bash.org archive

<arckbar> I was putting in a new sound card, and I accidently
ejaculated all over the inside my computer. Now my computer
won't turn on. Any advice on what I should do?
<arckbar> Basically I blanked, I was putting in the card, and
when I came to, there was cum all inside the machine, and my
computer wouldn't work

<froody> yeah but if you had a mac it would be like "Rip. Mix.
Burn"(TM)
<Rafterman> heh
<Rafterman> if you had linux it'd be "rip, crash, download,
tar, make, make install, curse, hack, make, rip, mix, crash,
download, etc, etc..."
<Rafterman> but it'd be free!

<Desert_Storm> crap..
<Desert_Storm> just woke up in front of PC again :(

<Unregistered> should I wank and get food, or order and have
it come here?
<Unregistered> er walk, I mean walk

<Nigel> How many babies does it take to paint a house?
<Nigel> Trick question. It really depends on how hard you
throw them.

<{x3n0}> my amplifier just went *WHUMP*
<{x3n0}> and my speakers went
*saUTENIaetiuBiudsiuZDXIUBGiuZZXT*

<BloodFromStone> "You wouldn't think incest was wrong if you
had cousins as hot as mine."

<ChuffyCow> pr0n heals all wounds
<ChuffyCow> except cuts on the penis.

<Lilmissdjgrl> Do you want a cookie?
<EvilCouch> no thanks, I've got directories full of them

<Temujin> What class are phoenixes?
<Lewk> Water pokemon
<Temujin> We made up a pokémon today at school.
<Temujin> It's called the "Mexican".
<Temujin> It shoots dirty food and water at you.
<Temujin> And it's special skill is making 15,000 babies and
stealing jobs away from people
<Nighters> Temujin you racist bugger.
<Temujin> "Mexican, I choose you! CROSS THE BORDER ATTACK!"

<Turbopor> Why did God put men on earth?
<HamNcheese> Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

<Firefly-offwork> I like nut cereals
* Delusion teabags Firefly's breakfast.

<DisposableHero> is semen conductive?
<Iceman> DisposableHero: yes
<DisposableHero> (Iceman): fuck

<@harb> farq: Do I look like the sort of man who'd go and find
unsuspecting Japanese schoolgirls in short skirts and white
panties and ask them if they want to see my "Cthulu Special"?
< farq> harb: no, but I just got a new .sig

<ProfBahddins> ... . ... . ....... . . ... .. .........  .....
.. ...... .. .
<ProfBahddins> ... . ........ . .... ....... . ... .. ......
<eruhu> ?
<ProfBahddins> i'm talking to my blind friend.

<MoF0-> hmm
<MoF0-> why has nortons said all my keygen are " at risk
files"
<Blaqeagle> because norton is like that schizophrenic kid at
school who
keeps on yelling out in class shit about flying
cows or
something when your trying to do your work
<Blaqeagle> occasionally he actually yells out something
coherent, but
you suspected it anyway

<Mike_McCormick> how do you change your name? i tried /nick
Mike but it won't work
<Mike> that's because I have that one dingleberry

<@pc|dogg> I'm using a file search engine, looking for the
wonderful 6-movement "Dona Nobis Pacem" by Vaughan Williams.
The only result it comes up with is (no joke)
<@pc|dogg> "Donald duck gets a blow job.wma"

I have gone to look for myself, if I should return, before I
get back, keep me here. - unknown

SuperGiddyup222: I just watched an episode of married with
children and ate a TV dinner
work it joe: youre living the american dream
work it joe: one heartbreaking piece at a time

ZangTT> the earth IS flat. it just stuffs its bra.

<baldurk> btw, happy independance day!!
<baldurk> although in england we call it thanksgiving day

<_Tenchi_> i also start feeling old when i see all these new
fangled colors in
M&Ms and Lucky Charms
<Vulpyne> Didn't they only used to be like brown and yellow?
<_Tenchi_> yeah
<_Tenchi_> these days i cant tellw hether im eating M&Ms or
skittles
<rs> tenchi:  mix 'em together and you've got S&Ms

<RoboHak> I need a bigger lap, two laptops don't fit very well
<mynuts> "... and thats where human evolution turned south"

(JMulder) Guys.
(JMulder) Help me out here.
(JMulder) I am on a quest to find that horribly traumatizing
anthro style painting of the twins from The Matrix having sex
with eachother.
(JMulder) It was horrible and I take no pleasure in trying to
find it again, but it is of utmost importance.

<EricClancy> guys
<EricClancy> do you pronounce it live or live?

<Gwuffy> i found one mistake in harry potter 2 :)
<Gwuffy> not a biggy but i saw it both times
<CoRDS> that people cant fly on broomsticks?

<veggie> when matthew was just learning to talk we were on the
bus
<veggie> and he couldnt quite pronounce truck
<veggie> he pronounced it fuck
<sully> back to work with you :)
<sully> LOL veggie
<veggie> so he looks out the bus window and says really
loud...
<veggie> OH MOMMY BIG FUCK
<sully> LOL!
<veggie> hahaha
<veggie> BIG HUGE FUCK
<veggie> firetruck = firefuck
<veggie> dumptruck = dumpfuck
<veggie> etc..

SouLTaKeR2023: wanna hear something funny/entertaining?
MacaroniFeets: always
SouLTaKeR2023: ok well I was watching this excellent flick
SouLTaKeR2023: entitled "A girl takes two loads in the mouth,
then swollows it"
SouLTaKeR2023: anyways
SouLTaKeR2023: here is why I love porn bloopers
SouLTaKeR2023: two guys
SouLTaKeR2023: done fucking this redhead
SouLTaKeR2023: they stand on either side of her
SouLTaKeR2023: ready to do whats mentioned in the title
SouLTaKeR2023: the guy does his thing and puts his cock on the
side of her mouth, aiming at the opposite cheek
MacaroniFeets: oh god
SouLTaKeR2023: but when he fires....he hits the other guys
cock
MacaroniFeets: OH SICK
SouLTaKeR2023: and there is this
SouLTaKeR2023: long silence
SouLTaKeR2023: and this is the entertaining part
SouLTaKeR2023: you hear the other guy mumble "goddamn, not
again"
SouLTaKeR2023: take 3 anyone?
MacaroniFeets: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
MacaroniFeets: dude
MacaroniFeets: send me that video

<DogDiggity> I've worked here for 5 years.. might get laid off
tommorow and have never jerked off in the bathroom here... BRB
got a mission.

Mafafa: IF EVERYONE JUMPED OFF A CLIFF WOULD YOU DO IT TOO?
Ironikx: If everyone jumped off a cliff, I'd go to the bottom
and steal whatever was in their pockets.

<Continuity> EVERY TIME YOU LEECH A GAME, GOD KILLS AN RIIA
EMPLOYEE
<east> that wouldn't work
<east> the RIAA would've been eradicated a long time ago
<Curry> they just throw a specimen back to the spawning vats
<Curry> *spoof* instant employees
<Outrider> LOL RIAA RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKE ^_________________^

<TriviaBot>  BIG.1372. Norse mythology: What killed Baldur ?
<TriviaBot>  1st Hint: *********   Question Value : 3 Points
<Darric> his gate
<kutuzov> a gate
<sheoul> lol
<Darric> lolol
<sheoul> NERDS!

<bennyb73> People who abuse animals should be shot in the
face.
<29fps> If I can kick an animal's ass, then that's natural
selection at work right there, baby. We were put on this
planet to conquer, and today's pansy-ass hippies are nothing
but a disappointment in God's eyes.
<29fps> What do you think the guy at the golden gates is
checking under your name in his big book when you're standing
in line? How many puppies you've kicked in your life, that's
what.
<ksaintdouble> Isn't it the pearly gates? Or are you talking
about that homeless guy who stands in front of SanFran
yelling?
<bennyb73> If that doesn't sound like God, I don't know what
does.
<29fps> IT'S WHATEVER GATES THE GOOD LORD WANTS, PEARLY GATES,
GOLDEN GATES, BILL GATES, WHATEVER.
<Valvados> If it's Bill Gates I really think I'd rather go to
hell.

<RangerRick> wireless means never having to say, "AFK,
bathroom"

<ednos> technically, I'm not pedantic

<jagyd> I think you finally found a character not limited by
your intellectual capabilities.
<Dwopple the Orc> huh?

<Goo> ok when i think to myself "the nazis are coming, protect
the churches" in a 17th century english accent, it's time to
go to bed

(Pro_Mark) dOkTeR-- i jerked three times today
(tp9com) i think doin it in the morn fuggs u up
(ackbar) its because once youve ejaculated for the day theres
no point in even being alive

<rhc> apparently it's rude if
<rhc> somebody asks if you have a light
<rhc> and you reply: "yes, but it's at the end of the tunnel"

<chr15tpunch3r> man, i just saw my dad buttering up a potato
and i laughed because for some reason i thought of him shoving
it up my step moms ass

Quension | in other news, I actually had a user read my away
message (which was "idle")
Quension | unfortunately, there was a problem
Quension | <crizza> ctc
Quension | <crizza> asl plsssss.
Quension | <crizza> wat's idle
Quension | <crizza> i cant umderstand

<bigPIMP> are you a virgin?
<kink> yes
<kink> giving it up to a non-linux using chick is like giving
it up to a man, just wrong

<boozie> during my nap i farted underneath the blanket and i
almost killld myself

<WhiteAWAY> someone told me trance music makes you sterile

(Gopher): my brother has bound F7 to say...
* Gopher wanks

<Supachikn> redhat is the ms of linux distros
<Supachikn> make everything pretty, dont worry about
functionality
<pont> my penis is the slackware of penis
<pont> :D
<pont> Hard and stable
<Supachikn> and fits inside one cd?

<Lucent-H> who wants pictures of high school cheerleaders that
want to do me?
<moijkNrg> Lucent: I don't want to see any male cheerleaders

<MechaDragonX> it's a time of akwardness for everyone
<MechaDragonX> not yet and adult but not a child
<MechaDragonX> you all got things to work out within
yourselves and it is confusing as hell
<MechaDragonX> everyone has to do it
<MechaDragonX> besides
<MechaDragonX> any kind of relationship has complications
<MechaDragonX> humans are idiosyncratic by nature
* MechaDragonX rereads what he justwrote and realizes it
sounds like a Britney Spears song
* MechaDragonX shoots himself
* MechaDragonX relaizes he doens't have a gun and just tried
to kill himself with a ham sandwhich

(+fresh27) Before beginning Instant Maya, you should have a
working knowledge of your computer's operating system. You
should know how to use a mouse.
(+fresh27) i wonder how many people are trying to learn maya
(+fresh27) but then they get disappointed when they find they
have to learn how to use a mouse first

<kymscrazy> I blame everything on lag. :)  Late to work, I was
lagged.  Forgot to call, sorry I was lagged.
<Foenix> "Sorry, my ping time to my alarm clock sucks."

* TRWBW was taught god doesn't play dice with the universe.
not after that drunken night with the devil where he lost
classical mechanics in a game of craps.

<xcham> what I love is how leonardo never manages to stab
anyone.
<grassmunk> so you believe the part about fucking turtles
living on pizza and standing 5 feet tall but the guy with
swords doesnt stab anyone and it ruins the realite for you
<grassmunk> heh
<Kris> lol

<kidjess> If you cause me problems
<tress> u will bust a cap in me ?
<kidjess> I will chop your penis off
<tress> oh my
<kidjess> and mail it to bob
<tress> oh oh oh my
<loser`> the postage on that would be like, 2 cents

Allan: incidentally, my house is Zombie resistant.
Crysm: how so?
Allan: I wonder why that is
Allan: elevated first floor, strong steel doors.
Allan: the windows are out of reach, basically.
Crysm: it's next to a graveyard, man
Crysm: the planners had to think ahead
Allan: good point
Allan: ...dear god, I gave my house a zombie proofing
assessment.
Allan: That's... a whole new level of something.

<@drew> my uterus is bleeding
<@cognac> drew, you don't have a uterus
<@drew> oh

<Sirex> i should set the ping reply as a negative number
<Sirex> and tell people i'm from the future

<BeadGrl> just call me Mrs. Robinson
<Greek> haha
<ZekeMacNeil> Beadgrl likes her men in the same manner that
she likes her scotch. 
<BeadGrl> aged 18 years in a barrel?

<iis> exploit me

<Jared> HI Alpha!!!!OMFG ITS S GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU....HOW
WAS YOUR DAY???
<AlphaLemming> I'm frightened.
<Jared> what. im being 'chipper'
<AlphaLemming> no, you're being psychotic
<AlphaLemming> it's a slightly different font

booger> I'm still waiting for someone to take their wireless
lappy to a bar some night.
booger> "What beer should I drink?"
booger> "I think a cute girl looked at me for a half second.
What should I do?"
booger> "I'm completely wasted. Should I drive home?"
faz> "A vop just pullef me over!!11"
faust> we could get a lan party going in the jail cell

<glasnost> i was pasting it for everyone else -[
<glasnost> err
<glasnost> =]
<glasnost> fucking sad cyclops instead of happy 2-eyes

<Mike_Works> Mr. Rogers is gone. ;_;
<ZS> there goes the neighborhood

<harlequin> shut the fuck up
<harlequin> all of you make me fucking sick
<JewBagel> Im sorry
<harlequin> what has irc become
<JewBagel> ...I like bacon if that helps at all.

<testify> i hate the CLI which i have been using for 5 dam
years
<testify> like i said, its the year 2003 not 1984
<snaund> testify: umm, it's 2002 here
<snaund> must be a timezone thing
<testify> well its near 2003
<snaund> testify: there's a special name for the year that's
nearly 2003
<testify> taht is?
<snaund> testify: 2002
<testify> ok

<pplante> it doesnt seem to be getting sent to the client
<pplante> hmm what to do what to do
<omega> beat your head repeatedly with a steel post.
<pplante> tried that
<pplante> it didnt solve the problem though
<omega> do it harder, it will solve mine.
<pplante> die

<sampson> rad, that link crashed my browser in the middle of
booking a flight
<sampson> EXCELLENT
<sampson> THANKS!
<aves2k> sorry if your browser doesn't support new Internet
technologies
<aves2k> like JPG

<NapkinEater> can you hold a dollar between your breasts?  You
are allowed to push your breast together with your hands, but
you can't touch the dollar with anything but your boobs
<Emily-away> I bet I could.
<Kevyn> I can hold a dollar between my cock and balls.
<Kevyn> That means I have big balls.
<Mike_Works> <Kevyn> How bad do you want the dollar?  
<Homeless Person> :(

<nomad> im getting supermassive black holes
<nomad> woohooooooooooooo!
<nutkase> i saw a porn with that title
<nomad> yeah right
<nutkase> but i think it might have been submissive black hoes