bash.org archive

<Cow> i want to have sex with this girl so bad but she wont
because of her relgion
<Dr_Kevorkian> She's Hindu obviously... cant have sex with
cows

<pokerface> Mac development is OK, so long as you don't mind
that your target audience is likely to be you and the three
other mac guys.
<TheFeniX_Work> last I checked there were at least 9 Mac
gamers out there. Show some respect for the demographic
pokerface.
<pokerface> Respect begins with double digits.

<CaCtus491> omg
<CaCtus491> I think I have just met the dumbest courier ever
<CaCtus491> I receive parcel
<CaCtus491> Courier hand me a palm/PDA style device for
signature
<CaCtus491> Courier hands me a ball point pen to sign with
<CaCtus491> I look at screen and see lots of ink and scratches
from previous signatures
<CaCtus491> I smile and say thankyou politely, slowly back
away and close the door
<CaCtus491> before breaking into hysterics

<Robzy> Lol, my dad just asked me "Would you rather take out
an ugly girl, or a girl with a nice personality" and i replied
"they are the same thing arent they?" and he goes "WOO! You
are *MY* son" hehehehe

<chiks> is aluminum better than steel in most cases?
<SJr|Tecra> No what would you be more scared of
<SJr|Tecra> the man of steel or the man of aluminium

<@Aztorath> I got stuck in a playground slide today.
<@Aztorath> Literally WEDGED inside the tube.
<@Aztorath> We took my roomates kid to the park to play on the
stuff. And my roomate tells me to go down backwards, lying on
my back, headfirst.
<@Aztorath> It was one of those totally enclosed twisty tube
slides.
* DreadWolf ([email protected]) has
joined #oldwarez
* Abaddon sets mode: +v DreadWolf
<@Aztorath> So I'm like, "Alright". I climb in, slide about
halfway to the sharp curve, and his kid jumps in after me,
HEADfirst. He slams into me and is lying on my legs, my head
hits the top of the tube, and I just about bend entirely in
half.
<@Aztorath> So now I'm literally wedged inside this hot, tiny,
plastic tube, with an extra 60 lbs pressing on me, entirely
stuck. Can't move. Kid can't go back up because his feet are
out behind him, and I'm kissing my knees.
<@Aztorath> If I were ever close to giving myself a blowjob,
today was that day.

<manero> so our friend, she's in the part of med school where 
you do all the genital exams and shit
<manero> and prostrate exams, etc
<manero> and a couple weeks ago, they had to do it on a real
person for the first time. and so she was very nervous
<manero> so she's doing the exam, she does the front and
everything is ok
<manero> and she does the back door and she gets through it
all
<manero> but at the very end, as she finishes
<manero> she didn't know how to tell the dude she was done, so
she slapped him on the ass
<manero> i had tears running down my face for 10 minutes after
she told the story
<blach> alright bitch, im done with your bunghole *smack
<manero> the funny part was the dude was like 60, too

<typobox43> brb, grabbing a floppy dick

<[CSI]X-Crispy> bagging groceries is like tetris in real life,
I realised

<despair> I need a nigger HD :(
<despair> b
<despair> bigger
<despair> omfg... bad ass typo

BornDead: my dick says straight but it doesnt mean i love the
pussy!
BornDead: wait..
BornDead: no
BornDead: other way around
BornDead: OTHER WAY
G13LinK: . . .
G13LinK: I wish there were some tool to measure the amount of
respect I lose in you every time you say something...

<Chimerasame> rap would be so cool if it were like
<Chimerasame> ~i enjoy large posteriors, and i do not possess
the ability to fabricate statements
<imaginari> it is entirely nothing but a g thing, infant
<Chimerasame> please allow me to view your skimpy
undergarment, skimpy undergarment, skimpy undergarment, skimpy
undergarment

<StarThorn> Leave it to the computer programmers to shorten
the "Year 2000 Millennium Bug" to "Y2K."  Isn't that what
caused this problem in the first place?

<kindman34> fubar, how do you spend your time off-line?
<fubar-42o> what. you mean like single-player?

<@voh> ever seen the bristol flag in my room?
<@voh> it's about 80 cm wide and 300cm long
<@voh> big-ass flag :)
< SirGoblin> sounds like my penis
<@voh> yeah
<@voh> the flag refuses to stand up straight as well

<Killzig> you guys want to hear something fucked up i did at
work today, which I blame all of you for -- by the way
<Insane-Lark> sure
<Dan`> ?
<Killzig> I faxed a quote to a client and wrote "K THX BYE" on
the bottom

<leena> has anyone heard of the lord of the rings
<Serge_of_Aruni> NO, WHAT IS THAT?
<Serge_of_Aruni> IS THAT SOME CARNIVAL GAME?
<Serge_of_Aruni> WITH BOTTLES AND HOOPS?

<Greg> I think the messaging service is down.
<Terry> I guess we'll have to go to the backup system.
<Greg> Yes.  Paper airplanes.  With messages written on them.
<Greg> Like right now, I want to talk to Brian.
<Will> His door is closed.  It won't work.
<Will> He's in 'Away' mode.

<ED> I like my women like I like my coffee
<EliteSoldat> GROUND UP AND IN THE FREEZER

<Kaz|Work> holy fucking shit
<Kaz|Work> im out of a job
<Kaz|Work> the place blew up
<@Zoot> better change your nick then.

<Megumi> hahaha ASL nate :P
<NtG> yourage + 1/if you = female { me = male } else { me =
female }/surrey

<NapkinEater> I had a dream about a game show where parents
compete to see who can keep their baby in the freezer the
longest.

themack: just played the saxophone for 15 minutes and my lips
are already sore
ScooterX: themack: Try playing it from the small end next
time!

<Twiztid> My gf called me gay
<Twiztid> I came back with
<Twiztid> "If I'm gay then why do I think of you when I jerk
it?"
<Twiztid> There was an akward silence...
<Linguica> whats wrong with that
<Twiztid> nothing
<Twiztid> except I was talking to my grandfather

<SaBoTaGeR> A little boy walks into his parents room to see
his Mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The Mom sees
her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has
seen, she dresses quickly and goes to find him.
<SaBoTaGeR> The son sees his Mom and asks' "What were you and
dad doing? " The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a
big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help
flatten it."
<SaBoTaGeR> "You're wasting your time." say's the boy. "Why is
that? asked his Mom, puzzled? "Well when you go shopping the
lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it
right back up"

<FuriousC> my computer is performing more illegal operations
than doctor kevorkian

<clippy>  11:21pm  up 42 days, 49 min,  2 users,  load
average: 0.03, 0.04, 0.00
<clippy> do you know how long it took me to get that uptime?
<Apollo-> clippy: About 42 days

<Koushiro> "Religion is the opiate of the masses." -- Karl
Marx
<Koushiro> "Winners don't do drugs." -- The FBI

<lostmx89> ok i like this torrent thing but when you turn off
your computer how do you make sure it is still downlowding

<zerox-> who has paypal
<KermyAWAY> thousands upon thousands of people
<zerox-> ok who has paypal that would be willing to do me a
favor
<KermyAWAY> no one
<zerox-> ok let me rephrase it 1 more time
* SNguyen sets mode: +o zerox-
<@zerox-> who wants to do me a favor or else be banned

<Snow> If Grand Theft Auto isn't mankind's greatest invention,
I don't know what is.
<Snow> I just flew around the city in an Apache attack
helicopter firing missiles and random cars. And when I got
bored of that, I stole some guys motorcycle, rode 120mph
across town to a nightclub, where I picked up $10,000, walked
inside, and fired a minigun into the crowd, liquifying
everyone inside.
<Snow> And then I picked up a new suit and went home and
called it a day.
<dano> i love how accurate its portrayal of the 1980s
night-life is

<Mog> Anyone else having extreme AIM problems?
<Seifer> Nope.
<rabid_si[FFX]> Yeah. I can't seem to fuckin' pee in the bowl
today. >:
<rabid_si[FFX]> It's all up the fuckin' walls.
<rabid_si[FFX]> Er...
<rabid_si[FFX]> Oh.
<Mog> ...
<Seifer> Lol.
<rabid_si[FFX]> You mean AOL Instant Messenger.
<rabid_si[FFX]> Right...
* rabid_si[FFX] whistles.

<Saccy> My password is alpha numeric.
<Strife> Well mine's a mixture of numbers AND letters.

<Disciple> Oh man, I was listening to music today, and I
looked up, and all the kids were like ":O" and staring at the
teacher, so I took off my music to see what was going on...
<Disciple> So I took off the headphones
<Disciple> And The teacher was screaming
<Disciple> "PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH! PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH!"
<Disciple> "GIVE IT TO HIM NOW! GIVE IT TO HIM NOW!"
<[Striker]> O_o
<Elyssa> Oo;
<K-S> :O
<Ness|Scripting> :O
<Velcant> ...o_O
<Disciple> And so I was like "What the hell's going on?"
<Disciple> And I looked over
<Disciple> and she was screaming on the phone.
<Disciple> And I just started cracking up
<Disciple> But then I found out that it was really sad and it
was her son dying and someone had to give him his injection :(
<Disciple> But before I heard that, it was the funniest thing
ever.
<[Striker]> ...well, damn,
<Disciple> (He is safe now)

<GaronSemi> The media players of the future will -kill you- if
you associate their filetypes with another program.

<timmo> it blows my mind
<timmo> that some people want to just be born, grow up, etc
just in one place
<timmo> and not go out and explore the world
<v3dd3r> shutup magellan

<Pesmerga> man, im starting to think that the more I take
showers, the more i stink afterwards. so Im just gonna stop
showering and see if it helps.
* AnArKi has left the channel
* BoZo has left the channel
* HeyPetray has left the channel

<JDigital> Speaking of which, did you know that Slashdot.org
just changed its name to Gullible?
<HoJu> Really?

<VodkaV> lol, french tanks have six gears, 5 reverse, and one
forward in case they are ever attacked from behind

<mefod> WHY DOESNT ANYONE BELIEVE ME?! IM IN IRAQ DAMNIT!
<mefod> ooh shit
<mefod> afk, war

<Lordb> me want to meet some women tonight
<godlike> me thinks women might like man more if man didn't
talk like ape.

vince: i just emailed the hotmail staff that i wasnt able to
open and read any emails
vince: my email: i have a problem, i cant open or read any
emails
vince: they answered: yes you can

<Cedlind> god damn its snowing outside..
<Amnesia> no it's not
<Cedlind> soo.. all this white stuff I got all over me is?
<Cedlind> crap.. shouldn't have said that..

<Jeff> I'm such a ditz, I dialed my phone number into the
microwave

< cae> you people all suffer from ADD apparently
< krapnggt> i suffer from SUBTRACT.

<briancuz>My mom is ashamed of me because i'm not an alterboy.
My dads ashamed of me because i'm not a football star
<sswoop182>sooooooo............Tackle a priest

<hajakinXL> brb
<nfinite|p1astik> kk
<hajakinXL> what!? You racist bitch!
<hajakinXL> I know you spelt 'kkk' wrong!
<nfinite|p1astik> wtf
<nfinite|p1astik> you gook motherfucker
<hajakinXL> Fuck you honky!
<nfinite|p1astik> im spic, you retarded fuck
<hajakinXL> Shut it, FOB!!
<nfinite|p1astik> you UNEDUCATED shit trap, i crossed a
fucking river, not a big ass ocean
<hajakinXL> You're still a nasty slut
<hajakinXL> Fuck you. I'm outta here
<nfinite|p1astik> you off to talk to manny?
<hajakinXL> Yeah. He was going to help me get Samba up and
going.
<nfinite|p1astik> ok, i'll pick you up in about 30?
<hajakinXL> Sounds good.

EternityAndAHalf: OMG
EternityAndAHalf: MY BROTHER IS PRACTICING HIS HORN
EternityAndAHalf: AT 2 A.M.
EternityAndAHalf: BRB, MY CAT IS GOING TO HAVE A BRAND NEW USE
HotDamn14S: lmfao

<Draffa> it's sad.  When I was 14/15/16, the hottest women
were 25.  Now that i'm 25, the hottest girls are 14/15/16 :(

<Entomorph> blazemore, I know you
<Entomorph> oldskewl emu guy right?
<blazemore> heh yeah
<Apoc> irc is just wierd
<Apoc> no where else can you run into old friends that you
have never met

<TTX> How do I change my name in here?...
<Naoki> type /nick yournick
*** TTX is now known as yournick

<RadAghazt> I bought rice vinegar to make sushi. Now to figure
out how.
<RadAghazt> Ok.
<RadAghazt> There are instructions on the bottle, but...
<RadAghazt> they're in Japanese.
<RadAghazt> At least I think they're instructions.
<RadAghazt> This might say "death to all gaijin with this
poisoned export rice vinegar" for all I know.

<The-Pretender> I'm passing judgement on FF8 because I dont
like the fucking eye candy. Too many damn graphics
<Golbez> too .. many .. damn .. graphics .. ?"
<Golbez> what the fuck do you want, pong?
<Golbez> "Fight! White Paddle hits Red Paddle for 4 HP!"

[brs`IRC]: Amish girls are incredibly sexual.
[brs`IRC]: You've never had a handjob until you've had one
from a girl who
[brs`IRC]: works a butter churn all day.

<princessangelic> how do you turn on a guy?
<+monty> dicksuck
<princessangelic> um before that
<+monty> get naked
<princessangelic> then?
<+monty> dicksuck
<princessangelic> hmmm I must have missed a memo somewhere
<jomomma> hahahahaha

<burrahobbit> "Hi, my name is Tyson Vandagriff and, I am going
to be your roommate next year at OU."
<burrahobbit> AND COMMA
<burrahobbit> HOLY CRAP MY ROOMMATE IS RETARDED

<Fox_Jenny> alan, please dont wear socks tonight
<Borlath_Mon> Yeah. Use a condom, you cheap fucker

<Chrtsalid^Revenge> I spent about 45 minutes watching
concerned neighbours and some maintenance workers dismantling
a drainpipe in order to save a kitten today,
<Chrtsalid^Revenge> And ten minutes of porn later, their
effort was wasted.

<ZombieKing> best way to get rid of a client with dial-up,
told them to install service pack 2 and call back

MelancholicKiss: say something profound
MaximumTool007: Old people should be put down at birth.
MelancholicKiss: why do i even bother

Seven11Slurpes: word of advice
Seven11Slurpes: if you take a shit and theres no toilet paper
left
Seven11Slurpes: duct tape is NOT a substitute
PrinceCharming4a: o.0 whered that come from
Seven11Slurpes: well, its started off like this
Seven11Slurpes: i was taking a shit
Seven11Slurpes: and found out i didnt have any tiolet paper
left
Seven11Slurpes: so i looked around a saw a roll of duct tape
next to the sink
Seven11Slurpes: and figured. eh. why not, what harm can i do
Seven11Slurpes: and boy was i WRONG!

<Perrin> I really need a back neonazi techno
<Perrin> er
<ToasterThief> ...
<Perrin> -neonazi techno +massage
<Perrin> c&p is not my friend.

<saylan> I just set up port forwards to defense.gov
<saylan> anyone scanning me now will be scanning/attacking the
DoD :D
<renderbod> O.o
<bolt> that's... not exactly how port forwarding works
<saylan> ?

<[-tOrn-]> And then today at work I almost cracked up
<[-tOrn-]> "Hey what are the system requirements on this?"
<[-tOrn-]> "Uh, sir..that's a book."

<S_Sprite> oh god
<S_Sprite> all I can hear
<S_Sprite> right now
<S_Sprite> is the squeeking of my housemates mattress
<S_Sprite> I'M TRANSLATING ANCIENT GREEK YOU INSENSITIVE FUCKS
<S_Sprite> well they'll be sorry when my hard studying has got
me a PhD in classical studies and all they'll have is MDs from
some top-rated med school
<S_Sprite> fuck

<+Qaizar> damn, i just can't win an argument with my
girlfriend
<@foD> There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither
one works.

<Alex>      i
<Alex> f       s h
<Alex>   t   c  k  s
<Alex> s     i
<Laila> ...what is he trying to do?
<Reiz0r> Trying to make a fish from fishsticks.
<Reiz0r> It's MODERN ART
<Reiz0r> It's the true pesonification of the juxtaposition of
the sombre emotion that the world of man made aesthetics is
slowly and irrevokably destroy the nature of that which is ...
<Reiz0r> Something
<Reiz0r> Modern art doesn't have to look like much. It just
needs an explanation with lots of long words

<CharoNoMe> Obviously gay parents will raise gay children,
since straight parents only raise straight children.

<SkyJammer> I need a cute girl to give me a neck massage.
<shellspark> What about a semi-attractive monkey?
<SkyJammer> No.
<SkyJammer> A cute girl.  Human.
<MousePad> Your standards are way too high.
<SkyJammer> Your standards are way too low.
<shellspark> Perhaps, but I bet he gets his neck massage