bash.org archive

<Cloudy_Bear> hey you know how on the simpsons when they
scream, their tongues kinda vibrate?
<Cloudy_Bear> well anyway, I was practicing doing that in the
bathroom
<Cloudy_Bear> and this girl like walks in and is like
"uhmm.... hi..?"

doc-  H/P/V/A/C . 34o megs . FiDo
vect0r  hp vac?? HEWLETT PACKARD MAKES A VACUUM!?
vect0r  I MUST GET!
vect0r  does it suck as much as their computers do?
<vect0r  because that would be a kick ass vacuum

<RaMTuFF> i like my women like i like my coffee
<RaMTuFF> quiet !

<bill``> I'm taking the AP calc test tomorrow--does anyone
have any last minute tips?
<MSINISTER> dont put metal in a microwave!
<MSINISTER> good luck!

<Stuckie> I had to sit through the Sound of Music for TWO
FRIGGIN weeks.. bloody school shows... probably why I've
cracked... lol
<Stuckie> The hiiiiiills are aliiiiiive with the sound of
**BANG!!** DIE YOU BASTARDS!!! **BANG!!**

<Ilikehorses> dude... how do u play this game?
<Xenocideophile> it's a chat room for programmers
<Ilikehorses> i know THAT
<Xenocideophile> then you're good to go
<Ilikehorses> no no no how do I make a game
<Xenocideophile> depends
<Ilikehorses> ...?
<Xenocideophile> Depends what language you want to use to
start off with
<Ilikehorses> american

<Dr_DOS> Cducharme: no wonder you get all the women, you
choose all the ugly ones =)

<GoreGasm> i'm sure i could beet you up, and i would
<th0m> *laying on sidewalk covered in beets*

~ iiSII has a bump on the very edge of his eyelid.
(tektrnica) maybe it is a tumour
(letty) or an ingrown toenail

<Zaboomafoo`> aw shit someone help me!
<Zaboomafoo`> I happened to mention bukakke and my mom
wondered what it was
<Zaboomafoo`> Im afraid shes gonna like, ask some of her
japanese friends what it is and then find out!
<saijinsux> what did you tell her it was?
<Zaboomafoo`> a japanese food ;_;

<Pi> Violence solves everything.
<Pi> If you have a problem that violence doesn't solve, then
you're not using enough of it.

<Chris_Away> On a UK keyboard the dash, the space bar and the
5 are all on the same key.
<NapkinEater> YOU LIE!!!
<Chris_Away> You5can't prove-that.

<Da_Wrecka> The guns cost £10. Considering the guns can be
used in other games too that's not bad at all.
<SLowry05> yeah wtf is that thing in front of hte numbers
<Da_Wrecka> And it's still cheap.
<Da_Wrecka> It's called a "pound sign"
<SLowry05> oh you're chinese?

Ford_Prefect: I\'m at 2.0 MBPS!!
Navi00: Psh
Navi00: What kinda connection?\\
JK-63: With your cantenna.
Ford_Prefect: DSL
Ford_Prefect: no, I am using my standard antenna
Navi00: wtf is a cantenna?!
Ford_Prefect: because I need the connector for my cantenna
JK-63: It\'s a little antenna that can.
Ford_Prefect: works better
JK-63: You know the story, right?
JK-63: The little antenna that pushed the signal through the
wall?
* Zortexia sits down for the story
Ford_Prefect: HE was having trouble carrying data fast enough
JK-63: And then, a strange packet came along.
JK-63: And encouraged him, because the packet was from A
STRANGE ROUTER! *gasp*
* Zortexia gasps!
Ford_Prefect: I think I can
Ford_Prefect: I think I ca
Ford_Prefect: *n
Ford_Prefect: I think I can
Zortexia: LMAO!
JK-63: The cantenna pushed and pushed as hard as he could, and
got a signal through to the strange router!
Zortexia: yay for cantenna!
Ford_Prefect: and downloaded an entire copy
Ford_Prefect: of microsoft XP
Ford_Prefect: in one hour
* Zortexia eyes get big
Navi00: That is the most adorable thing I\'ve ever heard
Navi00: loll
Ford_Prefect: *pirated I might add
Navi00: XD
Ford_Prefect: :0
Zortexia: :O
Zortexia: then what happened
Ford_Prefect: he lived happily ever after leaching off of
other people\'s wireless connectiong
Navi00: heh heh heh heh
JK-63: And the hacker driving the cantenna was very happy with
his new copy of Windows XP.
Ford_Prefect: the end

* Yugi_moto take out his card deck
<DoesNotExist> Yu-Gi-Oh is fricking hilarious.
<DoesNotExist> the hero's all like "I play my Blue Eyes
White Dragon in defense position and attack!" and they all act
like it was a stunning strategical move.
<DoesNotExist> it's an overly dramatic version of a magic
the gathering tournament, which makes it so hilarious.
<Yugi_moto> I play black skull DRAGON IN ATACK MODE NOW
BLACK SKULL Dragon ATTACK BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON
<Yugi_moto> ablterrate
<DoesNotExist> and they EXPLAIN THE RULES BEHIND EVERY
SINGLE MOVE.
<DoesNotExist> "My blue eyes white dragon attacks... THE
MOON!"
<Yugi_moto> black skull dragon  has  3200 atack points blue
Eyes white dragon has 3000 atack points i have the stronger
monster by atack points that means you lose 200 life points
<DoesNotExist> no, i play Mystical Swirling Hat Shield to
counter that, which increases the Blue Eyes White Dragon's
attack by 53...
<Yugi_moto> I play pendulam machine
<Yugi_moto> no
<Yugi_moto> Mysticazl Elf does that
<Yugi_moto> Mystical Elf
<DoesNotExist> i play Flaming Sword of Cheesy Goodness on
Blue Eyes White Dragon as my last move, increasing my BEWD's
attack by a triumphant 3333 due to my cheescake i'm eating.
<Yugi_moto> I sumon exiodea
<Yugi_moto> autometic win
<DoesNotExist> i play counterspell, discarding it.
<Yugi_moto> yuoo cant
<DoesNotExist> Yes i can. o_O
* DoesNotExist holds up his counterspell.
* DoesNotExist taps two islands...
* DoesNotExist plays counterspell on exiodea...
* DoesNotExist discards exiodea.,
<DoesNotExist> Now then, i play...
* DoesNotExist summons Sephiroth!
<DoesNotExist> I summon Sephiroth in the Lance Bass
position, which causes your black skull dragon to commit
suicide from the terrible n*sync music.

lab_rat_inph3ct3d: spiderman isnt the only one who gets his
hands sticky on the web

<Avien> by the time they come up with all this shit... we'll
be in a SPACE COLON
<Avien> Y

<maff> AMERICA'S ARMY
<maff> defend freedom. online. with some 13 year olds.

<Knives> YOUR RADIO IS BROKEN
<Knives> I DEMAND A REFUCK
<Knives> .
<Knives> REFUND

<mike> i'm not afraid of heights.. i could look up at them all
day
<mike> it's depths that get to me

<Dert> i would much rather have a big thick detailed atlas of
mars than a pair of breasts for one evening

*** @pHaT|B33R is now known as @pHaT|ZzZz
<@JumperXL> later
<@JumperXL> nite drunkard
<@ismell> l8
<@JumperXL> thats irc dedication. smashed off his gord but
still changes his nick to ZzZz before he passes out.

<@freshmint> How do you get a goth out of a tree?
<@freshmint> Cut the rope.

<Aiko> Nothing beats the look on a 14-year-old boy's face when
his older sister catches him watching femdom porn, smiles and
tells him she's already seen that one.
<9874354> speaking from experience?
<Aiko> Yep. ^_^

<Callick> You know..
<Callick> You tend to realize the kind of sad existence you
live in when you wake up Friday morning in a sweat stained
Namco t-shirt and a pair of yellow old navy swimtrunks.. with
last night's pizza grease still on your face and a glass of
rotten milk next to you.. and the first thing on your mind is,
"Man, I'm gonna have some fun playing my cleric in Dungeons
and Dragons today!"

<xtal> Uh
<xtal> uh
<xtal> uh
<xtal> uh?
<Mazca> stop masturbating quizzically.

"<Hjelgan> betme
<Rift-Game>  Commands: betme start, betme join, betme bet #,
betme roll(if roller), betme fix, betme quit, betme highscores
<Hjelgan> betme start
<Rift-Game> Starting Betme! Todays Roller is Hjelgan ; To join
type "betme join"
<Hjelgan> betme bet life
<Rift-Game>  You Cannot Bet More Then You Have"

<Yak|Sleep> One day
<Yak|Sleep> The stupidity of the world will implode on itself
<Yak|Sleep> Taking the universe with it
<Trufant> i shall live on mars by then
<WhiTey-FU> can't wait.
<Yak|Sleep> Congratulations
<Yak|Sleep> You officially are one of those to contribute to
the implosion

<lokk> GM posts 1.9bil loss
<lokk> ouch!
<Booster> they should have saved money switching to geico

BobbyC> I mean, I wouldn't be attracted to them if they
weren't my friends moms.
BobbyC> But there's something about, "Here kids, have a
snack..." you know?
BobbyC> Is ANYONE with me on this?

<Stain> when i was 8 i still thought girls were the enemy.
Now, 12 years later, i'm fucking one.
<HailBrak> stain: an 8 year old girl?
<Idioteq> WITH A KNIFE

(Horny-Net-Geek): Hi, I just got my computer yesterday morning
took all day to set up and I stayed up half the night to
download mirc from a web sight in Turkey. My questions is (1)
how do I get ops (2) how do you send messages. (3) all women
here a/s/l/?

<angeles> i really shouldnt take you seriously should i
<hoyhoy> sure
<hoyhoy> it makes the channel amusing for the rest of us
<angeles> i'm pretty gullible
<hoyhoy> angeles: LET ME START BY INTRODUCING MYSELF PROPERLY
, I AM MR. TIJANI YUSUFU CREDIT OFFFICER WITH THE UNION BANK
OF NIGERIA PLC (UBA) BENIN BRANCH, I CAME TO KNOW OF YOU IN MY
PRIVATE SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE PERSON TO HANDLE
THIS CONFIDENTIAL TRANSACTION,WHICH INVOLVES TRANSFERING HUGE
SUM OF MONEY TO A FOREIGN ACCOUNT REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE

<Stingray_> JeyK: we should open a site similar to thinkgeek
where people can order IRC-related stuff
<JeyK> Stingray_: I'm scared of dot bombs!
<Stingray_> like shirts that say "My dad can /kick your dad"
<JeyK> haha
<SamBecket> lol
<JeyK> "Your son may have straight As, but my son can /kick
your son"
<Stingray_> lol
<Stingray_> that would be a good bumper sticker
<Stingray_> alas, I'm a bit young to pull that off
<JeyK> I've seen "Your son may have straight As, but my son
can ____ your son" a lot
<Stingray_> how about "Your son may have straight As, but your
daughter has double Ds and don't my son know it!"
<JeyK> ROFL

<KillerB> man, while I'm excited about the interview, getting
my ass up at like 1:30pm is gonna blow.

<Perforatorzzz> my grandma was going thru my room today for
some ungodly reason and found some of my gf's clothes she
"accidently" left here.
<Perforatorzzz> i'm all, "i like to wear black panties,
DAMNIT"

<johnsmith> Ill sit at bars and write perl on my napkin until
girls are so thick around me I cant move my body

<steef> i feel sorry for kids today, when they reminisce on
their childhood, they will have songs by britney spears and
backstreet boys

<blaky> be back, gotta clean a fan
<chomp> did shit hit it?

tehsolace: lets cyber
d j n p h a s e: mmmk
d j n p h a s e: you be the girl
tehsolace: ok
tehsolace: im a girl
d j n p h a s e: ok
d j n p h a s e: i have to go take a shit
d j n p h a s e: one sec
tehsolace: O_O

<DAL9000> my pseudogirlfriend's preacher was like, all over
her
<DAL9000> and she's not very liked at her church
<DAL9000> cuz they think she's seducing him
<trep> pseudogirlfriend, haha
<DAL9000> yes
<DAL9000> that's a fancy word for stalking interest.

<@Chii_> rkd
<@Chii_> aDSJddsslkslkdaslks
<@Chii_> smaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
<@Chii_> OOO OOOOoooo oooooooooooooooooo
<@CoMPLeX> u remind me of a pigeon that sits outside my room
sometimes making useless sounds

<Tarnagh> You know why the Clean Air Act was first
established?
<Askee> Why
<Tarnagh> So the people in Colorado could see the mountains
<Tarnagh> and so people in California could see each other

<weed> wtf is this world turning to?
<@Phucker> America.

<Shivaway> sue me im bored shitless
<mmx> eat a dick? :(
<Shivaway> no thx
<Shivaway> im on a no dick diet, i hear it goes straight to
your ass

* zYgoat announces a historic moment in the history of powered
human flight
* zYgoat reaches into his backpack
* zYgoat pulls out a rocket powered dildo
<zYgoat> }===========>
* zYgoat jams it up Mikeyben's ass
* zYgoat takes a sledgehammer and slams it all the way-in
* zYgoat cues up Tom Petty - Don't Come Around Here No More
* zYgoat lights the fuse and salutes
*** Mikeyben was kicked off #Lopster by zYgoat (zYgoat)

<timmo> make me dumplings
<timmo> and some grit
<Fustard> grits*
<Fustard> grit would be dirt, tim
<timmo> no zach im watchin my weight i only want one grit

::: Joins: STRAUSS
([email protected])
(STRAUSS) hey how do i change my quit message
(@Seriph) /quit message
(STRAUSS) ty
::: Quits: STRAUSS
([email protected]): Quit: message
::: Joins: STRAUSS
([email protected])
(STRAUSS) ban Seriph!

<Doodleheimer> To all the girls here: What's it like having
boobs?
<Doodleheimer> I just have some questions about them.
<Peter_Griffin> Doodle wants to know if he scans his hand and
sends to you and you rub it on your chest if it still counts
as getting to second base.

<irq> so i was spanking-the-monkey for all it was worth and
just about to cum
<irq> when my dad bangs on the door
<irq> i say "i'm comming"
<irq> and my dad says "that wont help you open the door"
<irq> now i am going to need theorpy for life!

<Metroid> FUCKING IDIOTS
<Metroid> STUPID FUCKIGN DK AGROS 2 MOBS ON PURPOSE
<Metroid> STUPID FUCKING HUNTER TRIES TO TANK MOBS AFTER HE
RESSER
<Metroid> STUPID FUCKING HEALER SAT THERE THE WHOLE FIGHT
<Metroid> GODDAMN
<Lemming|> chill out
<Metroid> AND THEN THEY ALL FUCKING LEAVE
<Metroid> THIS GAME ISN'T HARD ENOUGH FOR PEOPLE TO BE THIS
BAD AT IT
<Metroid> RRRRRRAAAAAAEEEEEEGGGGGG
<Metroid> yay 7chan is back
<Faer> did anyone else notice Metroid's fierce unrestrained
rage was just calmed down by CP

<HoaX> did you get your ticket?
<FLB> No :(
<FLB> My dad got home to late.
<FLB> I will get it tommorow *he* says
<HoaX> mmhmmm
<FLB> He's kinda unreliable.
<FLB> Been smoking pot so long.
<HoaX> like your soldier in bed?
<FLB> Pardon me?
<FLB> Did you just comment on my sexual performance?
<HoaX> no... never
<HoaX> i wasnt so asleep during that camping trip
<FLB> That's what I thought.
<FLB> I jizzed in your water bottle.
<HoaX> it happens
<FLB> Yeah.
<FLB> Sorry about that.
<HoaX> no hard feelings
<FLB> It was there, and I didn't want to disrupt nature with
my man seed.
<HoaX> but... why was it green and orange?
<FLB> I have issues.
<Peloquin> hahaha
<FLB> And Dr. Seuss lives in my nuts.
* Peloquin changes topic to 'http://www.matazone.co.uk/
kitty2.htm | <FLB> I have issues. <FLB> And Dr. Seuss lives in
my nuts.'
<FLB> Would you jizz in her face? Would you jizz on her lace?
Would you jizz here or there, would you jizz anywhere? Would
you jizz FLB, would you jizz, jizz on me?
<Syfoon> You both need to see a doctor... a head doctor
<Peloquin> haha
* Peloquin makes it clear that he had no part in the
conversation

<Kristy> "You attempt to kick a hobgoblin, but miss."
<Kristy> :(
<Kosta> hahahaha level 1
<Kosta> You have been killed by a stick of butter

<Sqrfrk> I went and watched 300
<Sqrfrk> That movie was badass
<ErrorNotFound404> oh
<ErrorNotFound404> im gonna go on thurs
<ErrorNotFound404> dont tell me anything
<Sqrfrk> They all die.

{Sexican} oh I heard some legends about a world where you
could get a gf and stuff.
{[12Lurk} its a place where women put out
{SoCK} url?

<Lazarus> Anyone care to guess my sign?
<DocWebstr> "Keep Off"?
<Lazarus> Wrong Way.
<Beki> this end up? :)
<K`shandra> "Thank You - Come Again." ;-)

hjdjoo: well, you know what they say
hjdjoo: "the second-best way to get into a girl's pants is to
play the guitar"
hjdjoo: "the absolute best way is chloroform"
hjdjoo: -plutarch
hjdjoo: or was that plato?
hjdjoo: it was one of the great philosophers i think.

ln3: someone just told me he was board.
ln3: *morns the loss of grammar and spelling*
ln3: ...fuck.

LrdKittoa: just ate at taco bell.
Nitefallzz: i hope you get some kind of mexican disease and
die
LrdKittoa: taco bell isn't mexican food.
LrdKittoa: calling taco bell mexican food is like calling
micheal jackson black.  It's sort of true, but... no, not
really.

<Ih8tjon> throwing a match into like, a BUCKET of gasoline
won't do anything.
<Ih8tjon> cause, you know, the liquid will actually put it out
before it can burn stuff.
<marek> m'am, i've just informed the good people at the Darwin
Awards. They promised me they'd keep an eye on you.

<PrEs_WhO> in 50 years there will be only 2 english word
<PrEs_WhO> fuck and Dude

<evilada> godammit. I hate having to collaborate on projecs
with music school kids.
<immortalangel> why?
<evilada> they reek. they reek so bad.
<immortalangel> lol
<evilada> I swear to god
<evilada> it's like..
<evilada> imagine if pineapple was an animal, and  lactated
it's own kind of milk to nurse it's young. If you were to take
some of this pineapple breastmilk, turn it into an odd cheese,
then leave that hunk of cheese in a stale metal box in
tropical heat for three months....THAT'S what the smell was
like on these kids

<Necro-M> anyone here got jpeglib.h ?
<med-> had it when i was younger, i don't think you can catch
it twice tho

<Surge> I just realized something....you can't spell
embarassed without "bare assed"
<gornotck> You just did.

<ZaXorZ> if you get glitter on you, be prepared to have it on
you forever.
<ZaXorZ> Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies

<lusty_guy> any hot lady wanna role play
<+ladyfingerz> okay i'll be me and you be gone

<Cthon98> so I waited until my friend bought a box of timbits
and got back in the car
<Cthon98> (timbits being "donut holes" or whatever you yanks
call them)
<Cthon98> and just as he was about to bit into one, I say
<Cthon98> "you ever notice how those look just like creamy
shaved nuts?"
<Cthon98> so I now have a free box of timbits.

[workin] I went back to get another 20" monitor..
[workin] they were sold out!
[workin] I had to get a 19
[workin] I told my husband ONLY a man would say that 1"
doesn't matter

<QuoteSick> >:)
<QuoteSick> {:-)
<zantispam> :-{
<zantispam> ^^^ moustache
<zantispam> :-{>
<zantispam> ^^^ goatee
<acestus> {:-) ?
<acestus> Toupee?
<DigDug> >8)
<finkployd> :(-<(&)    - not happy having a tapeworm