bash.org archive

<lude> Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to
kill us, we won, let's eat.

* kipton is listening to cute gay boy jacking of in his
underwear :: 13s
<sprite>...
<kipton> the description is misleading

<shortigo> I can't find my enlightenment configuration files
<BedMan> look in ~/.enlightenment
<shortigo> I don't seem to have one
<hazard> 'the path to enlightment is hard to find'

<+starry_eyed_surprise> why do girls have to have a pic to be
proven female??
<@Storm_Queen> Because this is the internet.
<@Storm_Queen> Unless proven otherwise, you are a 50yr old man
with a bucket of KFC in one hand and your penis in the other.

<ACDCC> Hey, does anyone know when Dance Dance Revolution
comes out on GBC?

* Now talking in #Democrats
<Gunman> is anybody here?
<Gunman> hmm...everybody's an op, but nobodys doing
anything...
<Gunman> so im definately in the #democrats channel...

<gmaxwell> 1960: "I have a great idea! lets have every person
in the country carry a radio tracking beacon!" "That'll never
fly!"  2012: "I can has TWO iphones??"

<Tyranu[work]> tried to have a customer complaint about a
mouse that only worked to the sides and not up and down....
found out later that he didn't move the mouse forward/
backwards but rather lifted it up and down... a part of me
died that day

Ayreon: Vex, do you have a scar on your penis?
vexingthoughts: no
Ayreon: But you're a jew :confused:
vexingthoughts: it's not a scar
Ayreon: What's it then?
vexingthoughts: well not how one would traditionally think of a scar
vexingthoughts: just looks like skin
vexingthoughts: that's all
vexingthoughts: little more red but that's it
Ayreon: So it's still a scar :-
vexingthoughts: maybe
vexingthoughts: i dont know
Ayreon: How could you let them do that to the little guy?
vexingthoughts: i dont know maybe because i was like 8 days old
vexingthoughts: literally
Ayreon: You were a man when you were born right?
vexingthoughts: i had to be
vexingthoughts: default gender is woman
Ayreon: How could you let them do that to the little guy?]
vexingthoughts: I WAS 8 DAYS OLD
vexingthoughts: I COULDN'T EVEN BABBLE
Ayreon: You were still a guy!
vexingthoughts: NOT EVEN RANDOM VOWEL SOUNDS
vexingthoughts: MY BRAIN WASN'T EVEN FINISHED DEVELOPING
vexingthoughts: I HAD A SOFT SKULL
vexingthoughts: the only way i could have been less capable of stopping the
circumcision would have been for me to still have been in the womb
Ayreon: You could have strung them up with your umthingy cord.
vexingthoughts: yes that's right
vexingthoughts: my umbilical cord
Ayreon: That one.
vexingthoughts: how could i have been so stupid
vexingthoughts: oh yeah that's right i was just 1 week old
Ayreon: And now you've got the scar to prove it.
vexingthoughts: there are chimpanzees who are smarter than i was at 8 days old
Ayreon: There are chimpanzees who are smarter than you are now, your point is?
vexingthoughts: my point is that in a minute i'm gonna have evidence that i
chopped off your dutchy head
Ayreon: Hey now, you're the one with the chopped head.
vexingthoughts:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
vexingthoughts: DIE!!!!
Ayreon: Whoa, when they cut your penis, did they put in ovaries in exchange?

<MntLKeY> heh, i made up 'heh'
<Amanda`> That's a pretty outrageous claim.
<MntLKeY> i've being sayin it since 96

<Chee|s|e> I can't wait: soon, marijuana will be legal in
Canada :)
<Eddf> So you can have a pot garden in your back yard?
<Chee|s|e> No dude, so I can extend the one in the back to the
front.

<RobotJunk>  How do I use dBase III database with more that
255 fields in a table?
<teHr0k>  Change out of your parachute pants and get in your
1986 Dodge K Car and
drive to the Airport, while listening to Duran Duran on the
radio.  Lastly,
catch a Flight on Braniff Airlines to the 21st Century.

<synthie> one of my cats was licking her butt like cats do...
<synthie> farted in her own face and fell off the bed
<Sheri> thats why i hate animals
<synthie> knocked herself out

<zN|nJa> I wonder how tough the recruiting for suicide bomber
school is
<zN|nJa> 'now watch closely because I'm only gonna do this
once'

(Sinada): you need to shut the fuck up. no one will flame you
if don't say stupid shit. everyone says 'word'...so don't say
'thats my word!', however no one says twat waffle, so never
say it again. Also: respect. respect those who deserve it and
realize your place. You're annoying, most people in the chan,
and those that are particularly respected, e.g. mods, voices,
etc. think of you as a social parasite. So shut the fuck up
and learn some goddam manners.
(robbie-a): holy shit
(robbie-a): im not fuckin readin all that

<Thrae> Your testes are egg-shaped, because testes used to be
ovaries before your gender was determined pre-birth.
<Thrae> All men started out with female sex organs until
gender was specified. It explains a lot, eh?
<ckknight> we overcame adversity.

<@RaptorIIC> Error: Too many arguments when calling GirlFriend
();

<keevs> umm from IRC or IRL?
<Doomers> What program is IRL?
<Mal> my god

<Sumezworking> I hate people who let their kids run around
naked on the beach..
<Squinky> I know, it's hard to hide an erection in swimming
trunks

BluECliQ: believing that Mcafee is going to protect you from
hackers and viruses is exactly like believing that republicans
can actually protect you from terrorists

<Baloogan> girls who give blowjobs are fucked in the head

<myhero> I wish I could just poop all day long

<FuManChu> And now, FuManChu presents another segment of
"Things I Learned In College:
<FuManChu> I learned today that if you have sex with your
girlfriend's younger sister, you will have a fight in the
middle of the campus center, regardless of what you try to
say.

<K|O|G|I> -- boss just gave me a list of things to do...
<K|O|G|I> #2) service computers (clean, oil, etc)

* ConstipatedElderlyMan bleeds internally and dies, another
silent victim of constipation
<gothik> shit happens
<Adam^> not for him.

(@Li-Sonder) i'm going to build a castle from the empty soda
cans on my desk
(@Li-Sonder) and declare myself king of this desk
(@Li-Sonder) and rule it with an iron fist
(@Li-Sonder) and make all the ants pay taxes
(@Li-Infinite) wow
(@Li-Infinite) you got way too much time on your hand.
(@Li-Sonder) you mean my iron fist.

--> hindenburg ([email protected]) has joined #overclockers
<a474645> hindenburg like the german zeppelin disaster?
<hindenburg> what can i say
<hindenburg> blimpin aint easy

<snerfu> I would say the worst feeling is waking up after a
night of drunken stupor and in the process of walking to your
computer all you see is a pine session that says: your email
"im drunk" has been sent.

<balls>  OMFG
<balls>  telemarketer calls today, offering me a piece of crap
credit card.  i said hold on, i'll get my mom
<balls>  i wait about 20 seconds then play never gonna give
you up.
<balls>  they hung up after about a minute of screaming
"hello?  hello?  hello?"
<balls>  i rickroll'd a fucking telemarketer

ChaosPid: She was already mad at me and she yelled "I'm gonna
kill you"
ChaosPid: and I responded....
ChaosPid: "This is wierd, I swear to god I just heard you
offer to make me a cake, but the words didnt match up with
your lips at all........but chocolate, I suppose."
Curt: What'd she do?
ChaosPid: She looked like she was gonna die... left the room
and then came back a few minutes later.... in a rage.
Curt: LOL.
ChaosPid: I then told her she shouldnt have left, if she
wanted to go to the store to buy ingredients, she knew she
would need a man to drive her to the store, and then I called
her silly.

<TMH_> does anyone else find that they are in a fuckton of
channels
<TMH_> and they only actually care about two or three
<jmx> define a fuckton?
<Thuryn> ten times a buttload
<LPF> that's a metric fuckton

<`Riku> The new Britney Spears music video is like a softcore
porn video
<`Riku> except the music ain't quite as good.

<||CHAOS||> they just jumped into bed when i showed them how i
added a speaker to my ti-83

Awesomest771: god damn jeff's been at blockbuster for 2 hours,
where the fuck is he
Einhander MKII: that was a pretty stupid question

<The-Dude-> i had a best friend..he gotta GF..we hated each
other..2 years later we were having DNS tests done for the
kids father...
<Kaenneth> ... DNS tests?... to see if you have a common root
domain?
<Kaenneth> "Both parents were from aol.com... retardation was
inevitable"

<psmylie> the man's an idiot. he tried for three years to beat
tetris because I told him there was an end boss.

<Mary> will you come to my friend from schools engagement
party?
<John> where?
<Mary> hamilton
<John> when?
<Mary> this Saturday
<John> no.
<Mary> Please?? why not?
<John> I dont know her and it will suck
<Mary> You can dance with me!
<John> :)/-<  <-- Me
<John> :)-<  <-- You
<John> -
<John> :)|-<  <-- Me
<John> :)|-<  <-- You
<John> -
<John> :)-<  <-- Me
<John> :)/-<  <-- You
<John> -
<John> :)|-<  <-- Me
<John> :)|-<  <-- You
<John> -
<John> Me -->  8====D~ O:  <--- You
<Mary> thats cute!
<John> if you only knew, babe.
<Mary> knew what?? HEY whats the last part mean?

<sisko> Q. What's the height of conceit?
<sisko> A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
<mmm> i do that
<mmm> "oh god"

<evilmarq> my fingers smell of garlic
<Rawr> Where have you been sticking them?
<evilmarq> up my arse
<Rawr> Your arse smells of garlic?
<evilmarq> yes
<Rawr> Why?
<evilmarq> i put garlic up my ass

<Langly1> ive got a dual socket A system running cheap chips,
i use it mainly to encode 80's mp3's i call it Duron Duron

<SirChris> After using Yahoo, google, ask.com, etc.. to no
avail, all I need to know is what currency uses £ as their
symbol. I need to convert £189.00 into english dollars.

<Amanda`> 'THE HELL..? IS 5 AM...GO THE HELL TO BED... IN
TROUBLE YOU ARE...SPEECH MY SLURRED IS'

<mystican> my sister gave me some socks and they say on them
"too much wiggling of your joystick makes your eyes go funny"
<endura> myst u should use those socks as wank socks
<endura> then when they are orange make ur sister wash them
<DooMWiz> orange??

<ANDYHAZARD> i need a file
<kenners> you misspelled "life"

(~bati) how is that thing called
(~bati) where some fat chicks takes a photo of herself where
only face is shown
(~bati) or taken from some fucked up angle so she doesn't look
ugly?
(p00h) myspace

*** Mavert changes topic to 'Men are like cement... after
getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
(EviLGirL-)  Women are like a carpet... lay them right the
first time and you can walk all over them forever''

<AMD_aTHLON_MP>
[email protected]
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> yeh
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> i work for microsoft
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> oh ok
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> to u know l cracked the windows xp home
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> heh so what
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> many people crack our software
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> do u know the trick
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> once you try and install service pack 1 your ip
will be logged and traced
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> l work for the tnt2 cracker team
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> we cracked over 40 milon softwares
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> look man
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> we got a ip logging that gives u fake traces
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> microsoft already makes millions from coporate
buyers
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> that how we cracked win xp home
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> i already got your IP from IRC
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> @acc6-ppp29.hay.dialup.connect.net.au
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> ok
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> l, joking
<C0ZMIC|WoRk> i can call your ISP and ask them who you are
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> l not evevn useing win xp home
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> l,m sorry
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> l was only jking
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> plz forgive me
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> l got a licesed copy of win98
<AMD_aTHLON_MP> plz forgive me

<Potato> A couple years back, my friend had the greatest
christmas tree of all time
<Potato> We were 'round at his place, having a post-pissup
drink/laugh at lightweight bastards and two cops came in
because of a noise complaint
<Potato> One of them walks towards the open back door while
the other does the usual "Why are you making so much noise"
question routine
<Potato> The friend in question goes pale as he sees the cop
stick his head in the door and only look one way before
deciding they were wasting their time
<Potato> When they'd fucked off, I asked him what was wrong,
he pointed in the other direction and told me to go check out
the christmas tree the cop missed
<Potato> I stick my head in the door and lo, a 6 foot tall pot
plant, complete with tinsel and presents around the base, is
sitting in the corner, facing me off, taunting me, goin'
"Yeah, fucker, I'm a 6 foot tall pot plant. Ya wanna piece of
me, bitch?"

Ramladu X: They should make porn legal.
annoying hamster: Wait, it isn't?
Ramladu X: Not the kind I like.

<chrisg> is it star wars ep. 2 thats got the litte green guy
jumpin about fighting and stuff?
<grifferz> what you have just asked, is, to a star wars fan,
akin to saying, "so, that bible, is that the one where the
beardy guy conjures up a heap of fish?" to a christian

<apples> the program 'apt-get' is currently not installed. You
can install it by typing: apt-get install apt
<fuchoo> lol

<ZBZZN> BUKKAKE!
<ZBZZN> I yelled that in class
<ZBZZN> and ppl went like "WTF"
<Killrbyte> I once had a guy yell out "MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!!" in
the middle of a test.
<Killrbyte> Then the guy next to him said "SHIT! I didn't
think you'd actually do it!" as he whipped out a $20 bill and
handed it over.

<nyk> i need a floppy disc, anyone know where I can get one
this late?
<Vulcan> walmart maybe, its open 24 hours.
<Jordan_M> i know some mexicans that are hardcore tech guys
that could get you a floppy disc
<nyk> so you both say walmart?

<Turtle> FUCK i just accidently stapled my homework to the
wall

<Khaen> Oh boy, the sky is very #9966FF today!

<Truin> anyone seen Bush lately? 
<Espresso> nope
<Espresso> wait
<Espresso> the band, the man, or the body part?
<Truin> take your pick
<Espresso> the answer is still nope

<WillaCuz> everyone that rides in my car says 'i feel lik im
in the batmobile'
<pagan> thats cuz you wear that fucking rediculouse outfit

<phatmike> i want hard boiled eggs
<phatmike> why is that?
<Dayv> Your body is craving extra fat and protein.
<Dayv> Obviously, you are preparing for mitosis.

<wirm> going to bed in 15 mins
<wirm> 10
<wirm> 12
<wirm> 14
<wirm> fucking download remain steady
<wirm> 13

<Dromous> I think a church with a lightning rod shows a
decided lack of confidence.

*** Signoff: iyeoh (Connection reset by peer)}
*** ieyoh has joined #mpeg3c
<iyeoh> WHO EVER PEER IS...YOU FUCKING LOW LIFE BASTARD
MOTHERFUCKER OF A RTEENAGE WANKER, BEND OVER SO YOUR HALF
FATHER CAN SCREW YOU IN THE ASS TILL YOUR BUTT OOZES FUCKING
BLOOD

<rom> if i was ever playing hide and go seek I would want Anne
Frank on my team.

ProfessorOhki: oh, ud get a kick out of this
ProfessorOhki: cisco guy came to talk to my class
ProfessorOhki: (lecture hall)
thepieisabomb: ya
ProfessorOhki: and he goes "i ask this ever year out of
curiosity, who has the most media collected and served?"
ProfessorOhki: no one wants to raise hands
ProfessorOhki: one guy rasies his hand
ProfessorOhki: "how many gigs of media do you have shared?"
ProfessorOhki: guy: "about 3.6 terrabytes"
ProfessorOhki: i swear the cisco guys heart stopped for a sec

<Asmodeus> I hav3 to g3t a n3w k3yboard off my par3nts, brb.
<Kur0Tenshi> Why?
<Asmodeus> Th3 k3y b3tw33n th3 W and R k3y is brok3n.
<Kur0Tenshi> What keys that?

<MDRL> see
<MDRL> when i want to remember shit
<MDRL> i write it on my arm
<MDRL> problem being, i wake up the next morning
<MDRL> with, like, "30 foot tall cock" on my forearm and no
context
<MDRL> i'm sure it was a great idea
<MDRL> but i'll never know for sure

<SolidFlam> I can see the day that I type here "Ok, I'm going
to watch Reloaded"
<SolidFlam> Bastard wacko will probably download it and then
give us spoilers
<[wacko]> Neo dies!!
<[wacko]> Trinity has sex with Morpheus!
<[wacko]> The Oracle was fake!
<StarmanDX> Morpheus is a woman!
<[wacko]> Agent Smith is back!!
<[wacko]> Zion is hacked!
<StarmanDX> Jar Jar Binks has a cameo!
<SolidFlam> Bullet Time is lag

<tyranid05> So I was in auto shop measuring a brake disc
tonight.  It came out to be 1.1337"
<tyranid05> I started to laugh.  When asked why by the
teacher, I explained about l33t.
<tyranid05> When I came out of class my car was egged.  :(

<BlackDeth> that was the night those gay dudes were hittin on
me
<BlackDeth> and the one offered me money to go sex0r him
<BlackDeth> they prolly saw i was wrecked
<BlackDeth> and thought they could take advantage
<BlackDeth> boglins own
<ikkenai> so how much did he pay you
<BlackDeth> he didnt
<BlackDeth> he just offered
<ikkenai> oh
<ikkenai> so you did it for free

<IMlifelike> I flushed a bag of skittles down the toilet
yesterday and watched a NASCAR race in 8 seconds flat.