bash.org archive

<netw3rkd> i was going through my parents dresser and found a
sock full of weed and took some
<netw3rkd> oh shit my mom is behind me
*** netw3rkd has Quit (Connection reset by peer)

<B-Love>:  Where the fuck did all the forks go?
<Fect>:  I ate them.
<B-Love>:  Why the fuck did you eat a fork?
<Fect>: What, you've never had the urge to eat plastic-ware?
<B-Love>:  YES, BUT I DON'T EAT THE LAST ONE!

<Raider^> Hey there, i got this new version of mirc, i should
be in invisible mode, if anyone can see my sentance please
reply.

<@Berryful> The typing is strong in this one
<@Berryful> but i fear he has fallen to the dvorak side

<Gelgameth> ...Now wait a second.. There's a class action
lawsuit against wikipedia?
<Scarab> Anyone can join in and add a grievance.

<SlyBoy> Your momma's so fat, I had to integrate her by parts.

<Hostility[B-A]> new reality show
<Hostility[B-A]> 1 man
<Hostility[B-A]> 25 women
<c0ldfyr3`HW> haha
<Exor[B-AFK]> hottub? :D
<c0ldfyr3`HW> 5 hottubs
<Hostility[B-A]> 15 dream dates
<Hostility[B-A]> in the end they find out he has aids
<Hostility[B-A]> yes
<Hostility[B-A]> Joe Aids
<Exor[B-AFK]> roflmao

<gellehsak> all the french kids at my school
<gellehsak> look at porn all day
<gellehsak> they're like
<gellehsak> "HAW HAW HAW... LE PORNO EST TRES BIEN"

<DAL9000> man real life sucks
<Spec-Chum> sure does
<DAL9000> excellent graphics, no gameplay.
<Spec-Chum> like most games :p
<mcarp> my score is low

<cads> hey, do you guys know what kind adhesive electrtical
tape uses; my borther put electrical tape on his monitor, and
it left a residue when it came off
<cads> so I need to figure out a solven that will get rid of
it
<cads> without destroying the screen finish of his (LCD)
monitor
<comemirda> cads - what happened?
<cads> he was watching anime
<cads> and he didn't want to look at the subtitles
<cads> so the idjit put a strip of electrical tape on his
monitor

<jor>  NE SXE/F W/P N A/S/L PM ME PLZ IF U R D 1 2 C 4 A BJ
KTHX

<Anarky> What's the best thing about twenty-eight-year-olds?
<Timofee> Dunno?
<Anarky> There's twenty of them dude

<Swiich> greatest thing ever in 20th century history today in
school
<Swiich> teacher was going on about the million man march
<Swiich> this kid raises his hand and says "don't you mean the
600 000 man march?"
<Swiich> teacher says "no, why?"
<Swiich> "well, 600 000 is 3/5ths of a million"

<mutey> whats the lowest priority in linux?
<smcn> mutey: ease of use

<tress> i have no arms
<tress> i have to type by blowing through a straw
<tress> i dropped my straw

<lunchbox> so get this
<lunchbox> i delivered pizza to the Microshaft building today
but I couldn't park close to the door because they have all
these fancy picnic tables out back for their employees
<lunchbox> so they're standing there watching me carry all
these pizzas to them and I finally get to the door and they
stiff me. nothing.
<fallingdogs> are you surprised?
<lunchbox> next time they order I'm going to send them a bunch
of empty boxes
<lunchbox> and write stop messages inside
<lunchbox> "0x0000000A" ...
<lunchbox> "INVALID_PROCESS_ATTACH_TIP"

<drBoston> DGMage : asl
<DGMage> You seriously need a new pickup line.
<drBoston> never
<drBoston> you don't fuck with perfection

<tetsuo> why do our bathroom signs at work have braille on
them?
<tetsuo> for that matter, why do any?
<tetsuo> what kind of cruel fuck wouldn't lead a blind person
to a bathroom?
<tetsuo> "I'm kinda busy so here's what you're going to do.
Walk down this hallway for about 40 feet. You'll come to an
interesection, take a left down that hallway and walk another
20. On your right you'll encounter two doors. Now, I can't
tell you which is which, you'll just have to find that out on
your own."

<echoplex> do you type by throwing chopsticks at a keyboard
that is spinning or something?

<GigaVirus> I've never had a firewall and never been hacked :
/.
<GigaVirus> .
<GigaVirus> That was dumb to say.

(pedxing) it takes twenty-five muscles to frown, and only
twelve to punch some wiseass in the mouth.

andrewy: linux exploits are like IF THE MOON IS IN FRONT OF
VENUS AND YOU ARE LEFT HANDED AND SOMEONE ALREADY HAS LOCAL
ACCESS AND YOU HAVE YAEWS (YET ANOTHER EMACS WEB SERVER)
INSTALLED IT MIGHT BE POSSIBLE UNDER CERTAIN CONDITIONS TO
BECOME ROOT

<RollOver> so whats the difference between dating and going
out then?
<Vindexus> Dating comes before going out, it isn't as serious.
<Vindexus> THink of dating as Beta and going out as Release.
<Vindexus> ....and that statement shows why I've never got to
play the Alpha build.

toAzron1:Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red
light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple
of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really
think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I
thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches
closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"

*** bad-_-girl has joined #devil
<[DeViL]Man> hi bad girl
<[DeViL]Man> just how bad are you?
<bad-_-girl> vey bad
<bad-_-girl> very bad
<[DeViL]Man> bad at spelling? or something else?

<bda> Wow. Five SMS and already I'm wishing I had the fingers
of a 15 year old Japanese girl.
* bda pauses.
<bda> Hmmm.
<SketchCow> I do too
<SketchCow> Wrapped around something

<kyhm> Let's just say "arting" doesn't make a good verb... ^_^
* Superkuh is still laughing.
<Ezelek> How about stabbing?
<kyhm> stabbing makes a great verb...
<Kestenvarn> How about stabbed as an adjective?
<kyhm> As in, "I'm feeling stabbed today?"  Doesn't do it for
me...
<Kestenvarn> I'm rather stabbed you would say such a shocking
thing.
<kyhm> Stab it all, why doesn't this stabbed thing work?
<Kestenvarn> I'm stabbed. Why?
<kyhm> Stab me... ^_^
<Kestenvarn> Well, go stab yourself!
<Ezelek> Note to self: Don't let any of them near words. Of
any kind.

--> Rocksteady
([email protected]) has joined
#lobby
<Rocksteady> quick i need a funny way to wake up a roomate
that doesn't involve sex or feces

<Anecdotist> I never watched the Power Rangers. So I guess I
just figured that they were like forest rangers, but more
powerful. Maybe even as powerful as me. I know that I am
pretty powerful when it comes to forest stuff, because Smokey
the Bear is all, "Only you can prevent forest fires." If I'm
the only one, I must be pretty powerful.

<@shmoo> i gatta shit
<@shmoo> bb tomorrow

<AL9000> I'm gonna make my girlfriend a valentine with the
goatse man on it, and it will have a caption that reads "I
love you thiiisss much!"

<Shrike> those lesbians
<Shrike> is there anything they won't do
<Guardian_Latino> fuck men?

<Fern> dag. some guy in NY hit 19 people with a buick regal. I
wonder if there's some sort of bonus round for that.

<FFk> Ive been living on my own for 2 weeks. Im so bad with
money and shit im drinking apple juice and eating animal
crackers.
<Goftyrind> erm....
<FFk> i can safely say i need my mommy.

Mr Kedian: I wonder if they have Santa vibrators
Mr Kedian: Santa can hurry down your chimney all year 'round
with this naughty -- and nice! -- self-pleasuring tool. Please
remove decorative hat before use.

<reptile-> I can DoS people's cars from my GBA.

<Picco|0z> {[io_sreep]} Can you explain what RAID is to me?
<halcy0n> isn't it two harddrives where one holds all the 1's
and the other holds all the 0's?

<jesus> hey hows it doin
<jesus> any little children in here
<Nyghtshade> ITS JESUS
<Nyghtshade> HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET OUT OF MY TRUNK

<Nor> i found my 1st grey pubic hair the other day :(
<Nor> It was in a BigMac

<BigBadGangsta> Not right now, trying to seduce a girl right
now
<BigBadGangsta> Mwhahahaha
<BigBadGangsta> Damn, her dad came home, she had to sign off
<IMJack> by that 'she' means "we don't have enough to convict
you and my shift is over"

<bleak> ablsh vwls! vwls r spm!
<bleak> t's wll knwn fct tht vwls s t mch bndwdth
<Alanna> bleak: OMG, for a moment there I thought that you had
learned Welsh

<darkdread> Three Middle Eastern Men Found With 1000 Cell
Phones...
<videogameaholic> you just used middle eastern and cell in the
same sentence.  answer the door, it's the fbi.

(whyte7): do you think porn is degrading to women?
(Zlumpen): only the good stuff.

<aXo> What an amazing weekend I had! I ate thirteen TV
dinners, jacked off sixteen times and consumed one alcoholic
beverage all without moving from this chair. I'm about to
watch Godfather Part 3, then eat a bag of Doritos and pass out
in a pool of my own saliva.

<kow|wk> so
<kow|wk> worth noting
<kow|wk> running "reboot -h" does NOT produce a helpful usage
message

<FuseGirl> life is like a toilet roll, when it's near the end,
you panic

<DMC[mav2]> human/animal hair can be stuffed inside panty hose
and used to suck up oil out from an oil spill
<DMC[mav2]> did you faggots know that

<Thom> ..spam has got funnier since I last checked. It used to
be 'GET A 9" DICK IN DAYS!'. Now I'm getting 'GET HUGE JUICY
TITS IN WEEKS!'
<SenorSedo> I'd rather get huge juicy tits than some black guy
showin up at my door

<tweet> does n e one else's gf ever told them they wanna fuck
you with a strapon?
<Nekorin> Good news, Tweet, you have a girlfriend.
<Nekorin> Bad news, she's thinks you're gay.

<random_monkey> "UPS" - that's the noise they make when they
drop your parcels

<bocz> cop made me get out and put my hands on my hood
<bocz> and im like 'no i cant touch the paint, its fresh'

<kdtree> i NEVER blow guys that smoke.
<razzi> that could be a nice anti-smoking campaign

<MadManDaz> I bought one of those camouflage shirts and put it
in my closet. Now I can't find it.

<^Bret^> BOW DOWN TO THE SMILEY FACE KING!
<axelf> yeah, until jamaisvu resets the stats
<^Bret^> 23044 smilies
<^Bret^> dude
<^Bret^> I work at a net cafe
<^Bret^> I have *nothing* but time on my hands
<axelf> and semen
<^Bret^> and semen

<dm0n3y>  ----------------fags type below this
line----------------------
<Vondi> Aiee
<dm0n3y> GG VONDI
<dm0n3y> wait, shit

themadchef: they dont hire that often
themadchef: i went there awhile ago
iLOVEthat AliceD: and?
themadchef: they werent hiring
themadchef: lol
iLOVEthat AliceD: thats a fucked up story man
iLOVEthat AliceD: i liked the twist ending

<exodus> When i'm 18, i'm gonna d/l sooo much porn

<GimpChimp> Spiderman just sprays white fluid via a wrist
action. We can all do that.

<Stevus> my pass is 6 letters long
<Stevus> random letters i've memorized ;D
<Dragon_Tear> kewl
<LockeJV|goPadres> it's s-t-e-v-u-s
<Stevus> nah
<Stevus> it's iakeuk
<Stevus> er
<Stevus> fuck

<JoeSCHM0E> i cook so badly, we pray AFTER meals

<Borgis> Sad, but true. The lively, fun loving, highly
animated and eccentric borgis you know and love is nowhere
near as exciting in the flesh.
<Borgis> Except for the eccentric part.
<Borgis> Andthe fun-loving part.
<Tedious_Toad> That's okay, if I was half as lively as I am on
the net in real life I'd be arrested and tried for murder,
beastiality, sodomy, indecent assault, masturbation in public
AND indecent exposure

<TheWickerMan> My cousin
<TheWickerMan> Is the epitome
<TheWickerMan> of stupidity
<TheWickerMan> I told her to clean the turkey for some dumb
party we are having
<TheWickerMan> And she puts it in the oven right
<TheWickerMan> and sets it to
<TheWickerMan> "clean"
<TheWickerMan> and I was like "y u do dat"
<TheWickerMan> "oh the oven has a clean setting"
<TheWickerMan> so we all ate
<TheWickerMan> TV dinners that night

<Mk> i dont think its a good thing to be getting flood
warnings in my email :\
<denium> thats why we have #floodhelp
<Mk> nono
<Mk> like
<Mk> weather
<denium> oh
<denium> that outside thing?

Shinryuu: I think I just heard the worst local news pun ever.
Shinryuu: "No, it's not a cartoon, It's Felix the Cat 5
Hurricane."

<-MIKE-> fuck i downloaded the movie but no sound or picture
<Patrick> that sucks.. so what the fuck did u download??
internet air?

<@Mister_IQ> you ever watch Who's Line is it Anyway?
<@Axiom> of course
<@Mister_IQ> They have the contest where they have to make
every single line a double entendre...
<@Mister_IQ> If you know what I mean...
<@Mister_IQ> I love that
<@Axiom> sounds really hard.

<scabb> Yeah, you still have to wear condoms when you're
having sex with a dead person, otherwise she might give birth
to ZOMBIES, who will CONQUER THE WORLD. And that's never a
good thing. That's why necrophilia is outlawed.

<cHiiZukAMi> lol, my gf knows how to play mario, thats so sexy
<cHiiZukAMi> i let her borrow my gameboy for band and she did
all these secret areas i forgot about
<cHiiZukAMi> who cares if a girl cant do your laundry or stuff
if she can get you to the donut secret ghost house?

<|if3|355> I GOT OWNED
<|if3|355> by partition magic 8; and a perfectly timed power
surge.