bash.org archive

<agrath> I banned him cause he pointed out i was a virgin

<Greggorian> is it a big book?
<Jakeb> take your hand and make a tight fist
<Jakeb> now move it up till it's a foot in front of your face
<Jakeb> now hit yourself in the face as hard as you can
<Jakeb> that's what if would feel like if i hit you in the
face with that book, cause it's pretty big

<TknoMncr> defunkt: if there's 1 thing I can't stand...
<TknoMncr> it's someone thinkin they're cool bringing a kid
onto irc
<TknoMncr> I swear
<TknoMncr> if I find someone doing it
<TknoMncr> I will get em reported for child abuse

<ChaoSynergy> BODY MASSAAGE!
<ChaoSynergy> Where'd that extra 'a' come from
<narunet> My ass
<axiel> you mean your ss

[23:07] <feMMey> i leave for europe in 4 days
[23:07] <rys> on purpose?

<smileygirl> you say
<^haploid^> Wow, a subject *and* a verb. You are getting very
close to composing complete sentences. I applaud you.

* @K3nSh1n plays with the keyboard
<@Steve> I named mine, too.
<@K3nSh1n> lol
<@K3nSh1n> winkey?
<@Steve> "Womb Stretcher, the Magnificent"
<@K3nSh1n> ahhh
<@Steve> Most girls call it "Bahahahahah!  Are you asian?"

<Hackwiz> oh yeah plus today my dad's car ran out of gas on
the way out of the exit towards crawford street and we started
pushing then a cop came behind us, gave us a ride home to get
keys to the car's trunk to get gas tank. then so I go back to
get gas tank I walk through the field because I think it will
be shorter than going around the corner and walking all the
way down the highway.  I did not notice there was a mother
fuc*ing stream there!!! i was like a mile down the highway and
I said fuc* it so I tried,.... TRIED to jump the stream, came
up short, broke through the ice and got full-body soaked, this
was 3:40 pm, i had to work at 4, well I got out of the water,
muddy and soaked. then i see a fuc*ing fuc*ing fuc*ing!!! barb
wire fence!!! bitc*, i jump it slicing my thumb, i bleed, but
it's aight. get the gas can and my computer games and
crossover cable, start walking back home soaked, two hot girls
stop and pull over to give me a ride home then i forogot, also
the office smelled alcohol on my dad's breath so he said if my
dad went back to drive the car home he would make sure he got
arrested.
<Hackwiz> How was your day?
<LiKeM> OMG

<McMoo> those presents are wrapped like motherfuckers.
<McMoo> like very thoroughly wrapped motherfuckers.

<jeffrey> guys why does amazon.com suck so much
<jeffrey> it says my estimated ship date is jan 3
<jeffrey> yet on the product pages they both say usually ship
within 24 hours
<cromicus> i hope you're ordering a copy of the dictionary
that contains a definition for the word "usually"

(Axis): oh shit, i set a timer and now i can't turn it off
(Axis): how the hell do you turn it off
(@Zaphod): type /timers
(@Zaphod): you will be told the timer number
(@Zaphod): like * Timer 2 /do something
(@Zaphod): then type /timer2 off
(@Zaphod): notice, no space after timer
(Axis): okay but it's still beepinng
(Axis): it says there is no active timers
(@Zaphod): Ahh, you didnt type / beep <number> did you ?
(Axis): but IT'S STILL BEEPING! AAAAGH!
(Axis): yeah, i did
(Axis): is that bad
(@Zaphod): what was the number you typed?
(Axis): 39482034 i think, something like that
(@Zaphod): lol - it aint stopping till it beeps that many
times
(Axis): well shit

<tragic> canada is basically USA Expansion Pack

<+an_ass733> Hey guys I have someting interesing to tell
<+an_ass733> I went to a chinese restaurant for lunch today
<+an_ass733> The fortune cookie said "A successful life comes
from a life of virtue and hard work."
<+an_ass733> On the back were the lottery numbers.

<iban> in 5 years irc will be obsolite
<ryano> so will spelling

<Kashan> I've stuck plenty of stuff up my ass and it's never
been anything but apinful
<Gayo> Kashan, there's a big difference between good anal sex
and sticking things up your ass.

<[[tom]]> this game is damn addictive...
<xcon6> minesweeper?
<[[tom]]> final fantasy x
<xcon6> same thing

<KidHype> i have pole position emulated in my pants
<KidHype> it asks my wife to prepare to qualify
<TonyD> how unusual

<ap> i have this new way of jacking off now. i blow my load on
notebook paper. then just make a paper airplane and fly it out
my window

<ke1th> i go into the bank..
<ke1th> and the teller says
<ke1th> please sign here
<ke1th> so, i get the pen
<ke1th> and sign
<ke1th> ke1th kennedy
<ke1th> and hand it back to her
<ke1th> as she looks as me strangely.
<ke1th> and i'm wondering wtf did i do now.

<DigDug> looks like microsoft is extending http
<DigDug> HTTP 403.9 - Access Forbidden: Too many users are
connected
<DigDug> Internet Information Services
<OxOO> that must be visual http++

<SysErr0r> i'm gonna eat a box of chocolate covered
strawberries then jerk off
<SysErr0r> hows THAT for romance
<hypr> only romance if you are going to caress your penis with
the strawberries

<BloodAngel> I was just trying to find something in my pants
pocket- but I didn't know what.
<BloodAngel> [don't start, don't _even_ start!]
<BloodAngel> And then I realized what I was looking for...
<BloodAngel> And proved I'm dumb. :)
<BloodAngel> 'cuz I was trying to find the 2-Litre of Mountain
Dew that I set down.

<nitrifik_> black chicks scare me :|
<Slant> nitrifik_: There are scary black chicks and then there
are the amazing ones.
<nitrifik_> Slant: yeah, I know, but how often do I actually
see the amazing ones "IRL"?
<nitrifik_> Never!
<Slant> nitrifik_: I'm sorry, once again, where do you live? ;
-)
<nitrifik_> Slant: SWEDEN

<th0m> i hate clicking on ad banners
<th0m> because i hear a little like clink of a coin going into
an
asshole's bank account

(VapOr) what the command 2 setup the bunnyscript?
<Stormcaller> just press alt-f4 to bring up the setup menu
<@shp|away> format c:/q
[Q] VapOr has quit IRC - [Quit: FFS GOTO SLEEP NN ALL have
sweet dreams]
<@shp|away> lol
<Stormcaller> ROFL
[J] VapOr has joined #lobby -
[[email protected]]
<Stormcaller> hahaha
* @shp|away points and laughs
<@shp|away> i think he meant ctrl-F4
[P] VapOr has left #lobby
[J] VapOr has joined #lobby -
[[email protected]]
<@shp|away> rofl
(VapOr) pfff
<@shp|away> sorry
<@shp|away> really
<Stormcaller> hah
<@shp|away> that was cheap
(VapOr) ok i d/l it then i installed it
<Stormcaller> next you'll be telling him its "/quit i am a
ponce"
(VapOr) "/quit i am a ponce
[Q] VapOr has quit IRC - [Quit: i am a ponce]
[J] VapOr has joined #lobby -
[[email protected]]
<Stormcaller> lol
(VapOr) cool
(Diamond_Viper) lol fool
<@shp|away> well now he knows three new commands anyways

<Nicowl> Read on a Rohypnol packet "Best consume before date"

creativeembassy: you know what's really, REALLY cool about the
dvorak keyboard?
glotigerglo: what
creativeembassy: when you're playing hangman, all you gotta do
is hit everysingle key on the home row, and you automatically
kick your opponent's ass

chupathingy: When in Rome, nail a deity to a piece of wood

<Spyduh> wtf happened to dictionary.com
<Spyduh> oh i spelt it wrong

[Vexidus] When i shared my pics folder i had like 5000 naked
pics of my girl shared
[Vexidus] but nobody ever downloaded
[Sanctum] Vex has a daughter?

<axi0m> dude
<axi0m> i didnt just cut it
<axi0m> I fucking
<axi0m> lodged the casing of the hdd into my finger
<axi0m> i had to yank it out
*** faze changes the topic to '*** Joins: axi0m
([email protected])
<faze> were u termperarily able to access your harddrive via
your circulatory system
<faze> or am i watchin to many tv shows =
<axi0m> yea dude
<axi0m> it was l33t
<axi0m> then I jammed a cat5 cable up my ass and accessed the
matrix

<@sed> somebody tell me what i'm forgetting to save before i
reinstall windows
<+nimper> porn
<@Jagfire> sed, porn
<+Sabby> porn

<HeatDeath> You should take care of your nipples. They may not
seem important
now, but when you die, that's where the angels grab you.

<asial> fuck you, youre sometimes just a fucking baby!
<`Riku> oh yeah?
<`Riku> Well, guess what that makes YOU?
<`Riku> A pedophile!
<`Riku> and I'll be damned if I'm being lectured by a pervert!

<mindy>why are men so insecure about how long their penises
are?
<topbottom>it's not that we're insecure, it's just something
we like to keep track of, like our shoe size
<topbottom>men need to know this so that when a chick asks us
how long our cock is, we know what to multiply by 1.5
<mikeyL>yeah, so i'd say 6 inches
<mikeyL>wait
<mikeyL>fuck
<topbottom>lol

<Inter> 90 percent of chicks on the internet are cock teases.
<`MT> other 10% have cocks

<CellY> so yesterday the gay mailman who wears daisy dukes
says to me
<CellY> "You get alot of packages, you must have discoverd
ebay"
<CellY> I say no I discoverd state wide drug distribution
rings
<pagan> LOL
<CellY> he just siad have a nice day

<Owyn> I can't double click on a folder to open it.
<Owyn> THat's not a good thing.
<Phuser> keep the chat running man JUST KEEP THE CHAT RUNNING!
*** Owyn has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<Phuser> damn
* Phuser throws his hands in the air
<Phuser> WHY GOD, WHY?!

<Phreddy> I'm easily confused
<rens> that's a side effect of having a penis

<confuted> they said "non-toxic"  we figured that meant "safe
to drink"

<alakriti> Real programmers don't comment their code. It was
hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

<Tweeder> No, I love my Mac. It's aweseom!
<Tweeder> It's everything I want in a computer
<Tweeder> ...but I haven't been able to find any good IRC
progs for OSX
<quade> how the fuck are you on irc then?
<Tweeder> I'm using my boyfriend's PC

(acidxxx) phone sex isnt expensive
(acidxxx) dial 0 and start talking nasty
(acidxxx) takes them at least 45 seconds before they hang up
on you
(acidxxx) "I wanna take you doggie style in this phone booth
and rub your head in the chewing gum"

[ @Hammer ] Okay, I was going to have some Count Chocula, so I
started pouring a bowl. But then I ran out before I filled the
bowl, so I just filled the rest with Cocoa Pebbles cause that
was the only other cereal we had. So I open the fridge, and we
have no milk, only chocolate milk. So yeah, I consumed about 5
years worth of chocolate intake in that one meal.

<Endless_Void> I'm so Goth, my wrists slit themselves.

<Legalize-> [MP3] Pink Floyd - Who Let the Dogs Out

<pawz> i use lilo :") in fact.. my first cat was called Lilo
<pawz> i would take him to the vet and they would be like "Oh,
Lilo, from the Disney movie" and i would say "Oi, check his
birth date. he was born years before that shitty movie. his
name is short for LInux LOader"
<Stranj> And then the vet gave you a shot to calm you down?

<DeathFist> hey, can u guys stop talking about racism and
shit...its getting old...if you dont like it, then you dont
have to own slaves, its as easy as that...

<synja> WOOOOOOOOOO
<matts> woooooooooo what
<synja> im celebrating in advance for when one of you guys
gives me an acct to an audio warez site that im about to ask
access for

<GunnX> I was locked in my bathroom once getting ready for a
date
<GunnX> :)
<GunnX> door knob fell off
<GunnX> those were the days
<polyglot> wtf were you doing to the doorknob?

<fugi> a friend of mine just got a dog from a vietnamese
family today, I suggested he name it Chewy.
<b0rked> why?
<fugi> why else would vietnamese get rid of a dog?

arabella: you don't wear thongs bcuase they're comfy, you wear
thongs becuase your boy likes them.
arabella: it's advertising.
firewalk: in some cases, false advertising.

<Radu> a friend of my dad's in Texas named his daughter
Treasure Darling
<Radu> i shit you not
<Tac0> did you fuck her
<Tac0> ?
<Radu> dude, it's his newborn baby, you idiot
<Tac0> whats your point

NBnate14: GOD DAMNIT MY ROOM MATE IS MOONING ME
NBnate14: AND HE WONT STOP
MikeGinn440: kick his ass literally
NBnate14: damnit it's like live goatse

<josh> usually when guys shoow me their penises I try and
fondle them
<penney> whoa josh
<penney> are you gay?
<josh> no, I'm just friendly

<TheDeity> It's like there is a party in my mouth, and
everyone is throwing up

<Snow> So my 100% chance of snow has resulted in precisely 0
snow and the prediction has deteriorated to a 40% chance of
snow.
<deimos> welcome to modern meteorology
<deimos> where all those fancy computers are to hide the
dartboard

[thinkmad] does anyone know a good car audio site
(McMoo) www.40plus50plus.com
[thinkmad] you fucking bastard moo
[kisama] mcmoo: i have member logins to that site

<D1> on call for help, they ask this guy for the type of modem
he has, so he tries to be a bigshot and says, "YEAH, I HAVE AN
INDUSTRY STANDARD ARCHITECHTURE MODEM, I THINK IT'S PCI."

<Toad> My two best friends don't use the internet :(
<Slime> Ryu and Ken aren't real people though, Toad

<Knighted> JLsoft: when i was flying into toronto, there was a
good deal of cloud coverage and visibility was low. so i
looked out the window and immediately though "this is like an
N64 game"

<Andoryuu> I KICK YOU AND EAT YOUR BACON.
<BuruusuEXE> I have no bacon.
<Andoryuu> Well...
<Andoryuu> I KICK YOU

<Flac> Ahh, IRC, Kind of like downloading porn on limewire,
When you open it up, your never quite sure what your going to
see, but odds are good that it will scar you for life.

<studmuffn> whenever people talk about ethics the sentences
get longer

*** Now talking in #honda
*** Topic is '<xessor> anyone know how to make fire come out
the tailpipe?'

<Tofusensei> linksys routers can suck a cock, btw
<Justin> wow, they really should advertize that feature more.
It would increase sales.

<wahitu> Ok, then. Great time here. Cu all!
<Josher> later
<wahitu> hmm. one last question. How do I log off?
<Josher> X top right
<wahitu> thanks. Bye

<blazemore> i don't even know who the beatles are
<blazemore> except for jay leno and that other guy that just
died

<tHeo^doctor-appt`> this is prolly too much information
<tHeo^doctor-appt`> but I haven't been able to get off in like
a month or something
<Miyabi> dude, your nuts must be huge
<Miyabi> i mean, as a result
<Miyabi> that wasn't random props