bash.org archive

<X0rG> u know how stalkers on teh intranet sometimes send
their victims gifts?
<beuges> yes?
<beuges> you have received a gift?
<X0rG> I want a gift
<beuges> whoa
<X0rG> so I shal entice a stalker today
* X0rG is now known as HotBabe15

<WitChie> gary i forgot to ask you how was amsterdam?
<daimonic> Ah twas brilliant :)
<daimonic> Well we were wasted for a lot of the time ;)
<daimonic> I nearly got run over by a tram a couple times
<daimonic> They just come flying out of nowhere!
<daimonic> Then it dawned on us after walking about 10 miles
on friday ... why dont we USE the trams??

*** Switch is now known as Jesus
<Jesus> I am GOD!!
*** Quits: Jesus ([email protected]) (Local kill by Lucifer
(Muhahaha) )

<J-Zilla> ma$e became a preacher
<DarkSerge> wtf does he preach
<d> you idiot ds
<d> "I'M A PLUMBER"
<d> ds: "WHAT DO U PLUMB?"

<c-rOCK> man napster is like tupac, that shits never going to
die.

<fRaz0r> there was a guy who ran into a bank with a gun and
shouted freeze mother stickers this is a fuckup
<JennyRae> did he get any money?
<fRaz0r> all the people in the bank just laughed and he ran
off embarrased lol
<JennyRae> darn... he didnt get any money.....

<`Kd> iv finally mastered my keyboars

(iSONEWS) [iSONEWS] Update in DivX: My Life *CLASSIC* released
by MEDiAMANiACS (49 files, 08/12/2001) www.isonews.com/r/?
155D256CD=
(`Thunder) whoa
(`Thunder) they released my life
(`Thunder) how did they tape all that?!
(madman`) no way!! stop lying! it's MY LIFE!!
(runner-) either way its gonna be boring

<D4NG3R0U5> when a girl says 'blow me' what the fuck does she
mean
<Ravenouse1> basically, she's telling you to suck her cock

<poserman>what is considered a long distance girlfriend?
<poserman>10, 15, 20 hops???

+SharpSchutze: Hard Drive Installed On: Thursday, January 1
1970
+SharpSchutze: That can't be good.

<<p3ps1c4n>> I just killed a bee that was flying around my
kitchen.
<<sp0rkk>> omg, dude.. LOL!!
<<sp0rkk>> this one time, i caught a bee and put it in a cup
inside the freezer..
<<sp0rkk>> and then i took it back out, and tied a string to
it.. 'cause it was frozen so it wouldn't sting me..
<<sp0rkk>> and then it thawed out and came back to life.. so i
was like "whee!", walking around..
<<sp0rkk>> and then the fucker started chasing me around,
trying to sting me!
<<p3ps1c4n>> Rofl!
<<sp0rkk>> so i smashed it with a frozen block of bacon.
<<p3ps1c4n>> I fear for your cat.
<<sp0rkk>> dude, stfu.

Ishbu566: haha i guess i was fucked up though
Ishbu566: cuz i had my headphones on
Ishbu566: and pink floyd blasting
Ishbu566: and my dad came out and was yelling at me to turn it
down
Ishbu566: the headphones werent plugged in =(

<@MF_Nazi> I bet Rob wants to date a girl named Rob so he can
scream his own name during sex

<JohnnyBl> Now, if you're to tell me that it really costs a
whole dollar more for that goddamn, red-haired, floppy-shoe
wearing, Grimace-loving, Hamburglar-catching, cocksucking,
Fryguy slave-holding, Mayor McCheese-bribing, son of a bitch
clown to give me 2 extra nuggets, I'll tell you you're full of
shit.

<KagoniKnight>: You know how sometimes a dog humps your leg?
<Pong-Chan>: .....
<KagoniKnight>: Well, sometimes, why not hump back and show
who's boss!!

<Freaky> y'know what i don't get...
<ButtMcFloyd> laid?

<]km[cugar> i tried to make hammer pants out of garbage bags

<+Spoofthemonkey> hello?
<@[TSE]yanki> hi
<@[TSE]yanki> hi
<+Spoofthemonkey> can you guys see what i am typing?
<@[TSE]yanki> no
<@[SHQ]AgentAndy_eating> nope
<+Spoofthemonkey> ? seriously?
<@[TSE]yanki> nope
<+Spoofthemonkey> what can i do to change it so you can see
what i type?
<@[TSE]yanki> i dunno, maybe if you leave it will get fixed
Spoofthemonkey «[email protected]» has Quit iRC

<HistoryHm> well, i could never date her 
<HistoryHm> three strikes rule 
<HistoryHm> republican 
<HistoryHm> christian 
<unga-work> conscious

[scratchme] Cris, you ever smell moth balls before?
[scratchme] ;)
[PaC] scratchme: Smell is understatement. I've had them put in
my mouth when I was younger.
[scratchme] PaC, how did you get their little legs apart?

<Digested> cool :)
<Digested> you have a gf that knows how to download mp3s
<madog> ya
<madog> and email
<qvr> That's nothing.. I had this goldfish....

<Stugein> Headline:
<Stugein> Headless body in garbage bag discovered near Devil's
Slide
<Stugein> First line of article:
<Stugein> The San Mateo County Sheriffs Office is treating
Sundays gruesome discovery of a headless body as a homocide.
<Stugein> AS OPPOSED TO WHAT?!

<RuKK> people bitched at me to learn a foreign language so I
learned perl

n e r d b 5: umm.
n e r d b 5: geforce
n e r d b 5: i dont like em
n e r d b 5: i like nvidia
n e r d b 5: 32mb
n e r d b 5: they rocks
e l i t e m r p: nvidia makes geforce

Alex: what do i click on 2 d/l it
giorgio: didnt i just give you the direct link?
Alex: yea u did but want part on it do i click to start the d/
l
Alex: Download via CNet  dBpowerAMP Music Converter Release
10.1?
giorgio: Normally DOWNLOAD means it DOWNLOADS the fucking file
Alex: i dont see anythign that says it
Alex: the page is still kinda loading
Alex: does it come up under the picture?
giorgio: what... are you talking... about
giorgio: click download and wait
Alex: theres a little picture
giorgio: what .. picture?
giorgio: ok my friend told me what to do next
giorgio: you right click on your C drive, or your local drive,
and then click format
Alex: right under the black heading dBpowerAMP Music Converter
(dMC)
giorgio: you shouldnt be on the computer
giorgio: JUST CLICK THE FUCKING LINK
Alex: dude
Alex: i opened the link
giorgio: and then!?
Alex: i just dont know where to go next
giorgio: are you at download.com now?
Alex: i need directions
Alex: im at the LINK!
giorgio: RIGHT
giorgio: and what do you see?
Alex: that u sent me!
giorgio: you're still at the one i sent!??D?Sgfoih3597gh3
Alex: i see a heading called dBpowerAMP Music Converter (dMC) 
Alex: theres alittle picture right under it
giorgio: you told me yourself you saw the link "download blah
blah"
Alex: i said there somethign called Download via CNet 
dBpowerAMP Music Converter Release 10.1
Alex: is that what i click to d/l it?
giorgio: are you kidding?
giorgio: it SAYS "download"
giorgio: what ELSE would you click!?GFryf93654j542
giorgio: u642u64
giorgio: 43houtwwytrw
giorgio: hyteu3643
Alex: well there was so many options
giorgio: but it was the only fucking "download" optioN!

<Lazzay> I'm 14 ^_^
<nem-x> Yes, Lazzay is FOURTEEN, artt..
* Arttemis kills nem
<Arttemis> I can look at the menu, I just can't order, bitch.
<D> You can't even look at the menu.
<Arttemis> Sure I can.
<Arttemis> As long as no one sees me.
<D> You've got to stand outside the restaurant and smoke a
cigarette.
<D> Otherwise you'll be arrested for loitering in a school
zone.
<Arttemis> stop abusing my metaphor. It's fragile.

<Fig_leaf> i saw this black kid the other day
<Fig_leaf> he was wearing a jersey type shirt with 'DMX - Ruff
Riderz' on it.
<Fig_leaf> i asked what 'DMX' has to do with Teddy Roosevelt?
<Fig_leaf> and he hit me
<Fig_leaf> >:(

<MattDC> how big is the back of a CD case cover (including
spines) in inches?
<CraiZE> MattDC i can send you a program
<CraiZE> that prints you covers in the good size
<MattDC> i have one, but i need to know for graphic arts class
<CraiZE> ah well then , i got no idea
<mahs> MattDC: you could umm. use a ruler
<_8ight> well.  if you cant find a ruler.  i found this info
that may aid you in a makeshift ruler.
<_8ight> According to A Descriptive Dictionary and Atlas of
Sexology (Francoeur et al., 1991), the human penis in a
flaccid state on average is between 3 and 4 inches in length
and 1 inch  in diameter. In an erect state, the penis, on
average, is between 5 to 7 inches in length and 1.5 inches in
diameter.

<TobyToby> you know what's great
<TobyToby> jennifer lopez was a pale hispanic pop singer
<TobyToby> however, in the past month she has transformed into
<TobyToby> a black rapper
<TobyToyb> it's like reverse michael jackson

* Stan ([email protected]) has joined #
techfreax
<Stan> what's c++?
<hypnetric> it's a rap artist
<Stan> he's good?
<hypnetric> lives in chicago
<Klone> He's almost as good as Java.
<hypnetric> yeah java owns
<Stan> do i compare to any of them?
<Klone> No, dude. Java is hardcore.

<+______Ric> I wonder what would cause a sixteen year old girl
to think she could run me.
<+dami> a vagina

Number-6:  i should get a PO box while i'm at the post office
angryskul: ok
angryskul: so my dad had a PO box
angryskul: but not at the post office, at this little photo/
copy mailbox kinkos like place
angryskul: anyhow, he also used to get voicemail there because
he didnt' want his insane clients calling the house
angryskul: he used to have to reach over the counter to grab
his voicemail
angryskul: after a while he got the guy to install a phone
inside his box
angryskul: one day he's all checking his mail, then he reaches
in and pulls out the phone
angryskul: punches in some numbers
angryskul: then he notices this dude _staring_  at him
angryskul: anyhow, so he finishes, puts the phone back into
the box and locks it
angryskul: outside the guy catches up with him and is all
like..
angryskul: "are you in mossad?"
angryskul: (israeli secret police)

uiu BitchX: Join to #discotheque was synched in 2.229 secs!!
<digdug> why so few people? :/
<bocz> i wuz hungry

n3xg3n> weird... i just found this: Walker Texas Ranger is an
anagram for Karate Wrangler Sex

narzy: can you throw in a filter that if it mentions bash its
auto dumped?
Protected Identity: Haha
Protected Identity: No, I prefer the mods suffe
Protected Identity: r
narzy: ok, but don't be shocked if you get a jizzed on
keyboard for X-mas...
Protected Identity: Dont be surprised if you get a punch in
the face for new years
narzy: don't be supprised if you get your scrotum as a change
purse for easter...
Protected Identity: Dont be surprised if your mod account gets
locked in 5 seconds
narzy: oh shit, im sorry im sorry im sorry...

<Chrysalid^Revenge> LOL! Worst mom evar!
<Sectoid^Authopsy> Coming from you, I'm tempted to ask if you
got laid again... ^_^
<Chrysalid^Revenge> I'll smack your ass later for that, but
anyways
<Chrysalid^Revenge> I was hanging out with a friend today, and
he had BB-gun with a cracked barrel.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> So he decides to fix it with epoxy,
getting it functional before the seaguls arrive
<Chrysalid^Revenge> And in a futile attempt to get the glue to
harden faster, he puts the damn gun in his mouth and starts
blowing down the barrel.
<Sectoid^Authopsy> I'm starting to sense where this is
going...
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Now his mother walks in with some laundry,
takes a look at her son with a damn good replica of a 9mm
Beretta stuck in his mouth
<Chrysalid^Revenge> And her only words were "Try not to make a
mess, and don't get anything stuck in your throat."
<Chrysalid^Revenge> What a lovely relationship those two must
have...

<Mewrr> reminds me back when I was writing reviews of soccer
matches on the web
<Mewrr> and going through access logs, I saw that some reviews
were orders of magnitude more popular
<Mewrr> eventually it occurred to me that Switzerland has a
Pro Soccer team named "Young Boys"
<Mewrr> turns out they have many followers worldwide
<dmacks> I bet
<Mewrr> to make things even funnier, the Young Boys play in a
stadium called "Wankdorf"

Ang3lClds82776: no, seriously, what is the difference btwn a
graphics processor and a graphics accelerator??
Philmj88: Well, to give you an idea....a graphics processor is
like an artist....
Philmj88: a graphics accelerator is like an autistic kid with
a paintbrush...

<Yoshi> I got free unlimited php asp etc hosting with no
banners or ads whatsoever!!!!
<Yoshi> And a free domain name for life!
<Yoshi> Now if I could only speak Norwegian and figure out how
to login

<Taiken> A TERRIBLE THING HAS HAPPENED!
<Shempo> WHAT!?
<Shempo> TIMMY FELL DOWN THE WELL?
<Taiken> WORSE!
<Taiken> IM OUT OF MARIJUANA!
<Shempo> Oh
<Shempo> My
<Shempo> God
* Shempo calls up Canabis-Man
<Shempo> SAVE HIM CANABIS MAN!
<Taiken> ...
<Taiken> Where is Cannabis man?
<Shempo> Probably high.

* Fragalot moo's loudly at Naib
<Naib> *BANG*
* Naib goes to have steak

<Rjx> "Funeral" is an anagram for "Real Fun"
<Rjx> Go Figure.

<@WhiteRob> Shit, I wish some game publisher would have the
testicular fortitude to release a fucking dating sim in the US
<@dj_CRYME> why would u want a dating sim
<@WhiteRob> ... I dunno, I want to feel loved :p
<@dj_CRYME> nah u want to see graphical characters have sex on
your computer screen dont you
<@WhiteRob> possibly, yes.

<cruisinxx7> I'll be busy right after school because I have a
track meet
<Akira> oh
<Akira> can I watch your meat?
<cruisinxx7> ...
<cruisinxx7> I'd rather you watch the race instead

<Digested> hi krayons
<krayons> bleh
<al-x> heh
<al-x> spot the kid that has no seratonin left

abby: i love guys who wear argyle socks
abby: i got some for my dad
abby: ok.. that sounded weird

<EvolvEarth> /nickserv identify iloveanal
<EvolvEarth> FUCK
<kupo> How did you know my password?!

<Zardoz> Damn those blow-up sheep.
<Zardoz> I got fucking TWO of them for my 21st.
<Zardoz> wtf.
<Zardoz> from DIFFERENT PEOPLE !

<Avatar> who are you
<harold> oh fuck off avatar. i see you've found another
channel to ban n00bs in :)
<Avatar> oh good, we've met

<Khel> you know what rocks, when you have a headache, and you
start up icq, and that FUCKING FOGHORN blares in your face
<Khel> Honestly though, what sort of retard makes a program
that starts up by blaring a foghorn at you
<DeePer> the foghorn is a sign of like, bon voyuage isn't it?
<Khel> the foghorn is a sign of a big boat sailing through fog

<SageChris> and honestly, as amusing as the handicapped are,
to make fun of them on the internet is just cold...
<street> they shouldnt have been criminals in their past lives
<SageChris> hahaha, thats the best excuse i've ever heard

[+Bobthefish] when your desperate for sex you shouldn't pass
up a threesome
[+Bobthefish] just close your eyes
[+Bobthefish] actually don't, you might grab something you
don't want to
[@SnowPhaal] I couldn't cross swords with another man, not
even by accident.
[@SnowPhaal] It'd be like Ghostbusters..."Don't Cross The
Streams!"

<orf> animals are just refridgerators
<orf> they keep the meat fresh till yer ready to eat it

Phut: ooh
Phut: I just had an idea
Phut: I wanna save up a lot of money...... rent a billboard,
and just simply put "www.goatse.cx" on it.  Nothing else but
that.
Phut: that would own

<JessiA> Listed as a previous job on a resume:  Domestic
Goddess      <-  Me
<Wilik> so you were a house wife?
<JessiA> No
<JessiA> But I take care of my house a lot
<Wilik> so you were a house wife minus the wife part
<JessiA> basically
<Courtland> lol
<Courtland> so you are a house?
<Wilik> I guess that makes you a house

<pesert> Command line?
<pesert> Is that like a special cable?

<happy> the neat thing about java is that it's so slow

<Scofco> i used to have wet dreams about carmen sandiego

<billings> amazingly enough, putting my elbow on the keyboard
isn't the proper syntax for this perl script. 
<jss> No, you need both elbows.

<Lepper_> didn't reppy say he fucked a banana peel once
<wild-> Lepper_: that was me
<wild-> u heat it in the microwave
<SYch0> wtf

A[S]Vicious: Dude.. I fell asleep last night when I was
talking to my girlfriend on the phone.. She was masturbating
to my voice, and started talking about how her big vibrator
was stuck, and she couldn't get it out.
A[S]Vicious: And I fell asleep..
A[S]Vicious: It was awesome

* sipr has joined #winprog
<sipr> Where can I find information on dynamic data exchange?
<drano> 1994

<Elfin> Santa Claus broke in through my window last night.
<Kashan> did he leave you a new window

harm|work: there was a fucking insect on my monitor
harm|work: and i saw it and i was like fuck im gonna squelch
it
harm|work: and i pointed
harm|work: and double clicked
harm|work: i mustve missed cause it flew away :(

<BalkanEmperorGlaug> Another flight attendant's comment on a
less than perfect landing: "We ask  you to please remain
seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
<Schroe[Sleepies]> On my first flight ever, the captain came
on over the intercom -
<Schroe[Sleepies]> "We aren't really a flight crew ... but we
did stay at a Holiday Inn Express!"
<mike> :P
<mike> i wanna be a pilot
<mike> then i can come over the intercom, "What's this button
do...OH FUCKING SHIT!!"
<mike> then after panic ensues, "Just kidding!"
<Glaug-Eldare> "The weather at our destination is 50 degrees
with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed
before we arrive."
<Glaug-Eldare> Then you can get fired!
<Glaug-Eldare> =D
<mike> then i can get a job that's on the ground!
<Glaug-Eldare> And throw wrenches at planes' windows while
they're taking off?
<mike> i was thinking more along the lines of programming

*** Emo has joined #GDProject
<Emo> hwat kind of emo do u like emo?
<Emo> oh shit
<Emo> thats me
<Emo> lol
<Emo> boy do i look like a dumbass
<Emo> forgot i switched comps

[Wex] Before IRC I could masturbate to the word boobs.
[Wex] Now I need /at least/ German bondage.
[Wex] I hate you all.

(TheGamer) people are so broke here [THE UNITED KINGDOM] -
because many brits are unskilled, as you can leave school with
a standing at 16. Many people live in housing equivalent to
Manitoba Housing (gov't assisted housing)
(TheGamer) however.. you as a Canadian would not be entitled
to any benefits.. except free birth control pills
(tiko) I'd get free birth control pills?!?!
(tiko) DAMMIT!
(tiko) SOLD!