bash.org archive

<Bender`> When i was little i took a bath with my dad and when
he stood up from the tub his penis slapped me across the face

<_Superfro> how long does a blister take to heal?
<minime--> super its in your best interest that you stop
masturbating
<Willacuz> you know you masterbate too much , when u see a
towel and u get horny
<minime--> you know you masturbate too much when the air
coming out of the a/c vent gives you a hardon
<Willacuz> i dont get that one?
<minime--> neither do I?
<_Superfro> you know you masturbate too much when you are
afraid to use a dirty sock
<aNuBiS-> you know you masturbate too much when all you guys
wanna talk about is how you know when you masturbate too much
<Willacuz> aNuBiS- u know you masterbate too much when you
masterbate to us talking about when all you guys wanna talk
about is how you know when you masturbate too much
<aNuBiS-> Willacuz: dont make me take that one a step
further...
<aNuBiS-> ...cause that would require thinking, and Im too
busy masturbating

<Cardo> I reckon they should keep making Jackass shows
<Shady> yer
<Cardo> That way we can use Darwin as a turbine while he spins
in his grave
<Shady> lol

<badelia> oops, i did ctrl+n instead of shift+n
<tt> wow, what does shift+n do
<badelia> uh, makes a capital n...
<tt> O...

thrasher: I'm thinking of starting a business in california
thrasher: it would be a socialist abortion clinic and pot
dispensary, with new gay marriage chapel
kthxglhf: And dry cleaning
thrasher: why dry cleaning?
kthxglhf: so u can reuse coat hangers

< fook_> we had radiation alert drills in my HS, those were my
favorite
< mofino> I thought you'd just enjoy it by now.
< sili> fook_: how do you hide from radiation? lead suit?
< mofino> fook, haha
< tag_> I'm not in highschool
< fook_> because its important to exit the school in an
orderly fashion if the nuclea powerplant were to melt down
< tag_> which was even better
< tag_> fook_: Hahah
< fook_> sili: yeah, theres no way.
< fook_> our school was 15miles from the plant
< mofino> "But teacher my skin is melting..."
< mofino> "STAY IN LINE RICHARD!"

<Superpig> my uncle has a celeron
<Superpig> would XP run on it, do you think?
<ravuya> about as well as a dog runs with no legs or torso
<ravuya> and with bricks tied to its head
<ravuya> at the bottom of a solid concrete pool
<ravuya> filled with dead corpses and rocks
<Superpig> so, about the same as it runs on my P4 then
<ravuya> more or less

Davo: i made a carrot cake once.
Davo: no-one told me you had to grate the carrots i put em in
whole
DW: hahahahahahaha
Davo: they got burnt black sticking outta top
Davo: looked like a birthday cake holocaust

<marduk> why do all the 14-year old girls at my school have
completely impossible crushes, like orlando bloom?
<marduk> why don't they go for someone more realistic?
<marduk> like r. kelly.

<DocGonzo> i need to shoot myself in the face... i
accidentally typed "the" instead of "teh", so i backspaced and
fixed it

<Brentai> I have Q3, but I like playing it about as much as I
like trying to suck my own wang.
<Brentai> i.e. it's painful and futile, but once and a while I
try to do it just to prove that I can. And I can't.

<[Ci]XeneX> Hahahahaha.
<[Ci]XeneX> I forgot my password for my Barrysworld Subscriber
Private FTP access, and it says I have to answer the secret
question..
<Lenin> What's the secret question?
<[Ci]XeneX> Password Reminder Question: What is my password
for this site?

<GLE> Does eating a chunk of cheese rolled in sandwich meat
make me a fatass?
<JimiThing> im inclined to say yes
<JimiThing> but depends on the size and type of cheese
<JimiThing> and the kind of meat
<GLE> Sunrise thin-sliced turkey, and old cheddar cheese with
a volume of about... 5 cm^3?
<Phil_> Nah... but I'm pretty sure figuring out the volume of
a piece of cheese makes you a virgin.

<Kathryn> y'know, its sad when you have to fake an orgasm
while masturbating

<rebb> chinese websites scare me :|
??????????????????????????? ??????? ? ????????????? ???????? ?
????????? Click ! ?????? ? ???? ? ???? ?
<voodoochopstiks> so many questions, so few answers

<Zabbage> I used to do drugs in the 70's.
<Zabbage> Now I don't care what the temperature is

Psychosis555: Dude who's that hot chick in the picture with
you?
Psychosis555: The one with the nice tits
Jorden666 Sxe: Dude thats my sister!!
Psychosis555: So?
Psychosis555: I'm not related to her
Jorden666 Sxe: Dude she's 4!!!
Psychosis555: I stand by what I said

<funknut> I like my women like I like my coffee.
<Dokterrock> What, tied up in a sack and thrown over the back
of a burro?

<apollyon> oh i'm so happy!
<apollyon> my girlfriend just told me she wants to dual boot!
<Nastard> is that geek for "see other people"?

<p> sux when u have a problem so u eat a cup of pudding and
then u still
have problem

<Rokkr> humor's a good thing
<Rokkr> i always said if you're an ugly guy and you want to
get laid you have 2 choices..play an instrument or make women
laugh
<tack> or rape them
<Rokkr> that's not laid tack, that's assault =p
<tack> hey, you do things your way, i do things mine

<azonenberg> wordpress is an unauthenticated remote shell
that, as a useful side feature, also contains a blog

<wild> i just asked a girl out
<wild> been 6 minutes no reply :|
<wild> maybe icq wasn't the way to go

<timovgod> Q: How many perverts does it take to put in a light
bulb?
<timovgod> A: Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room
to get it out.
<enaz> did your insurance cover it timovgod?
<timovgod> My car insurance covered it, I said I had I broken
tail light.

*** Perz has joined #dorkydungeon
<Perz> YES!!!!!
<Perz> FINALLY CABLE!!!!!!!
<Perz> NO MORE GOD DAMN DISCONNECTS BECAUSE OF MY FUCKING
MODEM!!!!1
<TormenT> yay :D
*** Perz has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
<TromenT> lol

<SSJ3_Goku> you fucking nerds should really get a fucking life
god like really go and get laid cuz you nerds really need it
to let you know what reality is!!!!
<Hsu> this coming from a guy calling himself ssj3_goku 
<Chimpbot> point, match, set

<CommanderStab> ARgh
<CommanderStab> What kind of a stupid crossword
<CommanderStab> Has the hint "Rhino"
<CommanderStab> And then the answer is "Rhino" >_<

<Tragician> MOTHER...FUCKING...FIREWALL!
<mightyflo> that's a horrible mental image

<Raiden> I've been seeing a lot more quotes on bash that are
ones that have been up on the site for a long time. It's like
the mods don't even bother and just click random quotes to
add. HEAR THAT MODS, RANDOMLY CLICK ON THE BIG HUGE TEXT YOU
SEE HERE

<punchcard_w0rk> i think i will form a computer addiction
recovery group.
<punchcard_w0rk> call it "users no longer enslaved to
electronic technology"
<punchcard_w0rk> or UnLeet

<go_die> brena how do you feel about jewish people
<Brena> what kind of question is that?
<go_die> im just making conversation
<go_die> why are you getting all defensive, hitler

<Ash> Win2k! ^_^
*** Ash Quit (Read error: 73 (Connection reset by peer))

<Rivorus> my dad actually called the other day, and he goes
"You want to talk to mom" so I say "yeah" and then I hear him
shout "Gina, you wanna talk to your son" and I hear her in the
back say  "I'm watching TV right now, I'll talk to him at
Christmas" and my dad's like "She's... in the shower"

<mordac> Beige: I bought a WATCH from some guy in Battery
Park!
<mordac> I totally haggled.
<mordac> I told him I only had $10 for it, and he was like
OKAY :( except I only had twenty dollar bills.
<mordac> He even gave me the change.

<hobbit> hey dude... are your ears burning?
<Dude> no
<hobbit> Ah... damn... I need to tweak my voodoo doll then.
<hobbit> Feeling any groin pain?
<Dude> heh no
<hobbit> hrm.... How about a scratchy throat?
<hobbit> something simple..
<Dude> nope
<hobbit> bah... the Book of E-Vile said this would work...
<Dude> i disabled remote access in controll panel
<hobbit> hrm.... that might be it.
<Dude> ya gotta be secure
<hobbit> hrm... lemme try something else... ::invokes the
mighty god Hastur:: HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR!
<hobbit> Anything now?
<Dude> hmmm... i read uf nope
<hobbit> you missing your eternal soul?
* Dude checks
<Dude> it sez under properties it was never installed
<hobbit> bah
<hobbit> Now I have Hastur sitting in my living room demanding
an eternal soul... and I'm fresh out..
<Dude> nice knowing ya

<twanks> i met this chick at the bar the other day
<twanks> and she was all like "i wanna fuck your brains out"
steamy woman...
<twanks> so i was all "hell yeh"
<twanks> so we come back to my place
<twanks> and she jumps on my bed, strips down
<twanks> then she opens her legs wide, begins strokin the ole
axe wound
<twanks> and shes moaning and stuff
<twanks> and dude
<twanks> i reckon i coulda had sex

<Wheelman56> when i look back on what i just did to my dog i
no longer wonder why i have no friends
<Jessi> what did you do to the poor thing
<Wheelman56> i took an empty cup and put it on my mouth and
inhaled, therefore sticking it to my face
<Wheelman56> then i jumped up at down at my dog
<Wheelman56> waving my arms
<Wheelman56> and making bird sounds
<Wheelman56> ...

<dySanGONE> i asked my mom to leave me some money so i could
go to wendy's
<dySanGONE> she left me $40
<Nago> nice
<yotta|w0rk> must have thought wendy was a cheap whore.

* jasn_78 then sucks ur clit as finger ur wet tight pussy
* hot_gurl_4_u grabs hold of your cock harder, moaning louder
and louder, until finally her anus can take no more and she
accidentally shits on your hair
<hot_gurl_4_u> hehe, sorry ;)
<jasn_78> yuck
<hot_gurl_4_u> sorry, its a medical problem :(
<-- jasn_78 has quit (Exit: )

<nickkis> speaking of which, my other half is going to get
beaten when he wakes up
<nickkis> he works nights
<nickkis> and has a habit of sleeping on the sofa
<nickkis> which is fine
<nickkis> until I come home from work tonight and my 3 year
old pipes up 'whats daddy watching'
<nickkis> and what daddy is watching isnt suitable for 3 year
olds in any way shape or form

<Xaenyth> I'm going to ask you all a question that got a
friend of mine expelled from school.
<Xaenyth> If you were going to shoot up a school...
<Xaenyth> ...what music would you want playing on the
loudspeakers as you did it?
<r00x> Kill the rabbit by emler fudd

<Python> Did you fall from a shooting star?
<silly_girlie> hehe
<silly_girlie> ahh sure why not
<GLT23> because your face looks like it slammed into earth at
1500 mph? is that the end of the pickup line?

<Fenril> That reminds me, there's a deaf person in one of my
classes, and she has a personal sign-language person.
<Fenril> And it's really freaking distracting.
<Satan> Now there's a job I wouldn't mind having.
<Cact> I don't have a beef with the deaf, it's just that they
freak me out with their moans and grunts sometimes.
<Fenril> I don't either, but it's hard to learn with a person
standing 3 feet from you and looking like she's having a
sock-puppet fight with herself.

<Dedge> When you kill 6 people in Unreal Tournament it's
"Monster Kill", In Quake3 it's "Excellent", in Counter-Strike
it's "Kicked by console"

<pronstar``afk> my kazaa preformed an illegal opperation
<cCCPehlet`> isn't that what kazaa is designed to do?

<Analogy> I haven't taken a shower in days.
<Analogy> DAYS.
* silentjoe backs away from analogy
<Analogy> My hair has so much oil in it, Bush is gonna invade
it next.

<DetectiveThorn> I don't know if I want to buy this laptop on
ebay.  It was "REARELY USED."
<lerpiedood> lmao

<ikkenai> I used to think knight rider was the car

Cosmixmaster : hi there
Cosmixmaster : did you hit it yet?
Holom  : no
Cosmixmaster : why not
Holom  : 1. she sorta wants to wait and 2. no place to do it
Cosmixmaster : wait until marriage?
Cosmixmaster : your room?
Cosmixmaster : her room?
Cosmixmaster : her vagina?
Cosmixmaster : ?
Holom  : no, not till marriage
Holom  : cant in her room.....might could in mine
Cosmixmaster : how about outside
Cosmixmaster : or in a car
Cosmixmaster : or outside a bar
Cosmixmaster : would you fuck her in a chair
Cosmixmaster : would you fuck her near a bear
Cosmixmaster : would you fuck her in a bed
Cosmixmaster : or perhaps in the head
Cosmixmaster : how about in the sky
Cosmixmaster : or while eating an apple pie
Cosmixmaster : try it on some hay
Cosmixmaster : some like it down by the bay
Cosmixmaster : but I like prefer doing it during mass
Cosmixmaster : but nothing beats tapping it in the ass
Holom  : hahaha
Holom  : nice
Cosmixmaster : so which one
Holom  : i'm thinking bed
Cosmixmaster : it's the mass one, isn't it?
Cosmixmaster : damn

<Arcturus|BuF> The Sims is the only game where you can kill
someone by trapping them between strategically placed toilets

<sparkhost> report
<sparkhost> are you alive ?
<roman> :)
<sparkhost> it might be zombies as well
<sparkhost> is 1+1 = 2 ?
<roman> false
<roman> 1+1 = 3 use condoms
<sparkhost> personality hash accepted
<sparkhost> welcome Roman :D

(lupin) yeah
(lupin) I'm pissed
(lupin) I went to Wal Mart and they stopped me because I had a
backpack
(lupin) and they said "We'll have to hold that for you because
of recent events"
(lupin) and I said "Listen, if I were a terrorist, I think I'd
pick a better place to bomb or infect than a backwater
WalMart.  I'd at least go hit the Super Wal Mart in Bryan
because I could go get McDonalds on the way to blowing it up."
(lupin) and they let me keep my bag

*** Now talking in #blackpride
<Rosen> no, in a perfect world we'd be treated as equals
<@Ph43rDnky> no, in a perfect world we'd be treated as
superiors
<Jaayy> In a perfect world, you wouldn't even exist!  Whadya
say to that?
<@Ph43rDnky> that's not a very appropriate comment for a black
pride channel
<Rosen> shut up jaay you fag
<Jaayy> Oh, you mean this is a channel for proud black people?
I thought it was for white people who are proud of their
slaves
<@Ph43rDnky> Jaayy, stop now or I'll ban you.
<Jaayy> Alright fine... anybody play warcraft 3?
<Therman> I do
<Jaayy> Want to join a clan?
<Therman> Sure, what's it called?
<Jaayy> K-hadgar's
<Jaayy> K-razy
<Jaayy> K-illers.
*** You were kicked by Ph43rDnky (bastard)

<Reliken> AIM is like the ugly chick who gives SUCH good head,
and works sooooooo well. MSN is like the typical hot blonde.
Gorgeous, but you can't communicate with her. Yahoo! is the
creepy guy whacking off in the corner that no one likes, and
Trillian is the average looking bisexual male.

<Novasol> heh, I was looking for an emulation site the other
day.... and I was using AvantBrowser, which has a built in
popup blocker...
<Novasol> AvantBrowser makes a sound when it blocks a popup...
<Novasol> I swear, I went to one site and it played the tune
to funky town

<Mass> hey does anyone know what the song name is by Frankie
Lymon that goes Uhhh uhh uh uh uhahhhhh uhh uhh uh

<Ubik> speaking of Jenga, it's the 1-year anniversery of 9/11
tomorrow

<snow> hurricanes are like women
<snow> when they come, they're wet and wild, and when they
leave they take your house and car.

<_cliCk_> any boddy here???
<shaan> no
<_cliCk_> are u sure?
<shaan> yes
<shaan> quite
<_cliCk_> i will not!!!!
<shaan> will not what
<_cliCk_> be quite

<shmooo> i cant wait to see my gf tonite
<shmooo> im gonna eat her sweet pussy
<gortho> we're happy for you
<shmooo> it's like sweet strawberries
<psmylie> what?!?
<psmylie> ...
<psmylie> you're a virgin, aren't you?

<gee-> i stole a 5 dollar pen from officemax and it didnt work
<homieC> your dad stole a 5 dollar condom from a 7-11 and it
didnt work

<schneeb> what time does sean connery get to wimbledon?
<weensuck> ..?
<schneeb> TEN-ISHHHHH
<weensuck> whichever corner of the world you run to, no-one
will ever accept you

<davidks> there's this girl in my evolution inf. diseases
class.. she has enormous tits.. they are monster tits..
seriously.. well she wore this shirt that said, across her
chest: "Hey! I'm up here! (Arrow pointing up)"
<davidks> I thought that was pretty funny.
<davidks> i told her i had the same problem and she laughed ..
but that's all i could say to her because her boobs
intimidated me

<Ziggy> anyone know where i can download ICQ?
<Assmann> ziggy get on icq ill send it to u
<Ziggy> dude are you a fucking moron?

<andjusticeforall> I've figured it out. If you ever get mugged
by someone, just say, "Take it easy man, all I got is a $16
bill", then knee him in the nuts when he tries to figure out
what the fuck you just said.

<Monsoon`> They could make a TV show about IRC.  Call it
"American Idle"

<@LukeB> I haven't even bothered downloading Second Life
<@LukeB> I figure I should get a first one before starting a
second

<Computer> this weekend i learned that one of my had-been best
friends has become clinically insane
<Computer> talking to her was one of the more disturbing
experiences i have had in a long time
<Computer> i went home that night and was too depressed to
come outside again
<Mousey> is she single?

<kwigibo> Guns are for people who can't humiliate criminals
with elaborate swinging paint-can contraptions