bash.org archive

<LoverMan> Yeah, I remember when my boss' wife had computer
problems...she
asked me to go over and help fix it, she wasn't seeing
anything on the
screen and has rebooted, checked the connections, etc...so I
go over there
<LoverMan> And the monitor wasn't turned on.  Her excuse? 
"Oh, I never turn
it off so I didn't think to check that."

<salaman> Tzuri3l: hehe, there's a reason I charge $450/hr you
know :)
<M5sedan_> wow, you must give really good head to charge that
much ;)
<salaman> M5sedan: want to try? 10 hour minimum , and no
pull-back policy ... 50% upfront ... got the money?
<M5sedan_> no pull-back policy = you swallow? ;)
<salaman> M5sedan_: yes, and also means If you come, I still
charge you the 10hrs :) ... LOL

<Guilty> Pen your quote db doesnt get updated enough anymore
<Guilty> You should just set up an elaborate #discotheque
logging system and grep "guilty" >> quotes.db
<Guilty> Then it would always be fresh

[illz] i could maybe play it off him like 'im just taking my
autistic friend out he's never had a drink before'

<l0wkey> im getting hemorrhoids
<l0wkey> from sitting on my butt all day ircing
<l0wkey> i should sue Khaled

<beej> who cares if it's a monster, it's the biggest cock I
ever had!
<@soul|FL> ...

<+shagman> man, my ice water tastes like shit this morning
<+SuperGayHomo> well don't get it out of the toilet bowl
<@shagman> I wonder if it's my ice cubes
<@shagman> I'm gonna try the ones from the other tray
<@shagman> ahhhhh, much better
<@SuperGayHomo> those ones came from the tank

<@widea`way> if i wanted the CIA to track me, id buy a cell
phone too

<Presto> <-- dont wanna get haxord by someone who does not 
know what a NULL modem cable is

phractured: why did the emo prostitute make a good carpenter?
phractured: because she knew how to cut and screw!

<anarch> do you get to beat your pets like in dungeon keeper?
<Twinkcide> You can beat them and throw things at them!
<anarch> sweet
* Twinkcide throws anarch into the side of a mountain

<sg> um did you guys look at my collage :( :(
<Slappie> I couldn't
<Slappie> the filter here at the office said it was
"Tasteless"
<sg> it's huddie ledbetter
<sg> that's not tasteless.
<-- sg has quit (QUIT: )
<Slappie> I was being serious
<evad> haha

<DrStrangelove> I used to swallow coins aswell.
<[DMK]Relvox> im too cheap to do that!

<PI^2> my first puter was c-64
<PI^2> I had many nasty games on c-64 :D
<PI^2> like 'fast masturbation' and such :)
<PI^2> that game was soo weird :D
<PI^2> though it had good graphics for a c-64 game :)

<GrandTheftNintendo> wtf is an oligarchy
<confusedd> a cross between a monopoly and an orge

[ TsUnAMiBomB ] what was i going to say
[ TsUnAMiBomB ] oh yeah
[ TsUnAMiBomB ] im the best at blowing
[ TsUnAMiBomB ] shit
[ TsUnAMiBomB ] blowing bubbles***
[ jamao ] lol

<smcn> a pig could fly if you like put a rocket up its ass and
lit it

<Berzerker> like one time i shit on a bench in my school
playground 
<Berzerker> and like it smelt so bad 
<Berzerker> and i covered it with playground gravel 
<Berzerker> and like when the cafeteria aid came the next day
she cleared it off with her hand 
<Berzerker> and like 
<Berzerker> poop!

* Nanuq copies the output to his hand
<Nanuq> oooh, even better
* Nanuq puts his hand in the printer and pipes to lpr
<Nanuq> OWWW, OWWW, OWWW!
<Nanuq> Okay, done.
<Tron> Nanuq: Stupid! You should have used the inkjet!
<Tron> *fwap*

<DentArthur> i took it a step further with the super glue in
mouth incident :)
<milenko17> DentArthur: it could be worse you could superglue
your foreskin together
<DentArthur> milenko17: it'd keep my KB cleaner :)

<OutBreak^Monkey> just use my excuse, men built dishwashers so
they didnt have to do the dishes.
<OutBreak^Monkey> women should learn from mens wisdom
<OutBreak^Monkey> buy the man a fucking dishwasher or do em
yourself
<JT> heh
<^yob> hehe
<`2L_CodeMonkey> no, men built dishwasers cause the divorce
rate increased and there wasn't wives to do the dishes for
everyone

<Udeth> i fucking HATE counterstrike-players
<Udeth> i hope they all die.
<Udeth> irl

<&Moltare> I tried teaching the twins about octothorpes
<&Moltare> I made a hash of it
<Stardrake> Keep trying. In for a penny, in for a pound, after
all.

<TML> simon-: You're single, aren't you?
<simon-> TML, yes, why?
<TML> simon-: I can tell by the fact you think in terms of
'TML->wife'
<octatron> TML: would you have used TML['wife']? :P
<TML> octatron: No. I'd use wife->TML

< anakin > bayls: no, i want to know WHAT IT DOES so i know
WHETHER OR NOT to remove it
< anakin > there's nothing more useful than to have an address
bar on the bottom of ur screen at all times :)
< Bayls > anakin - Ah right. Well, use the Force or something.
:)

[uid48:#humblefxp SEX]
[uid48:#humblefxp SEX]
<dj|black> [N] uid48 has requested a channel SEX on #humbleFXP
at 3:11pm.
<dj|black> :)
<Zoogle> chanel sex, eh?
<Zoogle> with 40 males and 15 bots
<Zoogle> [sarcasm] as tempting as that may sound [/sarcasm]
I'll pass on that opportunity

* nick > Stalkaout is now known as Stalkachu
<@Miz> and where have you been?
<@Cheez> considering hes at university hes probably been out
drinking / getting stoned / getting laid
<@Miz> considering its Stalkeh i'd wager not
<@Cheez> LOL

<PX_> pc without irc is like a macintosh or something
<PX_> (:

<oneo> sumez this was at the 97' rap olympics
<oneo> its crappy quality but its the best there is
<oneo> its all freestyle, some of it is good
<Sumez> lololololol
<Sumez> "rap olympics"
<oneo> he battles a girl in it
<oneo> whats so funny about that
<Sumez> the fact that you don't see that is what makes you sad

<+Krispy> i talk about poo a lot
<+gwenhyvar> Krispy: I had to poo really bad when the AT&T guy
was installing our phone.. and I couldn't untill he was gone
<+Straylight> why not? installing a phone in the bathroom?

<@Malf> dude im pranking people on skype
<@Malf> i called this american pizza place
<@Malf> and i go "are you mexican"
<@Malf> "no"
<@Malf> "ok i'd like to order a pizza then"
<@Malf> "sorry we dont sell to racists"

<well-howdy-doo> does anyone know stuff about laptops and
their connections?
<well-howdy-doo> well we have it connected to the dsl-works
fine
<well-howdy-doo> but it wont connect to phoneline
<CowBot> RJ-45 connectors (ethernet) won't plug into a phone
line, well-howdy-doo
<well-howdy-doo> is there a way to configure it-cowbot?

<Felix1> i just got 2070 on ski
<lud> I finished Minesweeper ... custom game, two mines I
mean, out of 500 squares

* conundrum takes over bos's mind and makes him buy a mac OS9
machine instead,
* conundrum also makes bos reformat and install BOB.
<SlipperyS> M$ bob?
<conundrum> Yes, is there any other?
<SlipperyS> hehe wtf was that program for anyway?
<bos> insulting your intelligence
<SlipperyS> I thought that was what windows was for...

<muskasgirl> i used to name my turds when i was younger

<Tarrasque> damm it.. fucken waiting for my GF to get home...
I an so fucken bored
<toxik> i usually cant wait for my gf to leave..

<Facade> Vista is like an extra thick condom. More safe but
slightly less fun....
<Facade> Hah, even viruses have compatibility issues >_<

(zeki): whats a badger?
(ThinG): hes from wind in the willows

<@Phil21> juniper calls back saying they have m7i for "only"
$15k
<@Phil21> fuckers
<*comstud> *looks in his wallet*
<*comstud> damn, $10 short.

<sta-hi> its too bad that i really like their voices... at
least the end
result after mixing, and that i have an affinity for
russians...
<sta-hi> tatu is just too dumb to fit my perceptions.
<sta-hi> they confuse me.

<dewwop> maybe i should masturbate more?
<Sir_Frag> with 60 grit sandpaper even
<Sir_Frag> for extra pleasure
<skold> haha 60 grit
<skold> talk about tearin some shit up
<skold> your cock would be a mangled piece of dangling penis
flesh
<dewwop> ill just use steel wool
<Annieland> ooh i love steel wool

<Xetrov`> bbiab
<Xetrov`> gonna go swim with my sister
<[VeRT]> kinky

justRed-dammit> i wish i had the ability to go back in time
and make sure that what was to become of brittney spears ran
down her daddy's leg!

<The_Spaniard> The only good part of American Idol is laughing
at the auditions
<The_Spaniard> Ha ha girl fliping out
<The_Spaniard> girl lost 80 pounds and was told she sucked
<[P]aradox> Spaniard, she does suck... only difference is, now
she spits instead of swallowing.

<Soul`is`away> I was ashamed of the latest KMart catalogue
<Soul`is`away> Flipped to the games bit...
<Soul`is`away> Xbox and PS2, but no cube AT ALL
<risq> there are no gamecubes in ANY catalogues
<Soul`is`away> WHY NOT!>
<Onikage> maybe after they put in the xbox, there was no room
for the cube

(@Xit) a mad script would be: "you have been caught
mastubating 6 times today by your webcam, this makes an
average of 3 times per day."

<grifferz> I am afraid we are going to have to jupe the nick
blitzed-is-gay since it is too politically incorrect. you may
however use many-blitzed-users-are-gay

<#seattle/sisSoul> navy guys are fat ugly and squatty
<#seattle/yoplait> girls just like the title 'able seaman'

<MoShun  i thought i dropped a piece of chocolate on my chair
<MoShun  n as i pick it up n put it in my mouth
<Janemba  omg
<MoShun  im starting to believe it wasnt chocolate
<Janemba  dont go there
<Janemba  ...
<Janemba  nasty....

<[-FcG-]Zwitta[D-F]|away> its from bash, so it must be true

<mandrill> if minnie driver had a mini cooper and multiple
midget chauffeurs...
<mandrill> many mini drivers drive minnie driver's mini

<niles> when it comes to women
<niles> only one thing should be in latex
<niles> my prosthetic leg

<czechreck> Hey.. I was totally shit faced, I could have
impreagnated
my dog and not known untill I got an ugly litter

<+Rainetine> where have all the protons gone
<+Rainetine> LONG TIME PASSING
<+Rainetine> where have all the protons gone
<+Rainetine> LONG TIME AGO
<+Rainetine> where have all the protons gone
<+Rainetine> they've fused into neutrons, now we know

<rob> they charged $75/h and it took "7" hours to do it
<itr> where can i sign up for that 'repair' job
<itr> i'll repair fuckin old ladies vaginas for $75/hour

<lusta> im doin' route now, heh
<Pneuma> wyze1
<Pneuma> isn't it weird
<Pneuma> that "lusta" is an anagram for "aslut"

<Kevyn> I think I'm going to buy one of those LCD screens and
snap it onto my girlfriend instead of my Gamecube.
<Kevyn> So I can play Monkey Ball and fuck her in the ass at
the same time.

<NASSSSSTY_Xy> distance from base of palm to top of middle
finger
<Elfie> 16 cm
<NASSSSSTY_Xy> 20cm
<Nil|breakfast> 17.4
<Anarie> ok now lets talk about bra sizes...

<Medic_> wow.. this is new. http://www.christianlesbians.com/
<mfreeck> damn, no pictures.
<Medic_> they're christans.. they're modest.
<Medic_> and they're probably ugly. :)

*** O_T_T_E_R Joined #warez/chat
«( cAz )»: sup otter
«( Mark )»: lol
«( Mark )»: you both go to the same university?
«( cAz )»: yeah
«( cAz )»: hes like 2 feet away from me
«( Mark )»: so u still talk on irc?
«( cAz )»: no he wants warez too
«( Elf )» university students trading illegal content.. dont
they teach you guys the different between right and wrong in
school? :p
«( Mark )»: im going to report you casey j and justin for
trading illegal content at a university
«(@ deTh[aWay] )»: mark
«(@ deTh[aWay] )»: you're sitting in a warez channel and
threatening to report people for it
«( Mark )»: sure
«( cAz )»: lol you noticed that too huh?
«( Mark )»: im here for the chat
«( Mark )»: not for the warez
«( Mark )»: ;)

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<Hydrac7> We're desperate to get rid of it
<Astroboy> so desperate you will give it away for free?
<Hydrac7> People around here are too poor to get ripped off by
me

<Phobius> I fear nobody
*** Phobius ([email protected]) Quit (G-lined
(G-line requested by Jaden.))

<Smerdyakov> ... based _only_ one, I mean
<Smerdyakov> s/one/alshfsafa
<Smerdyakov> s/alshfsafa/afsaagagaskhaah
<Smerdyakov> s/afsaagagaskhaah/on

<FoxyRoxy> i fucking fried my cd player badly i plugged it
into this outlet that had tape on it (god knows why) i didnt
even see any tape and it set on fire

<jamesm> what are you running on the alphas?
<MMouse> tru64 at the moment
<MMouse> with oracle
<jamesm> no wonder so many dotcoms go under

<Griffin> dont call it rape
<Griffin> call it surprise sex
<endfro> hhaaha
<pagan> whatever works Griffin

<piro> well, irc is the realm of dictatorships, not democracy

Muddin: but in criminal law we were talking about the people
who have to stick they're hands up peoples ass's and search
for drugs
Cancel: Well I guess you could just say its a shitty job