bash.org archive

*** M3DU54 signoff (Quit: GTG... damn cat got its tail stuck
in the printer again)

<ShadowMouse> bye
<Coan_Arcanius> bye
<[Bryan]> bye
<cams> bye
<[Bryan]> (damn we sound like a boy band)

<Valathar> No matter how depressed you are.... there is
NOTHING that can't be fixed by titties.

<Arctic_Wolf> My friends parents bought him the nice DDR pads
so he could lose some weight.
<Arctic_Wolf> He gets in trouble whenever they find out he's
bought a non DDR PS2 game.
<Arctic_Wolf> "HOW IS ARMORED CORE 2 SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU LOSE
WEIGHT, WONG?"

<Hypr> i heard theres a mexican equvalent of warez called
juarez

<@`2L> South Korea is to spend nearly twenty billion dollars
to hook up every household in the country to broadband
internet.
<@`2L> South Korea, where 60% of the country's 48 million
citizens surf, is to ensure all homes can receive broadband
connections by 2005, reports BBC.
<@`2L> The Korean Government is funding loans of 13.3 trillion
won (around 20 billion Australian dollars) to the country's
biggest telecom company, KT Corp, and ISPs to enable the
massive infrastructure project.
<div> 20 billion on diablo. starcraft and pr0n
<div> best govt ever

Vann: turns out grilling the peanut butter and jelly was not
my best idea.
Jeffrey: OMG you didn't...
Vann: no, george foreman did.

<bring> My mom, out of the blue
<bring> asked me if I ever thought of joining the army
<bring> and was like "I don't approve of that, but you might
like it" and I was like "approve of what?" so she was like
"you know, killing people"

<STEELE1381> I just spent about 10 minutes taking an online IQ
test that popped up onto my screen.
<STEELE1381> Then, when I was finished, they made me fill out
all this registration stuff before giving me my score.
<sirhc614> How'd you do?
<STEELE1381> Judging by the fact that I game them my email
address to find out a number representing my intelligence that
they semi-randomly calculated, I think I failed.

shim: I once snagged a fella who had the scariest opening line
ever
shim: "come on baby, lemme throw my hotdog down your hallway"
shim: I went afk for 10 mins because I was laughing so hard I
couldn't move
shim: what do you say to that?
shim: I thought for a while
shim: and eventually typed "any mustard?" and he left :(

<Jammer> Bad things happen in threes, don't they?
<Fake_Plastic_Tree> like Hanson.

<sit`> one of my female coworkers remarked about how i was
cutting up my apple with great care so i said "you have to
treat it like a woman, cut it in thin slices"
<sit`> didn't go over to well for some reason

<gaarie> who the fuck names a lake winnipesaukee
<DX|laptop> indians
<ch> yep
<gaarie> truth
<DX|laptop> and not the tech support kind
<ch> the casino kind

<cactor> I'm gonna put some oragel on my dick and stick it in
some bitches mouth
<|Chris> what are you gonna do when she bites your dick off
<|Chris> cause she can't feel her mouth
<cactor> uh I dunno
<cactor> smack her probably

<tatsumi> There's a difference between being grumpy and hating
every little fucker in existence.

<NonFish[> I installed Norton SystemWorks once and it tried to
take over my computer =|
<NonFish[> I had to bust a regedit.exe cap in it's bitch ass.

<Josh_Aogiri> "Give a man a fire, he is warm for a day. Set a
man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life."
<odin> I dissagree
<odin> He'll be warm a few hours after his life is over

<monkeylice> i would get laid this weekend but my cargo van is
in the shop and im out of chloroform

<burntash> try this shit on for a size, a telemarketer just
called me and when i answered hello they told me "please hold
on, all our staff are currently busy"

<Hidden_7> MOTHERFUCKING COMPUTER
<Hidden_7> it is an expensive piece of hardware
<Hidden_7> I've poured my heart, my soul, my LIFE into this
bitch
<Hidden_7> and it won't fucking give up the goods
<Hidden_7> so fucking like a chick it's not EVEN funny

<Huge_Spatula> I wanted to submit a mistake from "The Man in
the Iron Mask" to www.moviemistakes.com that said, "Watch the
scenes that feature Leanardo Dicapprio carefully. He can't
act."

<webby_g[work]> some guy just forgot his login and NEEDED to
print out some work, so I let him login into my account and
print it off, aren't I NICE?
<Zarei> no now all your bases will belong to him
<webby_g[work]> he was supervised, so if he did try to me up
me the bomb, he would have had no chance to survive make his
time.

<lunar_sothis> and he was all amazed at "how deep" i could
take it... tho i wasnt at all, he was just small

<Havard> I think baptizing babies is wrong.
<Havard> I mean, they don't have a say in it.
<ithil> Yeah, but what if they die and go to liiiimbo?
<STL> Well, then their parents will have to go fuck with the
Merovingian
<ithil> In a terrible sequel to the Bible

Myung LeshBurton: in drivers ed yesterday, the teacher said
something about how he used to always look up to superman
Myung LeshBurton: and how he wished everybody was
indestructable like he was
Myung LeshBurton: so i just had to yell out "But it didnt take
kryptonite to kill Superman, just a horse!"
Myung LeshBurton: the entire class fell silent, 3 people
holding back laughter and everybody else horrified at what i
said
RACaira326: hahahahahahahahahaha
RACaira326: you are a TERRIBLE person
RACaira326: you should be proud
Myung LeshBurton: wait, i made it worse
RACaira326: I cant believe you can make that worse
Myung LeshBurton: i said "Unless somebody hid kryptonite in
the horses ass"

<benjameno> how do i catch autism
<benjameno> i've tried speaking esperanto and using free open
source software but it doesn't seem to be working

<Sketchee> I'm searching for porn and see one "Russian
soldier"
<Sketchee> ... it wasn't porn!
<Grifter> o..kay
<Grifter> In Soviet Russia, the porn finds YOU!
<Sketchee> It was faces of death
<Grifter> What was it?
<Sketchee> The guy was being held to the ground
<Sketchee> And then they spliced his throat open
<Sketchee> And stuff was poring out
<Grifter> hm
<Sketchee> And there was screaming but most of that was from
me

<MuSKraT> I'm supposed to go to meet a cute girl at a bar with
our class, but I keep farting. I CAN'T GO UNTIL I FINISH
FARTING.

<czg> you're not gary larson
<Nekroe> czg... how the fuck do you know?
<czg> because I'm gary larson

<+Alpha> let's all /msg cky at the same time
<@cky> lol
<@cky> Garick pm'ed me
<@cky> <Garick> at the same time

<cjr> My dad was in Edinburgh on holiday, and he was walking
around a street with lots of expensive restaurants
<cjr> And there was a homeless guy selling magazines at the
corner
<cjr> So he bought one, and had a chat
<cjr> Then he asked "Do you know any good restaurants around
here?"
<cjr> The homeless guy just stares at him for about ten
seconds and says "Yeah, I don't really eat out very often...
but I'd imagine they are all pretty good"
<cjr> I think my dad ran away after that

<Justin> What's your sign, baby?
<The_Gevil> Yield

<babywafn> ew
<babywafn> all they had was
<babywafn> diet caffeine free pepsi twist
<babywafn> which is basically pepsi's way of saying 'FUCK YOU'

<Brentai> "Quake traps children in Italy school, 3 die" 
Something needs to be done about those violent video games!

<Chucklez|afk> sweet merciful jeesus
<Chucklez|afk> smells like melting plastic in my room
<Ranged> you called?
<Chucklez|afk> I said sweet merciful jesus... not hey dumb
little punk bitch
<Ranged> oh
<Ranged> my bad

<Mercster>   ever shot a Glock?
<Eppy>   i don't know any glocks, but if they're like most
people i've met, i probably wouldn't mind squeezing off a few
rounds at them

<grey> wow
<grey> i didn't realise afghanistan had enough infrastructure
for two nights' worth of air attacks

<mango> hey your friends are waiting for you down that
hallway...
<gremlin> theres nobody there!
<mango> thats right.. you have no friends

<AwhSchitt> Well, a guy's puts objects into one of 3
categories.
<AwhSchitt> 1) "I want to have sex with it"
<AwhSchitt> 2) "I want to eat/drink it"
<AwhSchitt> 3) "It exists"

<jonathans> i can stand on the sides of my ankles
<jonathans> both heels inward
<jonathans> i can balance on one for a bit
<clay> i can touch my penis with my hands

<jre> God is a racist.  Look in the old testament and you'll
find nothing but nationalistic hatred of others.
<JesusGurl> God is not a racist. what racist would have Jews
as His chosen people?

<rsb> i saw a very disturbing thing this morning
<wjr> oh?
<rsb> a dirty bum
<rsb> he smelled bad even, on the street for awhile
<wjr> ah yes
<rsb> he asked me for money
<rsb> and
<rsb> he had a solaris 8 shirt on

<@shiwan> Hmm. I need to find a "Windows NT Server 4.0 System
Administrator" t-shirt to wear around to BDSM clubs.
<@shiwan> "So, what are you into?" "I admin a 3-tiered,
12-node NT4 cluster."
< XyZzY> shiwan: "oh youre in the 'sick fuck' territory"

<Aragel> goth  in this area means...mommy and daddy both work
till 6pm and im home alone all day so i rebel by looking like
a racoon and wandering main street claiming to have a drug
problem and drinking Lattes for attention

<Brookes_Baby> Hey does anyone have an idea of what I could
get for my collection of Final Fantasy games?
<Kevyn> Not laid.

<kaGirl01> the nest time we have sex.... can it be to the tune
of star trek??
<kaGirl01> ohh ummmm  wrong window, please excuse that
<evilroot> . . . . . . . .

ThPhox: Dude...there's free Cinemax, and there's porn on.
ThPhox: AAAAnd it's anal.
ThPhox: *does the field goal sign*
SNAPEK1LSDMBLDOR: He shoots, wrong goalll!!!!!!

<+[PM]gothtec> Windows users posting their uptime... That's
like a chinese dicksize competition.

<FutabaAoi> attractive girls like computers, i carry my case
around town because it attracts chicks
<R0SC0E> no, attractive girls think guys that think girls are
attracted to guys with computers are cute in a hurt puppy kind
of way
<FutabaAoi> dont most people put down hurt puppies?
<FutabaAoi> does that mean attractive girls shoot computer
nerds?
<R0SC0E> god i don't mean puppies with like missing limbs or
exposed viscerals

<burn_prom_girl> our frigde is outside because we got our
kitchen tiled
<burn_prom_girl> and its in a puddle of water
<burn_prom_girl> thats bad right ?
<burn_prom_girl> and i shouldnt step in the water around the
frigde ?
<burn_prom_girl> its plugged in
<ikari> water doesnt conduct electricity
<ikari> it's an urban myth
<ikari> go dance in the puddle

<JaYsOn``> why the fuck do i always attract gay dudes
<moonbeam> um, well you do go to gay bars
<JaYsOn``> yeah but im straight! surely theres other straight
guys there

<pmw> According to Wikipedia, "cum swallowing" is an "extreme"
sexual act.
<Supernaut> best. quote. evar
<sxs> probably
<tsowell> pmw: it doesn't feel very extreme when you're doing
it, does it?
<pmw> At least not after a few times.
<Supernaut> i stand corrected
<Supernaut> that exchange is the best

<Bank6000> What is the best way to approach a person who you
are attracted to at a book store, library, animal shelter or
football game shown on TV at a bar?
<CrustyNutz> You can do it put your ass into it!
<TheBrat> uummm personally just don't say some cheesy pick up
line..
<xTrinity Luvx> yeah just be yourself 
<speedracer> Kick her in the shin.
<speedracer> She'll remember you next time.
<Evil_Couch> zap her with a fucking tazer and then drag her
back to your place
<Evil_Couch> by the time she wakes up, she'll be chained to
your bed and she'll HAVE to love you or you'll cut her food
ration in half.

* Joins: dad ([email protected])
<@tatpoop> Hi dad.
<@tatpoop> Quit hitting mommy. ;_;
<@tatpoop> OH GOD MEMORIES

<Kaymanistic>Jesus Christ.  My dog has been licking herself
for almost 30 minutes straight!!!
<Rockjunky>God I wish I could do that..would never leave the
house
<Whatsupdude>Dude I realize its a dog but dont you think you
should ask her first?

(+teh|irc) infact the smartest thing that came out of her
mouth was my dick

SilverJstr: I dreamt it snowed last night
SilverJstr: like, 20 inches
SilverJstr: I woke with a scream
ThanatoChaos: Canadian nightmares.

<Kazz> I like how Unreal Tournament is way better than Unreal.
<Kazz> Like how Casablanca Tournament was better than
Casablanca.
<Random-Guy> "In all the servers in all the clans...she had to
join mine."
<Kazz> "Frag the usual suspects."
<SoulBain> "Damnit, you can flag cap for her you can do it for
me."
<Kazz> "I am shocked, SHOCKED to find that camping is going on
in this casino!"

<CherryMay> Channel 5 Sun Jul 10 6:20 PM
<CherryMay> (100 min., 1990, USA, Adventure/Western/War
Movies)
<CherryMay> someone explain those genres to me please.
<The_T> They stand back to back
<The_T> take 10 paces forward, turn, then fire
<The_T> in TANKS

<Nozz> Shite
<Nozz> Just saw an article about a child dying in a house fire
<Nozz> and the banner ad for some cdrw said "Burn Baby Burn!"

<pecosdave> Yeah, Snakes on a Plane not a movie you can enjoy
alone.
<pecosdave> You can admit to watching the movie with a group,
but watching it alone shows signs of having issues.
<jpaganel> LOL
<pecosdave> It's like Rocky Horror.  Watching it alone of the
privacy of your own home makes you weird.
<pecosdave> Cross dressing and watching it with a crowd on the
other hand is perfect acceptable.

<TasmBoy> hah that farmer joe guy's funny.. he electricuted
himself at the age of 8 now he's dumb as shit
<DAL9000> TasmBoy: what did you do to become dumb as shit?
<TasmBoy> I can't remember
<DAL9000> At least he remembers.
<TasmBoy> you got a point there

<goferdude> What's "hockey"?
<zamros> REALLY YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HOCKEY IS?
<Funk> It's like boxing, except it's on ice and there are
teams

<Mantis> Sorry guys, I've got to go and spend some time with
the gf
<Mantis> brb

<anti-hero> how do u do the quote things?
<@renetiq> anti-hero you have to write a script :P
<anti-hero> like a play?
<@Oz> rofl
<@renetiq> lol
<anti-hero> how do u do it then?
<anti-hero> i dont have time to write a play

<Gig> Bah, drunk students setting off the firealarm to the
building, silent one too, so direct to the fire station. So we
had some fireman knocking on our door trying to get us out
<Gig> and my flatmate who answered the door shouted out "Hey
lads! look the stripper's here!"
<Gig> you would be surprised how fast people got out of their
rooms

<+mR_sCaRy> start killing stuff in task manager
*** seeen
([email protected])
has left IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<+mR_sCaRy> not that one :P

<darw> where did they drop the hiroshima bomb?

<Shift_Wreck> corenominal,  ever seen this quote? "Perfection
is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when
there is nothing left to take away."
<corenominal> Shift_Wreck: I think I may have seen that once
or twice :)
<Shift_Wreck> I have it tattoo'd across my forehead.
<Shift_Wreck> im thinking of having it removed.