bash.org archive

*** PoisonPen changes topic to 'Matrix Revolutions:  Smith: "I
R teh Ubermensch!  U R 0wn3d w/ my awesome Will!"  Neo: "No! 
Because I will refute teh diabilical existential angst w/ kung
fu!"  Smith: "Argh!  Now I must stand in the rain and shake my
fist at you! Why?  Why?"  Neo: "Ha ha!  I win by losing!  I R
teh Jesus!"  The end.'

<courtney> GOD! I hate periods!
<ken> yea ending sentences is sooooooo over rated

<CharlieB> and nah, I'm trying to get fbsd to see my mp3
player
<CharlieB> and the batteries just died
<w32nachi> CharlieB: pitty... it would've been a more
entertaining story if it had involved a dildo...
<CharlieB> fair enough
<CharlieB>  I'm trying to get fbsd to see my usb dildo
<w32nachi> excellent...
<CharlieB> and the batteries just died
<w32nachi> ...so, do you program in sound effects, motion
patterns, or something else?
<CharlieB> lol
<CharlieB> yeah.. it has a built in mp3 player
<w32nachi> wow... that's some vibrator!
<w32nachi> is it the iCock, from apple?
<BalDown> no, it's made by M$ and defaults to giving it to you
up the ass...

Nofcarolinafan: My iq is 20/20
cubano2k3: sounds more like your vision
Nofcarolinafan: no i took a test
Nofcarolinafan: online

Methodical Pain: but tomatoes are fruits
TheOffspring326: no they're not!
TheOffspring326: they merely prefer the company of other
tomatoes, thats all!

<sherlock_holmes|eating> heh, so i an anatomoy paper due
yesterday, and when i was babysitting last week i asked if
they wouldn't mind if i usede their comp
<sherlock_holmes|eating> the dad said yea, so i asked if he
had a filter for adult material turned on.  he got a
suspicious look in his eye and i told him that filters also
block out non-pr0n related material, and since i'm doing an
anatomy paper, it'd block out words that anatomy sites use,
like penis or vagina
<sherlock_holmes|eating> he said he'd turn it off on the
condition that i would promise not to use it for pr0n and i
said 'nah, i took care of that before i came over' and we both
kind of chuckled
<sherlock_holmes|eating> needless to say his wife was saying
good-bye to the kid in the next room and they could hear me
and not 10 minutes later i'm at home just wondering why my
timid masturbation joke did more damage to that kids inner
psyche than his mom calling me a filthy bastard who should rot
in hell right in front of the little guy in that high annoying
voice that women get...
<ssj_gotensama> lol, you were gonna use it for wankin weren't
ya
<sherlock_holmes|eating> no that's the thing, i wasn't... i
brought over anal invaders 2 for when the kid went to sleep,
you can track web surfing history, you can't track what videos
you put in the vcr
<ssj_gotensama> well i guess the worst part is your out of an
8 buck an hour job
<sherlock_holmes|eating> no the worst part is i left my
anatomy book over at their place and i don't have the balls to
go over and ask for it =(

<rbeattie> If you were MEANT to understand it, we wouldn't
have called it 'code'

<maverick> I hate you leo, go fuck yourself.
<leo> Dont tell me what the fuck to do
<leo> Your not my fucking mom
<maverick> uhh, yeah i am..
<leo> ??????
<maverick> oh, i thought you said "your not fucking my mom"..

<tHEMiDENS> ok, anyone got their list sent to fbi ?
<fyre> i have the fbi with me now
<fyre> we're watching shrek 2

<NOFX`> once a week someone threatens to take te channel
<NOFX`> its getting old
<NOFX`> iwish theyd threaten like my anal virginity or
something
<NOFX`> i mean something im actually scared of losing

<Dekan-> WHAT THE FUCK... My Right nut is folded down under
and then backaround ontop of my left nut
<%Eizneckam> Umm
<souletr> did you know that jesus smoked three packs a day?
<@mootlif3> what the fuck is wrong with this chat..

<Dark_un> monitors so dark
<Dark_un> cant watch rush hour 2
<Dark_un> can barely see chris tucker

<Allen> what about Hall?
<CactusJac> he died
<Mikey316> he was arrested
<Allen> make up your mind..
<CactusJac> He was arrested for dying.

<@skold> is this going to be a 'my penis is bigger than yours'
conversation? cuz i have a ruler and a camera.

<Tankero> Well, when the SWAT team comes through the window,
I'm not going down without a fight. One of them is going to
get a cat to the face.

<Maxamillion> Im taking this computer class, and it's filled
with people like me
<Maxamillion> hardcore gamers
<Maxamillion> and the teacher asked us to name a type of
weapon
<Maxamillion> so my friend said "BFG 9000"
<Maxamillion> and everyone got the joke
<Maxamillion> even the teacher
<Yemen> omg... nerds
<Maxamillion> i love that class
<Yemen> :D

<caddoo> why do you need condoms sent to you discreetly, you
can get them in toilets, schools, chemists and they are all
pretty discrete.
<EvilDr.X> I dunno, man. I had a friend who used a condom he
found in a toilet, he got a really bad infection.

<SorcererX> Dispatched on March 21, 2004  Delivery estimate:
Mar 19, 2004 - Mar 22, 2004
<SorcererX> now... I've seen inaccurate estimates before...
but this takes the cake
<SorcererX> "we assume that it'll arrive two days ago or in
the next 12 hrs... and the package has to go 2000 km"

>>> join/#php: jbc [[email protected]]
< haazard> do you know php?
< jbc> no, this is a drugs channel
< jbc> we used to be #pcp
< jbc> but we all forgot how to spell it

<air0day> im not fucking burning crosses in the lawns of
gender benders
<air0day> im talking about who i want to and don't want to
have sex with
<air0day> i think i should be allowed to have pretty specific
opinions on where i'd like to put my penis
<devnulled> like in a bowl of m&m's for instance
<air0day> right
<air0day> a bowl of m&ms is just fine

fallouswk > bwahahahaha.  coworker comes in with a problem,
gets halfway into the explanation and then pauses and says
"umm, it smells like you've been farting in here"  "yes, I
have"  "I'm going to leave now"  "I think that would be best"

*** Alluro95-School ([email protected]) Quit (Quit:
typos sick)
*** Alluro95-School ([email protected]) has joined #
vgmusic
<Alluro95-School> I mean
*** Alluro95-School ([email protected]) Quit (Quit:
typos suck)

<yossarian> theres a hole in my bucket
<tomg> yossarian: did microsoft make it?
<yossarian> yes, MSBucket
<tomg> have they made a patch for it yet?
<tomg> no, they probably want you to upgrade to Bucket.NET
<yossarian> with what shall i fix it dear microsoft, dear
microsoft?
<tomg> well the CBR (common bucket runtime) will have embedded
security to prevent leaks

<mindcrime> i er
<mindcrime> hung up with the pizza dude
<mindcrime> and i were like going to say "ah, lovely, thanks"
<mindcrime> and i er
<mindcrime> managed to say "I love you"
<mindcrime> he must think im a complete freak

tp: Ewwwwwwww! I was jerking off, and my cat kinda jumped on
my stomach before................yeah....... now I gotta give
the cat a bath or my parents will think i'm a perv..... :(
Psycho_James: Dude, you jerked off on your cat, YOU ARE a
perv...

<@Mike> LOL. I thought my chair was squeaking
<@Mike> it was a damned bird outside
<@Kimaroo> lol
<%Blacksheep> oil the bird

<Valas> i think my family left me and went on vaction
<Valas> nobody has answered the phone for 3 days
<Fulmanar> lol
<Valas> and my bro hasnt been home either
<Valas> this is what they did on thanksgiving
<Valas> they all went to toronto and didnt tell me
<Valas> and came back 2 days later
<Valas> i should leave a suicide note and run away for like a
month, and come back and tell them "See how it feels you
stupid fucks"
<Fulmanar> lmao

<@LoungeServ> For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never
opened, small stain.

<MiniMizer> Can you spell GEY?!?

[aiken_drum] Holy shit.
[aiken_drum] Have I just come into a random room and people
are talking about tentacle sex?
[aiken_drum] I love this program.

<sartan> I have removed the air cover on the cisco 6513
chassis.  the rush of hot air tingles against my naked
transistors.  I slowly slide my upgrade card into the open
slot, gasping as I feel the flow of air sharply cut off,
jolting as the spark of electricity initiates the rom
cycle....

<timmyB> yeah well i intend to live forever
<timmyB> so far so good

<AL9000> my fatty little brother is pissed b/c I wrote
"treadmill" on his Christmas list

<aamP> i named my two goldfish 1 and 2
<aamP> because if 1 died i still had 2

<foolsCAP> how much is an abortion? i want to get my
girlfriend a gift certificate for one for valentines day

<Amanda> USER             TTY      FROM              LOGIN@ 
IDLE WHAT
<Amanda> amanda           p0       ppp152.acelink.n  2:46AM 
- pico vi-tutorial

Xeno0540: XP freezes/goes very slow way too much
Trypa Likes Cats: Becuase XP sucks
Trypa Likes Cats: It sucks like ME!
Trypa Likes Cats: ERrr
Trypa Likes Cats: MILLENIUM EDITION
Trypa Likes Cats: God damnit

<Black_Dog> "^\\([^ ()]+\\)\\(([0-9]+\\),\\([0-9]+\\))"
<Black_Dog> Gotta love regexps
<Bl1tz|work> it looks like some elaborate Japanese smiley
<Bl1tz|work> like "your parents just found out you've been
slacking in class and you also have the flu"

Lord Almighty 3: yo
onkeybutt87: can you make a rock that you can't lift?
onkeybutt87: because if you're all-powerful... you can make
something unliftable
onkeybutt87: but if you're all-powerful, you can also lift it
onkeybutt87: which wouldn't make it unliftable
Lord Almighty 3: ...
Lord Almighty 3: shit

<sho3boy_kixx> What's the difference between jam and jelly?
<kwistlebear> wht?
<sho3boy_kixx> I can't jelly my cock down your throat

<Tully> Without looking at your keyboard, tell me what order
the letter keys are in (from left to right)

<Oddlies> spawn killing is when you kill someone as they
respawn you nub
<Chimp> I do that in wolfenstein with the mortar
<Oddlies> then you're a spawn kiling nub
<Oddlies> :. sux
<Oddlies> spawn killing is not cool D:
<Chimp> They are liek: OMG YOU NUB! I HAT YOU! STOP IT PLESE.
CAN YOU TEACH ME HOW TO SPAWN KILL?
<Chimp> I only do it when I need the xp
<Oddlies> that's like saying "I only rape toddlers when I need
to get laid"
<Oddlies> it doesn't make it cool

<Pad-lock> Hey Shithead! You want a fuckin fight?!?! If so
come to #teens4christ That is.. if your not a fuckin PUSSY!!!!

<BunnyMan730> So in my massive driving fit yesterday, I went
into a Smiths up in north ogden to get a drink and a snack, I
saw the pharmisit thingy and decided to walk up to it and ask
for some condoms... The guy there said "Sure... What are you
going to use them for?"...
<keucu> ..............
<keucu> What the Hell.

<crisp> http://www.sexfantasyzone.com/main/category.cfm?
Category=7&aff=12691
<bongy> frankly, i'm getting myself one of those!
<bongy> "Glow In The Dark Vagina Orifice. It looks so real,
especially during use. Mild lime scent."
<bongy> tara, does your orifice glow in the dark?
<Teargarden> only if I have a flashlight up my ass
<Teargarden> er...um...nevermind

<Taganath> Mary had a little lamb.  It bumped into a pylon. 
Ten thousand volts went up its arse and turned its wool to
nylon!

<ubmentor> guys..greatest dialogue ever
<ubmentor> check this out
<ubmentor> girl: oh my god, that was incredible
<ubmentor> guy: yeah.. you're amazing.  you almost made me
come
<ubmentor> girl: what?! then what the hell did I swallow?!
<SilentSnipa> hahaha

<UPC747> Og may I PM you?
<Ogredude> yah
<^^DeAmOn^> Og, may I smack you?
<Pi> Og, may I DoS you?
<Wulfsbane> Og, may I annoy you?
<Schlock> Og, may I eat you?
<Simon_Jester> Og, may I violate your dog?
<Vorn> Og, may I... aw, jeez, I'm not following that.

<@SLing> anyway I love grocery shopping because I get to make
my family look like fools
<@SLing> the other day we were at the grocery store
<@SLing> and the first place was all the melons (like
canteloupe, grapefruit, etc)
<evolsoulx> mmhmm
<@SLing> anyway I remembered hearing from some TV chef that
before buying melons you're supposed to knock on them
<@SLing> so
<@SLing> I stood there
<@SLing> for five minutes
<@SLing> knocking on melons
<@SLing> people started looking at me strange
<evolsoulx> lol
<@SLing> I was like "It's ok, the TV chef told me to"
<Erik> lol
<@SLing> I'd knock on one and be like "This one sounds fresh"
<@SLing> long story short I don't have to go grocery shopping
anymore

<Dro0> i dont wanna be alarmist here
<Dro0> but i'm prety sure that the guy trying to configure the
core router in chicago
<Dro0> is googling "subnetting"

<palos> i loved electives cause there were actually girls in
them, oh and they were really easy :)
<blindwork> the girls or the classes?
<palos> yes

<BigNTall> Ohhhh Kay... I'm on some clothing seller forums,
and a common theme is how to get a stain out of an otherwise
perfect garment. Someone posted a "Guide to removing stains
from children's clothing". Possible stains include liquor,
wine, and semen

<Squidwerd> *sings* Ooooooooo-oh
supersadomasochistinecrobestiality, it's when you get a
hard-on making Lassie a fatality!

<Canopus>  ...I need to learn how to cook ribs.
<Kreldin>  The easiest way is to wrap them in tin foil, with a
reservoir of spices and sauce and boil water beneath it to
steam them. And then just cover it in dough to fry it.
<Kreldin>  Actually, I'm just making shit up off the top of my
head. But that sounds like it would be awesome.

<Darksyde> dood you make texas look like a big dildo
<blazemore> i'd rather be a big dildo than a small dildo
<blazemore> especially the kind the secretes fake jizz that
tastes like oranges
<Geek-> lol
<Geek-> how would you know about that shit?
* blazemore is away

<Blee> i went downtown for halloween and we saw a midget
<Blee> and this guy was like "THAT COSTUME IS AWESOME"
<Blee> oh it was horrible but everyone laughed

<pubatch> i saw the funniest fucking thing last night
<pubatch> i was driving home and this guy walks out in the
crosswalk when im barreling towards it
<pubatch> it turns out to be a blind guy with his big gay
white stick, and a yellow jacket with SECURITY written on the
back
<pubatch> i donno what the fuck he was guarding but im pretty
sure its stolen by now

< Cronos Gabliani > I personally belive that in any situation
that you expect a kick in the balls, and you get a slap in the
face, thats a victory.

<thinkmad> vvhat is pengs real name
<timmo> chris
<timmo> is your w broken?
<thinkmad> no

<happyguy> guess what! i actually found jeans of length 30-34!
<trio82> you wear 30-34's? whats ur height and weight?
<happyguy> 6'3", 150lbs
<banished> youre 6'3" and you weigh 150lbs?
<banished> i thought you said you were american

<Schismo5000>Did you know Hitler couldn't have kids?
<PeterH>...
<Schismo5000>Yea, he was anti-semenic
<PeterH>Dude, thats anti semeTic, and it means he hated jews
<Schismo5000>Oh
<Schismo5000>>_<
<PeterH>o_O

<mogismog> I hate people who come onto IRC and whine

<RedLeader> So you like ju-jitsu tonight?
<Cigz> Yea, it was fun but I prefer my judo
<RedLeader> why, you think all of that throwing people around
is cooler?
<Cigz> Ya damn right, the laddies love that stuff
<RedLeader> ...
<Cigz> shit, LADIES
<RedLeader> ba HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<Cigz> look, let's just keep this our little secret, alright?
<RedLeader> Sure dude, don't worry about it ;)
<Cigz> you bastard....

<Ravage> anyone here have a computer?

<Gostie_hungover> the worst thing about having been drunk on
irc is that you don't get any blissful ignorance about the
things you said the night before
<Gostie_hungover> you just scroll up and there it is

(@Cradly): wouldnt you want to know if your box can be easily
rooted?
(@Slyder) Its not entirely my box ;)
(@def): would you like it to be?

sup lyndz: "That's what you tell your parents if they catch
you masturbating. I WASN'T MASTURBATING. I WAS CLEANING IT AND
IT WENT OFF."

<Vino> I'd jack off in the middle of a circular buttsex chain
for a klondike bar
<Brother_Shinobi> ...
<Tempyst> ...
<Keyse|2> ...
<Muffdan> ...

<Robot> I heard that a lemon is a good contraceptive.
<end_game> yeah mate,
<end_game> i heardit's actually tested to be better protection
than a condom
<Robot> Really????
<end_game> yeah. you can't get a lemon pregnant.
<Robot> ahahaha
<Robot> No harm in trying it. Might sting a bit.
<end_game> you or her?
<Robot> She can get her own god damn lemon.