bash.org archive

EiNHaNdeR MK II> you know that term "If you were my homework,
i would be doing you on the desk right now"
EiNHaNdeR MK II> i changed it to "If you were my homework, my
dog would be eating you right now"
EiNHaNdeR MK II> i was slapped by this fat chick in class when
i said it

<Ged> uh, my big brother has got some girl in his room.. they
sound really nasty
<Ged> and her name doesn't end in .jpg
<G0rk> .avi then?
<Ged> indeed, if I can just find my video-cam

<+[G-Prime]> Microsoft Aims for Software in Every Car 
<+[G-Prime]> Oh great
<+[G-Prime]> Now our cars will crash
<@Crucial> blue windshield of death

<+||smallville||> im from philippines
<+||smallville||> nice 2 meet u
<+[El_Diablo]> fuckin israel
<+||smallville||> huh?
<+||smallville||> israel?
<+[El_Diablo]> ye
<+kiwiman> That's Palestine, not the Philippines, dumbfuck.

<iFx|shade> this guy aidan was aruging with this chick emma at
tea
<iFx|shade> and shes like saying it wouldnt hurt that much
getting kicked in the balls
<iFx|shade> and he goes spread your legs then and ill kick you
in the balls
<iFx|shade> and shes like i dont have balls
<iFx|shade> and he goes who are you trying to kid with a
mostache like that
<iFx|shade> and she got up and left

SilverInsanity5: This girl next to me was looking up 'penis'
on Wikipedia during English
SilverInsanity5: So I asked if she wanted some hands-on
learning instead looking at a computer
SilverInsanity5: We got so many looks that day

<TrailMix> Sorry Santorum, you have to carry your dead
presidential campaign to full term.

(user1) whio'
(user1) is awke?!?2
(user1) aggha
(user1) aned to think i oepratd a motr vejcal

<sunfish>I stopped a rape in the city last night
<Donnyman>How'd you do that
<sunfish>Simple I stopped following her.

<BenS> Matt, have you heard about that webserver that's
running off a potatoe for power ... just displays a text
smiley face and takes like 15 seconds to load?
<Omnica> Brings new meaning to the term "server farm"
<BenS> You should be shot.

<[CIT-R]StreaK> my puppy is crying :(
<Volt9000> so pull out

<Kormiic> Ever look at your own code and think, "What the fuck
is this meant to do?!"
<maznaz> most mornings
<Kormiic> I said "code", not "cock"
<Kormiic> ;)
<maznaz> oh
<maznaz> yeah, still most mornings :)
<Kormiic> Right, if that doesn't get approved for Bash, I'll
rub cum in my eyes.

( l008com) Hey does anyone know how David Blaine levitates?
( LoganCale) There are two ways.
( LoganCale) One way he's on a cable and they digitally edit
it out.
( l008com) no he's on ABC thats not cable

<TheShadowHunter> I won three purple hearts once
<Wildcard|Comicing> ...no you didn't. You were just playing
Zelda.
<Wildcard|Comicing> You really need to adjust the color on
your TV
<TheShadowHunter> oh
<TheShadowHunter> I guess that couldve been it

<Brainded> can anyone help me with a ppp problem?
<mustang> you have a stutter and you're trying to urinate ?

Zoolig: I've had enough of weak, indecisive people.
Shoe: I think I have too.

<poit[fsgc> !decide "slack off and lie about the reason" "do
the work and have a clean moral slate"
<CrockPot> The roll of the dice picks: slack off and lie about
the reason.
<poit[fsgc> Good bot
* poit[fsgc goes to sleep

<Ryan> my mom was killed by mobile phones
<mal> she has only herself to blame
<Ryan> no really, she was using it in a storm
<mal> and?
<Ryan> lightening
<mal> then what?
<Ryan> mobile phone truck ran her over

<Asmodai> I spy with my little eye something beginning with
([a-zA-Z0-9].*)

<Dyne> I've been playing Dance Dance Revolution Max 2 for only
a week and i've lost 10 pounds.
<Dylflon> That's nice.
<Dyne> Really, you should try it. You need to get in shape.
<Dylflon> I am in shape. Round is a shape.

<@Raeven0> What's the difference between array $_GET and array
$_REQUEST
<+Matrixfan> one is polite

<su-Septik> canada has a nuclear program?
<su-noel> yeah it's some old dood that survived chernobyl
<su-noel> we keep him in a box

<!Lun_e> ill just sit here and eat my Kice Rispy
Paralellogram.

<Requiem> wtf r u talkin bout, i droped englsh cuz it suks
<Nolan> As shown by your crappy spelling, you probably should
have stayed with it.
<Requiem> fuk u, ur all gay
*** Requiem has quit IRC (FUK U NOLIN)

<morphine_monkey> dude, my hair is getting so long
<spaceman_spiff> sweet, pretty soon it'll get as long as your
penis
<morphine_monkey> STFU, my hair is longer than an inch

<Starchild> !define PCMCIA
<CCU-Bot> DEFINING... ONE MOMENT, PLEASE
<CCU-Bot> 2 entries found for PCMCIA.
<CCU-Bot> Entry 1/2:
<CCU-Bot> PCMCIA
<CCU-Bot>  <body, standard> Personal Computer Memory Card
International
<CCU-Bot>  Association. (Or People Can't Memorise Computer
Industry
<CCU-Bot>  Acronyms).
<CCU-Bot> DONE - PCMCIA (Entry 1/2)
<Starchild> hey, fuck you

<chris> i have a pad of paper in front of me that is a list of
every single thing i own.
<matt> what's on it?
<Mephistol> '1 pad of paper'

<[UCR]FYZZIX> CAPS LOCK: ITS LIKE THE CRUISE CONTROL FOR
AWESOME

<peebles> how about a new low CARB diet
<peebles> No Cheney
<peebles> No Ashcroft
<peebles> No Rumsfeld
<peebles> No Bush
<peebles> And forget about the Rice.

<acaos> why does bread come in one shape, meat in another, and
cheese in a third so when you want to make a sandwich you have
to cut and fold and contort to get it right? =)
<leile> hahaha.
<leile> its like food-origami.
<acaos> my thought exactly =)
<acaos> but I have balanced the meat-yin and the cheese-yang
and the bread-fu now.
<acaos> the ancient, mystical art of Sandwich-Do.
<leile> hahaha
<leile> HAHAHAHA.

<kaiti> lmao, if you search for "porn" in Windows XP's Help
and Support program, it recommends the article on how to use
Internet Explorer

IcedEarth156: my bro is coming over to work on the house
and I gotta help him
bobthefish021: oh, go....doing manly work
IcedEarth156: actually I'll be making the lemonade

<god> afk, seventh day

<xi> my parents sent me a fucking text message to tell me they
put my dog down today

<Willeth> well, off to bed
<Smaug> adios.  you damn english and your early bedtimes.
<Willeth> pssht. it's a small price to pay for living in the
future.

<zero|code> oh man! these pears say 'so juicy you may need to
eat them with a spoon!'
<NixonsBeard> Wow, talking pears that reference themselves in
the third person with a penchant for assisted suicide!
<NixonsBeard> Those bioengineers are sure getting specific.

<bobby> I like you, Krayzie. You represent everything
stereotypical and depthless about today's gay youth.
<KrayzieWolF> well im acually bi

<Afbc0m> my 3 yr old bro is here
<Afbc0m> he was listening to eminem and started swearing
<Afbc0m> my mom was pissed
<Afbc0m> in the middle of dinner, he was like, "bitch please,
get down on yo knees"

[Fustard] I just walked out into the living room today
[Fustard] and my mom just randomly went
[Fustard] 'the dog has been masturbating too much, ive never
seen it that big'

punkass keith: did i tell you my aborted baby idea?
ecj: no what is it
punkass keith: if i was a girl, i would get pregnant as many
times as possible, then have abortions after the third month
of beign pregnat so i would deliver a potatoe sized 1/3
developed dead fetus, then i would take the fetus, put it in a
jar of perservative liquid and put it on a shelf in a secret
room in my house.  and i would do it until i had so many the
rooms walls were nothign but potatoe sized aborted fetuses. 
then i would have a kid and when they're bad i would make them
sit in the fetus room and remind them of how easy i could have
aborted their ass.

cherrybomb1739: why are there hot chicks at church ?
marredduck: why is the good liquor always on the top shelf?
marredduck: the same reason

<Elfin>
lkmwclldsldldldldldld,e,e,e,e,e,,e,e,e,e,e,,e,e,e,e,e,,e,e,e,e,e,e
,e,e,e,,,,eee,e,olwowowoowolsalslslsllslslslslslslllsllsllsllslls
lsls
<Elfin> That was me playing keyboard drums.
<memo> Rock on.
<Elfin> You know it.

<jeet> u guys are dumb... i like shemale porn its like regular
porn but with more boobs
<vrunt> uhh... okay
<LainWave> jeet: putting the xy back in sexy

lemonlimeskull: I want a tattoo.
lemonlimeskull: Right on my back
lemonlimeskull: of Eyespots like butterflies have
lemonlimeskull: To throw off predators.

<bean2edu>Try seeding the RNG with the current system time,
that should help somewhat
<kram>You do know that the numbers generated are still
pseudo-random, and not true RNs.  In fact there is no way to
generate true random numbers.
<bean2edu>Obviously you've never had your wife balance the
checkbook.

<arenotelicon> and jason picked it up.  "hello?  *pause* 
yeah, she's right here. *glances at me*  thirty-four C."  me: 
"thirty-six."  jason:  "thirty-six c.  yeah.  bye."

< Wombles> i rang up a taxi friday... drunk.. and in in a
pirate accent.. i said "Yarr ahoy me maitie! i need me a row
boat to take me back to me ship which is docked at <insert
address>"
< Wombles> i can believe one came.

<KZoo> COX
<devilboy> VAGINAL ORIFICE
<KZoo> thats not a service provider
<KZoo> well....i guess it is

I Concordia I: would you kiss a dude for your life?
paintballa265: I for one choose death
I Concordia I: you wouldn't kiss a guy over dying?
paintballa265: Like what are we talking here
paintballa265: How you kiss your mom
paintballa265: or how i do?

<SEoD> ooooh, my mac is gorgeous
<SEoD> it's so expensive and see-thru
<Xlord> sounds like some women I know

[PlatypusMan] You're cluttering the chat.
[PlatypusMan] It's like littering on a highway.
[PlatypusMan] Somewhere an e-indian is crying.

<\slick> 3d studio max install told me to close all program
when installing, so i just opened more to be defiant
<\slick> take that

<Xapz> war soon
<Xapz> Maybe tomorrow
<Xapz> We've pulled out ambassadors
<m0swald> http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/Northeast/03/04/
iraq.usa.shirt.reut/index.html
<Sh0rty> :
<Sh0rty> stupid americans :|
<Sh0rty> canada > all
<m0swald> my giant american pee pee would rip your
canadian-wang-trained females apart!
<Sh0rty> :o
<m0swald> I'm american, therefore my wang is gigantic.  at
least, that's what the media tells me
<m0swald> not to mention, I'm TEXAN, so it must be doubly huge
<m0swald> I assume it's true, too.  because every woman I've
shown it to has giggled in terror!
<m0swald> IN TERROR

<harb> Polybeastiality? Is that like cheating on your sheep
with your cow?

<Sprint_DSL> Are you still living in the wang of the US?
<POPOON> Your mother is.
<Sprint_DSL> Oh.
<Sprint_DSL> That would have been good like, 10 years ago.
<POPOON> Your mother was.

<ClothHat> Isn't Canadian currency made out of tree bark or
something?
<Cidolfas> CH: Isn't American currency made out of the skins
of natives?
<ClothHat> That and broken treaties.

(Stacey```) i'd like to know who the fuck encodes shit to real
player
(Stacey```) so i can kick their ass

<ws\thr> (I OWN YOU: A polite way of reminding someone that
you killed them. Typically this is replied to with "FUCKING
CAMPING WHORE" which means "Well done" <

(PrimoPyro) sometimes I talk on the phone when im on the
crapper =)
(PrimoPyro) *bloop*
(PrimoPyro) "what was that?"
(PrimoPyro) ahh.. I dropped an ice cube in my drink...

<Potato> This guy I work with made the mistake of telling me
about his whole idea of saving himself for marriage
<Potato> But it went something along the lines of "I don't
wanna die young, 'cause the longer I'm married, the more sex
I'll get"
<Potato> I destroyed his little world by asking the only
married guy in the store how much sex he gets, to which he
replied, "Well, I've got one son, but I'll be damned if I
remember how that happened"

e l i t e m r p: afk, working on my invention
n e r d b 5: invention.....uhm, whats it do?
e l i t e m r p: converts piss into drinking water
e l i t e m r p: so far, still tastes yucky

<EssKay> i don't want to have fucking poles in my underwear,
man.
<Rjx> that joke went so far over your head it got hijacked and
flown into a major landmark

<smadge1> Guinness World Records was one site that did
consider exactly what they were hosting on the web, and made
necessary changes. The record for "Most Individuals Killed In
A Terrorist Attack" is 2823 people accord to one page on
Guinness' site. Guinness has a feature were you can apply to
"Break this record", and this option was placed on every page
that contained a record.

<BadM0f0> Hello, this is a Polish virus. Since we do not have
the technology to create a real virus, please delete all files
on your home directory.

<Rjx> i'm a mac
<Rjx> and i'm a pc
<Rjx> and we're both irritating faggots

<Dark_Lord411> hi
<Dark_Lord411> asl
<ShockSMX> no, dsl... you?

[+Hobbes] I was driving by a church on the way home and on the
message board out front it said "Under new management"

<Ikaruwa> if i ever had to fire someone, i would do it
scavenger hunt style. you know, give them a piece of paper
with a riddle on it...
<Ikaruwa> and then when they figure out the riddle, itd point
them towards the next piece of paper with a riddle on it...
<Ikaruwa> and keep doing that until theyve collected all their
things and walked out the door. after which, theyd find a
piece of paper under a rock that said "youre fired."

herblackwings29:: I'm bored
shotgunlo:: me too
shotgunlo:: but I'm also hungry
herblackwings29:: I have tacos
shotgunlo:: mmm
herblackwings29:: they are like cardboard though
shotgunlo:: I would love to eat your taco, Becky
herblackwings29:: I bet
herblackwings29:: my taco doesn't taste like cardboard
shotgunlo:: I love the fact that you know that