
<steve> I was watching this old kung fu movie
<steve> and this crazy japanese dude ripped off this black
man's testicles
<steve> and then an evil american white man threw a knife into
some other dudes eye
<steve> then the crazy japenese dude whiped his hands off on
the black man's pants
<alphakx> sure sounds like kung fu

<eller> my kids will be breast fed by Cat5

<glasnost> i remember how DOS had no command for recursive
removes
<glasnost> until they added deltree
<Logan> glasnost: deltree
<glasnost> thanks logan.

< maria> iMacs look a little like breasts with some sort of
appendage stuck on where the nipple should be
<@pearlbear> maria: !
< maria> what?!
< maria> they do!
<@pearlbear> they do, now, don't they
< karynn> maria needs to get laid
<@pearlbear> why didn't I ever notice that.
<@pearlbear> I mean those circles of vents on the top...
* pearlbear now has a new reason to love her iMac

<ComWizz> also, i was thinking that Linux should have a
built-in UNIX shell
<ComWizz> because when I once did this: chmod -rwx /bin/sh
<ComWizz> and tried to restart the computer, it wouldn't shut
down, so I turned it off
<ComWizz> when i turned it on, it wouldn't boot

<bbraun> do you think that when thoreau urged us to simplify
our lives, he meant going to serial terminals?

[Magus1] I don't crap regularly :(
[AmphibianKnight] You talk daily, don't you?