bash.org archive

<+mirkin> does anybody know if it is possible using ms access
to create a report which shows the records of a table
<+mirkin> but shows 3 columns across the page
<+mirkin> i.e
<+mirkin> record 1        record 2        record 3
<+mirkin> record 4        record 5        record 6
<+GoodScrat> That is impossible
<+GoodScrat> Computers are not that far advanced yet

<FairLighT> you know something's wrong when you have dreams
about eating pudding and you wake up with a spoon in your ass

PunkRocks64: we watched Matrix 1 in chemistry today.
PunkRocks64: and you know how Morpheus says the beginning of
the end was the creation of AI?
EventuallyAdonis: what about it?
PunkRocks64: he says basically that the what started the
machines taking over was human's fascination with AI..
PunkRocks64: and.. have you noticed that like 99% of our
population is infatuated with American Idol .........
EventuallyAdonis: that's deep

<CaptainCanada231> I mean, it's not like she'll be the senior
pron queen for nothing.
<CaptainCanada231> *prom

<meta> blegh
<meta> the internet is bad
<meta> bad bad bad
<meta> I tried to talk to a woman
<meta> but she sent me nude pics instead
<meta> I didn't want them
<meta> but I took them out of courtesy

<Flammie> I have a secret.
<Flammie> I'm deaf.
* Chibi points and laughs in braile

<krazy> Have any of you weighed yourselves before and after
you shit?
<Wanderer> ... Why would we want to know how much our shit
weighed?
<krazy> Well, it's helped me prove that, despite everyone's
claims, I'm not full of shit.

<Tsunemori> I could barely kept myself awake during the
lecture....... but here I am......
<Serajadeyn> what lecture was it?
<Tsunemori> Introductory lectures to teh various subjects
we'll be taking
*** Shadowcon ([email protected]) has
joined #mtartanddrawing
<Tsunemori> Three people went for one hour each, but this last
guy did it all in 10 minutes. I love him
<Tsunemori> I think Shadow will misunderstand what I'm saying.

<@dos622> apple told his parents he was gay
<@dos622> so he could go on a overnight type trip with a girl

(Amakusa) ALF and Catwoman snuff porn crossover
(Amakusa) I'm afraid that when I make stuff up like that, it
really exists out there somewhere ;(

<dOink> brb gotta drop the kids off at the pool
<dOink> i mean... i gotta shit
dOink ([email protected]) is now known as dOi[fOOd]
<logicalentity> wtf?!
<logicalentity> food?!
<logicalentity> I thought...
* logicalentity runs away screaming

<tak> your mommas so dumb she set her buffer length to a
minimal octal instead of puging the cache

<Beren87> A swift kick in the pants
<Beren87> that's always my suggestion
<Beren87> for anything really
<Beren87> Need to move a mule? A swift kick in the pants. Need
orange juice? A swift kick in the pants
<Beren87> It's very multi-purpose
<TheXPhial> I need a gift for a friend

<yah-yah> what is CAPS ABUSE?
<Nyarlathotep-> half of your question

<spectre> a girl called me 'sensitive' last night
<spectre> too bad she was fat

<GauHelldragon> haha
<GauHelldragon> we're playing scatergories
<GauHelldragon> and we got "R"
<GauHelldragon> "Fruit", "Infamous people" and "words
associated with exersize"
<GauHelldragon> i put down "Richard Simmons" for all 3 :D

<pyromaniac> reality tv is a very sketchy "reality"... one guy
picxking from 25 hott chicks... oh yea THATS reality

LutherBifteck: I bet if I wished I was a shapeshifter
LutherBifteck: The genie would give me the power to change
triangles into squares
LutherBifteck: And I would be annoyed.

<@Fallaware> oh fuck
<@Fallaware> apparently you can't select 3 gigs of mps and do
"play in foobar"
<@Fallaware> I have like 10,000 instances of foobar running
<@Fallaware> holy fucking shit.
<@Fallaware> I don't know what to do about this
<@Fallaware> except restart.
<@Fallaware> this has to be the best argument for foobar
<@Fallaware> 10000 instances does not cause significant
slowdown.

<Default> a girl in my gym class was getting sexually
harrassed by the coach
<Default> then she got a haircut
<Cowika> in protest?

<Hiryuu> Hey, which is more evil, kicking puppies or tearing
those tags off of mattresses?
<Estelle> Puppies heal, matresses don't

<Whittney> does anyone know what the C++ test tomorrow covers
<Arc> chapters 1-16
<Whittney> thats up to waht exactly
<Whittney> then end of arrays...or does that inclue char?
<Arc> um...linear integration of the Hermholtz plasma
intereferometry function
<Arc> as applied to post-modern dadist theories
<Whittney> wtf are u talking about
<Arc> I could ask you the same...have you even attended the
course?? 0_o

<goh`> in my system.ini i'll change 'Shell=Explorer.exe' to
'Shell=quake2.exe'

[@Gentleman_Junkie] Sure your ass will hurt, but its better
than getting pregnant...

<Steph-Away> I'M AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER NOW
<Steph-Away> night!
<IQpierce> dang
<IQpierce> ALL OF YOU NOW ACT AS FEMININE AS POSSIBLE
<IQpierce> maybe that will make up for there being no real
chicks here
* Geno rubs his nipples
* Kevyn is listening to Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On

* DuneBoy is fucking dead tires
<DuneBoy> d

<CptPlanet> i wish it was still legal to buy black people
because i'd have six of them follow me around at all times
just acting cool.

<+Sam2> Pregnancy tests: Blue line means your pregnant, yellow
socks mean you missed.

<Raidonkid> My sister is fucking slow. She came home last
night complaining about how her boyfriend lied to her and got
her pregnant. He told her he was circumcized twice and she
thought it meant he was sterile.

<cmdline> 1010100110001001
<cmdline> 101101
<nystagmus> yea i know.
<nystagmus> tell me about it.

«FSK405|digital`pBook» crap
«FSK405|digital`pBook» someone's banging on my door, yelling
"POLICE!!! OPEN UP!"
«FSK405|digital`pBook» what should I do?
«GI_Suck» whip out your dick and open the door
«GI_Suck» and ask "are you the hookers i ordered?"
«FSK405|digital`pBook» you think?

<AxlRs> Wow the bottom 50 of quotes sure seems to consist of
geeks bashing everything from the Irish to blacks to gays.
<AxlRs> Makes me think there are a lot of computer nerds out
there living in the closet secretly yearning for a big black
Irish cock in the butt.

<D`Amour> time to
gogogadgetbacktoworkasquickasfuckbeforeigetfired

Tridao: i got 100%
Tridao: :D
Xeero: On what?
Tridao: the iq test
Xeero: ...
Tridao:  100% of what/
Xeero: Did it give you a number?
Xeero: That says
Xeero: 'Your IQ is ___"
Tridao: 100%...:(
Xeero: Okay, your IQ is not high.

<cynica_l> i hate babies
<Gollum`> i hate people
<cynica_l> i hate you
<profett> i have 3 guns
<profett> we can solve some problems

IoStream 14: LOL
IoStream 14: radio
IoStream 14: "some dude was having sex with this girl and she
said stop stop i'm about to orgasm...he asked why stop? and
she said i'm saving it for when i get married"

MYNAME15NEO: Damnit...
DgtlHavoc: ?
MYNAME15NEO: The only place I can put my cheezits will block
the light on my keyboard
DgtlHavoc: did you try the top of your head?
DgtlHavoc: on top the monitor?
DgtlHavoc: on the floor?
MYNAME15NEO: Thats where I've got the lamp
MYNAME15NEO: The monitors already got enough shit on it
MYNAME15NEO: And I don't have a floor
DgtlHavoc: ?
DgtlHavoc: living in a electomagnetically suspended desk?
MYNAME15NEO: Chair and desk is suspended from cables by a
blackhawk helicopter
MYNAME15NEO: I won the helicopter using my Pepsi points

*** beltic has joined #html
<beltic> hey folks..
<beltic> anyone know of a good php chan?
<myn> #php
<beltic> thanks.
*** beltic has left #html

(G0th|CMaN): can anybody help me????????
(G0th|CMaN): can anybody help me????????
(HappyJoy): deja vu?
(G0th|CMaN): speak english pls i dont understand

<mchem> what does less do?
<Rizen> it's like more
<Rizen> but better
<aegis> conversations about unix are funny

<+kostya> what means "+" befor my nick?
<@chopra> kostya: it means someone made a mistake

<Comedy-> my beer needs an f5 button

<Riley> Stop Rape, Say yes.

* Huz cries.
*** Huz has quit IRC (Excess Flood)

<Queued> It must be late -- "perl5" is looking like "penis"
<Boinger69> Stay up until "VB" looks like "a good idea"

<Mullet_Man> its so retarded when people r trying to type lots
of !!!'s
<Mullet_Man> there all like "yeah...im so cool!!1!~1`~!"
<Mullet_Man> i mean, is it really that damned hard to type
"!!!!1"

<CiXeL> apparently a customer got pissed at us this morning
and sent our sales secretary goatse.cx as an attachment

<BenSpinSpace> if you double major in graphic design and
archaeology, could you specialize in jpeg artifacts?

<ToiletDuk> you're an idiot
<Lucent-H> you have a job!
<Lucent-H> okay, now you tell another lie

<Philly_B> <--------->
<Philly_B> hmm...
<Philly_B> the set of all real numbers
(*michael) The set of all real numbers, now only $99.99! Order
now and get a complimentary imaginary number commemorative
plate free with your order.

<Brian> Hahaha... I spent two hours just so I could get an
evil quote number on bash.
<DaKemoBoy> The only thing evil about that is the time you
wasted. :)

<RedXIII> anal with jennifer lopez would be like basketball
with michael jordan... or bible study with jesus

<erisynne> he has a ctcp version fetish
<erisynne> he did it to me 7 times
<GreenMtn> did you lose your versionity?

* flathead has joined #zdoom
<Zack`> a dragon in thick, fluffy white diapers
<flathead> sounds like I missed one hell of a discussion here

(@timbaker) man
(@timbaker) today
(@timbaker) me and my fiencee got in a big ass fight
(@timbaker) and almost ended things
(@timbaker) but then we got back together and i takled her
into letting me watch her shave her pussy

<Black_Kniggit> That's nothing compared to back when I played
Fallout 2
<Black_Kniggit> I stole the coins from every NPC in the entire
game!
<Black_Kniggit> and I didn't just steal it as such, I stole it
one coin at a time until I had five coins (unless if I failed
in which case I would load my game and try again) then I got
150 exp and saved my game. Then I did it again. This gave me A
LOT of exp points.
<Medmera> WTF?
<Black_Kniggit> Sometimes I used the steal skill to give them
back money, so I could steal some more
<Medmera> you will lose your virginity in your next life.

<chem0stor> they called it PMS because mad cow disease was
already taken
<Walty> Quoting bash is like masturbating, people know you do
it.

x NIKKI MERSH x: would u still come over my house if my
parents saw a picture of ur penis?
hOckey: yeah
hOckey: why!?
x NIKKI MERSH x: just curious

<booyah> yeh i use perl too
<booyah> wrong window, ignore me
<andywho> Don't worry, you use perl, we ignore you
automatically

<c0ke> Anyone have linux emulator for super nintendo ?

<Ryaltar> You know you're experiencing a humiliating moment
when your girlfriend tells you that you need an aimbot in
bed.. >Sigh<

<spyder> fuck it
<spyder> ima go kill myself
<spyder> bbl

<@i_c-Y> i had a nightmare yesterday that i bought 3 licenses
of norton antivirus

<tito> why can't they make longer-lasting laptop batteries? ;[
<jestuh> why can't they make longer-lasting titos?
<tito> whats that supposed to mean
<jestuh> you know

<Gage> And then my teacher asked me, "Do you think it's
alright for people to wear Confederate flags to school and
scream racial epithets?" and I said "Yes, because then it'll
be easier for us to know who to beat the shit out of."
<Gage> I thought that was funny
<Gage> And she didn't do anything about me saying "shit"
either because we were discussing free speech and its role in
school, it would've been too ironic for her to send me to the
office

<RedSkyinWinter> I used to want to date you, back when I was a
failure.
<RedSkyinWinter> ...
<RedSkyinWinter> ...not implying that the two coincide in any
way.

<BLOODHat> Nakago: I got Civ3 to work
<Nakago> good.. I'm about to burn mine
<Nakago> its so fun when every fucking race in the game
declares war against you at the same time
<Dr_Tofu> nakago: now you see what afghanistan feels like :P

bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love.
My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky
cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all
over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see.
Bitch.

[neckarse] well berret tesratr
[neckarse] wtf.. somone swapped my r and t...