bash.org archive

(@CitizenC): I'd pay $100 US to shoot a cow with a rocket
launcher.

(adnama) I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach
covers them.

<EL3CTRO> 1 for me, 2 for bob
* EL3CTRO pours beer into his computer case
* EL3CTRO hears a bang
* EL3CTRO ([email protected]) Quit
(Killed (Zaphod (Connection reset by beer)))

eriberri: i just finished removing all sorts of third-party
hair from the keyboard :p
*** EtherKnot ([email protected]) has joined channel #macintosh
Snausages: mmm, buttfurr
EtherKnot: woah
EtherKnot: let me try that again
*** EtherKnot has left channel #macintosh

*** klaas-sinterkla has joined #photoshop
<klaas-sinterkla> hellol
<klaas-sinterkla> who knows the programm photoshop
<@Anapaest> what kind of programm is it?
<klaas-sinterkla> It's about websites n stuff
<@Anapaest> better ask in #website-stuff then
<klaas-sinterkla> k, thx
*** klaas-sinterkla has left #photoshop

<modem> is it true that if you die in a dream you die in real
life?
<thecatisold> no
<thecatisold> but if you piss all over yourself in a dream
<thecatisold> you do piss all over yourself in real life

<Tony> I challenge you to a duel.
<Tony> Penises, at dawn.
<Beerman> but battling against an unarmed opponent is so
unfair

(Nick): Dude, It'll take me weeks to complete a movie.. I am a
perfectionist.. But I like to take my sweet sweet time
(CEM): I'm a perfectionist too
(Deranged): mE 2

<nihil> I doubt my getting fired from the Dairy Queen is a
bellwether of recession, but it sure is a bellwether of I
stuck my wang in the butterscotch.

<HomerHendelBergenHeinzel> ur so mean :L
<q> is that the frowning face of a stroke victim?

<DY357LX> Anyone know where I can find some "good" kitten
juggling websites?

<Angel> Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as
hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to
make water, a vital ingredient in beer

<sab0tage> who thinks an Imperial Star Destroyer could take a
borg cube?
*** sab0tage was kicked by Q (You are BANNED from this
channel.)

<pf_x> you might have been passed out
<pf_x> but it's still love

<brucet> i pay for my internet access - i pay you to HELP me
.. so someone better start to tell me how to do it or i'm
going to complain about you to my ISP
<brucet> HAHA - you wont call me a lamer when u get sacked by
the ISP - i have just wrote an e-mail to them now explaining
that you wont help!!

<@Never> I had this insane professor who constantly alluded to
being an alcoholic and to hating his wife
<@Never> somehow this meshed with economic theory perfectly.
<@Never> Once he went to the board and drew a simple X-Y
graph, on one axis he wrote "GIN CONSUMED" and on the other he
wrote "LIFE EXPECTANCY"

<Andrew_ge> whats an ip?
<Andrew_ge> cos according to this popup, my pc is broadcasting
one - is that bad?
<blender> internet protocol
<Andrew_ge> better download this program just incase... its
free anyhow
<Andrew_ge> also - you should check this out, its rules...
http://www.gator.com
<blender> spam anyone?
<Andrew_ge> whats spam?
<blender> a lovely meat

<rocky> i bought a clothes hamper so clothes wouldn't pile up
on my floor and yet there is already a pile as tall as a
leperchaun
<tima> i found that the only way to keep my appartement clean
is to start occational fires

(Pyr0s): !tp
(@N0VA): I'm a little teapot
(@CHR0N0S): short and stout
(@N0VA): Here is my handle
(@CHR0N0S): here is my spout
(@N0VA): When i get all steamed up
(@CHR0N0S): then i shout
(@N0VA): tip me over
*** N0VA was kicked by CHR0N0S (KICK YOU OUT!! :)

(pvah) i wonder how funny airport security would think it
would be if you walked into an airport with a cardboard box
that said "BOMB" on it

<berger> i suggested to mojo, we go on a double date with
eachothers sisters
<berger> he said no
<Zardoz> how old is his sister?
<berger> well
<berger> hmm
<berger> i suppose thats why he said no.

<A_Analog> like alot of atheists I figured my life has
absolutely no meaning even though I persue goals and have a
job, school etc.
<lobyaway> A_Analog: the pain of existence
<A_Analog> yeah mate
<psykoz> well we're all just holograms anyway :).. vibrations
in space time moving along the string of our universe, an
instrument far beyond our comprehention
<A_Analog> amen
<lobyaway> pass the bong

<zephyrlot> Do you want my personaluity to be:
<zephyrlot> Snob who looks down on people
<zephyrlot> Ass-kissing groupie
<zephyrlot> Desperately trying to be friends
<@TJ32> Which is the one that types the least?

<@champ> anyone put garlic in their popcorn?
<@Cruz> no
<@Cruz> i spray butter
<@champ> is spray butter any good?
<@crypto> its not real butter
<@champ> i can't believe it!

<ben in da hood> How do i turn on my mic?
<mike6789> Well I tickle mine, that turns mine on ;-)
...
<ben in da hood> It still isnt on.
<lop12>lmfao

Faustmaster300: OK, my sis asked how to spell danke, which is
german for thx, so i tell her, iamaretard. she types it in and
sends it to her friend. didnt even realize. i will never let
her live it down.

<gbp> er det noen som har Silence Of The Lambs
<dortch> i have silence of the lambs
<dortch> but i dont know what the fuck you just said

<Xenocide> i brought a dvd for a teacher
<Dodge2k1> huzzah!
<Xenocide> and i have 2 differnt things named EVA on it
<Xenocide> iatneh and regular
<Dodge2k1> lol
<Xenocide> :( i was supposed to bring the regular
<Xenocide> but i brought the iatneh on accident
<jasonn02> PRON?
<Xenocide> It was about to start on the projector
<Xenocide> but then i saw the label on the dvd
<Dodge2k1> omfg
<jasonn02> IT WAS PR0n?!?!
<Xenocide> and jumped over and pressed eject before it could
start
<Xenocide> YES
<jasonn02> LOLOL
<jasonn02> ROFLMAO
<Xenocide> ALMOST PROJECTED ON A HUGE FUCKING SCREEN
<jasonn02> NEET
<Kabuki_Dude> OMG
<Xenocide> i almost had a heart attack

mysteryparabola3 : at work today, my boss and another guy were
talking about their status on the computer
mysteryparabola3 : and my boss say "oh crap, i'm Amber"  and
the other guy says "yeah, i used to be Amber"
mysteryparabola3 : and i said "yeah, before the operation"
mysteryparabola3 : he just stared at me

<AEternus> my stomach is undergoing disasters unnamed at the
moment
<AEternus> but you can't say no to the grandparents
<BlahFromStone> Yeah...
<BlahFromStone> Who can resist a nice, juicy plate of
grandparents.

<EvaUnit02> I had a dream that my minivan charged up my stairs
and tried to run me over in my bedroom
<EvaUnit02> its gets better
<EvaUnit02> So I charged it and wrestled it.
<EvaUnit02> I ended up overhead pressing it and capsising it
on the floor
<EvaUnit02> then I proceeded to get on my waterbed and scream
"OWNED" at it.
<EvaUnit02> what would sigmund have to say about that one
<sir-gold> that you feel your masculinity threatened by the
fact that you drive a minivan
<cd|work> you got abused by a minivan in your childhood, and
have an oedipus complex for your mother
<EvaUnit02> sir-gold now THAT is a possibility

[Join] n0t_4cc3pt4bl3
([email protected])
<WD_40> your nick is not acceptable.
<n0t_4cc3pt4bl3> indeed

<Petter>It's a bug
<X-Winger2>I refuse to believe XP has any bugs ;P
<X-Winger2>well
<X-Winger2>Except it won't let me see my hard drive right now

<me2> How do I queue a clip in server...everytime it says slot
is available someone fills it in
<MrParker> did you use "get" or "queue" ?
<me2> queue, but others seem to beat me to the available slot
<me2> but I want to fill the slot
<me2> Ive been on top of the slot ready to fill it tho
<me2> I want to put it in
<me2> Well...once I get it in its staying there
<MrParker> are we still talking about files ??

<Bijiy> SEABISCUIT!!!
<[On-Air]NiM> Bijiy
<[On-Air]NiM> I watched that movie with my mom
<Bijiy> I did too
<[On-Air]NiM> I will never watch a movie with my mom again
<Bijiy> same
<[On-Air]NiM> at the part in the stable she was like
<[On-Air]NiM> WOW LOOK AT HOW BIG THE HORSES C0CK IS
<Bijiy> heh
<[On-Air]NiM> and I was like, OMG PLEASE NO...
<Bijiy> hahahaha

<goatasaur> my name is Spalding, i believe you've played with
my balls

<Sean> hehe my history teacher has an iraqi which he nicked
from a tank in iraq
<Sean> which is quite cool
<eddy> just some random iraqi? :)
<Sean> ooops, an iraqi flag

<waramp> so I was fucking this guy in the ass right? and he
turns around and kisses me!
<waramp> what a fag!

<teu> I have to admit, when I first suggested anal sex to my
girlfriend, she looked at me like I was crazy. I offered to
double-wrap, use plenty of AstroGlide, but she was still
totally freaked over the idea of it. Then she made a deal with
me: If I'd bend over for her strap-on, she'd bend over for me.
We take turns taking it up the poop chute, and now we finally
feel like our relationship is fully equal

<jxl> MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FILTHY WHORES.

Belmat:  When I was working at the old college, I had the
bursar phone me up and say "my internet isn't working"
Belmat:  So I went down to have a look, and she had IE open,
and was typing "internet" in the address bar

<@newt0r> thank god, im atheist

<radar> been in the middle of a shag when the g/f's friend
called... I just slowed down, and stated teasing her
button... 
<Lashanna> lol
<radar> meanwhile, my g/f was saying, "Hmmmm! yeeeessss...."
and "Thaaat's goood"
<Lashanna> lol
<Lashanna> she didn't hang up?
<radar> no... and it took about 10 minutes for her friend to
work out what was goin
no... and it took about 10 minutes for her friend to work out
what was going on... then she kept listening
<Lashanna> lol
<Lashanna> so what was the friend doing?
<radar> after a while, she was singing along 
<radar> closest I've got to a threesome

<@Headlor> when i live somewhre less gay
<@Headlor> im getting a cat
<@Headlor> and calling it "Hitler Stalin Mao"
<@Headlor> or just stalin
<@Headlor> "whats your cat called?"
<@Headlor> "stalin."
<@Headlor> "."
<@Headlor> ill write on its littertray "human rights"
<@Headlor> and on its bowl "flesh of the capitalist pig dogs"

<Paeyl> why did i just have a sudden image of a penis with
tentacles at the tip
<alayna> cthulhuitis
<Paeyl> is there an antibiotic for that?
<Paeyl> "doc, i have a problem." "what?" "it's my.. penis.. it
.. " "yes?" "it can.. write its own name."
<geo> That's not a problem, son...that's a potential career.

James: I have a problem.  My iTunes can't find any of the
files...
Paul: Double click on the songs and click find
Paul: then find where they are
James: one problem
James: i don't know where they are
Paul: well, it looks like you and iTunes have something in
common

<clay> i read the word "c'mon" in a comic book
<clay> so i went to my mom
<clay> and said
<clay> mom, what does c'mon mean, and i pronounced it like
semen

<negev> Have a good time on Friday?
<Sefrian> got proper fucked up
<Sefrian> started seeing binary on the fuckin walls
<negev> lawl
<Sefrian> you know you're a geek when you hallucinate binary

<_yoda_> I met two people from irc
<_yoda_> both were loser/weirdos
<_yoda_> the moral of the story is most ppl on irc are losers/
weirdos
<amorfati> that's not really a large enough sample to draw any
conclusions from
<amorfati> maybe you just got lucky
<amorfati> next person you meet might be a full-fledged psycho
:D

<screamingholt> At that stage  was n6r0a33y -5ng5ng 6f 00y
d5a3 6n s60e 06f6s 'scr-[t 0eds and weed
<screamingholt> Damn...Fn key
<redcloud> ROFL.. i thought that was an attempt at 1337 speak
:P
<redcloud> i was trying to interpret it :)

<Logix> You know you watch too much porn, when you see a pussy
and instantly know it's an asian pussy.

*** Z is now known as Zfuckinherself
<Zfuckinherself> brb
<Fr0gFucknBwanasMom> hmm
<Fr0gFucknBwanasMom> either she's masturbating, or signing up
for a Capital One Visa card

<dj_goddess> Hey Nyph, how'd the exams go?
<Nyphur> What exams?....
<Nyphur> Oh, THOSE exams. ;)
<Nyphur> FUCK... Those exams....

<WillaCuz> *sigh*
<WillaCuz> why do people shoot at robocop

<Lee> Dude. My mom's letting me use her once I get a license.
<Lee> o_o
<Mewten> ..use your mom?
<Lee> ..
<Lee> HER CAR
<Lee> X-x;

<HomerJ> I had this computer built for this guy, all ready to
go...so I walk to where my mom took my car, and when I get
back, out cat sneezed on the board and fried it

<CaptainCanada231> So wait, I should grow the goatse?
<CaptainCanada231> *goatee

<Fraud> hehe ill never forget in math class in high school
back in the day, 2 negros get in a fight and one stabs the
other with a screw driver right in front of me when im like a
freshman, then some black girls stands up and screams OH SHEET
HE STABBED CORNBREAD

<bn> YOU SON OF A BITCH
<Watts> bn raises an interesting point

EpiPhony3693: I want to get a shirt that syas "Marriage is for
fags."

<MLu> how clever of me
<MLu> to go out drinking today
<MLu> i work tomorrow
<MLu> how's that for a drunken haiku

krlgol2: Microsoft has also managed to upset women and entire
countries. A Spanish-language version of Windows XP, destined
for Latin American markets, asked users to select their gender
between "not specified," "male" or "bitch," because of an
unfortunate error in translation.

<@Oz> just reading about the human genome project
<@Oz> what a waste of time, if only god had just released the
source with the binaries

<Spooky42> omg i just stabbed myself in the face with a
corncob holder thing
<Funky_> hahahahahahah
<Funky_> is it bad?
<Spooky42> its bleeding a little..
<Funky_> :(
<Spooky42> i got butter on it too :(
<Funky_> ok...
<Funky_> so... WHY did you stab yourself in the face with a
corncob holder thing?
<Spooky42> im not sure quite how it happened :(
<Funky_> wtf
<Funky_> you don't know how you stabbed yourself in the face?
<Spooky42> i was eating corn. and it slid out of the corncob
and i went to slide it in real quick and it didnt line up with
the previous holes and it slid off into my cheek
<Funky_> HAHAHAHAH
<Spooky42> it hurts!
<Funky_> sorry
<Funky_> It's just too funny
<Spooky42> i dropped my corn too!

(MrPino) how do i make a mass messager? that will message
everyone in a channel
that i highlight, and then i can input what i want the message
to be
@(Splodge`) That's called spam
(MrPino) i know, but i'
(MrPino) i'm not using it for spam, i'm using it for
e-business

<Mack_Salmon> do you ever listen to Meat Loaf?
<Flirbnic> No.
<Mack_Salmon> he's food....
<Mack_Salmon> er!
<Mack_Salmon> he's good
<Mack_Salmon> whoops

<sacarna> okay. so i was in whitcoulls and i walked out and
smacked into this guy and i was all ready to go grr and looked
up and it was the guy i have the biggest crush on ever
<sacarna> and my face went white
<sacarna> and then i kinda managed to muster up a hey
<sacarna> and then scuttled away
<sacarna> hopefully he will think its all very cute and fuck
my brains out.
<autistk> it's hard to fuck people when they're running away
<autistk> and you tend to go to jail for it

<F7> nifty
<F7> its nice to have a working laptop again
<F7> now i can be unproductive anywhere

<Papabear> "keep out, i'm naked" is a bad thing to hear when
you knock at your 12 year old sisters room, trying to get your
notebook back
<Papabear> worse is if the answer is the same 20 min after
<Old> Worst is if ya find an entry for stickam in ya history
afterwards