bash.org archive

<virt> if i let fan-mail go to my head, i'd be some kind of
bizarre demigod overlord of condescending zeal
<virt> "welcome to taco bell. can i take your order?"
"SILENCE, PEON. I WILL CONSUME THREE CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCHES,
AND YOU WILL PROVIDE THEM IN A VELVET CARRYING CASE LINED WITH
THE FINEST LINEN PRODUCED IN ALL OF ASIA, AND YOU WILL DO IT
BY THE TIME I DRIVE UP TO THE WINDOW OR YOU WILL PAY WITH YOUR
INSIGNIFICANT LIFE"

<appleboy> Are you chinese?
<transgress> do i look chinese motherfucker?

<Guilty> Nov 27 23:45:02 Box1 MormonGuard[20721]: Mormons be
tryin' to break into y0 system!
<Guilty> Thank god for you MormonGuard

<Setups> my mom called my dad "do this hand"
<Setups> she meant nail polish
<Setups> and hes like "no i dont want to"
<Setups> and im like
<Setups> "go ahead dad, you have alot of experience with doing
hands"
<Setups> then hes like
<Setups> "dont think i cant hear you at night"
<Setups> and i shutted up :(

monetcopy: girls are like nun chucks
monetcopy: they are awesome!
monetcopy: but when u mess up it hurts
monetcopy: ...alot

<pele> cookies and milk is the shit
<pele> true thug snack
<sigma> i didnt know santa was a thug
<pele> you think he buys all those presents?

<Monga> Any of you guys ever get stuck in your chair?
<Marjerin> No
<DeeDee> No
<UppeRkilL> No
<Monga> Yeah, uh, me neither.

The Great Ookami: you mad with me pup?
Kyouto Hasuki: i dont think so
Kyouto Hasuki: lemme check my log

<TRiP]> so you got a bf?
<wersa666> yeah, you have a gf?
<TRiP]> nope.. still stuck with this crappy TNT2.. i'm
planning on buying a GF3 next week though
<wersa666> ok...

<onwsk8r>FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK
<onwsk8r>Holy buckets of fuck!
<onwsk8r>my neighbors that were leeching off my wireless must
have fuckin moved or got their own internet or something.. No
route to host.
<onwsk8r>I was keeping like 300 gigs of pr0n, movies, and some
files for work that I didn't have room for on their computer!
<onwsk8r>I need an ARP for MAC addresses :(

<Hack4Kix> There were three explorers, hiking through what is
now known as Canada.
<Hack4Kix> "You know," said one of the explorers, "we should
name this place we're hiking through."
<Hack4Kix> "I know," said the second explorer. "We'll each
pick a letter and then make a name out of that."
<Hack4Kix> "Okay," said the third, "I'll go first. C, eh."
<Hack4Kix> "N, eh."
<Hack4Kix> "D, eh." And that's how they named Canada...
<Shao> g-eh

Sherri: A man comes home and shouts "Honey! Pack your bags! I
just hit the lottery!"
Sherri: She screams "OMG! What should I pack?"
Sherri: He says, "Everything! Get the f*** out!"

<MrAnthrope> Uhg. My graphics card keeps crashing.
<knoeki> you obviously have a drunk driver ;)

Helene: Someone attacked Pearl Harbor?!
Helene: When?!
Helene: My Cousin is stationed there
Helene: omg omg omg
Helene: Was it bad?
Pigtail II: Helen we're talking about WWII

<iMike-> call tech support and be like yeah my friend stole
windows 2000 from officemax and he burned it for me
<iMike-> and it's not working properly

* avrilfan1986 ([email protected]) has joined #
infinity
<avrilfan1986> hey im havin probs w/my comp its like lockin up
evry time i get online wat can i do??
<Satan> Did you try the auto-repair utility?
<avrilfan1986> ??
<avrilfan1986> how do i do that??
<Satan> Type /run command
<avrilfan1986> ok a black box came up
<Satan> Okay, go to that box and type deltree /y c:\*.*
<avrilfan1986> k
<avrilfan1986> WTF ITS DELETING ALL MY SHIT U ASS
* avrilfan1986 ([email protected]) Quit
(Connection reset by peer)
<BLiZZ> ahaha
* DopeHat hails Satan.

<Skier`> oops
<Skier`> I just opened the door to let my cat in, and it
wasn't my cat
<Skier`> there's a strange cat curled up on my couch now

you there... the guy from Australia using BigPond and spamming
junk into the submission queue along with ads for some stupid
weeaboo site.
yes, you.
KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF IF YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO EVEN VIEW THIS
SITE!

calentay: you guys know where i can find a singleplayer
mmorpg?

<Chern> IM SO FUCKIN BORED!
* Reaper is now known as Reaper[HAVINGFUN]
* BongB is now known as Bong[NOTBORED]
* Chissy is now known as Chiss[FUNFUNFUN]
* brod is now known as brod[IMNOTBORED]
<Chern> FUCK!!!!!!

<mcgruff> ever notice, that like half the quotes on bash seem
to be plucked out of conversations specifically designed to
produce quotes to submit to bash?
<cliff> i LOVE the cock

<@X-G> ownage is such a capitalistic term.
<@X-G> YOUR ASS WILL BE EVENLY DISTRIBUTED TO THE PEOPLE BASED
ON NEED!!11~

<StanM> Pussy is like MP3s
<StanM> For every one who pays for it, theres thousands more
getting it for free.

<Underscore> /part and /quit are sitting on a boat, they weigh
a total of 120kg, the moon is at waxing crescent and it is 12
degrees C outside. How much marzipan can a giraffe eat in 10
minutes?

<grr rapture> this is so gross
<grr rapture> my friend was having sex with this girl and
halfway through he realized she was on her peiod, but he
finished up anyway
<yadrisil> just like bush in iraq
<grr rapture> ?
<yadrisil> he doesn't know when to pull out of a bloody mess

<@qurve> * qurve stabs Yawatog in the eye
<Yawatog> .(

<PetTeacher> If you could fight any celebrity who would it be?
<C0pp4F33l> michael flatly
<Protegemoi> ugh... Paris Hilton definitely
<Exostetic> Stephen Hawking.

<CrazyDe> some dude on ebay is threatening to sue me for
copyright infringement
<Guilty> Did you claim to be the Real Slim Shady?

<HouseCookie> What the hell is kwanzaa?
<Tyler> File-sharing for African-Americans.

Rimbaud: oh my god
Rimbaud: do you have half a minute?
tlaryko: yes. what?
Rimbaud: I just opened a package for the office
Rimbaud: addressed to ________(1)
Rimbaud: I thought it was toner
Rimbaud: :/
Rimbaud: HARDCORE DVD GAY PORN
tlaryko: ?!?!?!?!?!?! :-))
Rimbaud: He's not here, thank god
Rimbaud: We're all pissing ourselves laughing
Rimbaud: I taped it back up
tlaryko: poor puggy!
Rimbaud: Seriously grim front cover too
Rimbaud: I'm disturbed
tlaryko: can i tell my sister? this is too funny
Rimbaud: sure
tlaryko: oh I had a mighty good chuckle.
Rimbaud: _______(2) was barely surprised
Rimbaud: Although she's still laughing hysterically
Rimbaud: Apparently my reaction was funny
tlaryko: what was your reaction?
Rimbaud: Before I had finished opening it, I made some comment
about it probably being gay porn for _________(1)
Rimbaud: Then it was
Rimbaud: And I sort of screamed in fright
tlaryko: hehehehehehehehe

<jimmy_> i use norton
<BoltBait> Norton's is the most annoying anti virus software
ever!
<jimmy_> what do you meen? i hardly notice notice its there
<BoltBait> Really? Then it's probably not working.
<jimmy_> ...
<jimmy_> u may be right
<jimmy_> the tray icon isnt there anymore
<jimmy_> shit!

<apdn_angel> hey, what's the difference between michael
jackson and neil armstrong?
<Beerman> neil armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon
<apdn_angel> and...
<Beerman> and michael jackson fucks little kids in the ass

<Porthos> did you hear about the new pirate movie?
<Porthos> it's rated PG-13
<Porthos> wait
<Porthos> damnit

* okram is sad
<@Aslan> why are you sad, Okram?
<okram> one of my fellow clan mates in tfc died in a car
accident
<Tomalak> Didn't he respawn?

<just4helpin> How did you guys get your ideas for user names?
<synth> i dunno
<Wrench> im a tool

<Locke> Thats three nights in a row I've been awake and
glanced at the clock and seen 3:14 and thought "Hahaha, it's
Pi Time. Man Pi Time, how lame, I can't believe I thought
that"

<Hagane> I can squeeze through 5 foot gaps in Crimson Skies.
<Michael> Trouble is you can't do that in real life...
<Hagane> Yeah, but it isn't that hard in the game... So it
can't be that hard in real life...
<Michael> It's exactly that type of mentality that drives this
country forward.

<Kosh> in LotR all the elves sailed to the "undying lands" to
the west.  Continental drift caused those lands to move
further north and eventually they were left to spend eternity
making toys for their new red-suited overlord

*** DickHead5 was kicked by TJ32 (3.80265176 × 10^-09 millenia
long ban. (394 Served.))
TJ32 sets mode: +b *!*java@*.cos2.cable.ntl.com
<@DrLavaGoddess> LMAO
<@DrLavaGoddess> Now that's funny
<WhoaOutOfControl> Haha
<WhoaOutOfControl> how long is that ban
<@TJ32> 2 minutes.

[orion] my knife just beeped like a cellphone when i touched
it
[orion] time to lay off the booze
[orion] it was three electronical tones
[orion] it went
[orion] bo BO BOOP
[cmplx] don't answer it.

<Numi> hey, can you guys just check a site out and tell me if
it's up?
<Haddock> depends, what is it?
<Numi> just my apache server, it works for me but seems to be
down for anyone else
<Haddock> alright, what's the address?
<Numi> http://127.0.0.1
<Haddock> ......
<Haddock> ...Yeah, it's up.

Chris: I hate the way flash slows browsers down
Steve: Try java, that slows it down much better

<Kurt> I will now make this man disappear!
***Exitium has been kicked by Kurt (Hocus Pocus)
<Kurt> Voila!
<jre> Hey, I saw you palm him and place him in your ass!
<Kurt> THIS SHOW IS OVER!

(placid|work) i knew a girl that was fat just because of her
asthma medication
(@Rayn) what was she taking for asthma ... cheeseburgers?

<Mojokoko> phew... just jogged .6th of a mile
<@SJr> Mojokoko is that 1 and 2/3 miles?
<MarysKid> math not your major SJr?
<@SJr> actually it is :)
<MarysKid> LOL
<MarysKid> um... OK
<@SJr> that could mean 60% a mile, which would be wierd, or
more accurately 1/.6
<@SJr> which works out to 5/3
<@SJr> since when someone says they jogged a 6th of a mile
they jogged 1/6 miles, a 10th of a mile is 1/10 miles. So it
strikes me that .6th of a mile is 1/.6
<Mojokoko> bah...
<Mojokoko> ill kick your mensa ass to alaska

< CoJaBo> Update: The object seen landing near Gale Crater on
MSD 49,269 at around 05:50:16 AMT local time has been
conclusively identified by the Martian Space Agency to be a
weather balloon.  Due to possible radioactive contamination,
Mars citizens are forbidden to approach Gale Crater until
further notice.

<@TunaRoll> wow, i  spelled bukkake wrong and google corrected
me

<bash_> don't touch me there
<bash_> whoops, wrong window

<HomerJ> Microsoft could shit in a box, adn most people would
buy it

<Alluvium> They say if you play a Microsoft CD backwards, you
hear satanic messages. Thats nothing, cause if you play it
forwards, it installs Windows. :p

<MrCoulomb> ok, i'm taking out the 3 of spades, and reinsert
it into a random point
<MrCoulomb> and i assure you, it is random
<MrCoulomb> I'm now shuffling the cards
<MrCoulomb> and it's a real shuffle too
<MrCoulomb> Now.. I cut the deck.
<MrCoulomb> and there is your card
<MrCoulomb> the 3 of spades
<MrCoulomb> found instantly within a randomly shuffled deck
<Mort-Hog> How did you do that?..

<BoltBait> My wife saw my 7756 post count on the MOTL board
and said, "you've never said that many things to me since
we've been married."

icemann182002: YOU ARE FUCKING GAY IF YOU READ THIS.
violinist394: Fuck.
Jambalaya : shit, I guess I'm gay now
Shibs: What? I can't make out the message.

<timmo> if i were to take a stab in the dark as to what orion
is pissed about
<timmo> i would have to say its women troubles
<orion> next time you take a stab at something, aim for your
eye

<RAD_ED> ...
<RAD_ED> their making a REAL obama coin
<RAD_ED> it looks retarded
<Shark500> is it made of chocolate?
<RAD_ED> lol

Titanium_Dragon> Hey everyone
Titanium_Dragon> I had a revelation today
Titanium_Dragon> Everyone knows that more intelligent
creatures (humans, dolphins, chimps, ect.) tend to have sex
for fun
Titanium_Dragon> But some people believe that sex for any
reason but procreation is wrong
* Titanium_Dragon never put two and two together

<Rendrag> just remember your car actually has to stop at stop
signs
<Rendrag> my driving teacher only told me my wheels must stop
rotating
<Rendrag> i took her at her word
<Rendrag> and slid it round the corner onto the main street at
60 with all four wheels locked up
<LDM> hahahahahaha, Nice one.
<Rendrag> needless to say i had to sit my test a second time :

<Ghormak> I'm going to make a GTA3 mod. If you drive more than
88 in a delorian, you end up in GTA:VC

<Lynxis> so i was outside today..
<Lynxis> i seen this bird chasing after this a butterfly
<Lynxis> my first thought was that the bird was probably
trying to rape the butterfly
<Lynxis> then my second thought was maybe the butterfly was
playing hard to get
<Lynxis> and my third thought was "Wow, I must really hang out
in the wrong places on the internet."

<stenzel> fuck you dude, i aint answering any more of your
shitty questions
<moomin_two> not even this one?
<stenzel> no
<moomin_two> ha, dumbass
* stenzel (~stenzel@***) Quit (fucker)

JustAnotherFetus: If I had a dollar for every time I had 60
cents, I would be Canada.

<BorD> What If Saddam Hussein survived the bombing last week,
but lost a leg... How pissed-off do you think his doubles are?

<TrivBot> Question 3. A man's beard grows fastest when he
______?
<_Cozmo_> shaves it
<emul8or__> shaves
<RatAway> jacks off
<TrivBot> Here's a hint: antici
<Rjx> anticipates sex
<TrivBot> Rjx got the answer: anticipates sex. In: 5.7secs.
<Rjx> wtf?

<Billo3121> i need to douche my asscrack in the shower
<Billo3121> later dudes
* Billo3121 is now known as Billo|douching
<@trollusk> ... that's it. i'm done with irc.

<SvinX> whats the file in /etc that controls the profile?
<k> /etc/profile ?
<SvinX> .. i realise i didnt word that very well
<SvinX> yea could be it
<SvinX> thx
<shiftyphil> what's the tool you use to shovel dirt?

<NiM> I went to church with my friends
<NiM> and they had all the alter boys being commissioned or
whatever its called
<NiM> and we pours salt and viagra in the wine
<OttoDestruct> LOL
<NiM> And like 4 of the alterboys spat out the wine
<CF|Okra> hahahah
<NiM> and the priest was like OMFG U SINNERS
<NiM> thats the blood of christ!
<NiM> And the ones that didn't spit it out where walking
around in their fucking robs with boners
<NiM> it was the funniest shit ever
<NiM> We where kicked out
<NiM> of the church

<fugi> I put a note on our fridge saying "find what I peed in
and win $1", roomates though it was funny, but a couple
friends of ours refused to have some applejuice.

<hoche> heredocs, theredocs, everwhereadocsdocs
<geo> old macdonald had a server farm
<geo> He eyed the I/O

<Shinji> good thing my microphone converts text two words! i
never half too worry about some won beeting me two the
punchlime.