bash.org archive

<DMod> meh I hate watching the same pr0n twice
<Fatal> watching it twice ruins the ending
<Thorshammer> haha
<Thorshammer> omg not on her face!! whatta plot twist

<Gnell|CHAMPION> OMG A DONKEY JUST WENT BY OUTSIDE MY HOUSE
<Gnell|CHAMPION> i wanna ride it
* Gnell|CHAMPION is away

<JDigital> Hacking dates back to early Roman times. However,
back then there was very little to 'hack' - only stone
tablets.
<JDigital> People who would sneak in at night and change the
contents of a stone tablet by 'hacking' at it with a hammer
and chisel... hence the name, 'hacker'.
<JDigital> Those who did only damage were known as 'crackers',
since they'd just run in a smash the stone tablets.

<GreenJelly> omg this lisa chick and me are gonna get married
<GreenJelly> her turnoffs are Arrogant Guys, S&M, and Big
Dicks
<GreenJelly> IM SO IN

SA_Williamson> Hello, who is the owner of this channel?
* Knirch goes down for maintenance.
<SA_Williamson> !list
<SA_Williamson> ok
<SA_Williamson> just to let everyone know i have a federal
supena
<SA_Williamson> and will be entering you fileservers lawfully
<Knirch> lol
* Knirch sets mode: +b *!*saw@*.lab.fbi.gov
* dgk2 sets mode: -b *!*saw@*.lab.fbi.gov
<dgk2> not a good idea
<dgk2> Knirch .
<dgk2>  I-n-v-i-s-i-o-n  Nick: SA_Williamson
<dgk2> > Address: [email protected] «Government»
<dgk2> > Name: fbi
<dgk2> > SA_Williamson is using modes +ix
<dgk2> > SA_Williamson is connecting from *@pc1xd3.lab.fbi.gov
<dgk2> > Channels: #tvseries
<dgk2> > Server: fla.us.atomicchat.net, Atomic-Chat
<dgk2> > Channels in common with SA_Williamson: #tvseries
<CJdude[20]> whoa
<SkRiBBleZ> ok that's not cool

<Joe> Who invented l33t-speak?
<Evil_Lawn_Gnome> Joe, I did.
<milencho880> i invented it
<Joe> Really? Good. I always wanted to meet the world's
biggest fucking idiots.

<Pascal> Aieee!  On a company's resume submission form:  What
level of education do you possess?  yes  no
* Pascal answers 'yes'
<fEk> Who would answer 'no' to that? :)
<Pascal> The person who designed this form?

OriginalEmoo: haha someone lost her bronze medal for cyling
cuz she failed doping test
OriginalEmoo: god damn if i end up taking drugs to perform
better i am not getting my ass kicked by 2 people who didnt

<reuben> you're like people with bumper stickers.
<reuben> telling the same lines over and over and over again.
<reuben> anything witty is only witty once
<reuben> hey
<reuben> that would be a good bumper sticker

<murder`> lol i just got the rot password to the linux machine
running the network im on
<m0zzie> you mean root pass?
<murder`> yea whatever its called do u know some cool commands
like to hack ppl?
<m0zzie> try this one.. rm -rf /etc
<phoenix> rofl
<murder`> that one just paused for ages and came up with a few
forbidden msgs
<murder`> got any better ones?
<m0zzie> hmm.. try rm -rf /root
<murder`> that one just paused for a bit again, dont u know
any to really hack someone?
<agent3> lol
<m0zzie> ugh, ok I guess you're gonna keep harrassing us until
we tell you how to hack people aren't you?
<murder`> yep
<m0zzie> ok do this exactly without the quotes: "rm -rf /home"
then do "shutdown -h now"
<murder`> k sweet man thx!!
[n] Quit [murder`]-[Read error: Connection reset by peer]
<m0zzie> I'm a bastard.

<`Sonny-Michaels> Oh good lord
<`Sonny-Michaels> As if www.mofo.com wasn't bad enough
<`Sonny-Michaels> You know the company Powergen?
<@Evil-PR-Director> uh oh
<`Sonny-Michaels> I'm told they're starting to move into Italy
<`Sonny-Michaels> Using the suffix Italia tacked onto the corp
name
<`Sonny-Michaels> That's wrong in more ways than I want to
think about
<@Evil-PR-Director> yeah...
<`Sonny-Michaels> Specially since they spelled it out for the
url
<`Sonny-Michaels> http://www.powergenitalia.com/

<veryinky> Personally I'd rather be adopted. Since it would
mean that I was picked instead of randomly produced.

obsession: santa.. he's pretty lucky.. cuz he knows where all
the naughty girls are at...
obsession: that's why he's so jolly u see?

KitterLittie> Man, this sucks
KitterLittie> I just sat down to poo, but before I even sit
down I hear this big *KERSPLOOOSH!*
KitterLittie> So I'm all freaked out, wondering how that
happened, I jump and turn around...
KitterLittie> Turns out that I forgot I had the TV remote in
my back pocket before I took my pants down :(

<BOB_LOE> If you dog shits on the pavement you get a fine of
$500, indecent exposure is $300, so if your dog shits on the
pavement and the police come, drop your pants and say its
yours.

<VOmitOry> I have a problem, every file i download gets
corrupted, anyone know why? :o
<kn1ves> is your computer republican?

<anaemic> i like the word inflamable, because its like
throwing a curveball at the foreigners in a very dangerous and
potentially entertaining way

<Fusion> My cat tried to eat a praying mantis. I told him it
was a bad idea.
<Mitsugi> what was his response?
<Fusion> Uh... "meow"
<Mitsugi> figures
<Fusion> Yeah. What a bitch.

<Cithorn> Right now.... I'm killing you with my mind
<Cithorn> Tell me if you die
<AntiarcPrime> If  I'm dead, I can't
typ........asdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
* AntiarcPrime dies
<AntiarcPrime> [ Restore from last save point? ] (Yes/No)
<AntiarcPrime> Yes
* AntiarcPrime respawns
<Cithorn> Aww sunova bitch, now I know what it's like to be a
Final Fantasy Villain

<Blaxthos> kat is a female
<Blaxthos> and in #cisco ?
<u3q> kat is playing hard to want

<Haunter> Some ultra-Christian girl said "Jesus loves you" to
me today, and I said "Just me?"  She said, "No, he loves
everyone."  So I collapsed in fake tears and started wailing,
yelling "What kind of a healthy relationship is THAT supposed
to be?  I gave 15 years of my life to that man, and he's going
around loving EVERYONE?"

<dreamwraith> I am going to create a Nicotine Golem.  I will
call him son and he will call me father and we will bond.  At
night, I will lick him.
<dreamwraith> I WANT A CIGARETTE.  That is all.

<kimos> You seem (in my (humble) opinion (which doesn't mean
much)) to be (or possibly could be) more of a Lisp programmer
(but I could be (and probably am) wrong).

<evilada> is it right to cheat on a paper for ethics class?
<evilada> i mean im just saying
<evilada> things would get done a whole lot quicker
<evilada> and it would be a wonderful practice in irony
<mike310> what if you get caught?
<evilada> just say it was some ass backwards experiment about
ethics and shit. You'll probably get an A.

TTim2627: i try to restrain from illegal activities on sundays
igcatastrophe:really? I don't. i figure, gods resting, get him
in his blindspot
TTim2627: africa?

<evilkalla> oh man
<evilkalla> that club sandwich has caused some intestinal
armaggeddon
<ModernAngel> four horsemeats of the anal apocalypse
<crux> well, there goes my boner

«TiGryphon» ...but there's nothing quite as priceless as the
look on a teenage cashier's face as she rings up wine, cheese,
bread, and chats aimiably with you, and then rings up a
cucumber, and a box of condoms and gets suddenly quiet...

Lizerati: So, when it's dark and you're driving past a church,
the "Worship 11am" sign looks like "Worship Ham"

<MrFalcon> fuck... we have all this leftover shrimp, but no
shrimp sauce
<tokage> maybe you should kill yourself

<Camo> wiz
<Camo> have you ever gotten something taken away from you by
the principal in middle school?
<Wizkid`> yes, my virginity

<angie> yea, finally finished moving all my stuff in today.
<guyen> can't be that bad, she's pretty hot.  i could tap dat
azz all day
<guyen> godamn i need a picture of her so i can at least jerk
off to it
<angie> isn't she in your class, just stare at her with your
photographic memory.
<guyen> believe me i do, she's got an azzzzzzz
<angie> she's also right behind me.
<guyen> are you serious?
<angie> yea.  she says you're pretty cute too.  says you
should have the balls to ask her out though.
<guyen> um, will you go out with me?
<angie> she says yes.  pick her up tomm 7:30 after her evening
class, she wants to see kate and leopold or whatever.
<guyen> are you kidding me?  holy shit!  im calling your house
now
<angie> no i'm just fucking with you.
<guyen> your're a bitch you know that
<angie> i know.

* TT205 wants to build a SNOT-HIPPO!!!!
<TT205> *blink*
* TT205 wants to build a SNOW-HIPPO!!!!

<{SaTaN}> GOD DAMN IT SUN OF A BITCH STOP CALLING ME SANTA IT
IS "SATAN!!!!!!!!!!!!" 
<DaRkShaMe> hi santa

PROTOtype2k6: Hey Fel you know the difference between Michael
phelps and Hitler?
Felathan: no clue proto.
PROTOtype2k6: At least Michael Phelps could finish a race.

<freud> once i found a gummybear in my computer
<freud> opened it to change graphic card and BANG an evil red
gummybear
<Lars2> how did a gummy bear end up in there?
<freud> no clue
<Deto> gummy bears will do anything to avoid getting eaten

neeley_09: I just realized that I'm kind of a rarity on IRC...
diablo: What do you mean?
neeley_09: Well, I actually play aports sometimes, and I do
things with people, except in real life
diablo: Hey, not everyone on IRC is a geek
neeley_09: What's the biggest thing you've done today?
diablo: I played Oblivion for a few hours, I guess
neeley_09: ....
neeley_09: You can't even lie about it?

<fr_gment> Bad grammar makes me [sic].

<Gunth> before i was a teen i thought "Masturbate" was some
kind of master or bachelor degree... so when my teachers asked
me what i wanted to do with my life.. i told them "masturbate"

<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you can't buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will
follow you home for free

<SKS_Lover> some people call me the space cowboy
<SKS_Lover> yeaaaah
<SKS_Lover> some people call me the gangster of looove
<SKS_Lover> SOME PEOPLE CALL ME MAUUUURICE
<Moe_Rahn> Some people want to hit you with a brick.

<Skilless15> what's rtfm
<Skilless15> i forgot
<@avaxx> read the fucking manual.
<Skilless15> why
<Skilless15> you could just tell me

Terron: I told him I was sick
Terron: He was all like.. bullshit you're not sick
reddkin26: So how'd you get off of work yesterday then?
Terron: I said, "I'm fucking my sister, is that sick enough
for you mother fucker?"
Terron: I got my final paycheck yesterday

bag0fice: man they need to add a pothead difficulty to games
swindLer: x;
bag0ice: where you cant lose and the music never stops

<drlion> linux hacker 1: i'm bored.  linux hacker 2: let's
re-write the whole kernel!  linux hacker 1: ok. 
*hackety-hack*  linux hacker 1: wow, it's 0.00001% faster and
takes up 1kb less space!  linux hacker 2: w00t.

<guyen> holy shit i'm not going to be home this weekend, i
have an online exam i have to take, but i'll be in LA
<guyen> there's a wedding going on so i won't be able to
exactly just do it at my relative's house
<guyen> i'm looking for cybercafes and crap, the only thing i
can find is some place called Yogi's Cyber Hut
<guyen> holy fuck i can't believe i'm depending on Yogi for my
midterm grade
<xan> at least he's smarter than the average bear

<testman> i asked my girlfriend to come home to watch the last
samurai
<testman> and she answered "i'd like to, but i didn't see the
first ones"

<qp_zulrich-EE> both hitler and bush got the power... only one
had a brain D:
<samurai> bush has a brain
<samurai> its just really really small
<V|JFreak> dude
<V|JFreak> he WAVED at stevie wonder.....

<Pie> I don't play with WD40 anymore. I actually managed to
light a fish on fire. while it was underwater

<carone> :)
*** DerianX pokes carone in the eye.
<carone> .)
<DerianX> lol
*** DerianX wipes that smile off carone's face.
<carone> .
*** DerianX pokes carone in the other eye.
<carone>
<DerianX> :P

<Super_User_2> the very first time I practiced driving I
scared the shit
out of my dad. It was a manual transmission truck. I had it in
first and
tired to shift, but the timing on the clutch was fucked up and
it just
spun, but the pedal was lighter then I thought and I floored
it. The
truck sounded like it was doing 90 and my nervous laugh
sounded maniacal.
He just screamed "NOOOOOOOOOO!" as we moved about 1/2 mile an
hour...
he drove home.

<w3nis> I remember discussing bong tactics with a friend and
drawing out plans and then we realized we had drew a pelican

SpicyLemon: Jesus died for my sins.  I figure, it's best to
not let him die in vain.  I sin as much as possible.

<Ghoulem> I think Grand Theft Auto 3 gives a wrong impression
of how the world really is.
<Eclipse> Because of all the violence?
<Ghoulem> No, Because of all the black people driving
Ferraris.

<barka> one more time, anybody around here use StrokeIt?
<e> no, I prefer KY Jelly
<barka> Y2KY Jelly.
<barka> To cram 4 digits where only 2 used to fit.

<JoeSmurf> I got drunk, got into a fight, walked like 5 miles
in the rain to my gf's parents house and got into bed with her
mother
<Joesmurf> by mistake
<Nortica> You fuck her?
<Joesmurf> I had no clothes on and started talking real dirty
before my actual gf came in...
<Nortica> hahah
<Joesmurf> Yeah that morning coffee was like none other ...
all three of us cramped around that little table, all thinking
about what had happened, and no one saying anything except
like "lovely morning out" and "think it's sposed to rain
later"
<Nortica> funny shit
<Joesmurf> I think her mum was semi into it ... mite break up
with my gf and go after her dirty hoe mum
<Joesmurf> plus I wouldn't have to move

<Legatic> How can you think you matter when your URL has a
tilde in it?

<CyberThor> HIDE THE SHIT, SHARKEY'S HERE!
* Silkenray throws a blanket over Thor
* CyberThor is soothed by the calming, womb-like combination
of warm and dark

(surfer) we tried to take off a stop sign
(Katriel) what did the sign say?
(surfer) stop

<snagger> ever noticed at the olympics, black people are good
at running, and white people good at shooting?

<embrace> Hi
<embrace> How do i download guys?
<Frogworm> wouldn't you rather download girls instead?

<jre> I wouldn't eat dolphin.  I refuse to eat anything
smarter than me.  Which is why I abstain from broccoli.
<AmbushBug> I would love to only eat things smarter than me.
<AmbushBug> ...
<AmbushBug> I assume the silence is all of you standing agape
at the opening i left for all of you.
<jre> Ambush:  It's too predictible.  We want originality in
our comedy.
<jre> ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US

<Ghozt> So I was brushing my teeth and had to go to the
bathroom, so I walked into the bathroom to take a #1 while
brushing my teeth. I get my thing out and all the sudden my
left hand starts jerking off my dick. I'm like, wtf!? Turns
out I just had one of those "pat your head while rubbing your
stomach" moments.

<[atticus]> My parents think I'm nuts. I sit on my computer
most evenings laughing at the monitor. :)
<[atticus]> Then I turn it on and come here. :)

<DTOX> I just spent 20 min arguing with the manager at
McDonalds that I gave him a $20 instead of the $10 they
thought I gave them.  Finally he gives me a $10 back + change
and I go home and find out it really was a $10 I gave them and
I'm an asshole.
<DTOX> I drove back and apologized and gave them back the $10
they gave me
<CoMBo> stick it to the man
<DTOX> combo:  I have a fucking job, I don't need to lie at
McDonalds to make money you lazy fucking raft nigger

* ViVa changes topic to 'SELECT boobs FROM under_the_shirt
WHERE gender = 'female' AND size > 'enough' AND leftsize =
rightsize LIMIT 2;'

<0dan0> and I am simulating california in my own room
<0dan0> I have the humidifier going onto my heater, creating a
warm front
<0dan0> then the window is opening letting in the cold dry
air, creating a cold front
<0dan0> soon there will be precipitation as the warm air mass
is forced to rise by the denser cold air
<0dan0> and my room will be a tropical rainforest
<cran> or it will be a room full of tepid air and one dumb
homo

<skylift> I think I'm going to flip a coin to decide if I
should work today
<skylift> damn
<skylift> I didn't catch it and it fell down the hot air
exchange

<Sub> crap, I 3got 1 go 2 the store b4 2
<Sub> 4*, 2*, 3*.

Coff:We should bring rain ponchoes back. Problem Solved.
Cyg:New Problem: I don't want to look like a homeless wizard.