bash.org archive

<q> well, not really. i don't like wearing clothes because i
really just rather be baked.
<q> and by baked, and mean, naked.
<q> and by "and mean", i mean "i mean"

<kasp> I got a shirt that had integral signs all over it,
and read: "Math is an integral part of life."  I got another
shirt 
that has a small symbol of pi on the front, and 1000 digits of
pi 
(followed by "...") on the back
<glasnost> wow kasp
<brouwer> i've never met you, but i want to beat you up

<KTP> If I ever get a hot girl pregnant I'm going to hit her
stomach with a shovel
<KTP> And just start yelling "NO! BAD HOT GIRL!"
<KTP> Because thats how you have to treat them
<KTP> Or else they won't learn
<ib> That's cruel.  Isn't it bad enough that she's blind?

<Stapler[BTEG]>  When British police conducted a drug raid
during a party at Keith Richards' Redlands estate in 1967,
they found Mick Jagger eating a Mars bar out of Marianne
Faithfull's vagina.
<Stapler[BTEG]> FALSE
<Fortyseven[BTEG]> Who hasn't done that?
<Fortyseven[BTEG]> Oh.
<Tristan> It was a snickers.
<indigoflo> i heard thats how you catch genital hersheys

<Matt-H> Leeches cure everything.
<JDigital> What about an allergy to leeches?
<Fry> What about loss of blood ?
<Matt-H> 'cept that, you witty bastard, you.
<JDigital> Or a fear of leeches.
<JDigital> Or lag.

<kisama> amanda is the opposite of a normal computer user
<Amanda`> KISAMA IS THE OPPOSITE OF HETEROSEXUAL

<PsYko> u know whats better than 1 sub? 2 subs
<PsYko> :D
<Sig|lap> and do you know whats better than that?
<Sig|lap> 2 subs with cookies
<Rizel> what about 3 subs a cookie and a cold beer
<zappp> i'll see your 3 cookies and raise you 1 coke
<Virar> i fold
<PsYko> hit me
* wot punches PsYko

<Heiler> I feel stupid asking this, but how many pints are in
a cup?
<Swinky> it depends on how big the cup is
<Heiler> Thanks, suddenly I don't feel so stupid.

<NintendoGuru> Yoda of Borg am I! Assimilated shall you be!
Futile resistance is, hmm?

[+Vile] (smcn): just because you dress like them doesnt mean
you are
[!smcn] m/sg Vile would you like to touch my breasts
[!smcn] oops

<su3050> i nearly had the courage to talk to a girl today,
luckily i phoned a friend and we went to a LAN party instead

jeremy rockz: im slowly unbuttoning your blouse, then i rip
off your bra, and start to suck on one of your nipples while
fondling the other, im getting hard now, and start to unzip my
pants
jeremy rockz: shit
jeremy rockz: wrong window
KrazeGuy04: omg! too late! keep going!
jeremy rockz: wow'

[deft-:[email protected]] at least i don't go on aol

<Tristan> I have a very bad headache, I need about 20 or so
asprin.
<Ari> awww....
* Ari huggles Tris
<Kryptonite> I LITERALLY BROKE MY ARM all i got was a HEH

shotz190: my cellphones just gettin worse as time goes on
shotz190: whenever somebody sends me a text, it just takes
longer and longer to get here
shotz190: either that or jake wants to know if i can give him
a ride to school yesterday

<MadHatter> I cut my tongue shaving

anonymous: It can be "free" if you look in the right places, I
think I'll go TO the video stoRe to RENT a movie now.

<itior> XML is like violence, if it doesn't solve the problem,
just use more.

* grannyman jams a slight tune
<grannyman> just slightly
<grannyman> not quite full-on
<grannyman> just slighty sub-par
<grannyman> but not yet sub-woofer.
<grannyman> or sub-sonic
<grannyman> just kinda like sub-way
<grannyman> you know, like eat fresh all day
<grannyman> BUUU dubba Duuuu dubba Duuu dubba deeeee
<grannyman> SHIIIIIIIIIIINEEEE~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<grannyman> dude, I wish i could emulate instruments through
IRC.
* grannyman was k-lined by Q (Jesus, I'm a bot, and I can't
even take this shit.)

Buffman0250: i went to sam's club intending to buy contact
lenses
Buffman0250: i left with peanuts cookies and slim jims
scr0t4r: is it because you couldn't tell the difference
Buffman0250: well i didn't have any contacts
scr0t4r: hmm i see
Buffman0250: youd be surprised how similar they look
scr0t4r: have you ever had a slim jim in your eye?
Buffman0250: twice
scr0t4r: you strike me as that type of person
Buffman0250: the second time it wasn't an accident

<Jadd-Away> MONROE - An employee at the Wal-Mart store off
North Telegraph Road died in Mercy Memorial Hospital here
yesterday after he was found lying on the store s floor with
head trauma, Monroe County sheriff s deputies said.
<Jadd-Away> victim of falling prices?

<DrFurious> if midgets had regular size penises they could
take pictures of themselves in a minature house and decieve
people into thinking they are normal sized with a huge penis

<Reaver_Reload> theres over 500 retards at my college
<Reaver_Reload> its like david vs goliath, except golaith is a
retard
<Folken> So you kill retards with rocks?
<Reaver_Reload> Yes.
<Reaver_Reload> Yes we do.

<Subwoofer> My mom's dead :D
<Subwoofer> :(*

<ArnRim83> An issue of Nintendo Power I have, (Issue 16) calls
Pilotwings "Flight Club". Another tentative title I guess
<anarchy99> YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FLIGHT CLUB

NaTTiE 623: just a sample of how crazy ms. bauer is......today
in health were were taking a test and the question was : WHICH
ONE OF THESE IS NOT A FACTOR OF PREGNANCY? and one of the
multiple choice questions was : pregnancy makes a woman
unexplicably want to chase after and poison squirrels

<memo> > Would you like to go fuck yourself? (Y/N)
<Foxie> Y
<Foxie> Y
<Foxie> ITS NOT WORKIGN

<Ghrens> Halo had a story?  I thought it was about 13 year old
boys with prepubescent voices calling me a homosexual.

<Midnight> Telemarketers are sooo fun to screw with.
<Midnight> Like this one time, I got a call from one obviously
trying to get me to change my long distance carrier or some
b.s. like that.
<Midnight> The dialogue went something like this:
"May I speak person who is in charge of the phone services in
your house?"
"Ummmm...We don't have a phone."
"Well, then what are you talking to me on?"
"A banana?"
<Midnight> I think they hung up after that.

<stoertebeker> fleshlights make me want to puke
<RifleEyes> you're not supposed to deepthroat them

A> I lost my virginity around 5 years ago.
Rice> Virgin by choice
Random> heh
Pork> Whose choice Rice?

*** Hiretsukan has left #verge
*** Hiretsukan has joined #verge
<andy> do the first half of that trick again.

<makeworld> ICQ scared the shit outta me
<makeworld> walked into my pitch dark room and hear a knocking
noise, sounded
like someone knocking on my window
<makeworld> shit

<BlackMage> The name Benjamin comes from the hebrew "son of my
right hand"
<BlackMage> If I ever donate sperm, I'm attaching a rider that
says the kid needs to be named ben if it's a boy

<[Waste-TkO-Sc-`nnG]-a> Ah man
<[Waste-TkO-Sc-`nnG]-a> can u believe rthat/
<[Waste-TkO-Sc-`nnG]-a> i was walking out of the bathroom
<[Waste-TkO-Sc-`nnG]-a> like really fast
<[Waste-TkO-Sc-`nnG]-a> and my belt loop got caught on the
door
<[Waste-TkO-Sc-`nnG]-a> I swung around and smacked into the
wall
<[Waste-TkO-Sc-`nnG]-a> Damn that hurt

*** opinion ([email protected]) has joined #bemani
<opinion> hey guys
<opinion> WHY DONT YOU VOICE YOUR OPINION
*** ScumDog sets mode: +v opinion

<Lana`> OOO talk tech to me baby OOooO
<timmo> Lana, im slowly mounting your drive...
<sl0th> unmount /dev/nullpants mount /dev/null/lana`
<Lana`> stop i am actually getting turned on!
<timmo> im unzipping your corset.zip
<mike> you guys make me feel good about myself

<slackor> maybe, send me your pic first. last person i met off
the net turned out to be 12 FBI agents

<Aelfinn> I'm psychic
<Aelfinn> I can predict what will happen in the future
<Gundulf> Yeah, then what am I going to say next?
<Aelfinn> Wrong
<Gundulf> ...touche

<Tetsuya_Ryuji> I just had sex
<Tetsuya_Ryuji> And it was good
<Roovis> testuya, try the multiplayer version, its better.

<tatsumi> I wish I could look up and see the stars.
<Toen> you can, if you go outside
<tatsumi> ...... go where?

<bigbear> fuck
<bigbear> my ears are ringing
<Pebble> answer it then

<Mikey> So theres this chick at work thats pretty cute
<Mikey> And she saw me outside having a smoke one time on a
break
<Mikey> And she goes "You should give that up"
<Mikey> That means she cares about my wellbeing and would
possibly sleep with me right?
<stevenst> No, it just means she's an opinionated bitch
<Mikey> :(

<DigDug> how about i make a special back door, just for you
:-)
<Amanda_> Oh, that'll work just as well
<McMoo> pen just invited you to have ass sex with him

NbVb16Mb009: i know have you ever had the weed that smells
like christmas trees
NbVb16Mb009: it is some good shit
Me: hahahahhahah, you got dicked over. somebody sold you some
pine tree branches and told you it was weed
Me: do you smoke?
NbVb16Mb009: no dude im a dealer shit it was weed and yea i
smoke all the time
NbVb16Mb009: have you ever made a beer bong
Me: bull shit, you aren't a dealer
Me: hahahahah, are you retarded?
NbVb16Mb009: ok but if you ever want some just talk to me
about it
Me: just so you know, i don't believe you. what kind of weed
do you sell?
NbVb16Mb009: shrooms

ductape4yoursoul:  the hot Ukranian went to an In Flames
concert Sunday and got molested by some chick.
SupremeGeekBeing: ?
SupremeGeekBeing: is that some kind of code
SupremeGeekBeing: the flying bacon lands in moswll park at 5?
ductape4yoursoul: no, dude. The hot ukranian I met in Chicago.
She went to an In Flames concert and was molested by some
chick
SupremeGeekBeing: oh, the pink elephant runs into a shallow
well

<KoKaiNo> i just got pwnd what does that mean?

<skatoni> will some one please help
<`NeXiGeN`> what's yer problem ?
<skatoni> there is a guy hacking into my computer
<`NeXiGeN`> unplug yer modem
<skatoni> how?
<`NeXiGeN`> see all those wires behind your computer box ?
<`NeXiGeN`> ripem all out
*** skatoni has quit IRC (Read error to skatoni
[ppp012.rosenet.net]:
Connection reset by peer)

<MrFluffy> How do I tell which whores aren't cops?
<Gil27> ircops?
<Malolo> whores?
<MrFluffy> ... irl
<MrFluffy> you nerds
<Malolo> irl?
<Gil27> wtf

<cuebol> I've yet to see the bald guy on Mr. Clean products
come alive and help me with the chores.
<synec> inhale the fumes more deeply

<}813-Error{> i ask a question in #perl and get RTFM and they
go back to talking about metallica...
<}813-Error{>  d  Match digit character <that would be numbers
right?
* C4 knows nothing of perl
<modem> same here :/
<modem> ask in #metallica

Maf54: You in your boxers, too?
Underage_page: Nope, just got home. I had a college interview
that went late.
Maf54: Well, strip down and get relaxed.
Maf54: What ya wearing?
Underage_page: tshirt and shorts
Maf54: Love to slip them off of you.
Maf54: Do I make you a little horny?
Underage_page: A little.
Maf54: Cool.

<Ramza> well how come it's down for me?
<Ramza> and don't say because of windows
<Cyan683> Does it give an error, or does it say "Unknown
Host"?
<Ramza> yes
<Cyan683> .....
<Cyan683> YES IS NOT AN ANSWER TO "A OR B?"
* Cyan683 sets mode: +i
* Ramza was kicked by Cyan683 (Wham!    --  Kibou to Hikari no
script)
* Cyan683 sets mode: -i
* Ramza ([email protected]) has joined #starmen
<Ramza> no?

<sulfor> my "" key is broken
<fahrenheit> Ok.. that leaves acdfghjlpqrtuvwxz

<Afterglow> I remember when i was leaving for university my
brother told me, "If you come back a goth I'll kill you".
<Jon_R> my brother just said "If you come back I'll kill you"
<Linguica> my brother said "come on my back or i'll kill you"

<Black> Half-Life II!
* Black falls to his knees.
* enderak unzips
* Black worships
<WizzoMaFizzo> :S

<pulse__> HAHA!!
<pulse__> HAHA!!
<pulse__> HAHA!!
<pulse__> HAHA!!
<pulse__> I JUST GOT A PAYRISE!!!
<pulse__> HAHAHAHAHAHA
<pulse__> could this company be any more stupid?
<pulse__> I DON'T DO ANYTHING!

<recursive>  If being an idiot was illegal, it would probably
be easier to keep the criminals outside the jails and use them
as fortresses.

Trey: for some reason IE is throwing a SHIT-FIT about where
I'm using
document.getElementById("displayBoardSelector").innerHTML =
html;
what the hell. explain your stupid browser.
Dakk12: did you properly light your incense?
Dakk12: in what order did you do the chant and throw the
chicken bones?

<FaNtAcIgYrL> ello
<jeff> Do you realise that you have spelt both the words
"fantasy" and "girl" incorrectly ? By doing this, are you
displaying a vain attempt at what some may refer to as
"coolness" ? Or is it that you can not spell ? If the former,
I suggest you rethink your stance on social status and its
implications. The later, perhaps you should start attending
school.

<neeraj_rct> It sucks having to explain to your
computer-illiterate friend why you just typed ``man unzip''.

<blaxthos> this just in
<blaxthos> waiting on long sql queries < *
<beakman> write better queries.
<beakman> :D
<loon> OH SNAP
<loon> point - beakman
<blaxthos> deleting 17million rows takes a long time no matter
how you slice it
<loon> finally removing all the racist quotes on bash.org?

<Starlet> <--- law student. future lawyer.
<Jerub> <-- computer programmer. future defendant.

Johnny: I just donated 2 pints of red cells. They let you do
that much now because they can compensate for the loss of
fluid with a combination of saline and by replacing the plasma
that was removed.
Pablo: Talk about being a quart low.
Johnny: No, two pints.
Pablo: Either they took more than that and you've suffered
brain damage or you were an idiot to begin with.
Johnny: What?
Pablo: Exactly.

<infinitySPZ> In the beginning, God Created man out of his own
image.
<Fleebis> Was it JPEG?

<MoNKeYSpanKeR> i'm going to have the most advanced home
security system ever
<MoNKeYSpanKeR> every night before i go to bed i am going to
put 30 rakes on the floor

<Taris> also, this I must share.  It comes right out of my
physics text book
* Ssithl prepares for brainmelt.
<Taris> A hockey puck, mass 0.115kg, moving at 35 m/s, strikes
an octopus thrown onto the ice by a fan.  The octopus has a
mass of 0.265 kg.  The puck and octopus slide off together. 
Find the velocity.
<Taris> yeah, this is one that the authors put in for those
students that stay up late trying to do these

<+phlange> i said 'dhcp' and the tech support guy started to
cry and go 'i hate my job i hate my job i hate my job'

<teddy> bryno, thats the dumbest thing ive ever read
<teddy> and ive read the patriot act...