bash.org archive

<Dipstick> I saw my Univ. Physics prof. at anime club : |
<Dipstick> and he has a Card Captor Sakura wallscroll in his
office (that's pretty damn fruity)
<guDgiD> Dipstick: BLACKMAIL
<Dipstick> NO!
<Dipstick> actually, there's a no hentai policy there :

<InsaneJuggalo> females here are like viruses on linux
<InsaneJuggalo> theres only like.... 3?

<Murdercules> once, i accidently walked in on my sister when
she was taking a shower, and i saw her tities and her body, i
was like, damn! who's that fine chick in my shower, then i saw
my sister's face, and i was like, damn, i didn't know my
sister was that hot

<Eck> British Prime Minister: I hope this can signal a
reconciliation and a unity of the Iraqi people meaning freedom
and hope for the people against whom the atrocities have been
committed etc.
<Eck> American Guy: WE GOT HIM! YEAAAAHHHH!!!!!

<Grover> On my linux box, I once swapped out the motherboard,
put in a new video card, doubled the RAM, installed a CD
burner, installed a RAID array of (6) 200GB SATA Drives, and
overclocked the CPU without ever rebooting it
<Rusty> Didn't you reboot it a few weeks ago?
<Grover> Yeah, I had to reboot to install my Thumb Drive

<dakidski> DrtySOUTH: think the pig on the www.monsterpig.com
website is real?
<DrtySOUTH> It is.
<DrtySOUTH> Been verified, here at least.
<dakidski> what a beast
<rockorc1> wonder what loot it dropped ;)
<DrtySOUTH> rockorc1: you're such a MMORPG nerd.
<DrtySOUTH> It dropped a Dale Earnhardt Amulet of Hickdom
<DrtySOUTH> +25 to Hillbilly and Trailer Park skills.
<DrtySOUTH> 75% resistance to Highschool Education element.

(Deranged): If you're driving a hearse with a corpse in the
back, is it ok to use the carpool lane on the highway?

<eldee> uNF = universal noise of fucking
<BombScare> usually the only thing i hear when im fucking is
"who the fuck are you"

<Enigma> Anyone know what resolution our eyes run at?

<@PuffinFreshWog> kingmax is good ram
<@PuffinFreshWog> right?
<@PuffinFreshWog> but won't that not matter since my current
ram is a crap brand
<@cbf> ueaj
<@cbf> uyeaj
<@cbf> yueah
<@cbf> yeah
<@cbf> fod dammit
<@cbf> fgod
<@cbf> gofd
<@PuffinFreshWog> LMFAO
<@cbf> gof
<@cbf> god

<jd> i'm hung like planet pluto
<drew> hard to see with the naked eye?

<TreeSurgeon>  My lesbian friend Paula once told me that if
god didn't intend for it to be eaten, he wouldn't have made it
look like a taco. I rest my case.

<rob`> where does an irish family go for vacation?
<rob`> to a different bar

(SuperMarine): i swear to go
(SuperMarine): d
(SuperMarine): if that dog next door dosnt shut up
(SuperMarine): im going to do something bad
(AfroTrance): like complain over irc

Jukeboksi has quit ["IF IT WERE POSSIBLE, THESE LETTERS WOULD
BE EVEN BIGGER"]

<Ed> Noah's Ark, bah.
<Ed> <GOD> DUDE, YOU HAVE TO LIKE... GET A BUNCH OF ANIMALS
AND SHIT. ALL OF THEM.
<crunchyfish> <God> Gotta catch 'em all!

<SPEEDing|VoNK> you cant use knoppix as a server can you?
<bob> why not? people use windows as one.

<er0s> if i was a porn director, i'd randomly cut to eye
contact with the male actor
<er0s> to freak out whoever is watching
<er0s> maybe have him smile slightly too

<manero> MANLY THINGS:
<manero> 1) JOHN WAYNE
<manero> 2) WAR MOVIES
<manero> 3) BEER BRATS
<rebrane-> 3) WAR MOVIES WITH JOHN WAYNE
<rebrane-> 4) FARTING
<manero> 5) LARGE CIGARS
<rebrane-> 6) CARS
<rebrane-> 7) FIRE
<manero> 8) BOWLING
<rebrane-> 9) CARS ON FIRE
<ian> 10) BEAR SUIT
<rebrane-> 11) GUNS
<rebrane-> 12) GUITARS
<skitzo> 11) ANAL SEX WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND IN THE TOOL SHED
<Primary> 13) JOHN WAYNE'S GUN
<rebrane-> there's already an 11, skitzo

<tobes> Have fun at work? ;)
<Morbii> not particularly ;)
<Morbii> been back home a few hours tho
<Morbii> anything related to the word "work" isn't fun
generally :P
<Morbii> pornstars may see things differently, but I wouldn't
know
<Morbii> heh!
<tobes> Actually, that would probably get to be a pain in the
ass.

<+elf> hey
<Dekar> Do you want to see my cool thing?
<Dekar> It's shiny...
<Dekar> It has all sorts of moving parts.
<Dekar> And it does things. Cool things.
<+elf> zip up your pants, I don't care if you spray painted
your penis.

<Wes> While most dudes go day-to-day waiting for sex to
happen, the sex offenders go out and MAKE it happen.

<Legind> I cant remember my earliest memory

<var> 40 ping dont mean shit if it jerks and stops like a
fucking epileptic in a strobe light

<Seros> Did you get my hat back?
<Spleen> what kinda question is that?
<Seros> An easy one?

<emlodro> what country is exe
<think> binary islands

<Moltar> jesus says turn the other cheek
<YouAgain> thats why jesus is dead

Steve: so, why don't you just have anal sex with your ex?
Felix: I... can't afford that much lube?
Felix: I don't like making girls cry?
Felix: I don't like washing bloody sheets?
Felix: I couldn't deal with someone shitting on my dick.
Steve: well, technically..
Steve: they're not shitting your dick, you're dicking their
shit.

<LAWN|batman[sAs]> the department of homeland security is
making a mockery of the starfleet alert system.

<vocalizedWHORE> mmm, c++
<vocalizedWHORE> do.this();
<vocalizedWHORE> do.that();
<vocalizedWHORE> if (error)
<vocalizedWHORE> blame(microsoft);

<indecisive> I WISH I WAS LIKE 5
<indecisive> I COULD START ALL OVER
<indecisive> LIKE HEY, I COULD PRETEND TO NOT BE ABLE TO MOVE
MY LEGS
<indecisive> AND WENT AROUND IN A WHEELCHAIR LIKE ALL MY LIFE
BUT EXERCISED MY LEGS SECRETLY AND THEN JUMPED OUT AND STARTED
BREAK-DANCING
<Fishfood> YOU COULD GO TO A CRIPPLE CONVENTION AND GET UP IN
THE MIDDLE AND SHOUT 'GET WITH THE FUNK' AND JUMP ON THE TABLE
<indecisive> WHILE I'M WISHING, I WISH I HAD FIVE THOUSAND
DOLLARS

<MistaED> i've got a great backup idea, get what you want
important backed up like work docs and stuff, then zip it all
up, encrypt it, then rename it to a porn name .avi and put it
into kazaa!

<mewse> that was awesome
<mewse> err wrong window
<zarcyb> mewse: cybering? :P
* mewse licks it
<mewse> FUCK WRONG WINDOW

mike_afe > Linux manuals should have a section at the end
showing a linux geek what to do in the event of sex. Not a
complete sex manual but just some basic instructions.
Nikki_afe > 'Leave computer, it is not required'

<stout> :D\-<
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :D|>
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :D/-<
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :D|>
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :D\-<
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :)|-<
<stout> :|<-<
<stout> =(<-<

<Amish> Only roaches and IBM Keyboards survive after thermo
nuclear war.

(dj28): http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/ftp/graphics/AT13/refresh/
AL1303W5+GIF/081203W5.gif
(ZemRrushe): safe for work?
(dj28): no. it's a government sponsored goatse orgy gallery

<Swamp|haircut> omg @ big breasted hairdressers
*** Swamp|haircut is now known as Swamp
<Swamp> whenever she leaned over it looked like i was wearing
a mickey mouse hat

<JoltX> i just found out what alt+z does
* Parts: Eaichu250
* Parts: Donald
* Parts: WaterBomb

<Spike> You know what I want to do? I want to go on eBay and
buy all the
souvenier pieces of the Berlin wall, then reconstruct it along
the Mexican border

<Fuxm> You know what i wanna do?
<Fuxm> i wanna photoshop a picture of me to make it look like
im having gay sex with matt
<rX> WTF why??
<Fuxm> ...and then put it where i keep my weed so if my
parents ever find it they wont care about the weed.
<rX> LMAO
<rX> make two copies and put one in a rogers video case and
return it to the one he works at

<Buck> Light travels faster then sound, thats why people seem
bright until you hear them...

<Lointamer> oh crap...kids found my vibrators again

<Dave2> Had my french oral exam today
<Dave2> It sucked

<eva> you ever notice that you dont sneeze when you pee?
<Rivorus> i actually sneezed while peeing just the other day
<Rivorus> and i was thinking about how people say that
<eva> Rivorus/ well did you BLOW your ASSHOLE OUT?
<Rivorus> the pee went all over my roommate's face
<Rivorus> I mean the toilet seat.
* Rivorus coughs
<eva> ...

<gb> it's impossible to argue with the ignorint

<ryant09> How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a
tampon and ask him which period it came from.

<Patrician|Away> trust me on this
<Patrician|Away> it was face
<|Tempest|> trust you?
<|Tempest|> TRUST YOU?
<Patrician|Away> im always right on these issues
<Patrician|Away> face will confirm it
<|Tempest|> the last time i trusted you i ended up strapped
naked to a low flying jet performing stunts over london
<Patrician|Away> yup
<Patrician|Away> ad got an easy £300
<Patrician|Away> *and I
<|Tempest|> do you know what 10 Gs does to a flacid flapping
willy?
<|Tempest|> DO YOU?

* Dr_Vladimir cries at the racial discrimination....
<Dr_Vladimir> Robots are people too!
<TK-421> lousy automatons
* Norton flicks off muffbots switch
*** Signoff: muffbot ()
<muffinator> :o
<Norton> ONO
<Dr_Vladimir> OH MY GOD!
<muffinator> MOUTH TO MOUTH
<Norton> eh?
* Norton hooks up jumper cables to muffbot
<Norton> CLEAR
* Norton turns his car over
*** muffbot ([email protected]) has joined
channel #MUA
<Norton> w00!!

<mrfun> speaking of max, i boned a duck
<hamumu> are you sure you're speaking of max?
<mrfun> took most of yesterday to bone and do two anims, geez
<mrfun> but he's limping around in torque
<hamumu> this is sounding worse every sentence

[Daishi] my bro wants me to get offline so he can call mom
again!
[Daishi] excuse me as i go beat him into a coma
[Daishi] fucken brb!
»» quits Daishi ([email protected]) (Read error:
Connection reset by peer)
[Cae] I guess his bro won

<baloo>lispy: I have this horrible addiction to food. I try to
quit, but I just get wracked with pain after a day or two
every time and just have to have a cheeseburger.
<baloo>They only told me the positive effects of food. Nobody
ever told me food would be hard to quit.
<malfunct`>their highly addictive products which are
advertised as safe got me hooked and ruined my teeth and put
me at high risk for heart disease and diabetes
<baloo>exactly
<malfunct`>and from what I hear, mcdonalds is ruining my liver
<baloo>Not to mention high cholestorol
<lispy>baloo: i find myself horribly addicted to O_2...i can't
go five minutes without it...i get shakey and light
headed...i'll fight someone that won't let me get my O_2 fix
<malfunct`>ok bal, I don't buy that pepsi gave me high
colesterol
<baloo>lispy: I know what you mean. I get the same way about
water after a couple hours on a hot day.
<malfunct`>lispy: yeah, the 02 addiction is nearly as bad as
my dihydrogen monoxide addiction
<malfunct`>and you know how many bad things dihydrogen
monoxide can do
<baloo>malfunct`: Yeah. I mean, holy hell, you mix dhydrogen
monoxide and dioxygen long enough undisturbed on the hood of
your car and it'll eat right through it. Might take a few
years, but it'll do it.
<malfunct`>baloo: yeah, and how many natural disasters can be
traced back to the dihydrogen monoxide as a source
<lispy>baloo: it only takes a couple ounces of that stuff to
kill a baby in a matter of minutes if you leave their face in
it
<baloo>malfunct`: No kidding. You breathe even a little of
that and it'll hurt like hell for days.

(@DaySleeper) straight people only need gays for the fashion
industry
(@DaySleeper) gay people need straights so they don't die out

<ScottO> How was your interview, meta?
<nietmeta> it's on monday
<nietmeta> i gotta wait!
<ScottO> How will it be, then?
<nietmeta> it will be awsome
<ScottO> Congrats, then.

<Serafijn> what's that film with the ship and the ghosts?
<Nightchill> Ghostship?
<Serafijn> oh yeah

[Jack SkeIIington] my knees have rugburns
[Jack SkeIIington] from giving out endless blowjobs
[p-iv] wear knee-pads
[rahahda] "job interview pads"

<ScratGOD> dude some guy was fucking me in the ass last night
and reached around and grabbed my cock. I got up and said
"what the fuck, do you think im gay or something?"

qreepyboris: However, I can tell you with authority that my
French extra credit project is going to ROCK
qreepyboris: We're making a film of a few shortish skits in
French
qreepyboris: And one of them is so awesome
qreepyboris: Schindler and Santa accidentally mix up their
naughty and nice lists. :-)
qreepyboris: So Santa goes to all the Jews' houses and they're
not there, 'cuz they're all in camps
qreepyboris: And I haven't read the whole script, but there is
no way it can possibly be not funny

<Tarage> I hate to update to things, they always make it worse
<@Ixnorp> you're too pessimistic.  I bet that if you jumped
off a building
you would expect to land in a truck full of pillows
<anorexic_poodle> wouldnt that make it optimistic
<@Ixnorp> no, because he would have failed to kill himself

<MadHack-> i've developed a bad habit of making a hand motion
when i fart
<MadHack-> like i'm pulling a big lever or something
<mrwhite> hahahahhaha
<MadHack-> and i squeeze my face like it takes effort, too
<mrwhite> you'll win the jackpot one day and shit your pants
<MadHack-> and if i'm standing, lift my leg
<MadHack-> farting's really turned into a full-body experience
here

--> ROJO has joined #nocomment
--- ChanServ gives channel operator status to ROJO
<Kazz> ROJO!
* Kazz grunts.
* ROJO returns grunt
* Kazz takes off loincloth.
* ROJO shudders
<Kazz> ROJO!
* Kazz bobs.
<ROJO> KAZZ!
* Kazz takes off ROJO's loincloth.
<Kazz> ROJO!
<-- ROJO has quit (Quit: (i leave when it takes a turn for the
homoerotic))
* Kazz weeps.
<Kazz> Ro... jo....

[Dainichi] I want a penis! Hell, you have a penis, you can
masturbate anywhere!
[Dainichi] For a woman to do it RIGHT, she has to lay down.
Man gets a boner in the kitchen, he can wack off in the
kitchen.
[Dainichi] If I had a penis...I'd lock myself in my room for
so long that my friends and family would probably end up
calling missing persons on me.

<astroboy> I asked a japanese exchange student what kind of
american TV he likes in japan.
<astroboy> he said full house.
<astroboy> I fear japan.

<Zorix> this room... heh.. its so immature
<ichibod> fuck off dicklicker
<Zorix> bite me fucktard

RegEdit: Aquafresh Extreme Clean Toothpaste. Wow. Even
toothpaste can be extreme
hyt: YEAAAAAAAAAHHHH... and to the next event... extreme
gargling
RegEdit: It's called bukkake
hyt: Ewww

<Glock> So i attended this sudden death the other day, a guy
hung himself
<Glock> The guys partner was there and said he'd been pretty
depressed lately
<Glock> Then my stupid partner says 'Has he ever done anything
like this before?'
<Glock> Should have seen the confused face of the poor girl
<Izzy> Maybe it was jesus....he'll come back

bmp: I'm a strangulation risk
bmp: recall me
lord: contains small parts
lord: keep away from children (for other reasons)
bmp: :<

<Thom`Manson> "The Hammurderer is quickly becoming regarded as
the worst-received advertising mascot since Kool-Aid's 1989
discontinuation of "The Grapist," a huge purple monster who
sodomizes thirsty children."
<Manboy> hahaha
<Manboy> OH YEAH
<Manboy> (sobbing)
<Thom`Manson> hahahaha
<Manboy> OH YEAH!!!
<Thom`Manson> hahaha

<Dark_Brood> #define sizeof(x) rand()
<Rangsk> you can do that?
<Dark_Brood> Yup
<Catafriggm> OMFG!
<Catafriggm> That's disgusting!