bash.org archive

<Revolution|AngeL> he thinks because we idle 4 of the same
channels
<Revolution|AngeL> we're somehow friends
<Revolution|AngeL> i dont even know how it started.
<Revolution|AngeL> a casual glance here
<Revolution|AngeL> a soft touch there
<Revolution|AngeL> gentle, warm and caring chatting.
<Revolution|AngeL> brokeback irc.
<Revolution|AngeL> i wish i knew how to /quit you

<cathy_n> That's because processed food is so manipulative.
<Yawgatog> Sometimes chicken nuggets force me into situations
I am uncomfortable with.

(cyber1|t0) anyone know how i can open up pm's without a mouse
pm me now
(cyber1|t0) actually dont pm

<korn> yeah so i got into ITT tech today
<possible> what did you have to do?
<possible> open the door?
<korn> up yours man

<Chronoclone> Kathleen is on the riding mower and accidentally
sucks up my sheet.
<Chronoclone> My dad and I tip over the mower and rip the
sheet out.
<Chronoclone> While she's out chasing the dog because she said
we could trust him without a leash.
<Chronoclone> My dad agrees that she's crazy and shouldn't
have been right there with the damn mower.
<Wiggles> How is this person still alive?
<Aki> The FBI is keeping her alive to harness Darwin's
in-grave rotation as a power source for future generations.

<PoPsI>Today in english, my teacher asked us to write down one
thing we regretted or wondered what would've happened if we
had done something else.
<PoPsI>After that, he asked us to share some and he picked me.
<PoPsI>He's like "What did you write down?" and i say "I
wonder what would've happened if i had taken the red pill..."
<PoPsI>Then everyone stared at me...it was hella funny.

<Anomaly> There's this one guy in my comp diag class who I've
started holding up a folder or paper or something when I'm
talking to him just to get him to look me in the eye
<Zero> boobs: a breasting and a curse
<Zero> WHOA
<Zero> a BLESSING and a curse

<Wind-X> and penis butter and jelly make a good sandwich

(dez) I had to write an essay about handicapped parking spots
(dez) I chose to write about how fat people are not
handicapped
(dez) And how they should get special parking spots at the end
of the lot

<Bealzubub> yeah.  my mom's going fucking insane with this
family tree shit.
<Bealzubub> she been hogging the internet, lookin up all of
our family incestry.
<Acherton> lmfao!
<Bealzubub> ancestry*
<Ktulu> lmao
<Bealzubub> damnit!

<Number-6> there's this raging homophobe fundiechristian who
runs this hate organization in Michigan named Gary Glenn
<Number-6> he runs the American Family Association of Michigan
out of his basement
<Number-6> and checks Google News every day for his name
<Number-6> because he's a totaly narcissist
<Number-6> anyway
<Number-6> i bait him now and then because my headlines are
carried by google news
<Number-6> and he turns up and starts posting comments on my
web site
<Number-6> so then i get his IP address
<Number-6> and start redirecting him to tubgirl.com
<Number-6> nothing makes me happier than making that pigfucker
look at feces

<cevik> I've certainly met quite a few more violent christians
("lets go kill us some fags") than violent gays ("lets go
break into someones house and decorate it!").

<@blackbart> lol this guy was showing me his new phone at work
the other day
<@blackbart> so while i was looking at it i changed his
contact entry for his dad to my number
<@blackbart> just got a call from him and answered with "hello
son, i dont love you and your adopted"
<@blackbart> cant stop laughing

(Andrzej) I had a waking dream about a tsunami once
(Andrzej) except the tsunami was made out of clowns.
(Andrzej) and I was 5
(Andrzej) I didn't sleep that night

<philosophiliac> lol this arvo some guy started quoting the
2nd amendment at a teacher after knocking some crow out of a
tree
<MissBitch> hahahahaha
<philosophiliac> with a shoe
<MissBitch> ...
<philosophiliac> seriously he goes
<philosophiliac> "the 2nd amendment states that all citizens
have the right and obligation to bear arms"
<philosophiliac> "and shoes"
<MissBitch> lol
<philosophiliac> "we made it very clear to those terrorists
that we would tolerate no more attacks"
<philosophiliac> and lockie here just got shat on"
<MissBitch> HAHAHAHAHAHHA
<philosophiliac> we have decided it is time to attack with
neccessary force to show the crows that we mean business"
<MissBitch> lol
<philosophiliac> if they hit us"
<philosophiliac> we hit back
<philosophiliac> HARD
<philosophiliac> with whatever comes to hand
<MissBitch> im holding my nose so i dont burst out laughing
here
<philosophiliac> and we cannot be held responsable for a war
they started
<MissBitch> HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
<philosophiliac> in the war on crowism, ur either with us
<philosophiliac> or ur against us
<MissBitch> hahahahahahaha
<MissBitch> thats just so hilarious
<philosophiliac> oh yeah
<philosophiliac> the teacher was in hysterics
<philosophiliac> but the guy got a detention neway
<MissBitch> hahahaha
<MissBitch> oh well
<MissBitch> woulda bn worth it!
<philosophiliac> yeah
<philosophiliac> we were basically on the ground we were
laughing so hard
<MissBitch> hahahahaha
<philosophiliac> and he didn't crack up once
<philosophiliac> and as the teacher leads him away he goes
<MissBitch> if i didnt want to wake my parents, id b killin
myself laughin
<philosophiliac> "u can lock me up, but this war is a
neccessary one"
<MissBitch> oooooooooooooh
<MissBitch> lol
<philosophiliac> "and one that will be contnued by freedom
loving students with shoes everywhere"
<MissBitch> HAHAHAHHAHA  ROFLMAO

* Nastard is now known as fuck
<damn> what kind of nick is that?
<fuck> if i know

<NickBlasta> asl?
<Cryph> unf?
<NickBlasta> no
<NickBlasta> asl
<Cryph> unf?
<NickBlasta> u want the cyber
<NickBlasta> ?
<Cryph> unf!
<NickBlasta> fap fap
<[H]Klypr8> parlor.asf
<[H]Tongboy> lol, I come back for a minute on accident, and I
see what looks like 2 aolers trying to mate

<DigDug> warez > sex
<kisama> it is true.
<kisama> i'd rather watch a progress bar than have sex.

<chaz> I had to recompile our software to pick up the new
libraries etc
<chaz> we then hit an issue with connectivity to the database
server
<chaz> but thats what i fixed (i hope) this morning, so we'll
see :)
* Twitch crosses her fingers for you
<chaz> my apologies, I didn't realise you were female.
<chaz> I should turn my geek off. :/
<Twitch> I'm in Physics, don't bother

[@flu1d`]: i wanna fuck a deaf girl
[@tomato]: thats kinda sick
[@flu1d`]: so i can hear her go "woaoaaaaaarrrrrr"
[@pitchblende]: hah
[@flu1d`]: like a wookie
[@tomato]: lol wtf

<Dr_zapp> sek: you find the hex adress? 
<Sekmu> yes. 
<Dr_zapp> and it is....? 
*** Quits: Paco- (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
*** Quits: Nytefall (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
*** Quits: PyroGX (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
*** Quits: liljerk (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
*** Quits: Karash (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
*** Quits: _Ender_ (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
*** Quits: PyroPimp (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
*** Quits: Sekmu (irc.best.net *.blackened.com) 
<Arsentia> This is like when the informer is about to tell the
detective the identity of the murderer, and then he gets shot.
:)

Chodeskius: hey whats a good name for my kitten
Shniznite: Qwerty
Chodeskius: that sounds so familiar
Chodeskius: where did u get qwerty.. oh.

<myst> so what about you? anything interesting?
<Joshua> i'm writting a book and i just left a naked lady in
her bed seconds before her roommates came home.
<Joshua> it was like *pulls on pants* *roommates walk in*
<myst> what's your book about?
<Joshua> lol!
<Joshua> yup, you're a chick
<myst> lol
<myst> rofl

<fox> i just banged my boob and lost my dog :(
<itchy> better than losing your boob and banging your dog

<Beer^Me> hey guys
<Beer^Me> i need to print stuff from phothsop and it has a lot
of White
<Beer^Me> is their a way to NOT print the white?
<Beer^Me> caue the paper is white

<CuttingEdge> Current Global Users: 300
<CuttingEdge> not doing too badly today
<LordCow> sweet, 300
<LordCow> now we can attack the persians

<Zeroflowne>what is the name of that oral sex move that can
kill your partner?
<sHaDoWkAiO>The oral sex "move"? You mean like punching her
and yelling "HADOKEN!" while performing cunnilingus?

<fox1023> Anyone know that analogy between baseball and how
far you go with a girl?
<missy13> Yea, where like 1st base is kissing etc?
<fox1023> Yea thats the one.
<fox1023> I was wondering. What do you call stealing home?
<missy13> ...
<missy13> Probably rape.

<Scibert> Three @s for the IRCops under the sky
<Scibert> Seven for the Op Lords in their channels of stone
<Scibert> Nine for Mortal Chatters doomed to die
<Scibert> One for the Dark Peer on his Dark Throne
<Scibert> In the land of Ping where the Netsplits lie.
<Scibert> One @ to rule them all
<Scibert> One @ to find them
<Scibert> One @ to bring them all
<Scibert> And in the darkness, bind them
<Scibert> In the Land of Ping, where the Netsplits lie.

[n] Join [sam]-[[email protected]] has joined #0secadmin
<m0zzie> uhh sam, who are you and who gave you the key?
<sam> i am sam and i didnt need a key :-)
<m0zzie> hmm.. this is a private channel, please fuck off. :)
[n] Mode [m0zzie]-[+b *!*[email protected]]
<lynx> m0z, meet sam, the server admin :/
<m0zzie> oh fuck.
[n] Mode [m0zzie]-[-b *!*[email protected]]
<m0zzie> me love you long time? :>

<Chobes> You there, Mr. Mercman2000?
<Mercman2000> I'm talking with a chick.  Piss off.
<Chobes> Text recognition AI has gotten so advanced.
<Mercman2000> This is ME.  Mercman2000 you little Chobesey
fuck.  I am talking with a chick, this is the first non-postal
related female contact I have gotten in for fucking never, so
I don't care if your pubes are on fire and you need tech spit
to douse the flames, whatever it is, IT CAN FUCKING WAIT.
<Trunks> o.o
<Chobes> omj poynt taken

<BlackAdder> no, because ds told me that building a comp is
like putting together lego
<BlackAdder> and then i went and tried putting lego together
to see
<BlackAdder> and i cut my finger

<Roscoe> My girlfriend's mother adamantly believes none of you
exist.
<crfh> that's all right. no one here believes you have a
girlfriend.

<Justin> I just thought of a great game.
<Justin> A bunch of men stand naked in a room, facing a TV
<Justin> Gay porn is played.
<Justin> IF you get an erection, you're out of the game.
<Justin> And the last guy without an erection wins.
<Justin> "Last Man not Standing"

<Zax`away> BUT WHAT DOES GOD DO WHEN A KITTEN MASTURBATES!?

<toot> Y2K isn't untill 2048
<toot> 1K = 1024

<MikeTheLanceman> IT AIN'T ROCKET SURGERY PEOPLE.

<Gonads> Happens to me too. Actually, I get upset with myself
if I see a word I don't know the meaning of. Which is starting
to happen more and more.
<Apocalypse> Theoretically it should be happening in a
mitigate and subjacent idiosyncrasy.
<Gonads> Fuck you

<kat-moffobsessing> why do dongs always gain length when
played live?
<kat-moffobsessing> SONGS!

<Arwen`> maybe she hates clubs because she's ugly.
<jasong> maybe she hates clubs because she's a seal

<HappyDude> ARGH, I think the definition of 'bad timing'
happened to me today
<HappyDude> I was sitting there watching a porn vid
<HappyDude> And it was just a naked girl in a spa
<HappyDude> Then, 3 things happened all at the same time....
<HappyDude> 1) I cum everywhere
<HappyDude> 2) My mum walks in
<HappyDude> 3) The "girl" stands up to reveal "she" has a huge
cock.

<russki> still reading bash?
<Zaichik> Yeah... :(
<Zaichik> I got myself off reading webcomics, I can get myself
off reading this!
<Zaichik> That sounded SO wrong.

<eff> the noblest of dogs is the hot dog, it feeds the hand
that bites it.

<K-Ecchi> SABER DATED A GUY
<Saber> YOU HAVE NO PROOF
<K-Ecchi> YOU TOLD ME
<Saber> I HAVE NO PROOF EITHER

<Timid-> MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
* Shockla has quit IRC (*.net *.split)
* rooties-w has quit IRC (*.net *.split)
* Mr_Hahn has quit IRC (*.net *.split)
* rup\tek has quit IRC (*.net *.split)
<wandarah> holy shit.
<wandarah> truly your meep is a powerful weapon.

<@[TeMpEsT]> ok, let me get this straight. you called me a
power bitch, tried to ping me off line, went around asking for
the chanserv password, and then tried to evade a ban. and now
you want me to op you and your damn bot so you can try to take
over the channel?
<|TheRaR|> no, you only need to op the bot
<mazrim> oh, you stupid stupid fuck.

<MrBump> my irc logs kept me going throughout my 6 months
offline
<Lord_Blix> you need to get out more often.
<MrBump> i did, i took printouts

<Prysm> my dad just said 'I just exploded'
<Prysm> and my mom said 'that's not the first time today'
<Prysm> I REALLY HOPE THAT WASN'T SEXUAL
<Prysm> or I will kill myself
<Taidahn`> Prysm, it was
* Prysm dies a little inside
<Taidahn`> Prysm, and a little of your dad probably died
inside your mom.
<Taidahn`> Prysm, or maybe on

<Tenchi147> if you were in a shower with another guy and he
droped the soup
<Tenchi147> would you do anything?
<Oolong^Pokemon> not if it wasn't my boyfriend
<Oolong^Pokemon> hell no
<Tenchi147> I am not thinking while typeing
<Tenchi147> I am going to shut up now
<Katarica> If I was in the shower and another girl dropped the
soup
<Katarica> I would wonder why the HELL she was eating soup in
the fucking shower

<@cs_weasel> my latest viagra spam subject line: "adolph"
< ponds`zombie> ein reich, ein volk, ein schlongpill

Brianna says: im wondering where my cuddle buddy is.
Jason says: wtf, is that what women call "fuck friends" These
days?
Brianna says: no!
Jason says: well maybe he's "cuddling" with someone else
Brianna says: fuck you

<reub> i hate people that can't complete a fucking

<@drwiii> so ecbc and I go to gamestop to get Mario 64 DS.
<@drwiii> and i bring my DS along.
<@drwiii> then we go to this chinese restaurant.
<@drwiii> and as ecbc's coming back from the restroom, he's
like "dude did that
kid steal your gameboy?"
<@drwiii> there was some kid at another table fucking around
with PictoChat on
his own DS
<@drwiii> so i changed the nickname on mine, found the room he
was in, and
scribbled "What you just ate wasn't chicken." and
sent it
<@drwiii> and like 10 seconds later i hear over my shoulder
"EWWWW!"
<@drwiii> apparently he showed it to his mom
<@drwiii> i powered mine down and kept on eating.
<@drwiii> that was the best thing EVER.

<spritegoddess> I poked myself in the eye
<spritegoddess> while feeding myself cheetos.
<spritegoddess> I suck at life.

* Jon|Working has joined #twistedmonkey
* Jon|Working changes topic to 'Nerje, you really need to stop
e-mailing me porn with cam pics and other such things. It's a
nice surprise, but not so nice when your laptop is hooked up
to a projector with people looking at it.'
* Jon|Working has quit IRC (Quit: )

lemonlimeskull: Newt Gingrich or Mitt Romney to take on Barack
Obama.
lemonlimeskull: We have to stop letting George Lucas name our
Politicians.

SayLo2MyLilFren: dude im a genesis
ctnpinciotti: ?
SayLo2MyLilFren: i found out how you can get by port 25
blocking
ctnpinciotti: you're a what?
SayLo2MyLilFren: i did it on my cousins computer
ctnpinciotti: wait...
ctnpinciotti: you're a what?
SayLo2MyLilFren: ?
ctnpinciotti: genesis?
SayLo2MyLilFren: ya
ctnpinciotti: ah ok, it all makes sense now.
SayLo2MyLilFren: what?

<Oceandream9>  On another note, they should create a word that
doesn't mean horny, but just having the urge to cuddle.
<Oceandream9>  Yeah, there's cuddly, but that's more of an
adjective. I want the actual yearning to cuddle to become a
word.
<Oceandream9>  Can anybody think of one?
<Combat_taco>  cundry
<Thunder_cunt>  Cuddlesome?
<Unpleasantries>  snugglish
<Sm0t>   FEMALE 

<Zap> back from raev lol.
<Protected> raev?
<Gray|ogl> raev = a codename for gaybar, only gaypeople know
about it
<Gray|ogl> doh.

<ZellKFF> We were talking about religion today
<ZellKFF> and my 6 years old kid asked me "religion? is that a
legendary pokemon?"

Yogo: i hate stupid people!!!!!
Yogo: stood in the queue at a self service checkout
Yogo: guy infront scans a bottle of milk and looks at the
screen, a message pops up and an automated voice say "please
place item in bagging area"
Yogo: he looks at the screen, then tries to scan the item
again
Yogo: and again, "please place item in bagging area"
Yogo: so his wife looks all confused, grabs the milk and....
Yogo: tries to fucking scan it again!!
Yogo: i was almost in tears
Yogo: i think these machines should be build so if it has to
tell you what to do 3 times a small arm should pop out and
remove that persons reproductive organs!

<XxChesterxX> who here uses a dildough
<Solidus> only when i'm making some dilbread

<Zoso> So me and my friend applied to the same electronics
position in a store (think like Best Buy)
<Zoso> And he got the job even though he knows next to nothing
about any of the games or hardware or anything
<Zoso> All because he looks more "presentable"
<Zoso> And at this store, your first couple of call-in help
questions are done with the supervisor of your department
<Zoso> So last week, in the morning, i told him just some
bullshit information...and I called in that day (with my voice
disguised) to ask him about it
<Zoso> "Hello. I recently bought a 250GB external
hard-drive...and while it's not very heavy now, I was
wondering how much it will weigh when it's full."
<Zoso> The idiot responds with "Oh, don't worry sir, it's just
a few pounds more."
<Zoso> ...so the supervisor hears the conversation...
<Zoso> And the stupid fucker got fired
*Zoso is away: filling out application...again

<bofh> slugbug uh
<bofh> One time I passed this person driving
<bofh> One hand holding a cup of coffee
<bofh> the other hand holding her cellphone to her ear
<bofh> No hands on the keyboard.
<bofh> She wound up trying to merge INTO us.
<tgies> they call it a "steering wheel" I think

<wankel> Apr 16 17:43:34 mankind.boredom.org ftpd[9720]:
zirconium (bogus) LOGIN FAILED [from
cv796573-a.hcksvle1.ny.home.com]
<wankel> Apr 16 17:43:34 mankind.boredom.org ftpd[9722]:
zoology (bogus) LOGIN FAILED [from
cv796573-a.hcksvle1.ny.home.com]
<wankel> Apr 16 17:43:34 mankind.boredom.org ftpd[9721]: zoo
(bogus) LOGIN FAILED [from cv796573-a.hcksvle1.ny.home.com]
<wankel> Apr 16 17:43:34 mankind.boredom.org ftpd[9723]: zoom
(bogus) LOGIN FAILED [from cv796573-a.hcksvle1.ny.home.com]
<wankel> Apr 16 17:43:34 mankind.boredom.org ftpd[9724]:
zooplankton (bogus) LOGIN FAILED [from
cv796573-a.hcksvle1.ny.home.com]
<wankel> WHOA SHIT
<mendel> someone tell that luser that dictionary attacks refer
to the PASSWORD part.
<wankel> christ, 2000 lines back and he was only in w's :)
<wankel> mankind:~ % grep LOGIN FAILED /var/log/messages | wc
-l
<wankel> 8923

<wild-> so a guy goes to the drugstore, he says 'i need some
condoms for my 11 year old daughter' druggist says 'your
daughters sexually active at age 11?' he says 'nah she just
lies there like her mother'

<Orphic> you any good at physics?
<meowcow> when i run into a wall i usually stop

<squid> This spider is such an asshole.
<Sushi-X> y dont u just smash it with impunity?
<squid> It's on the ceiling, and I am not.
<Sushi-X> tell it to come down and fight like a man....or you
can climb and fight like a spider

<WooWoo> i was walking through goodwill with my daughter to
look for costume ideas and there was this stuffed trout adn i
gave it to her, adn literally, she smacked me with it and
laughed
<WooWoo> and i'm like.
<WooWoo> omfg
<WooWoo> she just trout slapped me
<WooWoo> wtf
<WooWoo> she's not on irc
<WooWoo> it was all big too
<WooWoo> like 3 feet long