bash.org archive

|MallBrat[essay]| :"I remember the first time I jacked off. I
thought I invented it. I looked down at my handful of junk and
thought, 'I'm gonna be rich.''

<|404notfound> when you play DDR, you're dancing with SATAN
<|404notfound> unless, you know, you're doing two player
<|404notfound> because then Satan doesn't have room to play

<Spengler> you know what?
<Spengler> the matrix would have made a really shit movie if
he took the blue pill.

[02:18:04] s7ank: i want to be one of those guys that types
"s/j&jd//.^$ueu*///djsls/sm."
and it's a perl script that turns dog crap into gold.

<Killrbyte> HAHAHA.  My Dad just told me that once when he was
in school he took a blank tape, recorded someone screaming
about 30 minutes into it, and put it in a tape player and
pressed Play right before the end of class.  Then he left it
there so during the next class, they suddenly hear a loud
scream in the middle of class from this damn tape player.

<Schitz02> its microsoft. they don't have bugs
<Schitz02> they have unpublished features
<Qooiii> like the function office calls randomly called void
Randomly_Crash_And_Delete_Document(void)
<Schitz02> right, just like that one
<Qooiii> i wish they had at least made it predictable
<Qooiii> like the paperclip guy could pop up and say
<Qooiii> "it looks like word is going to crash. would you like
to save your document?"

<johnnybad> nice guys finish last
<ScottO> isnt that what women want anyway?  the guy to finish
last?

<Tim_K> last time I jumped into a convertible.. I nearly got
but-fucked by the gear shifter..

<ishmal> wandered into a lesbian bar once,  was there about an
hour before i noticed
<ishmal> lots of girls,  no guys
<ishmal> thought i was just lucky

<Swap_File> hey, how many PSI are blow up dolls inflated to,
generally?

mygoth2000: so..how long does it take you to get over a girl?
: i dunno...depends on how big she is

<@Tyr> OMG
<@Tyr> Christopher Walken reading "The Raven"
< Trekkie> if there were an audiobook of Christopher Walken
reading the Bible it would probably be #1 on iTunes
<@Tyr> if christopher walken read the bible
<@Tyr> i'd be a believer

<SnakesAnd> I have a college degree, a cute dog, I play
guitar, a nice house, a brand new Harley, and I'm single
<kizman> *
<kizman> but your ugly
<SnakesAnd> I must be
<SnakesAnd> that's the only thing I can think of

<Rhodz> So anyway, if I get that threesome with my girl and
one of her hot friends, I'll be a happy man
<Psy> Well of course you'd have to tape it
<Rhodz> I won't be taping it. What I want to do is get a
director in to tape it. 3 cameras, lighting, the works.
<Psy> Awesome. I did photography last year, I could totally do
that
<Rhodz> Er...do you really want to see my wang?
<Psy> Well, we could just blur it out...
<Rhodz> Sweet! Then it'll be just like Japanese porn!
<Rhodz> ...
<Rhodz> Except I won't be shitting on her.

(doggie^): im addicted to internet shopping or something
(slippy): me too
(slippy): i bought 5 internets the other day

<Hostile> And now that i think of it, the west coast should be
all renamed to the wastelands
<Scofco> It should be renamed to the east coast
<Scofco> then we would have 2 east coasts
<Scofco> it would rid gang violence
<Scofco> end the east coast / west coast struggle
<Scofco> with a simple name change
<Scofco> I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE
<Hostile> AGREED

<Symantec> HAHAH
<Symantec> my dogs are humping each other, and they are both
girls
<Symantec> I should video tape it and put it on Kazaa as "Hot
Lesbian Sex"
<LuKe> ROFL
<LuKe> you sick sick fuck
<Extorted-> shut up Luke, you know we'll all be looking for
that clip in a few days.

<conVict> omg my older bro is a bastard
<conVict> it's mum's birthday, and he set up a treasure hunt
for her to find her gift
<conVict> she went all aroudn the house. up and down the
stairs
<conVict> finally found the final clue
<maxi> lol
<conVict> it was a picture of goatse
<maxi> ROFL!!!!
<conVict> mum started crying
<conVict> he got banned from the comp for a month

<aeflux> I swear 85% of the CS community failed remedial
english in 3rd grade
<Gunny> 85% of the CS community hasn't made it to the 3rd
grade

<YelseyKing> I was in a spelling bee once, when I was in
second grade.
<YelseyKing> The funny part is, it was for fifth and sixth
graders.
<YelseyKing> I was one of the last ones left standing, but I
lost thanks to &%&$&(%(&$& Mary Poppins.
<Indogutsu> They made you spell
"supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?"
<YelseyKing> No. "Chimney."

<Zok> Oh, it needs to be in jpg or png
<Sephiroth> okay I changed the extension
<Sephiroth> but isn't any smaller

<Tum> does anyone know anything about a program called instant
spanish
<Tum> like if its any good
<meps> just add water
<eldee> heh.. thought that said 'instant spinach'

<SSilver2k> he worked on a server called Servix in a college,
he asked this girl to log into her "servix" terminal...you can
see how that conversation went.

(DigDug) i'm really glad that my penis doesn't have an
odometer

<jiffy> you ever squeezed your penis really hard and watch it
change colors?
<Illusory> I seem to be missing a penis. Can I try yours?

<SickHumour> Thank Microsoft for allowing 242423 character
names on MSN Messenger.
<SickHumour> <I ATE CRAYONS WHEN I WAS A KID AND NOW I HAVE
TWO BRAIN CELLS AND THE BLUE ONES TASTE NICER> helo

<FlyNavy> why the fuck does every crisis our country has have
to have a catchy title, graphic, and it's own theme song?

*** Darth-Phenom is now known as Guest38697
*** Sopabuena is now known as Guest21415
*** TheRealMatt is now known as Guest60273
*** Whitney is now known as Guest15303
<Flirbnic> Hey, cool. The sum of all the Guest numbers that
just occurred in here, divided by 8, equals 16961.
<Flirbnic> $calc((15303+60273+38697+21415)/8)
<Flirbnic> ...
<Flirbnic> I have no life.
<TheRealMatt> no... no you don't

<Thought> i am about to sell the oldest disks in the world :d
<Hoopy> those 5 1/4 inch floppys moses saved the 10 command
prompts on?

<Snapperhe> what 'flavour' of linux do you use?
<al-x> strawberry
<al-x> WITH A HINT OF NERDNILLA

<kalani> Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is
merely energy condensed into a slow vibration, that we are all
one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is
no such thing as death life is only a dream and we're the
imagination of ourselves...Here's Tom with the weather.

<screevo> I'm stranded at the gas station of love, and I have
to use the self service pump...

<bigboy89> hey Sexy_girll :*
<Sexy_girll> sup...
<bigboy89> are u alone?
<Sexy_girll> yep y?
<bigboy89> i just bought some condoms with like bumps and
stuff, we could try them out tomorrow when your parents are
gone
<Sexy_girll> you fuckin asshole, your fuckin my sister?
* bigboy89 has quit (Connection reset by peer)

<[ryan]> nah when i first saw porn of any kind i was like
"man, that must get boring after a while"
<[ryan]> then i went back to programming heh
<shea_> when i first saw programming
<shea_> i was like
<shea_> "man, that must get boring after a while"\
<shea_> then i went back to porn

<icekickr> i think i made my mom wonder why she ever had me
<icekickr> she told me she was going to a couples shower
<icekickr> so i said, "oh a gangbang"
<icekickr> i guess its times like that

<THC|Rawk> I've literally got a -blind- date tonight.
<THC|Stone> ORLY? o_O
<THC|Rawk> It suits me fine for two reasons. First of all,
I'll get to see if this "wonderful personality" crap I keep
getting from girls actually is true.
<THC|Rawk> And if not, she'll never see what I slip into her
drink.

<syrup> i need to leech while i sleep
<syrup> otherwise i don't sleep well

<DreamStiller> whats the advantage of php compared to servers
like geocities?
<DrDoug> Well, php is a server side scripting language and
geocities is just a steaming pile of shit.

<GameSlt> I just got back from new york/canada
<GinandPlatonic> rad, and how was new york/canada?
<GameSlt> it was ok...went river rafting which was cooler than
one would think
<GameSlt> my mom fell out...was funny.
<GinandPlatonic> oh heh...this river rafting, does it have
multiplayer support?
<GameSlt> up to 8 players I think
<GameSlt> and a great frame rate
<GinandPlatonic>: oh, hmm...
<GinandPlatonic>: What about "camping whores"?
<GameSlt>: they are called rocks...the bastards
<GameSlt>: I "ownz" them

<Gav3in> I've been in Taipei though, and holy shit does it
have a big chinatown

<mr_smith> fuck, i toasted my cablemodem yesterday...
<asshat> heh,
<asshat> how did you do that mr_smith
<goatasaur> raise your glass and go "to my cablemodem!"

* Mapionetka then wonders what the hell he is going to do with
his 32mb mem stick
<ginji> stick it where the sun doesn't shine Mapionetka ?
<Mapionetka> in my computer room?

Julliana`: I live in LA. Girls like to say "I'm not religious
but I'm spiritual." I like to reply "I'm not honest but you're
interesting."

<cheerio> i like computers better than chicks cuz they will
willingly accept my 3.5" floppy

<Reaper> ur not 1337 hehe
<wonderboy> i am 19

<Koyama> that masturbation thread has gotten way out of hand

Itsm3: Cardboard, when you were little your parents used to
tell you to stop making that face or you would be ugly for the
rest of your life.
Itsm3: And then they realized. . . you weren't making a face.
CardboardBoxes: :(

<Rufus>  Damn, a job at blizzard would certainly be cool
<Shinji>  nah
<Shinji>  you'd get your paycheck 7 months after you are
supposed to
<Rufus>  So true
<Rufus>  And it would be "patched" and "downgraded" by that
time
<Rufus>  Your net result would be a check for 5 bucks with
"gogogogogogoggogogo" written all over it
<Shinji>  But don't forget
<Shinji>  There'd be a dupe bug, so you could get double your
pay as much as you want
<Rufus>  You'd have to throw the check on the ground, then
pick it up and your pocketbook at the same time
<Shinji>  ... but then you'd lag trying to cross the street to
get to the bank, get hit by a bicyclist repeatedly, and die :)

lprocks: can you link me to a place that i can download roms?
Kow: www.google.com
lprocks: der i tried and it kept taking me to different sites

<iln> she was taking her pants off one time
<iln> and her underwear
<iln> and i was watching from the back
<iln> and i said "damn. you have a nice ass."
<iln> then she got on all fours and said "you wanna put it in?
"
<iln> and thats how i stole kristin doan's anal virginity.

<chin|werk> msimn can kiss my fucking bloody ass
<chin|werk> outlook express is a little fucking drama queen
<chin|werk> "OOoOHHHH, YOU UPGRADED TO IE 6"
<chin|werk> "WELL IM NOT GONNA WORK ANYMORE"

<Lilmuckers> you know if you combine matter and anti matter it
explodes.... does the same happen with christ and the
anti-christ?
<ragnarok2040> lmao
<ragnarok2040> @_@, let's hope so :D
<Lilmuckers> heh
<Lilmuckers> prahaps that's how the world will end
<Lilmuckers> GOD: now now jesus, I don't want you seeing that
anti-christ girl ever again
<Lilmuckers> JESUS: FUCK you dad, I'll do whatever I want, I'm
Jesus, I can smoke weed, and sleep with satan if I want to!
<Lilmuckers> GOD: it'll all end in tears
<Lilmuckers> <two days later>
<Lilmuckers> JESUS: hey there baby, fancy some good loving?
<Lilmuckers> Miss A.Christ:  oh baby, I always wanted to make
it with a demi-god
<Lilmuckers> <insert large boom here>
<Lilmuckers> GOD: told you so
<Lilmuckers> JESUS: I hope you had that insured
<Lilmuckers> GOD: don't worry, it wasn;t worth anything
anyways

<Th3Virus> watch southpark wednesday
<Th3Virus> they are gonna say "shit" on TV
<Th3Virus> no bleeps
<Spacenett> which one is it
<Spacenett> heh
<Spacenett> they do it all the time on paper view
<Th3Virus> paper view

<jessafk> ;) your just too smart for me
<tress> you're grammar astounds me

<d_e> MarcusYu: why are you learning Japanese?
<MarcusYu> Seriously, to watch anime and play video games
<d_e> I bet it's a retarded reason, like for RPGs and anime
<d_e> oh my god
<d_e> are you serious?

<Dayv> It's amazing how many interesting games come out of
Germany that are actually written for adults with IQs above
the subnormal range.
<DJTodd> How else are we supposed to train the master race?
<DJTodd> Uh... You didn't hear that.
<DJTodd> I know nothing! NOTHING!

<Rhett> yes yes, but that's bringing hyperbole into an
argument that, while silly, remains grounded in fact
<moros|sreep> I'm not quite sure what hyperbole is, come to
think of it..
<Rhett> it's where the ADD children have their football
championship

<IndianElvis>: I AM NOT TALKING LOUD I AM JUST USED TO THIS ,
I AM A COBOL PROGRAMMER

<bhlaab> I want to learn sexual education via the internet! I
know what to do! I'll search for "sex" in google! It will be
an educational journey of science.
<bhlaab> 202,000,000 entries found! I will learn a lot!!

<chikA> wanna cyber
<22hgsinnet> k one sec
*22hgsinnet puts on gloves
<chikA> wtf?
<22hgsinnet> dont want you getting pregnant now do we

<McRick> I was watching a program on TV, and someone with an
English accent said 'And God bless all who sail in her" and
the closed captioning read "[speaking in foreign language]".

<chicken_on_fire> i jammed my memory stick backwards and
shorted out the mobo
<Mouser> o shit
<chicken_on_fire> what're the chances of that happening?
<Mouser> 1/1, apparently

<PovRayMan> that was a weird dream I had last night
<PovRayMan> I was about to have sex with this hot chick
<PovRayMan> and I started peeing all over her
<PovRayMan> and she started gargling it too... damn weird
<PovRayMan> I think I know what caused it too
<PovRayMan> I went to the bathroom about 5 times last night ot
pee
<PovRayMan> and a friend of mine was showing me pics he took
of this girl on his campus he wants to be with
<Floach> and 3), you have a pee fetish
<gridbug> Yep.
<PovRayMan> I don't have a pee fetish.
<PovRayMan> I was trying to fuck her damnit
<PovRayMan> but I couldn't stop peeing on her

( Fuzzy     ) like flicking through his images dir
( Lev       ) oh i thought you said "licking"
( Lev       ) how peculiar
( Teddy     ) Lev: is there something on your mind?
( Teddy     ) you seem a little pre-occupied...
( Lev       ) wouldn't you lick to find out

@demalavor: more proof my brother is gay, he is eating popcorn
out of a bowl with a spoon

<aen> I am so hungry.
<aen> Germs are shitting in my mouth.
<aen> And I can taste it.
<evilbob> oh. I misread that as Germans

<Keoni> Thank you for using Wordzone's Express Translation
service. The text you have just submitted can be translated
for the following price. Accepting this price by clicking on
the "ORDER" button will allow us to begin translating your
document immediately.
<Keoni> Translation Price: $ 10.00
<Keoni> WHO THE FUCK WILL PAY 10 BUCKS FOR 1 WORD???
<Ragnarok> someone who really needs the word
<Keoni> what word is that?
<Ragnarok> hmm
<Ragnarok> well
<Ragnarok> i was on the phone with the database tech support a
couple days ago
<Ragnarok> well
<Ragnarok> nights actually
<Ragnarok> and since it was the middle of the night
<Ragnarok> we get some guy in france
<Ragnarok> and his english was incredibly shitty
<Ragnarok> i'da paid $10 to know how to say assmarauder in
french

O100111001101111: IRC = comedy Gold
Art of Tanz: did you discover bash?
O100111001101111: negative
O100111001101111: i discovered #Catholic

<O_6> my helpful nature gets me into many a snag
<MadMan37> so does your weakness for pic-a-nic baskets