bash.org archive

<Koushiro> ... you know your computer's screwed up when IE
freezes and then displays an error message: "Error. Unable to
access error.dll".

badboy> hi any chicks from berwick
SaintBloodyMary> I'm from berwick. Let's meet up at your place
and have wild kinky
SaintBloodyMary> Should I bring my own handcuffs and lube or
are you all set?
badboy> awesome u wanna come over now
SaintBloodyMary> Sure... because I often fuck strangers from
online, it's my hobby.
badboy> bring it u want
badboy> awesome u sound real kewl :()
Supreme_101> SaintBloodyMary willing to travel ?
SaintBloodyMary> Supreme_101: It depends, I'm willing to
travel 100km's per inch that your penis is over the average
length.
Supreme_101> hmmm... looks like im coming to you then :P

<iRiot-Vinin^Amped> !kb kicks and bans at same time
ChanServ sets mode: +b *!
*@adsl-63-204-246-30.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net
<Arcanic> lmao
<Arcanic> dude
<Arcanic> you banned a guy named kicks

<timmo> wtf is sunburn
<Amanda`> Are you serious?
<timmo> yes

<Sharkey> Why is it whenever I hear the phrase 'Battered
Women' I think of fried food?

<+CrackB[a]be> jag sa inget om  f stock
<+CrackB[a]be> n rmsta stock jag kommer h r  r dildo haha
<+PurpleHelmetWarrior> i understood dildo, and thats all that
i need to know

<pimp^master> so u a girl or boy
<triscuit> why you want to know
<pimp^master> cuz i looking for a gf
<triscuit> ah, well I should tell you irc is not the place to
look, because there are tons of lying malicious people out
there
<triscuit> but I'm a female with large breasts

<&Sir_Jesus> torrents are made of communism
<&Sir_Jesus> from each according to his upload speed, to each
according to his download speed

<Javin> God I need to do laundry.
<Javin> At this point, the underwear I wear are the first ones
I'm able to catch.
<Doh_> catch?
<Doh_> you mean there mOVING?
<Javin> Not as fast as the socks, but yes.
<Doh_> heh

<FL|Work> feck, forgot to pay my stupid tax
<Pi|Mu|Rho> you get taxed on stupid? That's going to be one
hefty bill.
<marek> he could fund 3 new hospitals all by himself

(`zero)                    ,__      FISH RULE AT DICKSUCKING
(`zero)                    |  `'.       /  BECAUSE WE DON'T
HAVE
(`zero) __           |`-._/_.:---`-.._ /     TO STOP TO
BREATHE
(`zero) ='.       _/..--'`__         `'-._
(`zero)  - '-.--"`      ===        /   o  `',
(`zero)   )= (                 .--_ |       _.'   (HURF DUH
GILLS)
(`zero)  /_=.'-._             {=_-_ |   .--`-.
(`zero) /_.'    ``'-._        '-=       _.'
(`zero)     jgs  )  _.-'`'-..       _..-'`
(`zero)         /_.'        `/";';`|
(`zero)                      ` .'/

*** Joins: homoman (----------)
<eMans> homoman!
<limpBiz> homoman!!
<hexogan> homoman!
<osiris> homomannn!
<tuckawar> homoman!!
*** Quits: homoman (-------------) (jesus u guys are weird)

<LavenderD> >:)
<LavenderD> Evil smile or sad jew, you decide.

<mov> DAL: u seen 2001 - A space odyssey?
<DAL9000> that has to be the stupidest question i've ever
heard

<Tovart|Away> Pino, i'm wondering
<Tovart|Away> You're from Japan, right?
<pino>  g  ?I
<Tovart|Away> I'll take that as a yes.

<neural> i wish my motherboard would find a fatherboard so i
could have anotherboard

<Hoffish> pussy
<Hoffish> pussy
<Hoffish> pussy
<Hoffish> pussy
<p34rl34f> i get it
<Hoffish> .....crap

<kisama> i'll have dsl too, by this week, brett
<kisama> cockface is hooking me up
<kisama> :)
<Guilty|> Thats really nice of your mom to do

<tak>: wanna play a game?
<krplunkr: like what
<tak> Pearl Harbor
<krplunkr> sounsd fun
<krplunkr> how do i play?
<tak> I lay there, and you blow the hell out of me
<krplunkr> wait
<krplunkr> im confused

Amy_Lynne.: Oh you hate your job? Theres a support group for
that, its called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar.

<Terror> So, on one of the last days of school we had an
assembly in memorial of some guy that graduated from my school
that was a gunner on a Humvee and was killed by shrapnel from
a roadside bomb in Iraq
<Terror> And when we go back to class, the teacher was asking
us what we got out of the service
<Terror> and one kid said "I learned not be the the gunner on
a Humvee"

<t_h_e_o-> why do u use a period at the end of every sentence?
<dager> ROFL
<dager> BECAUSE
<dager> ITS A FUCKING SENTENCE

<luxe rabbit> did u hear about the 2 guys who robbed a
calendar factory?
they each got 6 months
<djmaximus16> hm ?
<djmaximus16> i didn't hear about them
<djmaximus16> what happeend

<Usual> i'd convert to catholicism if i could have my book
back
<Usual> oh here it is
<Usual> shit
<Usual> you think god saw that?

<@FirebirdGM> I just called my Futureshop and asked them how
much a 20 GB Hard drive weighed when it was full with
information, compared to when it was empty.
<@FirebirdGM> The guy that was on the phone told me that it
was only a few pounds difference.
<@FirebirdGM> And that's why I don't shop at futureshop.
<%Physic3> I think their bullshit factor is the best though.
No matter how absurd your question may be, they always give an
answer.
<@Firebird> Lol, I should call again and be like 'uhh, yes. I
just bought a New ACIT BIOS and my UDP Packets are being
Tracert'd by my UNIX Box without my Fortran application being
applied to all outgoing UDP and TCP packets. My Ping never is
like that, why?!"
<@Firebird> He would probably be like 'Yes'.

<Spliff> What's the meaning of life?
<CrystalShard> To find out whats the meaning of life.
<Rivorus> woah
<Rivorus> deep
<CrystalShard> "We are the Universe that is trying to
understand itself." - Delenn, Babylon 5.
<Rivorus> "I like chicken, I like liver" - Kitten, Meow Mix
commercial
<CrystalShard> Woah.
<CrystalShard> Deep.
<Rivorus> hahahaha

spaceinvader455: some people smash guitars after rock concerts
spaceinvader455: I smash keyboards after I type up a school
project

<@NeoPhoenixTE> I see mispelling and faggotry go hand in hnad
<@NeoPhoenixTE> er
<@NeoPhoenixTE> hand
<@NeoPhoenixTE> HAND
<@NeoPhoenixTE> .. fuck

<BabyBobDole> this bible thumper that used to work at domino's
gave me shit about using slang all the time
<BabyBobDole> he was like "you're so good with linguistics,
why do you say stuff like that?"
<BabyBobDole> i was like "it's called colloquialism, BITCH"

<Lafarga> bada: I'm throwing peanuts at your head at this
moment.
<bada> funny, I dont feel them
<Lafarga> bada: That's because you're thousands of miles away,
across the internet, so my peanuts are bouncing off my monitor
instead.

<One-> A good friend will bail you out of jail, but your best
friend will be the one sitting next to you saying "That was
fucking awesome!"

<analog> hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock
<analog> the clock struck one, and the other two escaped with
minor injuries.

(w0rd): There is no place like 127.0.0.1

<Lapsus> Okay, I get an error beep, anyone want to help me
decipher it?
<Lapsus> it's just regular, long beeps.
<Lapsus> beeeeeeep. beeeeeeeep...
<Fox> its gaydar. it must be picking up on a local source

<LieparDestin> i challenged god to a duel once
<LieparDestin> the next day my rabbit died
<LieparDestin> i guess i lost :(

<UncleJed> the government should split up efnet
<UncleJed> not that efnet doesn't split enough as it is

<Octane> I was once watching this documentary on Discovery
channel.
<Octane> They had this Asian family cooking scorpions.
<Octane> The reporter asked one of the family members, "what
does it taste like?"
<Octane> The family member responded, "tastes like penguin".

ZolaOnAOL: You can't judge a book by its cover.
DrRocksicle: you can if it has no pages

<Qualjyn> AOL made a keyboard for their users, it looks like
this:
<Qualjyn>  ____ ____ ____
<Qualjyn> ||A |||S |||L ||
<Qualjyn> ||__|||__|||__||
<Qualjyn> |/__\|/__\|/__\|

<TeamsterX> man watching 6 MSCE's around a sun box, looks alot
like the opening scene's of 2001:space odyssey and the
monkey's with the monolith

<Triumph> No wonder we can't win in Afghanistan.
<Triumph> We drop a dozen bombs and when no one is left
standing, drop a bag of food.
<Triumph> Instead, we should drop the bag of food first and
when everyone gathers around it, drop a single bomb.

<Multus> Indeed. And, fear not, a sense of humor be not
required for my employ, though a sense of direction helps, or
perhaps a Yahoo! Map, for finding my land can be a chore in
itself.
<Jolieve> (( Multus... you have been warned about the out of
genre commentary... please cease and desist now, this is your
final warning. ))
<Multus> Er...
<Multus> Forgive, I did not mean Yahoo! Maps.  What madness do
I speak?  I, um, believe they are called Huzzah! Maps in this
land.  Yes?

* kronikmag watches as a black hole appears from nowhere and
sucks kremit into its depths where he externally implodes
<Kremit> externally implodes?
<Satan> ouch
<Satan> that's like
<Satan> bad.
<Satan> i think
<Kremit> i can undertsand imploding
<Kremit> but externally?
* Satan grabs the physics book.
<Satan> yeah
<Satan> that's definitely not a good thing.
* Links points out that Satan's physics book has a gay porn
magazine inbetween the pages he's looking at.
<Satan> ah
<Satan> wrong black hole..
<Links> yeah
<Kremit> yeah
<Satan> still not good though
<Links> nope.
<Links> not good at all.

<Moony> Rasseruu: I bet it can't compare to two sprained
ankles, a dislocated bone, and a swollen knee
<MadHAtter> Moony: How the hell did that happen?
<Moony> MadHAtter: I was walking. Then I wasn't.

*** Joins: Vicious
([email protected])
<Vicious> -_- alright, what smart ass banned me?
<Chubbzilla> uh gk
<Chubbzilla> did you try to get on using java?
<Vicious> well first my MIRC wouldn't work
<Vicious> then I tried that
<Chubbzilla> ah well
<Chubbzilla> i banned java att.net a few days ago
<Vicious> oohhhh
<Vicious> ok
<Vicious> that's cool then~
* Chubbzilla wasn't banning der gk, just java lamers
* Vicious huggle
* Chubbzilla huggle + luffluff
<Prometheus> .msg chubbzilla heh, she totally doesn't realize
that no one likes her
<Prometheus> er
<Prometheus> whoops

<Yalborap> You'll get so infuriated you'll throw your DS/
Wiimote against the wall until it shatters.
<Yalborap> The wall, not the nintendo product.
<Yalborap> Those things are made of adamantium or some crap.

<Feren> I'm a network engineer, and I'm o-kay / I plot all
night and capture packets all day.
<Athena> You smack down PCs and eat Cat5, and go to the
lavatory? On wednesdays you hunt scriptkiddies, and have
roasted punk for tea?
<Slipstream> Old MacDonald had a network. EIGRP. And on this
Network, he had some packets. EIGRP. With an ACK, ACK, here,
and an ACK, ACK, there. Here an ACK, there an ACK, everywhere
an ACK-ACK. Old Macdonald had a Network. EIGRP.
<Feren> ...

<doobie> where do you sickos get these fucking links
<doobie> i mean seroiusly, do you type in
<doobie> horribly disfigured penis into google?
<Diablo> no
<Diablo> actually i was searching for penises in mouse traps

NitishP |  Wow this Perl tutorial can be lame - "recursion n.:
See recursion."

[@DAWG^] song lyrics containing the word "heart" - replace the
word with "arse"
[@Chisler] hmmm, interesting idea
[@DAWG^] for example:
[@DAWG^] Celine Dion - my arse will go on
[@DAWG^] Bonnie Tyler - Total eclipse of the arse
[@DAWG^] Kylie Minogue - Hand on your arse
[@DAWG^] Deee-Lite - Groove is in the arse
[@DAWG^] Rod Stewart - You are in my arse
[@DAWG^] Britney Spears - Deep in my arse
[@Chisler] Eurythmics - there must be an angel playing with my
arse
[@DAWG^] w00t ^^

<@Mike> OMG
<@Mike> I just got a security alert
<@Mike> MY COMPUTER IS BROADCASTING AN IP ADDRESS!!!!!!!
<@Mike> OMFG
<@Mike> what do I do?????????
* @Mike clicks the helpful lil message
<@Mike> oooh look. A purple monkey wants to sell me a firewall

(Theseus-) guilty says my computer realizes that it's running
a celeron and tries to commit suicide

<TheTheory> I only have two exams left this semester
<TheTheory> Math (easy) and English (WERY easy)

<Kris> fuck!  someone stole all my beer and drank it and left
the empties all over my apartment!
<Kris> either that or I now know why I have a headache and no
real memory of anything after 21:00

<surreal> i've often wanted to drown my troubles, but i can't
get my girlfriend to go swimming

<dr2chase> As I said to someone else, back when the Lite-Brite
Mooninites panicked the Boston Police, the first rule of
making a bomb, is to not make it look like a bomb.
<dr2chase> That's why IEDs get buried, stuffed into dead dogs,
what have you. Around here, if you wanted to hide a bomb in
plain sight, you'd stick it in a crumpled Dunkin Donuts bag.
<anony> Isn't a Dunkin Donuts bag the first place a cop would
look?

*** MathAngel has left #vancouver
<Phuser> math angel?
<bv3> wtf is a math angel
<Phuser> that is the worst nick i've ever seen
*** Phuser is now known as SocialStudiesWizard
<SocialStudiesWizard> i damn thee

<Moushi> My friend is over
<Moushi> And he's ion thye bathroom right now
<Moushi> And he's been in there for a loing time
<Moushi> And I can hear... sounds
<Moushi> What do I do
<BHedL> jump in there with no clothes on but womens
undergarments and a scary rubber mask
<Moushi> But he would ejaculate in terror all over me!
<BHedL> well, then you start a fetish porn site
<Moushi> His dad's a lawyer
<Moushi> He would sue me
<BHedL> nah, with the immense amount of money you´ll be making
off of your ¨crossdresser rubber mask bukkakae¨, you could
just hire him as your own lawyer
<Moushi> hahaha
<Moushi> Yeah, but then he wouldn
<Moushi> 't be my friend
<BHedL> how do you know that he isnt there masturbating to the
very mental image of you in womens undergaments with a big
scary rubber mask on?
<Moushi> How about I just run in, scream in hiorror, and kick
him in the balls?
<BHedL> theres no money in that
<Moushi> You make a compelling argument.

Takargi: Perfect weekend for me. Liverpool beat the Bitters
with 10 men, England win at Rugby and Freddie's first words
are Daddie ;)
Takargi: Freddie was looking at the milkman at the time though
which is worrying...

<Logan> I have to say that sex ruined pornography for me. I
discovered that women don't scream, "Fuck me you big-cocked
cowboy!" when you touch their elbow.

<RSX-2003> my friend might get suspended from school
<RSX-2003> she's enrolled in child developement, so she has to
work with the special kids on campus
<RSX-2003> and they had their own dance, and my friend
cintheia was the DJ
<RSX-2003> and she put on the song by black eyed peas called
"lets get retarded"
<RSX-2003> if she didn't start laughing she probably wouldn't
have gotten in trouble

<Cold_Fyre> back. I had to talk to my sister about sumtin
<fReAkEr> is she hot?
<Cold_Fyre> She's 8...
<Cold_Fyre> O.o
<fReAkEr> I didnt ask her age...

<wisner> I walked past a protest on Market Street yesterday
evening.
<wisner> I didn't burst out laughing, but I really had to work
for it.
<wisner> It was JEWISH LESBIANS FOR PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST.
<wisner> There was singing.

<a_passerby> fuck, well, i got an offer to be keyboardist/
pianist for a band for "funk music"
<a_passerby> but i dont listen to funk music
<a_passerby> and the guy who asked me is a moron
<a_passerby> "yeah man, i dont use kazaa anymore. you know
your computer broadcasts an ip address?"
<a_passerby> thats an EXACT QUOTE
<Everdraed-sleepytime> MY GOD AN IP ADDRESS
<Everdraed-sleepytime> MY HOUSE IS BROADCASTiNG A STREET
ADDRESS

<BobDole> i'm not the real bob dole
<BobDole> but.. i'm just on this nick
<T`karthon> ohh
<Nija_work> had me fooled
<T`karthon> thanks for clearing that up for us

<mofo> s2pid virgin cola commercials.
<reuben> i bet it's harder to type "s2pid" than it is to type
"stupid"
<mofo> s2pid looks cooler and sophisticated though, so :P
<reuben> it looks stupid

(ashke) id like to take someone from the 1950s
(ashke) like some 15 year old kid
(ashke) and show him the internet
(ashke) "GOLLY GEE LOOK AT THAT DONKEY HAVE SEX WITH THAT
LADY"

< nutbar> [root@linux!/usr/src/bind] grep "{" named.conf.newer
| wc -l
< nutbar>   19314
< nutbar> [root@linux!/usr/src/bind] grep "}" named.conf.newer
| wc -l
< nutbar>   19313
< nutbar> [root@linux!/usr/src/bind]
< nutbar> great
* nutbar fumes
< nutbar> one fucking missing }

<Merlin> Good news, in case you were worried that Rodney King
was done entertaining us, he got drunk and plowed his SUV into
a house at 100 mph
<sComps> christ.. dead?
<Merlin> yes, Christ is dead, but thats 2,000 year old news. 
King just has a broken pelvis