bash.org archive

<KaiserPanda> spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can
<KaiserPanda> clings to walls, licks his balls
<KaiserPanda> but not at the same time or else he faaaaalls!

<Shakeman> holy christ, there is a hurricane Beta too?
<Linkin> yeah, its in development..

[@Sekt]: "They say that when you play a Microsoft CD backwards
you can hear demonic voices...
[@Sekt]: But that's nothing - When you play it forwards it
installs Windows."

< froggie> how frequently do chest infections kill asthmatics?
< punchcard> no more than once i would guess

<_bigd_> when I was a child I used to scrape the cream off all
the oreos and make it into a ball ^_^
<_bigd_> and leave in the fridge
<_bigd_> after 2 bites, I used to pass out

<Hawkeye> Spiderman reminds me of adolesence. One day a
teenage guy wakes up with muscles, hair in new places and the
ability to spray white sticky goo around the house.

* Reddog is now known as You
* You have performed an Illegal operation, please Restart
Windows
* You is now known as Reddog
* Desh has quit IRC (Quit: brb gotta restart windows...stupid
trillian yelling at me)

<zzA> You know it's sad when the highlight if your day
consists of calling this girl and checking the status of my
quote on bash.org
<neon_stocking> i bet its even sadder when both of them reject
you
<zzA> Not funny b/c it's true :(

thompson: The best engine in the world is the vagina, it takes
any size piston, its self lubricating, starts with 1 finger,
and every 4 weeks does its own oil change. It's just a pity
the management system is so fucking temperamental.

<DoCa-Cola> dude, i just saw this porn video, every 30 seconds
it cut to a turtle just sitting on a rock...
<DoCa-Cola> What kinda shit is that?
<SilentAvenger> DoCa-Cola, Turtle porn.
<DoCa-Cola> It's like suck suck suck suck bang bang TURTLE

Alcedes53: I've got everything on my computer from Bach to Bad
Religion.
Tsukemono5: Clearly, you have a wide variety of music.
Tsukemono5: Seriously. What fits in that range? Backstreet
Boys?

<Lothodrus> time for the sleeping
<Lothodrus> night
*** Lothodrus has left #rpgfan
<Flik> I ought to join him
<Flik> Well...not literally join him...but join him in thought
<Flik> Not that I would be thinking about sleeping with him,
though...
<Flik> ...
* Flik sobs quietly

*** blazemore
([email protected]) has joined
#ramen
<LkAway1> blazemore: what happened on DBZ today?
<HomerJ> they fought some guy

<Exelcesior> I take it ALLL back about greenpeace type
fanatics
<Exelcesior> no offence Ed
<Ed> hmm?
<Exelcesior> i was feeling suicidally bored so I visited a
friend who's pretty enviro friendly
<Exelcesior> and I was talking to him as he watered his lawn,
when this car pulled up
<Exelcesior> and this fat guy mooned him
<Exelcesior> so he screamed "FUCK! BEACHED WHALE!!" and turned
the hose on him
<Ed> well, you have to keep them hydrated

<DooMGoaT> OMG
<DooMGoaT> SQUASH THE SPIDER AND WIN AN XBOX 360!
<DooMGoaT> shame none of the 360 games are as good as the
spider squashy banner

AxelDesade: Good god, I need a life.
Colty: Why's that?
AxelDesade: I was entertained for over an hour today by
refreshing a captcha until it said something funny or made a
cool band name.

<Xizer> Winzip is such a girl...
<Xizer> "Uh hey. 30 days are up could you stop using me? No?
Well I'll just ask again tomorrow..."

<vahnsin> A bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a beer
and . . . . a packet of peanuts." The barman says "Why the big
pause?"
<NikEy> it took me literally 20 minutes to fucking understand
this joke goddammit

<watashiwa> I think hypr accidentally joined #invest by
mistakenngly typing a v instead of a c.

<Merlin> according to Time-Warner, if you channel surf or mute
commercial breaks you are a thief
<Merlin> so lemme see, if I download MP3s the RIAA hates me,
if I dub a movie off HBO the MPAA hates me, if I skip
commercials the TV execs hate me...
<Merlin> am I allowed to store leftover pizza in the fridge
and eat it the next day, or will Pizza Hut sue me?

<[zc]snuggles> my sister is 13
<[zc]snuggles> I found porn on her compueter =/
<[asm]ryan> man porn?
<[zc]snuggles> NO AND TAHTS THE THING
<[zc]snuggles> LESBO PORN
<[asm]ryan> HAHAHAH
<[zc]snuggles> hell I copied it to my computer before deleting
it

DasKrav: I was correcting tests for student service a few
weeks ago
DasKrav: And while correcting a geometry test, I got to the
question "What is the collision of three planes called?" (The
answer was "a point")
DasKrav: the kid put "A disaster"
DasKrav: I didn't take off points >:]

<Euri> They should make an idiot mode. Whenever you try to
alter something you shouldn't, a big smily shiny thing would
come out of the computer and momentarily distract the silly
person doing something naughty, and the computer would then
pick itself up and fly out the window to safety.

<annillace> we landed in vegas, and the pilot says
<annillace> "those of you needing wheelchair assistance,
please remain seated"

<@Hinkey> !addban *!*@*.com
* ChanServ sets mode: -oo Hinkey|dual|sleep CannibalCorpse|
server
* ChanServ sets mode: -o Urban
* ChanServ sets mode: -oo wacko Hinkey
* ChanServ sets mode: -o D3adlode
* ChanServ sets mode: -vv deyja Ed|shower
* ChanServ sets mode: -vv mr_P`gone Puck
* ChanServ sets mode: +b *!*@*.com
* CannibalCorpse|server was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* Ed|shower was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* deyja was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* Hinkey|dual|sleep was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* this_is_the_clown was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* DaJoob was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* Tragik was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* Urban was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* Puck was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* Creutzfeld|away was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* TheSkaarj-corner was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* mr_P`gone was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* BOLL was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* Quasar was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* jake^the^cake was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* Hinkey was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* diamond-optic|mapping was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* wacko was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
* D3adlode was kicked by ChanServ (Bye. (Hinkey))
<+Frie|mapping> MO - MO - MO - MONSTERKILL !!!!

<Mikachu> haha, i misread a japanese word i wanted to look up
<Mikachu> it was kansha, meaning "thanks, gratitude"
<Mikachu> but i wrote in gansha in the dictionary program
<Mikachu> "ejaculation onto partner's face"
<Mikachu> that is a mispronunciation i will be careful to
avoid

Curseoftantalus: How the HELL are ya doin?
PrimalDeicide: GOOD
Curseoftantalus: GREAT!  That's GREAT to hear!
PrimalDeicide: AWESOME
Curseoftantalus: WONDERFUL!
Curseoftantalus: INCREDIBLE!
PrimalDeicide: INCREDULISTIC FABULOSIS!
Curseoftantalus: That's not funny man, my great grandmother
died of that.
PrimalDeicide: She must have looked very good for the funeral.
Curseoftantalus: Fabulously incredible.

<daMehTognoM> Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?
I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize that I could
be eating a slow learner.

<Ludwigvan> haha you can't kick me
<bobthecow> oi someone op me
<Felix1> bob type alt-f4
<Ludwigvan> hehe
*** bobthecow has quit IRC (Leaving)
<Ludwigvan> HAHAHAHAHAHAH SHE FELL FOR IT!!!!!!!!
<Ludwigvan> HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAA
<Astro}> oh my god ...
<Felix1> :D
<Felix1> oops :p
*** bobthecow has joined #buttermenthol
<bobthecow> err
<Ludwigvan> ahahahahahhahaha ---> bob
<Astroy}> hahaha you idiot bob
<Felix1> sorry bob :D
<bobthecow> my dad was looking over my shoulder and even he
laughed

<jaban> IRC channels are like houses...
<jaban> You can kick your friends out of your house for any
reason you want, even if you're being stupid and unreasonable.
You can even kick them out for no reason at all. It's YOUR
house.
<jaban> Now imagine if 3-year-olds owned all the houses.
<jaban> That's IRC.

MrHahn2265: she is my sister
MrHahn2265: words really cant descibe her
MrHahn2265: although I can attempt to describe her through
massive bangings on the keyboard
MrHahn2265: l.kjnfvgfg8ifgudfbpoicxv'lk
MrHahn2265: woops i opened paint

GeoffSharron: a spider just hid inside my keyboard
GeoffSharron: and this sentence probably crushed him
GeoffSharron: i think he was under the m key
GeoffSharron: mmmm
GeoffSharron: m key
GeoffSharron: m m m m

Dev100666: I bet in 1997 you would not have guessed you would
be getting married before duke nukem forever came out

<Tealos> no
<panthy> =(
<Tealos> turn that frown upside down
<Tealos> )=

<timmo> you know maybe we need a real woman in here to help
us, give us a womans point of view cause i mean if i asked
amanda what makes a man a badass
<timmo> how much you want to bet she would say something like
<timmo> great grammar and 100% kill rate in quake

jeremy: one does not give miss poppins a 'throat full of
cock', you fucking heathen

<Guilty> Really, celerons make me laugh
<Guilty> The white trash chip

<qurve> She's all like "We're in a relationship, you can't go
around having
sex with people"
<qurve> Then we get into this huge debate about what defines
'people'

<briansex> i am sliding my hand up your leg what do u do?
<sully> I tell you I'm a guy?

<Kitty> h1 u wnat 2 d8?
<tavaryn> no nall, you're too l8
<Kitty> :(
<Kitty> but it is r f8
<tavaryn> maybe you should w8
<tavaryn> because we just can't rel8
<Kitty> but we r old enuf 2 m8
<tavaryn> you can't put food on my pl8
<Kitty> but when im with u i feel gr8
<Kitty> i thought we were going fishing i already bought the
b8
<tavaryn> maybe i should give you another chance with a clean
sl8

<zurt> When the moon hits your eye like a big piece of pie
that's amor'e......... When you're hit by a jug in a South
Auckland pub....... that's a mao'ri

<BlackJaX> Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing
paperclips"

<rhyann> hey i got a floppy with a virus and i wana now if its
ok to put it next to the other floppys or do i gotta wait for
it to get better to put it back in the box

<Bao> A friend from college is now getting her PhD in
biomedical engineering, and she has a pet rat she has to
experiment on, and she had to castrate it for her next
procedure.
<Bao> Apparently the thing wasn't fully under anaesthesia, and
when she was shaving it, it ejaculated on her.
<Bao> And the most horrible thing is that she shrugs it off
and is like, "Who'd have thought the first handjob I'd ever
give would be to a rat?!"

<bocz> i think ill be stuck to getting 2 sticks of 128
<bocz> thats 310 mb for a server
<Guilty> Kudos on finding the elusive 54MB DIMM

<zP|Russina`cs> the teacher was like justin did you do your
homework
<zP|Russina`cs> i was like no forgot to
<zP|Russina`cs> shes like well thats bad news
<zP|Russina`cs> i was like well i got some good news i just
saved a bunch of money on my car insurance

<two-c00l> i met eminem yesterday
<rick^MD> eminem is gay, and i hate gays
<two-c00l> eminem is not gay!
<rick^MD> yes he is
<two-c00l> prove it
<rick^MD> ok... i had anal sex with him last week
<two-c00l> um i thought you said you hate gays?
<rick^MD> oh umm... i was just making sure he was gay so i
could prove it to you

<Archie> thanks to opera for the wii, i can now watch youtube
on my tv
<Archie> we have gone full circle

<k-rad-bob> omg
<k-rad-bob> I just realized
<k-rad-bob> I have a fully working penis in my pants
<k-rad-bob> brb

bcreasy: come check this out
gbarnes: no
bcreasy: *shiny thing*
gbarnes: oh, be right there

<ed> I get a tad weirded out when he prays on his prayer rag
in the cubicle
<ed> He says he's facing Mecca. My GPS says he's facing
Detroit.
<ed> He's going to end up in Heaven with 77 Pintos and a Ford
Maverick.

<squipple_> hey!
<squipple_> who's got my name with underscore
<_aa_> !
<squipple_> kick them pls
<squipple_> oh wait, I can..hahaha
<_aa_> I don't get it
* squipple_ was kicked by squipple_ (Kick)
<_aa_> lol
<_aa_> did he just kick himself?
<Znarl> There's a good argument against drinking and IRCing.

R4V: I really want to learn some C++
R4V: but the problem is
R4V: that there seems to be months of learning
R4V: before you can do ANYTHING usefull.
Shrum: it's kind of like a highschool girlfriend

<Mike> So I have a Skype forwarding enabled for my cellphone,
so any phone call made to me on Skype forwards to my
cellphone. It's a couple bucks a month, so why not.
<Mike> Anyways, I am studying with my friend beside me and I
see Skype on my computer start ringing. I didn't want to
answer with my computer so I picked up my cellphone and told
my friend "One second, taking a phone call" without thinking
about it.
<Mike> My phone rings 1 second later, I answer it, walk out of
the room.
<Mike> Didn't realize how much of a psychic hero I looked like
to my friend until I left the room. Looked at my friend
through the window who is sitting like O_O

<swampi^^> I just downloaded this pic
<swampi^^> The title was bukkake ass pussy young lolita
swallow cum eat meat shit piss drink old babe anal double
veginal fuck tits breasts dick monster cock grannie german
britney spears.jpg
<el-el_cul_jay> ...
<swampi^^> turned out to be a smiley face
<el-el_cul_jay> rofl

<shady_> if i had 5 comps id put them in a circle and put pics
and movies on each one
<shady_> and twist around in my chair jackin off

<Camo> tress, how do I make a program that makes the cd spin
really fast and  does't stop and if you open the cdrom drive,
the cd flies out and cuts your  throat?

<FFChatter > est ce quelqu un sait comment on fait apparaitre
le menu triche dans FFX??
<Drago> Anyone speak French?
<FFChatter > yes me

<StreaK> fuck im in a lot of channels
* Volt|Sleep does a whois a StreaK
<Volt|Sleep> StreaK is on #3drealms @#incest_r_us @#
animalphilia @#fecalphilia @#luvn_lambs_rule @#mom-fuck-movies
#disney_pics
<StreaK> WTF
<StreaK> i thought i had ops in disney_pics

<gaspumpXP> Man... what kind of RPG is this?  It won't let me
rape the sheep...

<ptp`R-N-C`efegege> how many emo kids does it take to change a
lightbulb?
<The_only_Vanilla_Willy> HOW MANY?!
<ptp`R-N-C`efegege> none they just sit in the dark and cry

<`rip> when you go into a job interview
<`rip> and they ask you what 3 of your weaknesses' are
<`rip> what do you say
<clay> you tell them that youre indecisive
<clay> and then stop talking

< evoxy> can anyone recommend a good php tutorial?
< Dynom> evoxy: goodphptutorials.com
< evoxy> lol i thought it was a bogus url
< Dynom> it works?
< Dynom> :-| wtf

<robotobon> i am a bastard operator from hell
<robotobon> i used to sneek into the server room and unplug
ethernet at random and run
<robotobon> then 5 minutes later i'd get a call at my desk
<robotobon> and i'd fix it really fast and be a hero

<karrde> i asked Windows to delete 36 000 files from a
directory, and i ve already waited for 15 minutes and nothing
resultes...
<LoL> it is preparing 36 000 "are you sure?" windows

<@Goshin> thereslike
<@Goshin> halfacookieunderneathmyspacebar

<`Trivia`>  kq1.169. Swans are the only birds with?
<`Trivia`>  1st Hint: *******   Question Value : 4 Points
*** Joins: StupidFsh
<oregvphf> attitude
<JtHMx> Penises
<oregvphf> ;)
<`Trivia`>  YES, JtHMx!!!  got the answer ->  Penises <-  in 
11.697  secs, and gets  4  Points
<`Trivia`> JtHMx has won  2  in a row!! Total Points this
WEEK:  10  & this MONTH:  10
<JtHMx> what?!?!
<oregvphf> HAHAHA
<JtHMx> I WAS FUCKING JOKING
<JtHMx> TAKE THE POINTS OFF ME
* oregvphf falls over

<Biomech-> i took a shit earlier that weighed about 200g, well
unimpressed
<Nezzie> so, do you actually scoop it out of the toilet?
<Biomech-> im slightly more sophisticated than that
<@cai> you're weighing shit, how sophisticated can it get?

<Spike> Spam email title: "Did you get your dsjtlkasjt today?"
<Spike> Why no, no I did not.