bash.org archive

actualism: if you bet an emo kid 20 bucks that he won't kill
himself, you'll either be 20 bucks richer or break even

<SkyKing> freudian whip
<SkyKing> i mean slip
<SkyKing> doh

Boboray202: If Intelligent Design existed, my hand would be
self-lubricating!

<LadyLazaruss> LOL my student just sent me an email with the
subject line "hey baby"
<Allahkat> HAHAHAHA
<bunnie> whoa
<LadyLazaruss> closely followed with an "oops... disregard
that last email!!!"
<Loser> hahahaha
<Allahkat> LMFAO

<Bludywar> can ne one get me a cdkey for counter strike
<Bludywar> a working one
<Rhyth> Go and buy a copy of hl?
<Bludywar> I got one
<Bludywar> my boy ate the fucking cd key
<Bludywar> he took the sticker part off and ate it
<Rhyth> :/
<Bludywar> can  you give me the cdkey?
<Bludywar> can ne one give me a cdkey tho
<Bludywar> for counter strike
<Rhyth> Your boy ate it?
<Bludywar> ya
<Rhyth> That's the most absurd excuse for not having a cdkey
ever.

<Jinxed> [N] Cannot join channel #vagina (Invite only)
<Kreegle> story of your life eh Jinxed?

<Nall> type /nick newname to fix your name
*** amit is now known as newname

<@Lujan> yet because more and more ppl are getting bigger tvs,
and more computers, air con etc
<@Lujan> last house I was in was so old it had 10amps for the
whole fucking house
<@Lujan> put some toast in the toaster and the computer
rebooted
<Durus> hahahaha lujan.  that's some funny shit
<@Lujan> Durus: no its not. I am the only person on the planet
who had to run his toaster of his UPS

*** Rossy is now known as Rossy|Married
<Rossy|Married> ullo
<StoneColdSpider> u poor bastard Rossy
<Rossy|Married> thanx StoneColdSpider I still see you must be
having a successful relationship with you PC
<StoneColdSpider> oh i am indeed we are expecing a palm pilot
anyday now

<cvd> fscking Cisco 3.0 material is in Engrish or some shit
<cvd> It's hard to study shit when they can't even write a
complete sentence
<Macolio> super happy 100% network failure occurance!

<+Camus> im palazed!
<+Fleebis> Palazed?
<+Fleebis> Paralyzed?
<+Camus> yea
<+Camus> close
<+Camus> kinda
<+Camus> i just type in the first letter
<+Camus> and hit a couple keys
<+Fleebis> oh, i underktnjd

<Ninja>  What if on the next smash there was online gameplay
and for every bodies colors they could have different moves
<TestRider>  What if a op barged in here and banned your ass?
<Ninja>  oh really and who are you?
<@McFox>  Apparently he's a psychic.

<Bleepy> hmm this isn't good... not good atall
<Bleepy> i have an auto responder to my emails, and so does my
friend i emailed, and umm it kept boucning, and now i have
17041 emails (16000 of which cannot be displayed)
<Daishi> that waas you!?!

<linuxelf> During our last camping trip, we came up with a new
idea for the japanese.  Having a bunch of guys pour coffee on
a woman's face, and call it Bukkoffee.
<linuxelf> yeah, we had a few beers...

Cat1013: So, my boss is blabbing on about "how to improve your
productivity and be a mental asset to the company"
Cat1013: And all I can think of is how the letters in "mental
asset" can be rearranged to spell "metal ass net"
Cat1013: I think I need therapy

<Bulbareon> Avalanche prevention goggles.
<Bulbareon> Battery powered battery charger.
<Bulbareon> Braille Drivers' Manual
<FlareonAtma> helicoptor ejection seat
<FlareonAtma> submarine screen window
<FlareonAtma> iMac
<Bulbareon> lol

<brooksie> what is the point of a name server
<[Piratez]> hi 67.87.0.196

Park: oh god
Park: was hanging out with a couple of my friends who are like
between the ages of 13-17
Park: and one of them got ahold of my wallet
Park: Well, long story short, one of my condoms is now a
giraffe balloon animal

<Turing_> this is going to sound very gay, but we were
watching the discovery channel today at work where there were
these sort of african olympics in a tribe when a male reaches
mating age
<Turing_> anyways...the guy had to be nude and do this relay
on a balance beem to appease some god
<kunio> HAW
<Turing_> it was strange because even flacid he had a penis
the size of the empire state building
<orestes--> gah
<dab[afk]> ugh
<Turing_> it was mesmorizing, my secretary kept in rythym to
its bobbing
<Turing_> lol
<Turing_> I felt terribly inadequate
<Turing_> I hate the discovery channel

<[SA]Mastiff> No.  You are underage, and should not drink.
<[SA]Mastiff> Go back to playing with Legos.
<MaryFuckingPoppins> I don't have any Legos =(
<Rigel> Fuck you Mastiff, Legos kick ass
<Rigel> I set them up as the OPFOR while playing with my Moses
Action Figure and army men
<Rigel> The Legos lost because moses had the Ark of the
Convenant
<Rigel> And just like in the Bible it shot lightning and
stuff.
<Rigel> And then the Army Men put the legos in a concentration
camp and that was the end of the Third Reich
<Rigel> And THEN Moses beat hitlers face in with the Ten
Commandments
<Rigel> "Thou Shalt Not Be a Faggotyass Dictator"
<Rigel> "Thou Shalt Not Raise the Undead"
<Rigel> "Thou Shalt not put foxy agents in skintight leather
and give them silenced Sten guns"
<Rigel> And then back into the Time Portal he jumped, taking
the army men with him!
<Rigel> I should film this shit

<rouge> you vegetarian?
<AlmtyBob> yah
<rouge> i'm sorry. :/

<xtal> I am a trekker. I am a devout fan, but not enough to
spend all my waking hours sewing costumes, assembling prop
replicas, going to conventions, learning klingon, quibbling
over the finer points of canon, and not having sex.
<xtal> which is to say
<xtal> while i'm not having sex anyway
<xtal> it's not star trek's fault.

·FightinCatholic· When i realized the sims had a better life
than me
·FightinCatholic· I quit

Jeff: I got a hug from a girl at work today.
Vann: cool
Jeff: No, not really...
Jeff: She was wearing a shirt that my ex has...the exact one
Jeff: As well at the matching shoes my ex has...the exact ones
Jeff: As well as the exact perfume my ex wears.
Jeff: ....
Jeff: She must be killed.
Jeff: I'm not falling for that one twice.
Vann: lol

atomicmint2006: this whole project raped me in the butthole
dahlia: that's no good.
dahlia: butthole sex needes tenderness and lube.
atomicmint2006: yeah, well this project
atomicmint2006: used a sandpaper condom

<+DoomSooth> I went to Providence Middle School in Virginia.
<+DoomSooth> The cheerleaders had PMS in big letters on their
uniforms.

iHeartDonKnotts: So Tuesday we go to Fry's
iHeartDonKnotts: And I buy a few CD-Rs
iHeartDonKnotts: Rick buys Half Life Platinum Pack, despite
all of us urging him not to
iHeartDonKnotts: And Mo fucking steals two hard drives, a
9700, and an mp3 player
cyateon: wtf
iHeartDonKnotts: I know!
iHeartDonKnotts: Fuck, Rick, I'll burn it for you!

* MaianAlien goes to reformat other PC.
<Jerec> It's as if a million files suddenly cried out in
terror, and were suddenly silenced.

<Wretched> Right now Im having amnesia and deja vu at the same
time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

<janelle> i hate guys
<PacerX> hey, people can piss me off too, but i don't write
off their whole gnder
<PacerX> that would make me a feminist

<mirv> I sincerely hope this France -> Freedom thing doesn't
go on for long.
<Palpz> And in the news today, the United States Congress
passed legislation renaming the Country of France to
"Freedom".
<DyRE> i'm so glad the people running my country are actually
12-years old. i'm sure it won't be long now before some noted
US politician calls Iraq "gay."

2( SilentSniper )  : I took my ps2 to florida, and the
airport security bomb checker dude wouldnt stop asking me
questions... "Did you get it when it was $200 or $300? Should
I get an XBox or a PS2? I heard that a Ps3 is coming out? What
is the best game?"
14( OuT-4-BlooD )  : haha
02( SilentSniper )  : SHUT UP AND LOOK FOR DANGEROUS
EXPLOSIVES AND QUESTIONABLE FOREIGNERS

<ssdd534> arg... whats the best way to deal with a .rar on
solaris?
<Atomix> rm

Eros: I'm going to shave off all the hair on my body and go
running down my street screaming about how aerodynamic I am.

Jigglyjuff: that's worse then that peanut, butter and jelly
sandwich i hear all americans like
<CHAT MattDavis>  no
<CHAT MattDavis>  peanut butter
Jigglyjuff: oh! that makes much more sense

(ndrj): anyone good with sound tech here?
(ndrj): if i put a pair of cheap mp3 headphones in my PC i get
lots of buzzing/electric noise, but if I put decent/expensive
pair in i don't. what is it that removes this, what should I
be looking for when I buy a pair? :P
(decx): the sennheiser logo

<paroneayea> Oh man!  Oh man!  Oh man!
<paroneayea> I have to tell you people the funniest thing
ever.
<paroneayea> This friend of mine, a theater major, walks into
my room.  "Do you have a printer I can borrow?" she says.
<paroneayea> "Yes," I say, "but it's an old LaserJet 4L.  Is
that alright?"
<paroneayea> "Should be," she responds.
<paroneayea> Then she hands me this paper.  It's like normal
paper, but thicker, and... not friendly.
<paroneayea> I ask what it is and she says "cardstock."
<paroneayea> I raise an eyebrow and say, "you do realize that
there's no way in hell my printer is going to print on this
paper."
<paroneayea> "Oh."
<paroneayea> "Well," she says, "could we print it on normal
paper and somehow transfer it to the cardstock?"
<paroneayea> "What, like print it out and literally cut it up
and glue it on there?"
<paroneayea> "No, like, if you printed it out and then stuck
it in your scanner, maybe we could print it out again on the
cardstock?"
<althalus> wtf
<paroneayea> She couldn't understand why I was laughing so
hard
<Wilf> lol
<althalus> that needs to go up on bash.
<paroneayea> agreed

*** bluntonio is now known as bluntplane
<bluntplane> i have the worst goddamn neighbor on this plane
<bluntplane> dude keeps scratching his fungus-infected foot
and shit
<bluntplane> and his balls
<bluntplane> and then touches his face
<bluntplane> has his legs crossed so his shoeless-foot is
dangerously close to my leg (wearing shorts)
<bluntplane> i'm about to tell him if his foot touches me
again we're going to have a problem
<bluntplane> in civil disobedience protest i am attempting to
fart a lot
<bluntplane> he is so fucking nasty
<bluntplane> i want to stab him in the throat
<bluntplane> a lot
<bluntplane> as in, i both want a lot to stab him in the
throat
<bluntplane> and i would like to stab him in the throat a lot
<bluntplane> i would also be okay if he died of aids
<bluntplane> or anything else other than a plane crash
<bluntplane> but most especially by a stab to the throat
<bluntplane> stab(s)
<bluntplane> oh and he is now picking his nose
<bluntplane> oh fuck me
<bluntplane> here is the crown jewel
<bluntplane> dude just went into the bathroom in his socks
<bluntplane> THIS NASTY MOTHERFUCKER
<bluntplane> I HOPE YOU DIE
<bluntplane> i would piss in this guy's face if i could
<bluntplane> i would piss in his wife
<bluntplane> YEA KEEP PICKING THAT FUCKER AND WIPING ON YOUR
PANTS
<bluntplane> MAYBE YOU WILL FIND SOME SHAME UP IN THERE
<bluntplane> if i murder this fuck, will you guys kick in for
bail ?
<bluntplane> also, is "he needed killing" a valid defense ?
<bluntplane> and finally, if I murder him on the plane while
in the air, what state has jurisdiction ?
*** Signoff: bluntplane (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<spook> Federal
<nordberg> so.. is bluntonio in jail?
<nordberg> cause...  I'll totally chip for bail

<Hahn> I'm such a coding novice! My nipples get all hard when
something compiles correctly.

* Spanky-G has parts of the old testament in his lungs
<Angel``> ??
<Spanky-G> I ran out of cigarette paper...

themuffinman217: so what are the specs on your new system?
themuffinman217: did you benchmarck it?
Treeko: 16khz processor
Treeko: 7 bytes of ram
Treeko: 100 bits of harddrive space
Treeko: a 16x16 monochrome display
themuffinman217: qort36i16[okf[23
Treeko: and the audio can do beeps in both high pitch AND low
pitch
themuffinman217: so... dell?

<Nosnam> Who?
<mystie> this dude on jeopardy, he was on his 20th return
today
<Nosnam> Woah
<mystie> I didn't happen to catch if he won again today
<NeoHentaiMaster> he is a robot sent from the future to win
the prize money so others cant
<NeoHentaiMaster> he will slowly drain the world economy until
all collapses into chaos
<Nosnam> George Bush is on jeopardy?

<cgirl> Wouldn't it suck to find a dead body
<InCDeathmeister> male or female?

<Phillip`> i just had starbucks coffee
<K_Russell> join #someonewhocares :(
<Phillip`> no one is there :(

<novalis> How many surrealists does it take to change a
lightbulb?
<novalis> Two. One to hold the giraffe, and another to fill
the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

<SyntaxError> So how do you guys think Bush is doing
<Pacster> Don't get me started ...
<Merrick178> I'm sick of people hating Bush
<Pacster> Omg -.-
<Merrick178> He's doing pretty good for a retarded person

[RJoeFish] hmmm
[RJoeFish] my mom forwarded me something called 'Who's your
daddy?', this can't be good

<Dreamlyre> wife, hooker...its about the same...you gotta pay
for it

<@|KFG|Candle[DDD]> im from uganda
<@cylyk> interesting
<@cylyk> i'm canadian!
<@|KFG|Candle[DDD]> actually im not from uganda
<@|KFG|Candle[DDD]> where is canada?
<@swolf> its an american expansion pack

<viro|work> i remember my birth
<viro|work> it sucked :(
<regener8ed> i remember your conception
<regener8ed> it rocked

<QuackFuzed> you wont answer stupid questions posed by stupid
people anyways, so what's the worry?
<[CJ]> i won't answer that

<Ryz0r> are your parents gona be at your party?
<z3phyr> my mum is
<Ryz0r> is she cool?
<z3phyr> yeah she is she lets me pretty much do what i want
when i want
<z3phyr> all my mates think she is cool which is worrying
<Ryz0r> you think you've got it bad
<Ryz0r> all my mates want to sleep with my mum
<z3phyr> well she is pretty fit
<Rey> Yeah, I'd hit it.
<Lord_Cocktax> me too!
<Ryz0r> AAGH!!

<fecolalia> i try and be humble
<fecolalia> but I KNOW MORE THAN YOU
<fecolalia> SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP

<[ccp]Gib_Omelet|work> i know one mac user. he says if i keep
teasing him, he's gonna call the other 6 and beat me up

* lloy0076 ponders
< lloy0076> If I take the source code, which is under GPLv2,
and translate it from C to Perl (changing it only to fit the
new language)...I wonder if the GPL covers that translation I
made...
< cafuego> converting C to perl is covered by the death
penalty, i believe

RageOmega: my gf's father yelled at me when he found out i
took her virginity, i told him it wouldnt happen again and he
let me off the hook

<b1u3> when i was in like 5th grade, a DARE cop came to visit
our class
<b1u3> he was going through his whole deal like 'yes im a real
police officer, and this is a real gun on my belt, and if you
try to grab it im trained to break your arm upon reflex' and
of course we had a doped up kid with ADD in our class who only
heard 'this is a real gun, try to grab it'

Chrono-Z >> So yeah I think I'm going to invent a bra bomb and
pay some crazy hard up person to wear it into airport security
so bras will be banned on flights, from that point it's just a
matter of finding a good seat to watch from.

Cyclone: o i love pussy ;D
McKhaos: i love christmas better
McKhaos: it comes around more often

<november7> 100 pts
<`red> in canada we get 200 pts for running over americans.
<november7> yea but over here your points arent worth shit

WALLOP shadow:  $ my throat is killing me.. anyone got tips
how to reduce the pain?
WALLOP shadow:  $ no, it's not caused by swallowing semen
WALLOP shadow:  $ I don't think swallowing semen would help
either
WALLOP shadow:  $ I see.. so honey + lemon + warm milk/water
would help
WALLOP shadow:  $ no, I'm not going to mix up any semen with
that
WALLOP shadow:  $ I wonder what whiskey + warm milk would
taste like
WALLOP shadow:  $ No, I don't think it would taste like semen
WALLOP shadow:  $ FINE! I'll try the semen, so shut up
already!

<trimp> indd: go smell your mom's panties
<indd> i cant, she threw them at aerosmith.

<Cody> Hmmm
<Cody> Amazon offers a discount if you buy Adam Smith's Wealth
of Nations at the same time as Marx's Communist Manifesto...

*** hohum ([email protected]) has joined channel #iraq
<hohum> how are you gentlemen?
<hohum> all your base are belong to US

<TURBOMEAT> my car caught fire.
<TURBOMEAT> I tried to flick a cigarette out the window
<TURBOMEAT> and it was only like 1/4 down
<TURBOMEAT> so it bounced off the window and went under the
seat
<TURBOMEAT> 2 streets later there was smoke billowing out from
under me
<TURBOMEAT> it landed on some paper
<TURBOMEAT> then started to burn the material under the seat
<TURBOMEAT> I wish someone had TOLD me smoking could be
hazardous

<Orz> How old are you jennjenn?
<Orz> 12 right?
<jennjenn> 12??
<Orz> Yeah, comes after 13.
<Orz> Idiot.

<&Shauna> ~dare
<%ChocoCat>  Shauna Has Chosen Dare. Dare: Your dare is to
describe in detail the last time you masterbated.
* +Asu unzips pants and watches chat attentively
<+vegeta76> answer shauna!
<+[indy]Muaddib> answer
<+[indy]Muaddib> in detail
<+bahn> She's working on it... :P
<&Shauna> bahn is taking notes
<+[indy]Muaddib> hes got his pencil out but hes not taking
notes

<@rtav> CaptainX, It is considered outdated and sexist to
refer to your barbecue with "her"
<@rtav> CaptainX, Unless it is an erotic barbecue with the
erotic feature set of a woman.
<@rtav> Then I propose that you are confusing a hooker with a
barbecue.
<@rtav> To determine once and for all whether you are dealing
with a barecue or a hooker, simply light it on fire.
<@rtav> If it runs, you are dealing with a hooker.
<@rtav> If it does not, you are either dealing with a barbecue
or a dead hooker.

<DoomLord9> heh. reminds me of the other day. my mom walked up
to me with a pair of panties and says "i found these in your
room. care to explain" i was like "......no, i can't explain
that, but thank you for the hope that women come into my room
and strip when i'm not there. you have made my day happy"
<DoomLord9> unfortunetly, they were just my sisters she had
just taken out of the wash. i was kinda bummed about that