bash.org archive

<Flora Fairie> - I need some advice about men
<Shadowdean> - Swallow

<Zimbu> heh, the ad bar on fark speaks for itself...
<Zimbu> "1000s of naked women on your desktop! NSFW!: 18
comments"
<Zimbu> "Revenge Lady- My story of complete and utter
humiliation: 8 comments"
<Zimbu> "i saw a turtle: 1136 comments"

<Matilde> Hiroshima '45, Nagasaki '45, Chernobil '86, Windows
'95

<^Tony_Soprano^> TommyT, we all knw that all girls on mirc are
guys, all guys are guys, and little boys are FBI agents

<Algorithms> I just threw a squirrel carcass in a cardboard
box and installed NetBSD on it.

Tammy: julia is having to cancel lunch, her uncle was murdered
tladd: :O
Tammy: you want to do lunch :)
tladd: sure.

<IDK> She sure didn't look 15 dancing around in her underwear.
<mothoc> that's probably why your friend was arrested
<IDK> The moral is, beware Russian/Eastern European accents.
<IDK> Apparently, the fall of the Soviet Union caused the
world market to be flooded with weapons-grade jailbait.

<Mikado`> 128's were down to 70 1.5 months ago
<JohnnyBra> 1.5 months???
<JohnnyBra> when the hell did we start talking in decimals!
<mankindJB> 2.3 minutes ago

* Eudoxus has joined #math
<Eudoxus> Can anyone help me write 1/(x^2-3x+2) as a power
series in x and find its radius of convergence?
<vrover> No
<vrover> But we can give you a lollipop
<vrover> Have a lollipop?

<Storm> Ah shit theres a fire in the dorms
<Storm> Guess I should leave, brb
<Zekk> Hhmm.... that sucks
<Storm> Whew, it got put out
<Zekk> Everything OK?
<Storm> Yea, we are thinking about starting another one to get
all the chicks out there in their underwear again  =P

<Happy_Dot> So my dad and I were reading readers digest, and
there was this ad for some apocalypse book. It said "The end
is near! Dont delay! This book will tell you everything you
need to know! Hurry!" Then, at the bottom of the page, it says
: please allow 6 to 8 weeks for delivery.

diggertrocknroll: Graham, my girlfriend just listed bukkake as
one of the top five ways to kill a man
diggertrocknroll: I blame you
Grahamenstein: why me?
Grahamenstein: there were four other guys

David> Mexicans are some hardworking motherfuckers.
David> This area LOVES mexicans.
David> Because of all the farms and such around here.
David> Particularly the mushroom farms.
David> It's hard to find workers for such places
David> But those fuckers could put together a house in a few
hours if they'd never picked up a hammer before
David> As opposed to white people
David> Who would think about it for a few seconds
David> Then call the contractor
David> Who would assign a foreman
David> Who would hire mexicans to do it

<DeathRay> My car can fly thanks to the power of lies!

<nefzen539> What's wrong with maroon 5?
<pr0nstar> They're a boyband, girls like boy bands
<nefzen539> based on the evidence... i must be gay
<pr0nstar> it does seem likely...
<nefzen539>It must be that every male i've come into contact
with is horrendously ugly cos i haven't been attracted to any
<pr0nstar> as unlikely as that sounds it is more likely than a
straight male liking maroon 5

<@Shadowbuilder> haha have you ever seen that commercial
<@Shadowbuilder> theres kid talking on a chat room
<@NwG|Canucks> no explain
<@Shadowbuilder> hes cybering with some girl, and he says
"moan, moan for me as load as possible"
<@Shadowbuilder> then you hear thing sound come from the
corner of his house, soudns like moaning
<@Shadowbuilder> and the kid says "mom?????"
<@NwG|Canucks> lol

<|shark|> if a guy took a home pregnancy test
<|shark|> and it turned out positive
<|shark|> what does that mean?
<Merl> shark.. go see a doctor man ;-)

<chanman3> does irc stay open on christmas

<Kiell> So I get a text message on Friday from a number I
didn't recognise...
<Kiell> it reads:
<Kiell> "Hi agatha this is betty i do not have very many
clothes to be ironed this week i am sorry but please can you
come next week. i hope you are well. betty."
<Kiell> I ponder this for an hour or two, and then reply:
<Kiell> "That's ok, betty.  I fucking suck at ironing. See you
next week.  Aggie."

<Hiryuu> Hurro
<Hiryuu> Very quiet in here....
<ori[Disko_inferno]> yep
<ori[Disko_inferno]> something happend, we suspect social
lifes
<Hiryuu> *gasp!*
<ori[Disko_inferno]> yes, deadly, near terminal, cases of
human interaction
<Hiryuu> OH MY GOD
<ori[Disko_inferno]> we should stop this before we look like
morons, or somebody decides to quote us.. or both

<helv> WHAT THE FUCK
<helv> a giant mini egg just drove past my house

<olik> Jesus was the best pirate of them all.
<olik> He walked the seven seas!
<deathfish> and got nailed to the plank instead of walking it

* Hitler has entered #world
* Hitler sets mode: -judaism
* Hitler was kicked from #world by Bullet (NO NAZIS)

<DarthN> so.. ana... did she touch your... "railgun"?
<ana_class> dude
<ana_class> seriously stfu
<faustwork> lol
<faustwork> did you shoot plasma?
<DarthN> HAHAHAHA
<DarthN> ROFL
<chaoworky> haha
<DarthN> omg hahaha
<ana_class> are you all in second grade still?
<chaoworky> i think he fisted her with his gauntlet
<DarthN> omg

<superghos> i'm gonna go hug my dad just so i can see the
"christ, is he gay?" face

<DooD> my stalking skills have left me with her phone number
to 100% accuracy.
<DooD> along with her home address.
<DooD> you should always pay the extra $2.00 to keep your
phone number unlisted.
<Wronski> maybe she is playing "easy to stalk"

<ThelegendarySCM> me and my buds lit a car on fire once- kinda
by accident
<ThelegendarySCM> but it was fun to watch the gas tank blow
up.
<Artanis> lol
<Artanis> :-)  where did this happen?
<ThelegendarySCM> we were out playing pranks on one of our
friends when we saw our principles's car- he was a TOTAL ass,
and we all hated him. Was a drop top, and the dude left the
top open. We climbed n and started fucking with the car, when
somehow the cifggarette lighter wnt itm goit red hot, fell out
and lit the floormats ablaze
<ThelegendarySCM> Never ran so fast from anything in my life.
After we got about 2 miles away we turned just in time to see
the gas tank go.
<Artanis> hahahhahaaha
<Artanis> and uhh, you never got caught?
<ThelegendarySCM> nope. No one saw us(for some wierd reason)
<Artanis> lol
<ThelegendarySCM> Man, that dude was HEATED the day after at
school. He dragged us all into the auditorium and we spent 6
hours there. I mean the whole school, in a crowded auditorium,
and he wouldnt lets us leave until someone confessed. No one
did, and when school did end the superintendent was waiting
for the principal. He was promptly fired for keepoing us in
that room for 6 hours.
<ThelegendarySCM> Talk about insult after injury.

<NathanielsBlaze> what do you think the game would be called
if mario had a gun
<FalconWarrior> Metroid.

<ParadoX> lol my friend just said he stole a bong from this
guys house, but from how he described it, it's a penis pump
<ParadoX> he said he put his mouth to it, and it smelled funny
<ParadoX> HAHAHA
<Phucker> Owned.

Charmaine----: I'm a 26 year old single mom ;-)
Kolobos Psychi: Holy crap! a black women IMed me! @_@
Charmaine----: How did you know I was black?

<DocWebstr> *cough*BULLSHIT*cough*
<Lazarus> Doc, you really gotta quit inhaling all that
bullshit; it's not good for you.

<Uncle_Tobias> I hate people who AIM me when I'm masturbating.
<Kevyn> I hate people who AIM at me while masturbating.

<knob> anything that starts with a "k" on linux is "gay"
<Wyred> heh, same as Konveration
<knob> oh shit
* knob is now known as gnob

<Taiken> I had this dream once...
<Taiken> Where my penis grew teeth and attacked me.
<woosh> dude
<woosh> Your penis is cool.
<woosh> I want Taiken's penis
<Kyle> ..
<woosh> That sounded so wrong.
<Kyle> Yeah.

<Teirlap> Nickelback needs to be shot. All of them.
<Bucky> Why stop there?
<Teirlap> Uh... Because I need to reload?

<malp> this channel would be an argument for forced
sterilization if there ever was a chance of any of you getting
laid
<RunMe> malp: you keep talking as if you're NOT ON this
channel

<Moebius> remember when neptune was the farthest planet?
<Moebius> good times

<timmo> i remember when my art teacher the first day of class
<timmo> first day of highschool
<timmo> made us write a a one page essay
<timmo> on
<timmo> "WHY PORN IS NOT ART"
<timmo> i think thats what set the mood for me hating him for
the rest of my highschool career
<timmo> so i wrote one on why i thought porn was art
<timmo> and got 0 for it
<timmo> i shrugged it off though
<arse-poet> so why was porn art
<arse-poet> according to your essay
<timmo> i dont know
<timmo> i think it had something to do with airbrushing
<arse-poet> lol
<timmo> i cant really remember
<jestuh> lol

<Faldarith> I should give you some information on my school,
our black population
<Faldarith> is named Andre

<+[aa]Ho_O> i would fuck any chick i see on the internet
<+sm4k[X-D]> www.tubgirl.com
<+[aa]Ho_O> fuck.
<+[aa]Ho_O> wouldnt WOULDNT WOULDNT WOULDNT WOULDNT

Erik: wow sad, mexico beat u.s. in baseball
Erik: well, then again, them mexicans sure are able to get
things past fences

* Vod recites the Mr T prayer
<Vod> Oh Baracus, who was in 'Nam, Mr. T be thy name. Thy van
will come with Face and Hannibal, on Earth as it is on
TV-Land.
<Vod> Give us this day, our daily milk, and pity us fools, as
we pity the fools who cross us.
<Vod> Lead us not into airplanes, and deliver us from Murdock.
For thine is the Mohawk and the Van, and the Gold Chains,
forever, or at least until the mid-80's. Amen.

<phlick>so apparently there was some tragedy in the
neighboorhood involving some people dieing
<phlick>and this ugly chick, nearly in tears, says "words just
can't express how many lives those people touched"
<phlick>so of course, taking the literal meaning of that i
said "of course words don't. numbers do"
<phlick>and now everyone mourns and hates :)

<CrdStang> Oh dear
<CrdStang> Oh fuck dear no
<CrdStang> My stupid ass dad just drove the ride-on lawn mower
here from his place 3/4 of a mile away

<Shibbz> my oven goes to like 750, lady who used to live here
was a chef or some shit
<Shibbz> i can bake a baby in like 10 mins
<Shibbz> OOPS i mean chicken...
<Shibbz> yeah chicken

<Narcogen> "I rented that guy's ass for an hour last night."
<Dom> ...
* Dom takes that out of context
<Narcogen> You can't take it out of context
<Dom> watch me.
<Narcogen> it's a flat-out reference to gay sex
<Dom> ...you son of a bitch.

[tim:] fuck this game
[tim:] the more you beat it the harder it gets
[tim:] ... oh god.
[tim:] that was never going to sound right.

<phish> wow, I read this in a slashdot post "Stop slouching!
It's two O'clock in the afternoon, PUT PANTS ON!" and
immediately thought...damn, he's right
<phish> ...now I just need to find my pants

<me> I had an ex called steve...who spent all his time on the
computer....so one day I stripped naked and stood beside
him...he turned around and said "I get your point" and went
back to playing his game

<+Aegis> fried chicken and malt liquor
<+Onic> what you using fried chicken and malt liquor for other
than the obvious Aegis
<+Aegis> bait
<+Aegis> my TV was stolen

<gazzy> fucken dammit u know it's a bad sign when you wake up
and "I R 1337" is written on ur penis :/

<swesticles> OK, I fixed my match.com profile. Sadly, I'll
still be a gay man with a nice butt that likes kittens for
24-72 hours until my new profile is approved :(
<Psion> what?
<swesticles> I changed my password, too, so whatever assfuck
hacked my account can suck my dick.

<@kainashi> im just 2 people short of a threesome

<FelixB> I will never forget seeing our neighbourhood kids
jerk off a horse. :)
<FelixB> These two kids were just completely fascinated by
this young stallion's erection.
<FelixB> So they started playing with it.
<FelixB> The horse was enjoying it and just stood there. :)
<FelixB> The inevitable happenned....all over one of the kids.

(@_mara) Wanted:
(@_mara) A tall, well-built woman with good
(@_mara) reputation, who can cook frogs
(@_mara) legs, who appreciates a good fuo-
(@_mara) schia garden, classical music, and tal-
(@_mara) king without getting too serious.
(@_mara) But please only read lines 1, 3 and 5.

<Vipsta> I once keylogged this guy coding C
<Vipsta> biggest fucking mess ever :\

<Erpegisson> ASCII and ye shall be ANSI.
<Tentacled> UTF??

<ducklord> You may think I'm retarded, but I actually know
some things
<ducklord> Like the square root of my telephone number

<djLiKu> tell her to give me a blueprint of her vagina
<blazemore> wtf are you gonna do with a blueprint
<blazemore> construct your own vagina?
<djLiKu> yes
<djLiKu> it's like ocean's 11
<djLiKu> i'm gonna plan out first with a demo

n e r d b 5: i smell a burning smell
n e r d b 5: maybe its my pc
n e r d b 5: oh wait, ewww, its the cat pooping

<rhpot1991> Eighty percent of our young adults (according to
National Geographic) were not able to find Iraq on the map.
<formatc> oh man that's classy
<bueller> they are ahead of their time rhpot1991
<bueller> since in five years there will be no Iraq on the map

MoonJuice: its amelia you dumb bitch
bryanvaim: you accidently typed "you" instead of "the"

<Petr> I was at work and I drove by a group of Amish people in
an electric cart full of computer equipment. I've never been
given such an evil eye by so many people at once before.

<Skye_Alpha> Warning: This has caused an illegal operation and
will shut down. This happened because you were about to save
your work, and we can't have that.

<@topsoil> The College Jeopardy winner wagered $1,337 in Final
Jeopardy... seems more like the geek hero to me :)
<@topsoil> I was hoping he'd come back and lose and then Alex
would be like, "Sorry to say this...but you wagered $1337 and
lost, which now means, *holds up sign* 'j00 4r3 n0t 1337.'"
<@topsoil> Either that or Alex would just look at him and say,
"pwn3d".

< segphault> command line interfaces, and convoluted keyboard
shortcuts I
have no problem with.... but the childproof cap
on the advil
bottle... its my arch-nemesis.

<Campbell> You know you're seriously got nothing better to do
when you start measuring time in units other than minutes and
hours.
<Oli[bath]> Win2k uptime: two quadrillion two hundred thirteen
trillion seven hundred seventy-nine billion six hundred
twenty-one million two hundred five thousand two hundred
ninety-two Caesium-133 Radiation-periods
(2,213,779,621,205,292| 2 days, 18 hours, 53 mins, 41 secs)

<Lord_Nuke> Blegh, today was annoying
<Lord_Nuke> Some people I wonder how they remember to get
dressed mornings
<l33t-mercury> how so?
<Lord_Nuke> Well, as you know, I work at the Best Buy Rebate
Center
<Lord_Nuke> So a woman calls in, she got a letter declining
her rebate request for invalid receipt
<Lord_Nuke> it turns out she bought her computer at Comp-Usa,
and then went on bestbuy.com and printed off a rebate form
<Lord_Nuke> And she wonders why she didn't get her rebate
<l33t-mercury> OMG! Rofl!
<Lord_Nuke> Yeah, well, its still better than the fool who
forgets to mail it in at all
<Lord_Nuke> Customer: "Hi, I'd like to check on my rebate.
I've been waiting 6 months"
<Lord_Nuke> Me: "Well, do you have a copy of your rebate form
with you?"
<Lord_Nuke> Customer: "Yeah, let me open my envelope here, I
have the rebate form."
<Lord_Nuke> Me: "Wait, wait. You have the envelope there? As
in you didn't mail it?"
<Lord_Nuke> Customer: "Yeah, it's right here. Can you tell me
what's taking so long?"
<l33t-mercury> lol
<Lord_Nuke> Me: "Just let me confirm this: You didn't mail it
in, and you want to know what's taking so long?"
<Lord_Nuke> Customer: "Yes, that's correct..... oh. Shit."
*click*
<l33t-mercury> haha

<plexr> do you know std c++ ?
<plexr> or is a weak understanding of VB your only strength
<ahorse_> oohhhhh he just said the equivalent of *yo momma*