bash.org archive

<jdm> i just accidently urinated on my face
<@Static> did you take a picture?
<jdm> no
<jdm> let go of my wang to catch the toilet seat, it began to
fall
<jdm> pissed all over the back of the toilet then it swung up
and hit me in the face like a fire hose

<gldnmean> I always thought "The sound of one hand clapping"
would be good zen masturbation slang

<Fee> 128 megs? 1997 called, they want there memory back

<SirWolfgang> i just paid $85 for a hoodie...
<tetsu> but it lasts for a decade right
<tetsu> youll be 30 before you need to buy another hoodie
<tetsu> and by then youll be an adult and just buy a coat

<syousef> Everytime you see something marketed as 'Cloud'
based or 'Cloud' anything just mentally remove the word cloud
from the product and add "For Suckers (TM)". You'll save
yourself a lot of fuss, hassle and confusion.

<Fraeon> I have found an awesome reason to become emo
<Fraeon> You can celebrate all those days you weren't born
instead of that one day you were

Kris: Happy Pi Day!
Dean: I don't celebrate pi day, but rather pi approximation
day on july 22nd or 7/22

<egernness> jeg leder efter en sød pige som vil lære mig bedre
at kende... hun må godt have lidt de samme interesser som mig,
en webdesigner ville være overdrevet vildhed.... /msg me
<@bamsefar> egernness: what?
<egernness> need sex

<Starscream> uh
<Starscream> i just accidentally told my credit card company i
was smoking crack
<Starscream> shit.

<Mirconium>Several sequels have been announced for Gears of
War
<Mirconium>The new games will include Sprockets of Peace,
Pulleys of Neutrality, Fulcrums of Strife, Screws of Fixation,
and Wheels of Locomotion.

<Ettin> Still, I thought the war would be over by now.
<Ettin> No country has an infinite supply of suicide bombers.

<Defcon> Heh. I was getting a hair cut the other day with my
usual barber, who's this 60 year old vietnam veteran type guy,
really uptight and what not. Anyway, he had this TV with the
news on, and suddenly they started talking about police who
sodomized some hispanic guy with a broom stick. That caused a
lot of tension in the barber shop.
<Defcon> "Yeah, so, how about that sodomy? Probably doesn't
feel too good." "Nope. Can't imagine it does."

rebelustionist: and I accidentlu said fuck in class liek 20
times
Dekkar5: rofl
rebelustionist: luckily she was a cool teacher
Dekkar5: what did the teach do
rebelustionist: she gave me one fuck a week
Dekkar5: !
rrebelustionist: the word
rebelustionist: that is
rebelustionist: ....
Dekkar5: o that didnt sound right...

<RU5TY> I just called in to work today.  I told my boss I had
Anal Glaucoma.
<RU5TY> I told him I just couldn't see my ass coming in today.

<Macavity> Roses are red, violets are blue. In Soviet Russia,
poems write you.
<Costilled> next time please just link the bash quote
<|Wolf|> my ass is red, my balls are blue, you read bash.org,
I DO TOO!

<jome> I suppose there are bad coders, there are really bad
coders, there are fucking retards, and there's coders writing
lines like this: $resultscode = $resultscode - 0;
<jome> Serious, that's an actual line from a script I'm going
to rewrite..

<Jim> WOAH, HUGE STORY FROM FOX NEWS
<Jim> KIDS WHO DRINK ARE MORE LIKELY TO HAVE SEX
<Frinky> WOW
<Frinky> I never would have guessed that
<Swimguy37> no kiddin
<Jim> It's almost as shocking as their "there are perverts on
the internet" story

(doggie^): i would type that word, but i cant spell it
(doggie^): the one about getting pleasure from other people's
misery
(slippy^): anal sex?

(sonique) i'm sensitive
(sonique) i cry at movies
(sonique) i change clothes 5 times before i go to school
(sonique) i also look at little boys with a glint of danger in
my eye

<DrWoody> Look I'm writing a letter!
<DrWoody> Dear Internet Explorer:
<DrWoody> I HATE YOU!  DIE!!

<Tempest> Has anyone seen Passion of the Christ?
<Yuki> I heard the guy playing Jesus was struck by lighting
twice while working on the set. 
<Mister Mittens> I've heard that as well... And I think
someone else on the set was hit by lightning as well... not
sure 
<Quinton> GOOD MOVIE 
<Teal> They weren't hit by lightning. They were smote. There's
a difference.

<[-FcG-]Poet> lucifer is so 20th century, the devil should
rename himself something like 1337Kill@r

xxnjbeauty23xx: im also short
xxnjbeauty23xx: but its a good thing for me because im jewish
xxnjbeauty23xx: which means im closer to the pennies

<heywood_jablomi> A lady came in today with her resume written
down on notebook paper by hand and asked me if I could help
her "copy and paste it onto the internet."
<my_smelly_funk> lmao
<heywood_jablomi> It was 4:30-ish and I leave at 5, so I told
her to hold it up against her monitor for about 45 mins and it
would copy itself onto the internet.

<VgameT> hahahaha, aol just froze
<Mooseka> VGAME THAT'S LIKE SAYING DROWNING VICTIMS ARE WET

<Drull> OMG
<Drull> ARE ANY OF YOU WATCHING CNN???
<CowWEB> no whats going on?
<ego-man> ????
<ego-man> what channel is cnn?
<Drull> i dunno, nothing probably. was just wondering if
anyone was watching cnn
<LadyNikki> lol
<ego-man> fucker, i turned on my tv for the first time in
weeks. for nothin

<jeebas> seems like i have quite a few kids on ebay
<jeebas> err bids

æ BaxterBandito is listening to: [MP3] Joan Jett & The
Blackhearts - Do You Wanna Touch Me
(somecrap) someone go touch bax so he'll be happy
æ BaxterBandito is listening to: [MP3] Divinyls - I Touch
Myself
(somecrap) nevermind he took care of that himself

<Wonderboy> so what you're hacking?
<MastaB> im not a hacker, im coder
<Wonderboy> what you're coding?
<MastaB> Hack tools.

< krept_> tomorrow is going to be cool
< krept_> i'm going to have real friends
< krept_> SCREW THIS INTERNET BULLSHIT
<@meth> going to get a few new action figures?
< krept_> nah, just unpacking them finally

<Wikkid|Mikkr3igN> my power went out the other day. good thing
my camera had a flash. i went to make a sandwich and took 90
pictures of my kitchen.... the neighbors called the police
they thought it was lightening in my house

<kohupiimakook> how can u connect two computers
<kohupiimakook> like lan, but without ethernet card
<suksu> with glue maybe

Brendan: A client of mine wants a cheesy backup solution
jbailey999: Cheese is no good as a data storage medium. It's
unstable at room temperature.

<s1um>after meeting a few girls on myspace, i think they need
to put a warning on the site that says "objects on screen are
larger than they appear"

<fluffy> note to self. when scanning a portion of your
anatomy. remember the scanning software keeps that preivew
image. untill your parents go to use it.

<flowerfrenzy> i went to one of my elementary school dances to
find out what it was all about. it was stupid.
<flowerfrenzy> we had to dance like five feet away from the
guy
<okto> haha!
<okto> "leave room for Jesus!"

<Spork> A man looked at me like I was a pervert today. I was
checking him out at the store and he had his kids at me I
noticed one of his young daughters had her zipper down and you
could see the print on her panties, so I pointed it out to
him. He looked at me weird for a second then zipped her up.
<Spork> Maybe it's because he thought I also noticed that he
was half-erect in his pants.
<Spork> Which he was.

+BlackSaturn> did you know congress is thinking about making a
law that has more jail time for dling a copyrighted movie than
for dling child pr0n?
@tw> Child porn isn't copyrighted.

<BoShekk> hey
<jstepka> hey
<merkzu> hey
<BoShekk> its fat albert

<_Hawkeye_> I don't bareback
<_Hawkeye_> Fastest way to the grave
<Mthbeylt> I'm not sure, but I have a feeling this isn't about
the relative merits of riding horses without a saddle.

<Weregoose> I had to fill in these spaces (........ .....)
with a phrase associated with "murder" and "alternative".
Apparently, "elevator music" wasn't an acceptable answer.

Tim Cline: im to lazy
Azu: so lazy that you can't but the second 'o' in too
Tim Cline: indee

<Deltan> I think that machine needs a reboot
<Deltan> Try to edit the net adapter properties.  "An
unexpected error has occured" with an OK button.
<Deltan> Where's the, "No it's not fucking OK" button.

<minadein> so my materials lecturer at uni is like
<minadein> "this year we will be focusing on failure"
<minadein> "for those who are repeating the subject, this will
be new to you"

<Mutation> wow, only 260 quotes pending on bash...
<Mutation> i think its a sign of the end times...
<Mutation> when it hit's zero jesus returns to us in the form
of a nigger joke

<Japhro> two lovers, making sweet love. sure one may be a
tentacle monsterm and the other is a screaming, bleeding, 14
year old girl. but love prevails and finds a way.

<h00k> making a twitter bot to watch a timeline of a certain
(prominent public figure, politician) and tell him he had [x]
amount of characters left when he tweets
<h00k> 'went 2 $place 2 talk about r jobs'
<h00k> Dear @personsname, you had [x] characters remaining and
didn't have to shorten it so much. #pleasestop'

<cuebol> very disturbing when she screams LOL LOL LOL in bed
:~(

thisismykittyx: so i went into victoria's secret and asked one
of the bra-fitting ladies if they carried AAs.
thisismykittyx: and the lady goes, "try radioshack".

<_aa_> ebay just bought paypal
<tezzO> they did?!
<tardmac> what was their winning bid?

<SPeedY_B> q c12sd4r5tf`1 vb`1qqaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaws
<SPeedY_B> q c12sd4r5tf`1 vb`1qqaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaws
<SPeedY_B> q c12sd4r5tf`1 vb`1qqaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaws
<SPeedY_B> '|
<SPeedY_B> ;'/.|
<SPeedY_B> ;'/.|
<SPeedY_B> |ujhy32'/.|
<SPeedY_B> ?/'}||}"?;.?
<SPeedY_B> ..And so ends lesson 1 of : "how to clean the
keyboard while on IRC"

<Asmodee`> ibm said they were investing 1 billion $ into open
source projects
<DAL9000> Asmodee`: do you know what happens when you invest
money in opensource projects?
<DAL9000> NOTHING! it buys the coders some beer, nachos, and
porn to watch instead of coding.

<tdn> imagine you wake up and you open youre bedroom door and
theres a huge whale penis greeting you and then it just
explodes -kabaam- and fills your whole room.
<tdn> hahah sooo wrong window

<Tracer> i recently had a to punish an engineer at work
because the video camera's in the main assembly hangar caught
him wacking off in the cockpit of a F-16..

<Hiryuu> When you pull the pin from Mr. Grenade, he is no
longer your friend.

<Jester-> *rapes Eevee a lot*
<Red_Sky> It's not rape if he enjoys it.
<Jester-> .... he?

(@icono) what is it your mad at?
(NecroMort) women
(@icono) all women or just the ones who won't sleep with you
(NecroMort) same thing ;)

Flaritter: "hit it" is an american term
DrSpaZZo: Yes
Flaritter: for examples: "I'd like to hit that"
DrSpaZZo: Brits must have their own thing
Flaritter: AND SO FORTH
DrSpaZZo: Like
Flaritter: ?
DrSpaZZo: 'I'd dip my crumpet in her tea'

* Calylinde straps on strap-on-dildo, dry humps up to chanserv
<Calylinde> hahah
<Calylinde> come on, channy
<Calylinde> bend over!
<Calylinde> gimmme the O!
<Calylinde> Chanserv
<Calylinde> you whore
* ChanServ sets mode: +o Calylinde
<@Calylinde> Hahahahahahah

(@nd): i should find a hobby
(@nd): other than drinking
(@rawby): put your beer in the freezer
(@rawby): then take up licking

<Artifice> Most people using that logic probably would phrase
it differently. "Digits" is a fancy word
<_kw> yeah, use 'numbers' instead
* MachinShi ([email protected]) Quit
(Quit: Leaving)
<NoGods> Yup.
<JFalcon> really? "She used her digits to arouse herself" vs.
"She used numbers to arouse herself".  One changes a simple
pleasing into an orgy.
<_kw> you have a sick mind
<Artifice> Really? I was thinking math inclined librarian in
the second one
<_kw> GOOD MAN

<teresa> how is your meeting
<msd> well
<msd> we got off topic
<msd> and everyone is now looking at porn

<twohitcombo> i finally replaced my gay wireless keyboard that
had a laptop style key layout with no keypad
<twohitcombo> and i bought one of those logitech ones with a
hojillion buttons that dont work without the drivers
<twohitcombo> but evidently it has a 'fuck everything up'
button that works fine with out them

<Dante> haha
<Dante> <Alb-guy> I just caught my 15 year old girl,
masturbating with a vibrating 'control pad' on a Nintendo
Gamecube. Now I am banning this vibrator from my household,
but I am concerned about other teenagers who are using these
products as masturbation aids.
<Brian> HAHAHAHAHAAHA
<Dante> so GameCubes do have their use after all!

<Joe_Fox> i'm a little n00bie short and stout, here is my
nickname here is my SHOUT!!!1 when i get all flamed up hear me
SHOUT!!1 ban me forever, kick me out

<Lenz> Oh man...
<Lenz> my mom just asked me to rewind the dvd for her

<eg0e> I saw the movie Hackers on tv last night and it was
pretty impressive.  If I had any idea the file manager on a
macintosh was a 3D city I would have bought one long ago!  Is
there a similar file manager for XP that can do that?

<Flobbster> Haw, my computer doesn't like for ZipMagic to
access a zip in a zip
in a zip on a parallel port Zip drive :D
<redslime> a zip in a zip in a zip on a zip?

[ %Nakedkira ] HERE'S A REAL CATGIRL
[ %Nakedkira ] :D)333-<
( +DB ) o.o
( +Renoki ) 3 sets... of boobs?
[ %Nakedkira ] meow, bitch