bash.org archive

<morah> I MADE A VOODOO DOLL
* morah stabs Vireo in the eye
...
* Vireo ([email protected]) Quit (Dead socket)

<Ash> Yeah, but iln's pot abuse makes him unemployable.
<iln> you can't abuse pot ash

(NOTE: The URLs were coloured out with IRC colours, or
something ^_^)
<@Saiko> Hello #sqrxz my name is Claudia, I have 36D tits and
I am very horny. You can read more about me HERE ----> ( http:
//goatse.cx http://goatse.cx ) and i also have some nude
pictures of me! I also talk about when I had oral sex with my
roomate. I'm only 17 and I'm very lonely, pls cum and chat
with me!
<@Zinco> Who would be retarded enough to click on a link they
could not see?
<Loco-san> HOLY CRAP WHAT IS THAT!!!!!!

<Faight> Reproduction is stupid.
<AndrewLB> You want sex, don't you?
<Faight> I have a 6 year old brother.
<Faight> He's an annoying little bastard, but I love him.
<Faight> =/
<AndrewLB> That was quite possibly THE most disturbing answer
you could give.

<supremo>hey, i heard somewhere that the size of the cock a
woman enjoys is related to the type of sex she likes most
<supremo>chicks who dig giving oral like big cocks, chicks who
like regular sex like medium cocks, and chicks who like anal
prefer small cocks
<tupperware>so your girlfriend must be into nasal, huh supremo
<supremo>shut up dipshit

TwoHundredNinety: Man. I went to our school's Christmas play
today.
Decagon111: Was it an interesting experience?
TwoHundredNinety: It was... uh. Quite interesting.
TwoHundredNinety: We had Scripture quoted at us.  There was a
large stained-glass cross. Santa ordered Oompa Loompas to
break his elves' kneecaps when they went on strike. There were
four machine-gun shootings. Santa died. (Three times,
technically.) There were two death threats, independent of the
machine gun business.
Decagon111: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
TwoHundredNinety: Yes. ... The death threats were in the
service of an anti-materialism parable.
Decagon111: ... I was _going_ to say how weird it was that
there were carolers going around two weeks early tonight...
but I don't think I'll bother.

<Fina> After American Idol, they came out with The Sims :
Superstar
<Fina> After this Harry Potter crap got popular, they came out
with Makin' Magic
<Fina> lol What if next year we get a bunch of WW2 movies?
<Fina> The Sims : Hailin' Hitler

<@Splodge`> I think there might be some incest in my family
because my dad's cock tastes exactly like my sister's snatch.

<Emperor> Oral sex is when you talk dirty, dumbass

<1> please tell me if there's any way to check if a table
exist in mysql database
<2> if (mysql_query('DROP TABLE table_name')) echo "table
existed";

<Breadfan>this morning my dad went to go to the bathroom, but
my little bro was already in there, my dad turns the knob but
its locked, and in his deepest UT voice my bro shouts "DENIED"
<Breadfan>My dad just walked away scratching his head
<Dreyer>ROFLMAO

<Hylke> hmm, the movie Titanic isn't really realistic
<Palantyre> No shit?
<Hylke> they walk through cold water all the time, and the
girl gets no stiff nipples

Matt-0375> hear about the people getting sore from playing the
wii controllers?
thx-1192> Yeah, fatasses should get up and move more often
Matt-0375> I'm just waiting for the headlines: "why does it
burn when you wii?"

<Shloom> OMG
<Shloom> FUCK
<Shloom> I just showed this girl my wang on my webcam
<Shloom> But not only did I hear her giggle
<Shloom> but 2 other girls and a man
<Shloom> D:!
<Shloom> FUCK
<El_Diablo13> ...
<El_Diablo13> LOL!

<Awaken> this is pissing me off
<Awaken> i have some windows updates that just HAVE to restart
my fucking computer
<{RANT}> :(
* MaxPower ([email protected]) Quit
(hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
* {Bitch} ([email protected]) Quit
(hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
* aliensoup ([email protected]) Quit (hub.efnet.us
ircd.he.net)
* Jing|es ([email protected]) Quit
(hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
* Ladywork
([email protected])
Quit (hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
* TostigAFK ([email protected]) Quit
(hub.efnet.us ircd.he.net)
<Mr_Power> his computer is the EFnet server?

<Video> anyone know where to get nhl 2004
<MpegMan> Best Buy
<Video> anyone know where to get FREE nhl 2004
<MpegMan> Wear baggy clothing to Best Buy

Opti: i was really bored... had 2 options... 1) watch paint
dry  2) come to #general
Opti: i chose the paint...
Opti: but thats dry now :/

RoyalPineapple: girlfirends are overrated
RoyalPineapple: plus although sex with a girl is definitely
more pleasurable, masturbation is so much more efficient
SoAP: i'll take the real thing if i can get it
RoyalPineapple: i dunno... ive gotten some bunk ass blowjobs,
where im kinda waiting for it to end
RoyalPineapple: thinking, ya know if i were alone i could
finish this up lickedy split and still have time to watch
House

(@Phaysis) anyone here ever taken yoga classes?
(@tesko) yes, and i stopped when i learned i couldnt breathe
fire

<ETP> heh
* Tocool is very confused
<ETP> tocool: so am I, but the key is to just say 'heh' so
people think you understand
<Tocool> yea but
<Tocool> ...
<Tocool> heh

<sev> so I was walking through the city with a bunch of roses
in one hand and a bag of potaotes in the other, and I had
something like five people stop me and ask if I was going to
propose to an irishman 8\

<PasteyGamer> So, what class of character would you like to
be?
<Malt_Liqa> Possibly a theif.
<PasteyGamer> Um, alright. There are many forms of that class
like, rogue, assassin...
<Malt_Liqa> I'll be an assassin!
<PasteyGamer> Are you sure, there are some downsides.
<Malt_Liqa> Are you fucking kidding?! It has ass in it! TWICE!
<PasteyGamer> Why the fuck haven't I killed you yet?

<@Nosferatu> Sensitive men do exist...
<@Nosferatu> A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk,
they connect, they end up
<@Nosferatu> leaving together. They get back to his apartment
and she notices that his
<@Nosferatu> bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly
teddy bears. Hundreds of
<@Nosferatu> cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the
floor, cuddly
<@Nosferatu> medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and
huge enormous bears on
<@Nosferatu> the top shelf along the wall. The woman is
surprised that this guy would
<@Nosferatu> have a collection of teddy bears, especially one
that's so extensive, but
<@Nosferatu> she decides not to mention this to him, and
actually is quite impressed by
<@Nosferatu> his sensitive side. She turns to him... they
kiss... and then they rip each
<@Nosferatu> other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.
<@Nosferatu> After an intense night of passion with this
sensitive guy, they are lying
<@Nosferatu> there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls
over and she asks,
<@Nosferatu> smiling, "Well, how was it?"
<@Nosferatu> The guy says:      
<@Nosferatu> "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom
shelf."

<Nick> man dod is the fucking shit
<sporkchop> i wonder if you could fuck shit....
<sporkchop> it would be all soft and warm and squishy
<Nick> lol
<sporkchop>hmmm
<sporkchop> brb
* sporkchop is away - bathroom
<Nick> oh jesus no

<Grakrim> Woo, my doctor is on TV!
<Grakrim> ...Pleading the 5th in a criminal negligence
trial...

(@Noodles`) i got my cdkey from a ebay photo of somebody
selling q3

<joeofparma> On a Christmas Eve so freezing, I commenced my
quest displeasing,
<joeofparma> Through the crowded shops and busy stores of
flashy Yuletide glee.
<joeofparma> In I hustled quickly tiring, looks of
hopelessness inspiring,
<joeofparma> To the salesman inquiring, "Have you a Nintendo
Wii?"
<joeofparma> "Sorry, sir" was his reply "for I have no
Nintendo Wii.
<joeofparma> All that's left is PS3."

<SaxxonPike> there are 10 types of people in this world: those
who understand binary, and those who don't give a fuck
<jon`> whats binary?
<SaxxonPike> and then there's you.

[Sam] Damnit, no sex for me tonight.
[Ven] In the doghouse?
[Sam] No, she has roommates and I have roommates, but she was
supposed to go to her sisters tonight to babysit and I was
going to go over after the kid went to sleep. He's like 1 and
a half so he sleeps at like 7.
[Ven] So what's the problem?
[Sam] Her sister cancelled cause of the crappy weather.
[Nat has joined the chat 19:12]
[Sam] So no sister so no sex for me.
[Nat] You're all such sick fucks, I'm not coming in here
anymore.
[Nat has left the chat 19:13]
[Sam] ...

<@kiafaldorius> is it just me or is it cool that 1337 (string)
converted to hex becomes 31333337?

* nqbw is watching a pair of lesbians, one serving, one
receiving.
<nqbw> To clarify, I am watching Wimbledon.

<houhou> i havnt had sex in a month now :(
<StopNdroP> I grew a nut tree in my backyard and now it's a
prize winning plant
<Yuri> wow your nuts must be huge
<Quake> please tell me youre talkin about stopndrop

<Rayn> if you had to pick between a compaq and a dell, what
would you take?
<Draco> death

<@Hydro> so I'm trying to install this software, right?
<@Hydro> And my PC won't install it...
<@Hydro> I'm telling you, it's either my pc broke, or me being
stupid.
<@Hydro> Has to be one of the three.

<Nyschashi-Seikun> i ate at black anus, there meat is so
shitty
<Nyschashi-Seikun> *angus

rintin: so I fried my dads motherboard today
rintin: apparently I wasn't grounded...
rintin: now I am

<1337man> i jast walked in on my brother stripping to a web
cam.... >.<
<heyall> lol
<me101> just another case of "hey bro whats AHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

<azrael69> why do all goths express their individuality the
same?

<Outsyder> ok
<Outsyder> so I was sitting in gym on friday
<Outsyder> my friends were talking about some stupid thing
<Outsyder> and I was stroking my leg hair
<Outsyder> and i thought
<Outsyder> "hey, if a supervillian had hairy legs, he wouldn't
need a cat"

<Tac0> FiZi
<Tac0> are u connected to the internet?
<FiZi2> What the fuck do you think

<Flamon> women are like hurricanes. When they come, they're
wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car

<eminem_fan> they changed google!
<eminem_fan> i hate it, it's like new coke
<Blacgrass> wtf, you're like eleven, how do you know about new
coke?
<eminem_fan> stfu blac, how u know I'm 11?
<Blacgrass> do a google search for "eminem fans"...

<@a-arse> sheeit, think me mum saw pr0n
<@a-arse> alt-tab doesn't work when the other window is porn
too :(

<CS13> I wanted to get one of my Jewish friends a present for
the holidays. Just one. Not eight. And then it hit me. So, I
got her one present and broke it into seven peices and gave
one piece to her each day. And on the eigth day? BAM! Super
glue.

<@redfox> fuk
<@redfox> just found out my sisters been in labour for 7 hours
<@bovineaux> omg ur gonna be a daddy!

<Volt|sleep> lemme give you an idea of how nerdy engineering
is
<Volt|sleep> im in a lab today
<Volt|sleep> and two guys are arguing over something
<Volt|sleep> and it's gettign pretty heated
<Volt|sleep> and one guy says "Yo you wanna fight?!"
<Volt|sleep> and the other is like "yeah man! where at?"
<Volt|sleep> and the first guy says
<Volt|sleep> "Starcraft" "Oh you play starcraft?" "Yeah, bring
it on"

<VUlpixLover> making fun of people who can't read is
intolerable.  you shouldn't say anything mean about them.
<NoTruth> Yeah you should write it.

<agrippina> so there was this guy at work today, who brought
back a copy of Madden '06 because it was it wouldn't play in
his son's x box. he starts mumbling about how when he was
young, he never had to worry about his baseball being
compatable with his glove or his bat. And before i can stop
myself, i blurt out "true. but no one ever died chasing their
x box into the street."

<GeneticFreak> The office is like a tree full of monkeys
trying to climb up. The monkeys on the top look down and see a
tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up
and see nothing but assholes...

<matt____> hey guys is there a way to patch an older redhat
server??
<matt____> Linux devcvs 2.2.16-22 #1 Tue Aug 22 16:49:06 EDT
2000 i686 unknown
<Evolution> holy hell
<Evolution> 2.2.16?
<Evolution> just out of curiosity, what's the uptime on that
antique?
<matt____> devnu11:18am  up 2287 days,  2:52, 25 users,  load
average: 1.76, 1.26, 0.70
<Zathrus> gods

<Inversation> realised there were still debates about wigga
and christianity etc, kicked the cd player to make it move
then fell asleep again
<^Spike^> Debates about WIGGA?
<^Spike^> Is that some homie pagan religion?
<^Spike^> Yo yo, whathup mah earth sistas.
<^Spike^> Word to jo Goddess, aight.
* ^Spike^ fires his wand at a rival Coven while riding past on
a unicorn.

<skunko> dammit
<skunko> how do you get past the metallica ban on napster
<AlmtyBob> not liking crap music is a start

<+Huitzil> PETA is starting a campaign stating that the secret
ingredient in KFC chicken is "cruelty"
<+Huitzil> cruelty is apparently the most fucking delicious
thing on Earth
<@Dracos> Yes.  It is.
<@Dracos> Which is why veal is the best food ever.

<FireFox> asshole
* FireFox was kicked by Reaper (i dont like your mouth)
<Reaper> ...
* bob sets mode: +b *!*@3AD5BC55.8E488FF8.273333E5.IP
<Reaper> ...
<Reaper> wait no i didnt kick him!
<Reaper> that was a /me!
* Reaper was kicked by bob (your no longer welcome in this
channel)
<FireFox> haha
<FireFox> oops

tom: why do girls get grossed out when you say you've tried to
suck your own dick?
Kanddak: lol
Kanddak: are you saying you've tried to suck your own dick
tom: today in journalism these girls tied my shoelaces
together
tom: so I bend down to untie them
tom: and she pushes my head down
tom: and I'm like "believe me, I've tried about a million
times, it's not going to work"

<LabMonkey> ok riddle me this
<LabMonkey> I open the pack of cigarettes
<LabMonkey> pull out one
<LabMonkey> pick up my lighter
<LabMonkey> put the cigarette back in the pack
<LabMonkey> then try to light my nose...
<LabMonkey> What the fuck, over.

*** V is now known as MissScarlet
<Foxworth> ...
<Foxworth> must...
<Foxworth> resist...
<Foxworth> urge...
*** Foxworth is now known as MrGreen
*** Quits: MissScarlet ([email protected])
(Killed (MrGreen (in the ballroom with the knife)))

<caddis> the hardest thing about buying a macbook is telling
your parents you are gay

<Astrum> bash.org script:
<Astrum> if( quote == funny )
<Astrum> reject();
<Astrum> else
<Astrum> reject();
<Astrum> I hear they're comming out with the bash.org script
version 2
<Astrum> it's optimized:
<Astrum> reject();

<Uprising> I just want to work somewhere that actually counts
<jamesstanley> try the office for national statistics

<DigiGnome> doesn't play properly. The White Stripes one.
<Thom> Ach. Dang.
<DigiGnome> Unless it's MEANT to sound like a cat trying to
shit wasps through a sewn up asshole.
<puchiko> It is.
<DigiGnome> Ah. A Slipknot cover, then.

<Rhodz> bah
<Rhodz> so sick of this superbowl crap
<Rhodz> they just cater to the lowest common denominator
<Rhodz> I half expect next year's superbowl to be a reality
home improvement show where the two teams have to build the
stadium and when they're done get voted off their teams one by
one until the last two have to compete in a singing contest
judges by that simon guy from american idol, and the winner
wins the superbowl alone, and gets a free makeover from the
queer eye dudes and then a week later finds out he was
"punk'd" and he didnt really win anything
<Rhodz> ..
<Rhodz> wait...that sounds like an awesome show

<Scully> Yeah, so far for me "national guard" has meant taking
hikes and standing around during demonstrations. 
<Scully> I'm not a rent-a-cop dammit
<nightwatch> yah, still better than being in iraq tho
<Scully> i know, my cousin got killed there 2 years ago :(
<jonm> howd that happen
<Scully> his humvee got hit by an RPG
<jonm> wat
<Scully> ?
<jonm> dude im bein serious
<Scully> what?
<jonm> how the fuck can a roleplaying game destroy a humvee

<Diamant>I just compleated intercourse with your female
parental unit, as they say in the hood.

<Lachlan> Doogie, what the fuck do you think the emergency
generators are there for?
<Doogie> ummm....
<Sam> Generating Emergencies.

<^Sasquatch^> AFK = Away From Komputer
<Gika> ...
<Gika> komputer...
<Rigel[AFK]> ...
<Larm> ...

<jamesd> "... being a Linux user is sort of like living in a
house inhabited by a large family of carpenters and
architects. Every morning when you wake up, the house is a
little different. Maybe there is a new turret, or some walls
have moved. Or perhaps someone has temporarily removed the
floor under your bed."
* kop_ ([email protected]) has joined #
solaris
<sheenmaster> jamesd: being an OpenServer or UNIXWare user is
like living in a house that hasn't been touched by a carpenter
or inspected by an architect in years.  Every morning when you
wake up, the neighbor's house is a little better.  You are
justing thankful that the floor hasn't fallen out from beneath
your bed, cause you know it'll be half a decade before its
fixed.
* RainbowW has quit (Read error: 54 (Connection reset by
peer))
<sheenmaster> jamesd: being a Windows user is like living is a
cheap vegas hotel.  Every morning, you wake up with a new
disease.  The floor beneath your bed is likely to fall through
at any time, but at least you can burn the hotel down and
rebuild it or move to another room.
<jamesd> "Memory is like gasoline. You use it up when you are
running. Of course you get it all back when you reboot..."
<jamesd>  -- Actual explanation obtained from the Micro$oft
help desk.
<sheenmaster> haha
<sheenmaster> Damn Microsoft for coming up with better jokes
than we do!

<molo> C:>ping god
<molo> Ping request could not find host god. Please check the
name and try again.
<molo> it's true, god doesn't exist
<mrmin123> maybe he's just having DNS problems

Anti: Physics is like sex, it has practical results but that's
not why we do it
RaefWolfe: Physics is like sex: I just don't get it